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Surgery in my future? (Part II)

Thursday, January 07, 2010

After many calls to the Doctor's office, many messages left, I finally got a call back today. It seems they wrote my number down wrong, and have been calling without being able to reach me (hello? Don't you check the patient's file when that happens? My number is right there!)... Anyway, I waited all day for the Doctor's call because the secretary said he wanted to speak to me himself...

Its not good news. emoticon
He says my surgeries are very complex and he will not do them at the highly-rated hospital across the street because HIS surgery center has the best equipment and HIS staff are a finely tuned team working towards the patient's benefit. Egotistical? I thought so, but maybe he has a point. He gets the best outcome when he works in his own space, with his own people and tools because he is most familiar with them. He says that every time he has agreed to work at the hospital he has regretted it because it made everything more complicated. Hmmmm... how good is he if he can't be flexible? Or is he right? Do I want him searching for a particular tool when he's got my foot cut open and is sawing my bones? Maybe not...

He said he will have his secretary call me with the absolute rock bottom cost of doing the surgeries at his center, without any insurance coverage. Then I will have to decide whether or not to proceed.

I've cried and cried over this - from frustration, from pain, from doubt - emoticon but now I'm going to get busy searching the internet for another doctor who IS covered by my insurance, and before I set the appt. to see him I'll ask where he does his surgeries!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2WHEELER 1/12/2010 8:41AM

    I'm so sorry the doc didn't work out. You've come so far and have accomplished so much. It may take awhile, but you'll find another doctor. No surgery is fool proof, and I'd want a doctor that is confident in his abilities (which he is) AND is confident of the people and equipment he is working with (which he isn't). Take care of yourself and good luck in the upcoming races.

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GLOBALKEEWEE 1/11/2010 5:04PM

    Just because he prefers to not do it in a hospital doesn't mean he won't if they realize it's the only way to get paid. You're the customer (even if he holds the scalpel).

emoticon Time for a new sport?? ;)

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    emoticon I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. I concur with what's been said here. Research, research, research AND references, references,references. emoticon

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    Hugs, Tammy. There HAS to be more options to you out does not revolve around one doctor.

I know how difficult it is to make these decisions...and our health care system does nothing to facilitate the process. We went through this in trying to figure out how to deal with my MIL's surgeries. Make a checklist of the important things you want out of your surgeon's services (yes, I know...someone who will do the absolute best job) and then start calling.

Lots of fear and unsureness here...but, you can do this. You are a tenacious woman...I know you'll find an alternative that works for you.

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KELMO2540 1/8/2010 9:32AM

    Great plan Tammy. Remember "rock bottom" is never the lowest they can go. Negotiate. Follow what your gut is telling you. If you question this doctor at all find some one new.

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FHAMWEY 1/8/2010 12:08AM

    I'm sure I can't say anything that anyone else hasn't. Just lots of hugs and courage to follow through and get the best option for you. This doctor probably wasn't right anyway and if he IS the one, you will find a way. (((Hugs))))

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ROUXZQ 1/7/2010 10:24PM

    HUGS! Oh Tammy, you are doing the right thing! Research. Do what feels right in the end. Your health is PRICELESS! You deserve this. I will be thinking about you. Let us know how it goes.

BTW: Surgeons ARE egotistical by nature.


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LILHLFPINT 1/7/2010 10:24PM

    (::hugs:: i'm so sorry, tammy. please, please, please get more opinions, i don't like this doctor's approach. if you'd like, maybe you could talk to my physical therapist and see if he has any recommendations? he's a hand doctor but his partner works with the rest of the body. just an idea.)

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JENNIFER124 1/7/2010 10:07PM

    i am very sorry that this doctor isnt flexible..i do hear your trepidation.. maybe there are some red flags here... and yes, you are in the process of getting this to happen which is not where you were 3 months ago.. so that is PROGRESS!! i absolutely wish for you to be pain-free and truly believe that you will have that in 2010... i love that you are being pro-active and working with a trainer NOW to get strong so that when you are recuperating , you will have that base smart and really loving toward yourself... we are all here for YOU emoticon

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NAVYMOM133 1/7/2010 9:52PM

I am thinking of you!
I agree you deserve to be pain-free and am sensing that you are 'ready' to go ahead with this, and get on with life! Absolutely get going looking for your second opinion, you have a LOT of "Hmmm..."s going on. Get checked out and ask your questions of another super surgeon, there have to be some other names. Good Luck in this next phase!
We're all in this together, we're all in this together emoticon

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SORGIN 1/7/2010 9:29PM

    Oh, now I'm crying too. I am so sorry, Tammy. I know this is not the news you wanted. Just know I am thinking about you and that you will probably feel better once you've looked into the possibility of another doctor. Before you go with the uber-doc, you will at least know you did all your homework. And that's a good feeling. Even though this isn't the news you wanted, it's still forward movement and you still have options on the table. The best feeling will be six months from now when you are well on your way to recovery. Hang in there, friend.

