Monday, May 24, 2010
Every Sunday I go to my mom and step-dad's for Sunday dinner (really my lunch their dinner..you know how the older folk are!!) My mom knows that I am trying to lose weight, so she always makes healthy stuff and then when I do have dinner later that evening, I always go lighter!
After we eat, my mom, myself and another friend go shopping and out for a coffee at Starbucks. Sundays is also the day I pick one thing, and one thing only, that I don't add to my nutrition tracker. Now, I don't get carried away or anything, like letting myself have an entire pizza....although I have been tempted...I just have a little something to treat myself without the worry....Anyways, my mom said, when we go to Starbuck's today, I am buying everyone a little treat, and I said good because it is my treat day. We get to Starbucks and I order my coffee (nothing fancy) and a brownie...Yummy right! Here is the funny thing....as I took the first bite, I thought hum, it is not as good as I remembered it to be. I took another bite thinking maybe the next one with the chocolate chunk would be better, and still, not really that good. Of course I ate the whole thing, but could this be happening, because I am of the mind set that anything chocolate tastes good, that am I losing my need for that brownie or that treat. Could it be that I am really learning that I don't NEED the brownie to fill any kind of need, even the need for a little treat...I am not sure but I gotta tell you that I would have NEVER thought in a million years that I would be sitting here telling everyone that I did not like a brownie....It was a GREAT feeling....
Now my next project....CHARDONNAY! For some reason I still have not lost my taste for that!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I am having one of those days...I am not feeling myself, and as I was heading to work this morning, the first place I wanted to go was Starbucks. Now in and of itself going there is not a bad thing, I can make healthy choices at Starbucks, but the fact that my mind went to that place it goes, the place where I think food will bring me comfort. So as I am driving I say to myself, is a cup of coffee and scone from Starbucks going to make you feel better? Besides a little bump from the caffeine and empty calories from the scone, is it really going to satisfy my emotional needs. The answer was, NO, not at all. So, off to work I went, avoiding the Starbucks drive thru.
Then when I arrived at work, one of my coworkers said she was going to the café next store to our office for a bagel, and I thought maybe I should get something too... I did not need anything, I had my breakfast all ready to go in the breakroom, but there it was that thought popped back into my head, maybe a bagel would make me feel better. I knew I did not need the bagel, and it had only been like twenty minutes since the initial conversation I just had with myself and there I was again ready to try to satisfy my emotions with a bagel.
So obviously the burning question I need to ask myself is what is the emotional need I am trying to fill right now. I am not sure, so here I go...
I am not feeling well...(stomach problems, which is just a fact of my life)
I am unhappy in my job...(I know I am extremely lucky to be employed, but it just leaves me feeling sad, unsatisfied and unsure of the future)
I am on the tail end of my monthly visitor...(always a downer)
I am happy about my weigh in from Saturday.. (but I think perhaps the reality of the situation set in, and even though I lost weight, I still have a long way to go, and I am just having a little doubt that I won't make it)
I feel a slide back....(coming on....that feeling I get when I just don't want to journal one more piece of food, or set foot in the gym...I just want to do nothing but eat an entire pizza)
The good thing is, all these things I am feeling are feelings that I have to deal with everyday and all of them have solutions. The real solution I am looking for here is to not fix them with food, but to fix them with ACTION!!!
First course of action, no slide back, journal your food and get to the gym today, no excuses!!!
Wheewww...I feel better...
Thursday, May 06, 2010
I can have a couple of margarita's and partake in a cheesy quesadilla on Cinco de Mayo right? Now, I did not say this but a co-worker of mine has said this to me a couple of times in the last two weeks...Once last night when the office went for a margarita for Cinco de Mayo; everyone was looking at the appetizer menu to order something, I politely said, I am trying to be good, so you guys go ahead and order something but I am not going to have anything (but a margarita that I had the calories for)....my co-worker said, well, I am going to have a little something because I have been really good this week....this week, it is only Wednesday!!! Then last week when she came back from lunch out, she said, I just had some french fries, they just sounded so good, and I have not had them for awhile, plus I have been really good all week...this time it was Thursday....
I know many of you have said this before, and what really struck me as interesting was until a few months ago I totally bought into this line of thinking all the time. I thought, what is it going to hurt to have a slice of that quesadilla and and a couple of margarita? So I go over my calories today, it is just one day right?...But, the kicker for me was that mentality would happen again a few days later, and then a few days later, and then pretty soon I was right back to where I started. Plus, we all know that social situations are the hardest, because you are there with your friends, and everyone is partaking so you say, why shouldn't I, and your friends fat, skinny or otherwise really never discourage or encourage you, so the cycle continues.
I decided in January when I started this journey AGAIN, that it was time to break this cycle among many others....saying no last night was really hard, but I am finally beginning to realize that unless I started to say no, I will constantly be running on this cycle, and quite frankly it makes me tired...Am I always going to say no, of course not, I know that is not being realistic, but I am finding that the more times I do say no, the better I feel I about what I am doing, and that feels better then any quesadilla can ever make me feel...
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