Thursday, November 04, 2010
I said these words to myself last Sunday evening as I was musing over my weekend; did I exercise, nope, did I stay in my calorie range, nope, did I open my books to study, nope. Did I need to do all those things YEP...why didn't I?... I know the answer..."YOU" was creeping into my head. Now, for those of you who have not met "YOU" allow me to introduce him, his name is "Steve"; he is the voice in my head, my inter-dialogue, my inner critic. I used to think he was my friend, my best friend, but I have come to realize that his is my enemy, and I vow to do battle with him until I am victorious!
You see, I have felt the feelings I was having this past weekend many times before. It is just that time of year for me, the weather is turning colder, another year is coming to an end, another year older....you know the drill. However, as I was laying on the couch Sunday night I felt something else, a new sense of determination. Gone are the days of focusing on what I HAVE NOT accomplished. My focus is now going to be on what I have accomplished and giving myself credit where credit is due. I have let it happen for too long, letting Steve win the battle for my self worth/esteem and it is about time that I take it back from him!!!
For me, my weight has always been so tied into my self worth. It seems like from such an early age in my life, being thin was like the path to greatness. You have to be thin to be happy right? Well, I have been thin before, and I can tell you right now, I wasn't happy. So, I have come to let go of the notion that being thin was going to bring me happiness. I knew that I had to start believing in myself, standing up to Steve at every turn, every time he sneaks into my head to tell me I can't do something, I can't be happy, I can't like myself. That is what I have been doing right here on Spark people, standing up to Steve to let him know that he isn't the boss of me anymore!
So, Monday morning when I woke up, that is exactly what I did. I said, Steve is not going to win. I am going to lose those last 2 pounds by November 15th, and if I don't then oh well, I will be happy with whatever the number is on the scale and I will be ready to begin the next part of my journey, maintenance. I will put those work out close on after work today, and go walking at Tempe Town Lake. Lo and behold, I took it one step further and starting jogging. I will open those books when I get home and study no matter how tired I am, because getting your degree is just in your reach! Steve may think he can wedge his way back into my territory, but I say....
I can win....I will be victorious...sometimes I just need to retreat, regroup and and come up with a new battle plan...
Friday, October 15, 2010
We all get obsessed with the numbers right?!! The numbers on the scale, the number of calories eaten, the number of calories burned, the number on the clothing labels, the number of year lived! It is enough to drive you crazy!
But, I am happy to blog that I had some happiness in the numbers this past week.
First, I had to buy some new pants, none of my old ones fit anymore (tehe). I went to the store and grabbed the size I thought I would be, 14, seemed logical to me, but when I tried them on, I was not a 14 at all. To my complete delight I had to go back for the size 12!! I was beaming from ear to ear!
Second, today was my weigh in day....and I did not have the best month....I have been lacking on my gym attendance, and letting those few extra calories tag on to several days the last month. So, I set my goal this month at .7, that was it, because I wanted to see 169.9 on the scale....Again, to my complete delight, as I got on the scale this morning, camera in hand I saw this number!!
YIPPEEEEE, I yelled....(cat's running for cover from my volume)!!!
So, here we are, another number that is a sight to be hold, only 1.8 pounds away from goal, and as I have said many times before, this is just the first leg of my journey, because once that weight is gone, the real journey for me begins...keeping it off!
I am looking foward to what is uncharted territory for me...maintenance, and more of the same happiness in numbers!!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I thought I would summarize my last month or so of my journey, you know, just to get some of my thoughts out in the open...and to take a look at the outcome of the goals I posted on one of my blogs..
1. Stay within in my calorie range until 9/15/10 no excuses, no backing down
Ok...that this did not happen, and I am ok with that. Part of the reason I am here is to change my life style, and I need to live my life, and not always be down on myself about food...you know the drill. The up side though, is as of the date I wrote the original blog up until my last weigh in on 8/15/10 I did stay within my calorie range 25 of the 37 days...not bad!!
2. Hang up my skinny jeans and a little black dress in my living room to remind me of my goal
I did do this...it helps to have the reminders of your goals front and center
3. Enter all my calories in my tracker before I leave work so I know exactly what I can eat when I get home from work
This lasted about two days....mostly because I would just forget, but also because if I was low on groceries, I was not sure what I was going to eat...So, good idea in theory...
4. When I want to mindlessly eat get up and do something else (clean, read, do a crossword anything else that does not involve eating)
I did do this....I started a few home projects, started a book and dug harder into my crosswords!!!
5. Have more veggie related snacks available when you do want to mindlessly eat and eat them!!
I did do this too! I ate a lot of celery, tomatoes and cucumbers and I really enjoyed them!