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EVETROY 1/7/2010 9:27PM

    Oh dear! I'm sorry Tammy. I hope that you can find a way to make this work - you deserve to be pain free!

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SPARKPLUG53 1/7/2010 8:08PM

    Good luck. I hope you can find a surgeon that is covered. I'm having surgery in Feb on my arm. Not looking forward to it but it has to be done.


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Surgery in my future?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I went to the ortho today, a new guy who specializes in ankles. He came highly recommended by a number of different sources and I was anxious to see what he could do for me. Let me back up a bit here...

I was born with club feet, my left more severe than my right. My mother didn't have the money or the energy to have me operated on (it would have meant 3 months in casts by the time they did both feet) so she put me in orthopedic shoes for 12 years and hoped for the best. I have know my whole "adult" life (from HS onwards) that my feet were messed up, that the corrective shoes only helped so much. It is partly why I felt I could never run - my left ankle, in particular, would often roll out and sprain. When it wasn't actually rolling it felt unstable anyway so I always feared the next accident...

I took up running again 2.5 years ago, and have had all kinds of problems that stem from my bad ankles - torn calf, shin splints, knee problems - likely due to the excess pressures put on the muscles and joints because of my weak ankles. I also live with chronic ankle pain and swelling, although sometimes the problem becomes acute, as it has again in the past month. After my last half marathon my ankle swelling and pain didn't recede, as they usually do, and I decided I'd had enough of living like this, so off to the uber-doc I went.

No surprises there, he said my ligaments are shot, particularly in my left ankle, and need reconstruction. However, before he will fix it he needs to correct my congenital defect or its like sticking a band-aid on an amputated limb - it won't help. He outlined two surgeries for me, the first to reset the bones in my foot to correct my ankle position and the second to reconstruct my ligaments. Scary stuff, involving cut bones and permanent screws, but he claims to do this all the time and says he has a 100% effective rate with this surgery (is any surgery ever perfect? Hmmmm). I'm thinking OK, maybe the time has come to do this, I've always know it was likely to happen in my future, why keep suffering, right? So we discuss timing - my next two marathons are Jan and Feb, I could do the surgery in March on the first foot... 6-12 weeks on crutches and then up to 2 years without running... but I could cycle and swim...

As I try to wrap my head around all this would entail I'm in a bit of shock but feeling hopeful that maybe, once and for all, the pain will be gone when this is said and done... until... I find out he only operates in a private surgery center not covered by my insurance! He has hospital privileges across the street, where my insurance WILL cover, but has not agreed yet to do the surgery there. And so I will wait for an answer... or maybe have to find someone else, starting all over again? Or not do this at all, and continue to suffer... or pay for the whole thing myself (not likely, I don't have that kind of money in the bank!). From hopeful to frustrated, trying to fend off despair... I will wait and pray for good news after the new year.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

S318830 1/19/2010 3:39PM

    OMG! I, along with everyone else it seems, had no idea what the cause of your injuries was! Geez! I read both this blog and part II and agree that it's time to find another highly rated Dr who will do surgery at the hospital. Good luck! Both emotionally and physically!

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FHAMWEY 1/1/2010 3:59PM

    Tammy you have overcome so many obstacles thus far, you will get through this one too! Just keep on persevering. Prayers and hugs that everything works out for you!

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HAPPY92003 1/1/2010 3:34PM

    Wow you have accomplished so much with so much stacked against you! Running is hard enough, but tackling the challenges you have just to continue running is truly inspiring! I will be thinking about you each time I run...and I can tell from your perserverance you will find the best way to deal with this and keep on running:) Biking and swimming aren't bad for a little while either ;-)


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SORGIN 1/1/2010 11:40AM

    Tammy, I am so sorry! This is a tough one, that's for sure. It sounds like there is surgery to improve your situation. That news is indeed good. But as usual, the strings attached are complicated. I'm sorry!

I guess if it was me I'd weigh the cost of surgery against the quality of life without it (and the potential of making it worse). Yes, timing is everything which means you'd have to really wrap your brain around not running for a very long time. You'd have to have a rock-solid plan in place to keep you going through those months (and years).

You enjoy running. It's as simple as that. But if you keep doing what you're doing, you have the potential to make things worse. By the time you add up the dr. visits, shots, medications, downtime, etc. you will have paid the same as if you did the surgery (even out of pocket). So do you want years of nagging injuries and the frustration of not being able to run like you want to - or - do you want to nip it in the bud, suffer through two years of mandatory rehab in the hopes that things will improve?

