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The Legend of Zumba

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

So far the Holiday Trimmings contest has been keeping me mostly on track. Last weekend, not so much, but I have turned things down, skipped a potluck at work and made some more than half-hearted attempts at exercise.

Last night I tried Zumba. I tried it after work through a work sponsored class a couple of weeks ago and liked it. I tried it last night at the Y. It was fun. It was exciting. I burned a lot of calories and worked up a pretty good sweat. I enjoyed it and will definitely be going back. OK... Let's try this again...

Take two: It was completely demoralizing. It was draining. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't wait to get out of the room so I could go find some place to cry. Why do people think that in order to be able to dance you need to be completely surrounded by mirrors? Really?

It also didn't help that most of the people in the room were young, fit, thin and pretty. I spent almost the whole hour trying to focus on the thin perky ass that was the instructor. Trying to get her moves down. (How do hips move that way?) Trying not to feel so large and unwieldy. I even took off my glasses so I wouldn't have to see the others, or the mirror.

There was one older gentlemen in the class. He looked like he had lost some weight, but still needed to lose more. I looked at him at one point and thought, "If he can do it, so can I." Then I thought, "I wonder if someone is thinking the same thing about me." I looked around and I was one of the heaviest people in the room. I don't remember looking around and thinking that before. I remember the days when I was one of the skinniest people in the room. I was pretty darn close to "Here... have a sandwich" skinny. Again... heartbreaking... demoralizing... I used to be able to dance. I used to be able to move. I wasn't a professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I could at least get my body to respond to what I wanted it to do.

How did I get here? I know what to do. I've read the books. I've watched the videos. I've scoured the internet. I've been on SparkPeople for years. I should be able to do this. I shouldn't have gotten here in the first place. But I did. And I have to own up to it.

I'm fat. There. I said it. I'm fat. I'm the fat woman in the back of the Zumba class a half step behind everyone else. Hoping that nobody sees how uncoordinated she is. Hoping that she won't see herself in the mirror. Hoping that she doesn't start crying in the middle of the workout because she remembers what used to be.

So, am I going back to Zumba? Yes. Will it be easy? No. Will it be demoralizing, draining and heartbreaking? Probably. So, why am I going back? Because I broke a sweat. Because I burned a lot of calories. It was exciting and it was fun. And some day... I'm going to have a skinny ass and be able to get my hips to move that way...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANEYINMADTOWN 11/25/2009 2:31PM

    Thank you for sharing your true thoughts and feelings. I think that you were able to articulate what many feel or have felt. You do know what to do and we are here to support you...

Happy Thanksgiving and keep up the great work.

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DUMBELLE 11/25/2009 2:21PM

    Way to go girl! Keep it up. It's not all about skinny anyway right?

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DEBBIE-WEBBIE 11/25/2009 2:19PM

    Oh how your post hits home... I have a hard time saying the fat word too. I'm the fat girl in ab ball class I look around and think about how I stand out and the mirrors why do we need them all around the room? The instructor is my friend and she is the one who got me to class in the first place. Not everyone is thin thin but for sure not fat.

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TLGREIG 11/25/2009 2:17PM

    I have heard of Zumba classes also, but have not yet tried one. I felt the same whay in yoga classes, but as I became more flexible I felt better. No as I say this I have not been to yoga all summer and must get back into it! Have fun and enjoy! Have a great day!

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Day One: Holiday Trimmings

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

So, I entered the "Holiday Trimmings" contest at the Y. The goal isn't necessarily to lose weight, but to not gain it during the holiday season. I missed out on the Biggest Loser Contest at work because I was out on maternity leave. (I also felt that I would have had an "unfair advantage" because the original weigh in date was when I was still losing 2-3 lbs a day from the pregnancy.) So, here I go. I weighed in at 199.8 pounds. EEP! I did it at 5:30 am so I was able to hit the cardio machines this morning. I have meetings throughout the day today and wasn't sure if I could get in my workout over lunch. Now I don't have to worry about it today.
I made myself a breakfast sandwich this morning, except I was out of eggs. No biggie, I just upped the Canadian Bacon portion. Quite tasty. I got the idea from Hungry Girl.
Last night I set up my new "menu system". Hopefully this will make menu planning more fun and easier to do. I'll give it a few weeks and if it works, I'll post what I did.
Grocery shopping tonight... High on the list is eggs. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAPGEEK 11/17/2009 10:28PM

    Thanks guys!!!

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JANEYINMADTOWN 11/17/2009 8:33PM

    Great first blog and congrats on committing to the "Trimming" program at the Y. You are off to a fantastic start...with your committment you will reach your get healthy goals quickly!

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4BROOMES 11/17/2009 1:33PM

    Oooo, yummy - you really can't beat an egg sandwich (it's my standard lunch!) I would love to hear about the menu planning as I really struggle with this!

Good luck on the Holiday Trimmings Challenge!

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