So, all and all not bad.
I had targeted 9/15/10 to be at my goal weight, which leaves me 8 pounds to lose. Now, is this doable, totally. However, given my weight loss progress thus far...I just don't think it is going to happen. One because I have yet to lose that much weight in a month, and two, I start back to school next week. That means three evenings a week at school plus my full time job is going to be hard to keep up with my current 4 days a week exercing. Is it possible, yes, is it possible for me...probably not, and I am ok with that because I have to accept my limitations. Exercise and I are just not simpatico! Again, I know that, and I am trying to change that....but I have to be realistic. It just is what it is....I will keep my calories in check....I am determined more then ever there, since I know I am not going to be putting in as much gym time....I am going to try, but again, it is me we are talking about!
I have been feeling a lot of aprehension about starting school and losing the rest of the weight, but I am up for the challenge, because in the past I would have given up, and I am just not going to do that this time!!!
I will weigh in on 9/15/10 and see where the scale lands....it could land at my goal, it could not but I am going to give it 110%!!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
This was the brain child of my fellow Sparker KTNICHOLS13...and I thought it would be fun to do the same and share a day in my journey....
Lenders bagel bite, Weight Watchers cream cheese spread, tomato wedges, hard boiled egg whites and coffee with non-fat milk
Tall Light Carmel Frappuccino (I wished afterwards I had not gotten the whipped cream, as it added 80 calories to something that was only 90 calories to being with!!!)
Salad bar from AJ's Fine Foods - lettuce, spinach, black olives, grape tomatoes, onions, chicken breast, feta cheese, sunflower seeds, balsamic vinaigrette dressing and ice tea with lemon
Celery and cucumbers
Grilled egg plant and zucchini (with just 1 tbsp of canola oil), grilled polenta with marinara sauce and parm cheese and a glass chardonnay (6 0z only)
Water Drank: 74 oz.
Exercise: 52 minutes on treadmill and 15 minutes on elliptical machine for a total off 500 calories burned
Total Calories: 1542
Total Fat: 60 (over by 4 grams :-( )
Total Carbs: 162
Total Protein: 91
All and all a good day...this was really fun and it really made me think about what I was eating all day!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I Poached this from KARVY09 and thought it would be fun to share:
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:00 am ish
2. How do you like your steak? Rare
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Sex and the City 2
4. What is your favorite TV show? I love anything that is real crime related, House, Seinfeld, Mystery Diagnosis, Dr. G Medical Examiner and Project Runway
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I need to visit NYC to make my final decision, but either San Diego, NYC or DC
6. What did you have for breakfast? Banana and coffee
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
8. What foods do you dislike? Nothing really..but BBQ does not like me
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Anywhere with a glass of wine and a water view
10. Favorite dressing? Blue Cheese
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Chevy Tracker
12. What are your favorite clothes? Pajamas
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Paris
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full always!!!
15. Where would you want to retire? Paris
16. Favorite time of day? Morning
17. Where were you born? Southfield, MI
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Football
19. How many siblings? one
20. Favorite pastime/hobby? Watching television and doing crossword puzzles
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? Oh I don't know
22. Bird watcher? I think birds are facinating...
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning, most definitely.
24. Do you have any pets? two cats; Bailey and Mookey
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? About to start back to school...only 18 credits left to finish my AA degree...then I will be ready to start my upper division
26. What did you want to be when you were little? So many things but for a long time a professional dancer..I studied ballet for 15 years
27. What is your best childhood memory? Christmas
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Both - but I have cats because they are easy to take care off...I can barely take care of myself!!
29. Are you married? nope
30. Always wear your seat belt? Oh yes.
31. Been in a car accident? yes - t-boned and fractured my pelvis
32. Any pet peeves? intolerence
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I don't really like pizza
34. Favorite Flower? Hydrengas
35. Favorite ice cream? any ice cream...but chocolate peanut is my favorite
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Chipotle
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None! Only because I cried at the end because the tester said he was had to fail me because of the way I pulled into the parking spot when we were finished!!
38. From whom did you get your last email? a political organization
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target all the way
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? No, but that is ok
41. Like your job? Not really, but that is why I am going to school
42. Broccoli? Yes
43. What was your favorite vacation? my son's 21st birthday in Las Vegas
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? My friend's Andrea and Brittney
45. What are you listening to right now? I Wear my Sunglasses at Night on the radio
46. What is your favorite color? Blue
47. How many tattoos do you have? I have four, all on my ankles....
48. How many people will fill this out? no sure...
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 1:25pm
50. Coffee Drinker? Oh yes. I had to cut down to 3 a day from like 6 to 7...tummy troubles
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