The way I see it, it's two years of suffering either way, so just pick your suffering. One is physical forever, the other is temporary physical plus financial.

If I were to put myself in your shoes right now, I'd be inclined to move forward with the surgery (if I could find a way for the surgeon to do the surgery at the hospital or lobby hard with the insurance company to cover the cost.) If that route didn't work, I'd get a second opinion from a doc I know my insurance company will cover. But if the uber-doc is a deal-breaker; if the surgery is complicated or there is no other doc that can do the surgery, then I'd wrap my brain around the financial part and move forward.

Finally, I'd put a rock-solid exercise plan in place BEFORE surgery so that I could look forward to a new exercise plan.

And then I'd get really, really, really excited about the prospect of running pain-free and without all the nagging injuries along the way!

I know it's been a few days since you wrote this and I hope it's not as scary as it was. Whatever you decide to do, you are a person of extreme resolve and you will be fine. You have a great head on your shoulders and you will come up with the best solution!

PS I don't know if you have an HSA (for high deductible plans) or FSA but both are great ways to "save" toward uncovered procedures.

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PAMTHEDREAMER 12/31/2009 9:31PM

    Prayin' with ya'. Whew! emoticon

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ROUXZQ 12/31/2009 2:06PM

    My Goodness Tammy! I had no idea! And you continue to run? You put me to shame girl. Now I need to get off my a** and get running again. *I* have NO excuse. Once again, I am in awe of your determination!!!

S: I will be sending good vibes your way for the surgery!

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    Wow Tammy. I had no idea your 'issues' were so extensive. My prayers go out to you in making this decision and finding the right person - and also that it will go smoothly with the insurance! Just think of the goal - pain free. :) Lots of hugs to you!

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NAVYMOM133 12/31/2009 8:29AM

    I am very proud of you for fighting for answers and not being willing to settle for the status quo. He certainly sounds UBER to me too, but I have to urge that second opinion, also. I know how tough that could be, when you have talked to an amazing surgeon, who does amazing things for people.
You sound fairly sure of the fact that you WILL move forward - so find that UBER#2 surgeon to meet with and chat up.
If you are SOLD on the surgeon you've met, definitely ask him for some names of folks who'd be willing to discuss their recovery experiences with you.
emoticon Melly

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LILHLFPINT 12/31/2009 2:18AM

    (wow, tammy. i had no idea you were dealing with all of this because of a birth defect. ::big big hugs::

i am amazed that you have done as much running as you have - and that you've managed to eschew geriatric shoes at the same time! ::punches tammy gently in the side:: after reading this post, i almost want to share my sas' with you. ::wink::

::big big big warm hugs:: i'm here for you if you need someone to talk to you. shoot, we can talk about this over knit tops if you'd like.

i'll be sending you lots of lots of positive energy.)

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TEACHERMOMFIVE 12/31/2009 1:26AM

    Hey Tammy, wow that is a lot going on. I saw a couple of people suggest 2nd opinions and I would agree. I would maybe want to talk to someone who had similar surgery done, if you could. Keep us in the loop; we are good listeners!

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GMO_JEN 12/30/2009 11:53PM

    Oh my, that it so much to wrap your mind around. I didn't know everything that you were running with either- your dedication and perseverance are amazing. And, because of that, I just know you would do awesome with your surgery. I am also sending thoughts and prayers that every thing works out wonderfully.

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EVETROY 12/30/2009 11:47PM

    I'm praying with you. emoticon

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SPRING4FAL 12/30/2009 11:44PM

    oh dear! I am so sorry that you are struggling with this and your options are hard to swallow. I will be praying for you and guidance to make the best possilbe decision. Big hugs to you, my friend!

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JENNIFER124 12/30/2009 11:15PM

    this is SO MUCH to absorb!! maybe you are having to wait for an answer for a reason.. a second opinion?? i really hope that you end up having no pain and being able to run...this is about quality of life.. and living a full life.. i pray you have answers soon.. emoticon

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DEEJ4FITNESS 12/30/2009 10:56PM

    Whoa, that's a lot to swallow sweet lady. My first reaction is "how difficult can it be for the Doc to do the procedure across the street" if it means your insurance will cover. But your reaction to pray is a better reaction by far and I'll certainly be joining you in that!

My ankle pain pales in comparison, a weakness felt in both ankles a few months back now felt in the left only. And pain now felt in some upper left leg muscles I suspect are the result of other muscles trying to compensate and offer support.

