Friday, June 08, 2012
I had been having issues with the running. Suddenly, I couldn't do it. Like my last post, I thought it was because I had been stuck in my head. Then I decided to actually take a look at the data that was being collected from my app and realized that the reason that I was having issues was because I was running faster. Too fast for where I was. I decided to go back a few weeks and work on increasing my speed. That was going pretty well.
Then on May 26, I was going up a flight of stairs to the Group Power room and had a sharp pain run through and wrap around my knee. I shook it off, lowered my weights for my leg exercises and went on. I modified my squats and lunges and after Group Power I went to urgent care after the pain hit me again. They did an x-ray told me I had torn a ligament, told me to take ibuprofen, ice it and rest and resume exercising as long as it didn't hurt. Then a few days later, I had a message asking me to call urgent care back. I didn't think much of it and called back a few days after that. When I reached the receptionist, she put me on hold so she could find a nurse because she wasn't "authorized" to discuss the results. A few minutes later, she came back on and told me that they would have to call me back when there was provider available to "explain it to me." I immediately went into dread and paranoia stage. And rightfully so. A while later, the provider called me back with a diagnosis of osteochondritis dessicans. Basically, my cartilage and bone had broken of the ball of my femur. Hooray.
I made the appointment with an orthopedic surgeon and had that today. Long story short, my chances of running a 5K this year are 0%. As a matter of fact, I'm not allowed to run at all. For how long, I don't know. I have an MRI next week and a follow up appointment the week after that. When he was doing the evaluation I yelped in pain in a place that shouldn't have hurt given my injury. He thinks I might also have a torn meniscus. Needless to say, I'm heartbroken. I've come so far. Unintentionally at first, but I did it. And now I can't. And it sucks. And I can't do Group Power either.
I've been given permission at this point to swim and do a recumbent bike. I can also do weight training as long as I don't do lower body work. Hooray for small favors.
Right now I'm bitter. And Angry.
At this point I don't know if I'll need surgery. I don't know how long I'll be out of commission. I don't know much about anything. I just know I can't run. And I know it pisses me off.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
My Run on Tuesday.
I've been kind of busy so I didn't get to post about my run. It was long. It was hard. I, once again, didn't finish. I had one of those "mind over body" moments, but this time my mind won. I was actually doing fairly well until I finished mile 1. Then I stopped hearing the music and started thinking. About Me. About My Life. About Where I've Been.
I tried focusing on where I am now, but then I started thinking about my breathing. About the 1 mile that we had to "run" in under 15 minutes in HS. About how uncoordinated I was. And it all came back. Those feelings that never really go away. Those feelings of insecurity that people are looking at you. Judging you. That you aren't good enough. Never mind that there were good times. Never mind that sometimes you were the one that judged. Some times all you remember is the hurt and the pain. So to get past the pain, I started concentrating on the music. Singing them in my head. Focusing.
Unfortunately, the song that was playing was Evanescence "My Immortal." And when you are in that place that I was in, and hearing those lyrics it isn't about love and loss, it's about the "grown up" you, wiping away the tears of the "younger" you. And realizing that no matter how much you've grown and changed there's Always the younger you inside. The Immortal Child. Scared. Sad. Lonely. Crying. Screaming.
Needless to say, I wasn't much in the mood for running after that. It is also being pulled off of my play list. Pink's Perfect is going in it's place.
Thursday, May 03, 2012
My run... Lessons learned:
1) Humidity sucks.
2) Trying a harder route when it's 30 degrees warmer than your last run is a bad idea.
3) Humidity sucks.
Run in heat and humidity.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
I realized when I was running this morning that I never posted last Thursdays run... I didn't run on Sunday. I wanted to be lazy. And I didn't feel well. And I had new slippers. So there.
My run this morning took me on the same route as my Thursday run except I added a block. Thursday was 27 minutes and today was 28. I have two more runs until I'm up to 30 minutes. I'm pretty stoked.
I decided on a new route because I was tired of running the same circles around the park and just running downtown isn't really an option because, well, I can run all the way through downtown and back and it isn't a long enough route. I used mapmyrun to come up with a good alternative. I have a bit of a hill to go up to get to the main part of the run, but since I have to do a walking warm up anyway I figured I'd walk up the hill and run the flats. Except it wasn't all flat. Which I knew since my friends live in the neigborhood and their house is a gazillion feet above the sidewalk in front of it (Hi, Shelly!) Still, up wasn't so bad, it was mostly down hill.
There were a lot of really nice houses. For sale. Made me wish the market didn't suck. Then again, that's probably why there are a lot of really nice houses. On Thursday there was one house that had this really cute little dog statue. I couldn't figure out why they'd put it in the center of their driveway. And why it was wearing a shock collar. Then it went, "wuff", I jumped a bit and picked up the pace. It just sat there unmoving. Except for the eyes. I half expected to see it there today as well. It wasn't.
I'm still feeling pretty good with my runs. I have discovered that the first few minutes of the run are the hardest. Once I get past them, I'm OK. I keep thinking "why am doing this?" Why? BECAUSE I CAN! And then I'm off.
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Ran for 26 min straight. Best birthday present I could have given myself.
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