I'm thinking maybe a second opinion? And certainly the time you need to absorb this recommendation, pray and then do what you feel in your spirit is best for you!! I've admired your attitude and your sheer determination to accomplish your goals since coming across your "Spage" and that same courage that's carried you thus far will again get you through!! Remember that "sheer will" that carried you past those first 10 in your halfs??? Something tells me ya still got it in ya!!

Ya got prayer cover!! I'm gonna stay tuned in so please keep us posted :)

(((HUGS))) deej

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BSTAKINGACTION 12/30/2009 10:42PM

    Wow. I obviously had no idea this is what you've been dealing with. How have you been able to keep up your level of running? Its incomprehensible to me! Amazing strength and will.

I trust that all will work out as it should for you...and that you will face whatever comes with your amazing courage and determination.

The waiting for answers is always the hardest part....try not to think too far ahead. Just take each step as it comes and know that I -and your many sparkfriends- are here for you.


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BOILERINAZ 12/30/2009 10:33PM

    Oh boy...ok good that there is a solution...but you're right nothing is ever 100% but you are dealing with sooo much pain is a decision that will be yours to make! I'm hoping he'll agree to do the surgery in the place that insurance covers...if needed ask him for a recommendation...generally docs know other docs that they trust their work.

I'm hoping and crossing my fingers that THIS year is going to bring all good things for you!

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DZDUKE54 12/30/2009 10:09PM

    Please hang in there -- I will say a prayer for you that everything works out just the way you want! Do not let yourself get discouraged, these things always have a way of working out. Diane emoticon

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Must be something in the air...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Sunday morning I set out to run 20 miles. A year ago that would've been no big deal, but just last week I wrote that I had the worst 5 mile run of my life... so I truly had no idea what this day would bring.

I went to bed late Saturday night (after swallowing 2 Aleve in hopes of reducing the swelling in my ankle overnight) and planned to get up at 4:30 a.m. I had laid out my clothes, my kinesio tape, my water bottle filled with Accelerade; I had loaded my belt with gu, a baggie of more Accelerade powder, my camera, my ipod, chapstick... all the things I would need for a long unsupported run. I had already researched online where I thought the best route would be, based on the Valley Isle Road Runners website, and dh and I planned to drive to the south side of the island to do this run. Oh, did I forget to mention that we are on vacation on Maui?

Since we knew this would take a long time, and since I kept insisting that we NOT focus on speed but just on covering the distance, we knew we would need to start in the dark to avoid the worst heat of the day. At 5:15 we headed out and began the 25 mile drive to Kihei. The plan was to start at Kamaole (I) Beach park and run south through Wailea, Makena and finally the Lava Fields of A'Hihi-Kina'u reserve and La Perouse Bay. (Check these places out - they're beautiful!) Our training schedule called for 18-20 miles but I was secretly hoping to cover 22 since my next marathon is just 4 weeks away...

We arrived at the beach park in Kihei only to find a sign that says the park is open from 7 am to 7 pm, and it was just a little after 6 am. A police officer happened to be nearby and he encouraged us NOT to park there, but to find a spot on the side street instead. Once we moved the car we had to find a restroom before we began... all told, we were delayed by almost 30 minutes and didn't get on the road until 6:35 a.m.

It was very humid and the forecast was for 40% chance of morning showers... We were tooling along the mostly flat old road in Kihei as the sun rose. Within a few miles we reached Wailea, one of the most beautiful resort areas in all of the islands of Hawaii... home to the Four Seasons and the Grand Wailea Resort to name just two... We were treated to wonderful views of Lanai as we ran on wide sidewalks (a real treat after the cambered shoulder of the road we'd been running on in Ka'anapali) that wound around some of the most exclusive golf courses in Hawaii. This area had constant rolling hills, but we were also treated to our first brief rain shower, offering some relief from the humidity. As we continue to run south and approached Makena we noticed signs for an Aluminum Man race taking place (swim + run). Not far from that were signs warning drivers to watch out for runners... We felt lucky to have stumbled upon this event and those signs, feeling a little safer on the road (the sidewalks ended in Wailea).

I knew that we would need more water along the route as we only carried 22 - 24 ounces on us, but as we moved from Makena into the less populated area approaching the Reserve (approximately 10k into our run) I thought we'd be OK for the next 8 miles and could fill up on our return. What I hadn't counted on was the sun's breaking through the clouds on the south side of Haleakala and warming up the morning so quickly...

Running up and down some steeper rolling hills we now had a view of Molokini and then of Kaho'olawe... so very scenic...

We stopped at the entrance to the reserve, where the landscape was about to change dramatically... from lush green to barren lava crags leading to the sea. These photos were taken around 8 miles into our run:

In spite of my swollen ankle, I'm feeling pretty good about now. I'm warmed up and running fairly strong; my knee had a few scary twinges in the earlier miles but has not given me any worry for the past hour - I'm happy to be running without my knee brace finally! The last three half marathons I ran in I started to feel fatigued around mile 10 and just pushed through to the end on sheer will. Would today finally be different???

We continued through the lava until the road ended at La Perouse Bay. Bob was feeling fatigued at this point and was just about out of water, which surprised me since I usually drink far more than he does. Luckily, a Park Ranger was out early and we asked him if by chance he had any water in his truck? He did, and he graciously refilled our bottles! After verbal thanks to him and silent thanks to the spirit of Aloha, we continued a bit further on a craggy path in order to hit the 10 mile mark before starting back. The sun was burning brighter now and we had 4 miles of lava fields to traverse before we would get back to "civilization", so we headed out again. Bob wanted to walk more of the hills, so we took our time returning. As soon as we reached Makena we stopped at the first hotel and refilled our bottles with sport drink mix and ice water. Nothing ever tasted so good! We took a short break and had some gu, refilled our bottles yet again, and then took off. Bob elected to walk the rest of the way, he was that fatigued. I was feeling really good (must be something in the air...) and told him I wanted the extra mileage, so I would run ahead 4-5 minutes and then double back to walk with him a bit, and then would repeat the sequence.

Makena soon became Wailea, and we stopped again for water. I couldn't believe how good I felt (all except my ankle, which I just tuned out) so I kept pushing... Once we left Wailea and entered Kihei the whole town was awake and on the road! A caravan of 50+ harleys passed us on some kind of charity ride, then a group at least as large went by in the other direction on scooters, wearing shirts that said "Toys for Tots"... lots of noise, lots of traffic, lots of heat, but the end was near!

We paused in Kihei to photograph a hula halau (hula school) practicing on the beach, and then pushed on to the finish.

In the end I managed to get my 22 miles in and was none the worse for wear. I am amazed at what I can do when I remove expectations from the goal... I didn't care about time, I just cared about distance, and when the distance was done I was riding sky high! My next marathon is Jan. 17th and I KNOW I can do it... maybe not fast, but I WILL finish it. That is a relief! Almost more importantly, during this run I was reminded of why I love Hawaii... away from the tourists, off the beaten path, talking to the locals... this is the place I feel most at peace.

Map of area we ran in:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEJ4FITNESS 12/30/2009 9:33PM

    Wow, what an incredible experience. Can only imagine the beauty of your route! Congratulations on meeting your goal with the mileage :) smart to take your time and just do it. I love it when it feels good and feels right!! You're a true inspiration and a tough act to follow but I'm sure gonna try!

Good luck with that ankle; will be following you with that as I'm still battling a weak one myself!! Thanks so much for sharing! Great Blog :) AND congrats to your Bob!!! WOO HOO!!!

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2WHEELER 12/23/2009 11:21AM

    Sounds like a beautiful run. If you have to run 20+ miles, it helps to have beautiful scenery. Take care of that ankle, and run a great race. What a way to usher in the new year. Can't wait to hear about it.

Happy Holidays.

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BSTAKINGACTION 12/23/2009 9:16AM

    So much for me to take to heart here, Tammy...and it comes at a great time. I can only hope to be able to persevere through the distance when my time comes. I appreciated you mentioning that at mile 10 you usually start to get fatigued and just push through on sheer will. Holy smokes I need to start building some will.

I also appreciated that you ASKED for water. I should have done this on my way back on Sunday's run. I was light headed and did not have what I needed with me.

Thank you for sharing the details of the run...I could smell the rain...the ocean...the breezes. So proud of you and happy that you experienced this rejuvenating run!

Oh! And you look absolutely FABULOUS!

Comment edited on: 12/23/2009 9:17:39 AM

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LIMASTAR 12/23/2009 1:48AM

  Glad your ankle held up and hope you do well in your upcoming marathon.

The pictures of your run were great.

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GOODGETNBETR 12/23/2009 12:39AM

    Thanks for a great read and all the supporting pics! Made me feel like I was there. 22 miles is amazing!! I've gone 26 on a bike and can only imagine the mental commitment involved. At least you had the pleasure of doing it in one of the most beautiful places on earth :) Good luck on your upcoming marathon and happy holidays!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JENNIFER124 12/22/2009 10:15PM

    oooooooohhhh!! i love this blog!! what a way to find yourself again Tammy... in the place you feel most at peace doing what you love and getting that old confidence back.. there is something in the air in HI.. i know something of that area -- i have been there a couple of times.. just so beautiful and healing.. you will always remember this run and this time with Bob and the fact that you spent such a wonderful morning doing and exploring and finishing a very important run in prep for your marathon... congrats Tammy!!! i am living thru you and maybe one day i will be as brave as you!!! for now i will watch carefully and listen.. you are paving the way for me.. enjoy the rest of your time in Maui~~~

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LILHLFPINT 12/22/2009 10:09PM

    (wow. the beginning of this post scared me with the swollen ankle.

i'm glad you had a good run. it sounds so incredibly beautiful. i am very impressed that you managed such a long run on vacation - in a humid place, too.)

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Who knew I'm a Cougar?

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted, but I was called a Cougar Friday night. I was in Vegas with my friend and 2 of her friends from HS. The three of them are in their mid-thirties, which doesn't make me quite old enough to be their mother but certainly old enough to have babysat for them... anyway, we went out to a club at the Palms. Being young beautiful women we were put on the VIP Guest list and whisked right into the club, without having to pay the cover charge. I was thinking I could get used to this, when these young guys got into the elevator behind us and started saying things like: "Oooh, its Cougar night" and "Gonna get me some Cougar to-night"... They were obviously drunk and definitely skeevy looking, but I was insulted all the same! After a bit I decided to just laugh it all off....

Fast forward a few hours ... we've been dancing and standing around for 3 hours and its now nearly 3 a.m. ... I was done. My feet hurt, I was bored and tired and just ready for bed, so I left the club to sit down in the casino. The gals followed about 15 minutes later, and they rode down in the elevator with another bunch of young guys. When they approached me one of the guys asked "So, are you the Mama Bear?" WHAT??!!
Another insult?? I told him "Walk away little boy, before I smack you silly"!

I guess I had been feeling really good about myself lately because of my weight loss and my running accomplishments, and to have 2 different people insult me on one night was just a bit much for my ego to handle. I've now put it into perspective - these were young, drunk guys and I was old enough to be their Mother, so what did I expect?- but it made me realize that if I want to go dancing I need to do it in an age-appropriate club! The problem wasn't with me, it was with the club they chose, right?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Hey! I just got back from Vegas and I observed those silly boys in action. You nailed it - that's what they are-silly impressionable boys who watch too much tv and use that as their role model . I think Vegas promotes really bad behavior and if you ran into those kids at a grocery store they would totally check you out and realize you are way out of their league.

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DICANRUN 1/4/2010 5:39PM

    I am going to remember that line in case I am ever in that situation. Punks...

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GEE-KNEE 12/12/2009 11:20AM

    When I think of the word "cougar" in it's slang meaning, my sister has a friend that comes to mind. She is in her mid 40's and well... , smoking hot. She is very pretty and in fabulous shape. I actually for a long time thought she was younger than me (I am in my later 30s). She dates fine looking 20-something year old boys because she can (she has no kids and has never been married). So, with that in mind, yes, it was rude, but maybe a bit of a compliment at the same time. They didn't call you "mom" or "grandma" or "old lady", but "cougar". I am thinking it's not horrible, but a club with a more age equivalent crowd probably would have been more comfortable.


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JENNIFER124 12/9/2009 9:04AM

    its the club!! until recently i didnt even know what the term cougar ridiculous the stereotypes out there and these jerks actually saying it to KNOW how awesome you are!!40something is relative and personally i wouldnt go back in time... and i too love the comeback.. thats the New York comin' out!! woo-hoo!!

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NAVYMOM133 12/9/2009 8:29AM

    emoticon I am assuming you are 'over it' at this point.
Stupid, rude comments go up in direct proportion to the number of drinks consumed and the number of said consumers in the pack.

I would definitely say it was a simple factor of the club you chose, the wee hours, and most likely a group of drunk, young 20-somethings living their version of 'what happens in Vegas' fantasy for a wild night/weekend.

You shut down a group of drunks exactly as you should have. Simple, succinct, worked.

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    How did I miss this blog? HOW!? Oh, Tammy...I so know how you felt. Been there...not recently...because I've been too mortified to go through it again. If I could only have been able to come up with a line like yours....oh, the joy.

Boys, alcohol, and inflated testosterone....what can I say....poster children for stupidity.

Yeah, its the club, not you.

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    Oh, Tammy this so reminded me of middle school; especially after reading SHELTHERUNNER's comment: boys are just dumb. I can just see my girls eyerolling when the boys say something goofy...

Your comeback was great - I always think of those things a day late.

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ROUXZQ 12/9/2009 12:22AM

    I LOVED your comment to the young'un "Walk away little boy...." Priceless. Would loved to have been there to see THAT! I'd chalk it up to the club. Too many 20 somethings....or 30-40 somethings trying to ACT and THINK they are 20 something. You are too classy for that! I'm amazed you stayed up til after 3am. I would have crashed before 2am!

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SORGIN 12/8/2009 11:03PM

    I can so hear you saying, "Walk away little man before I slap you silly." I think that's brilliant! Yes, it was completely inappropriate of them but you handled it really well. It's bully mentality - bullies travel in packs. If any of those BOYS were alone, NONE would have said what they said. So, it's not you, it's the drunk group mentality that took over. You can bet that none would have even thought to say what they said if they were by themselves. Again, I think you handled it beautifully and gave them something to remember. I think that's one of those "teachable moments." I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by it but remember - not one of them would have said it if they stood alone and face-to-face with you. I guarantee it. Groups turn some people into complete idiots. Luckily you are one strong, capable, BEAUTIFUL woman who can handle it!

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PAMTHEDREAMER 12/8/2009 6:02PM

    Oh, poor Tammy. I agree with Iamsher-a: cougars are beautiful animals. Just think of it like this-those guys were like manchild-Ashton whatshisface; and the cougar represents like Demi-a gorgeous ageless woman.
You are beautiful Tammy.
Your next line should've been maybe " Don't even think about it honey; you couldn't handle me." -wink, flip yer hair and walk away.

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SLGREER 12/8/2009 3:50PM

    LOL great blog! As for the dopey kids they are just boy idiots! I am a WSU alumni - Go Cougs! and hence a 'cougar' silly me did not know the connotations and proceeded to tell someone proudly 'yep - I'm a Coug!' emoticon

You are great looking and physically fit - it is just trendy now to call over 30's 'cougars' - soon it will move on to some thing else and by that time we will be laughing about this blog (I already am) emoticon

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    I say boys are just dumb. And they were disappointed because they knew they would never score with you!

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BECCACOATS 12/8/2009 12:53PM

    Tam I am still giggling. you were spunky.. Maybe you were also a threat because you were older, however you look nothing like their mom.. You are Very young looking, Nice Body, Sweet face and a Grawling attitude to go with it!!!

My son's friends have trouble seeing me as his mom for those reasons..

Your story reminded me of when we went to LV and JJ, Mandi & I got into Coyote ugly. Mandi & I got in with no cover charge, they charged JJ. after being in there and seeing no tables or chairs we decided we didn't want to stay long.
Then they started passing the bottle and girls were getting on the bar.. I laugh at this.. My Son grabbed me and said "No Mom!"

Look at it this way!! Yes! you feel good about your self, you are a looker and you are as young as you feel!!!

Be like a Duck!! just let it roll off the back and Enjoy the Ride!!

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IAMSHE-RA 12/8/2009 10:43AM

    "Walk away little boy, before I smack you silly!" emoticon I love it!!! LOL!!! Young, drunk "boys" equals idiots. I didn't like dating 20 year olds when I was in my 20s! Don't pay them any mind. You are a mature, healthy, beautiful woman in her prime. Cougar?? Well, cougars are beautiful animals. Keep that in mind. emoticon

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SPEEDYDOG 12/8/2009 10:09AM

    Your style of writing is marvelous!

I have three full-grown sons; a daughter in college and a son still in high-school. Unfortunately, the behavior of these young men is more the rule rather than the exception. One of those young men that insulted you could have easily been my oldest son. When he gets drunk he loses any semblance of a decent human being! His peer group acts the same way. These insulting young men were likely showing-off to their buddies.

Too bad you had to be the target for these idiots.


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WILD4STARS 12/8/2009 9:51AM

    Oh you SO crack me up. I can't wait until I get a chance to use your GREAT line ~ "Walk away little boy, before I smack you silly!" ~ Love it, love it, love it !!!

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LILHLFPINT 12/8/2009 12:39AM

    (::giggles:: you are too funny! yes, a more age appropriate club is what you need!)

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Lessons in Patience and Humility

Monday, November 23, 2009

Six months ago I was writing a blog about how easy my 18 mile run was - Just another Sunday Run Day - and I was on top of the world and confident in my new running successes. I had a series of really good HM races, each one faster than the one before and I dared to dream of even greater success...

Then I got hurt. Whether or not my injury was brought on by my running or simply made worse by my anatomy I'll never know, and it doesn't matter. I do know that I refused to accept an Rx to stay off my feet and found a Dr. who would work with me towards recovery. I had already entered 4 more races (pre-injury) and I was determined to finish them, albeit within my new physical limitations.

I went to physical therapy, did everything I was supposed to do, I iced my knee, I rested more than I thought I should from a training perspective and less than I thought I should from a recovery perspective, but I progressed... slowly. Two steps forward, one step back; Two steps backwards, one step forward. I had good days and bad days and was filled with hope and plunged into despair at times.

What I learned is this: I do not give up. Not in races, not in recovery. I keep trying to find a practitioner who will wave a magic wand over me and make me better, but I know that won't happen. So I keep trying new things, supplements, exercises, adaptive training... each time, my hope surges that this will fix me -- until reality sets in and I realize that nothing will change in such a short period of time.

So today I did 18 miles again. I walked and jogged 5 pre-dawn miles and went back out for 13 more using my regular 1:1 intervals. I didn't push for time (just the opposite, I forced myself to hold back so I could run with someone else), I kept my eye on the goal (to finish!) and I was happy with my accomplishment. Will I be able to run my next HM? I don't know. Will I finish it? Heck yes!! Even if I wake up that morning in pain, even if I have a "bad" running day - I will keep my eye on the goal and I will finish.

Humility does not come easily to me, but I am humbled and grateful that I can still get 18 miles done.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEJ4FITNESS 11/29/2009 3:14PM

    WOW! 18 miles is AMAZING!! I always advise others to listen to their bodies but find myself telling mine what it WILL do in order that I might achieve my goals. You're a very wise runner and finishing what you started within your limitations with realistic expectations will keep you IN THE RACE for years to come!!

WOO HOO 4 U!!!!! You're a true inspiration! Thanks for sharing :)

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GLOBALKEEWEE 11/24/2009 10:47PM

Your stubborn streak is what makes you a pain in the a$$ to your doctor, but it also makes you successful. Where others can't seem to find the motivation to get up before dawn, you're out there hammering the pavement and wondering why it still hurts! I'm very proud of you of course for working hard, but more so for taking the lessons your body is teaching you truly as learning. You will continue to look for the solution because it's out there!!!!
Thanks for being such a great motivation (if not always a great role model on taking care of yourself emoticon).

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SANDALEIN 11/24/2009 9:47AM

    Bless you - what a lovely lesson in patience and humility you have shared with us. I will think of you often, especially when I get impatient with myself and push for more.

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JENNIFER124 11/23/2009 7:59PM

    i love the line "i do not give up".... that is a great motto and mantra and core philosophy to have in this life.... youre awesome, Tammy!!

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SORGIN 11/23/2009 4:01PM

    You are living proof of the motto, "Never give up." I think you are phenominal. You are a strong-willed woman who adjusts the plan when she needs to. I cannot fathom 18 miles at this point but I do know what it's like to adjust my pace to someone slower. The run becomes easy-breezy. It's great you could have that experience for a few miles. After all, for LSD it's about the distance, not the time. And you had the pleasure of spending your miles with different people along the way. I think that is so cool! I know this past year has been so frustrating for you. But you have held it together and you continue to make big strides toward reaching your ultimate goal. This is all to say - YOU ROCK! Congrats on 18 miles. Take those miles and wear them well!

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EVETROY 11/23/2009 2:51PM

    You are a fighter! Something I truly admire about you!

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BSTAKINGACTION 11/23/2009 2:42PM

    You are amazing and so strong Tammy. And it seems like you're beginning to listen to your body. Unfortunately, I've learned that we can't control it sometimes. Trust that it will heal in the way it needs its own time.

I've never doubted that you're a woman who keeps her eye on the finish line and never quits. I worry just the opposite...that you keep your eye on the finish line and WON'T quit when you need to! ;D

Heal well friend and move gently!

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PINKIEB1 11/23/2009 1:29PM

    I did 18 miles for the first time this weekend, and while I realize it was a good run, it was still really hard! I applaud you for your perseverance!

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BECCACOATS 11/23/2009 11:07AM

    Tammy ~ YES!!! You are a winner, you got it done with the right attitude.. It isn't how fast you get there, what matters is "did you enjoy the ride"?

Tammy, please listen to your body and if it says back off or just NO! listen..
Love ya and hate to see ya in pain, I will never get back what I had. yet my plan is to not give up and just keep moving & enjoy getting there.

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SPEEDYDOG 11/23/2009 9:37AM

    I am trying to rehab a few injuries also. It is hard. I have lost a lot of speed and endurance. I am slowly getting back. You seem very determined. That is good. Take care of yourself. Pain is you body's way of saying "whoa!" I don't tend to listen to "whoa" either.

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ROUXZQ 11/23/2009 1:37AM

    This just proves to me that you are Awesome Tammy! Winners never quit! And you are a winner!!!!

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 11/23/2009 1:21AM

    And I hope that you enjoyed your run.
emoticon emoticon

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