Friday, July 11, 2014
On June 10, 2014 I posted a blog title "Baby Carrots vs Oreos" and in it I stated that the candy jar at work is now off limits. I am here to report that 30 days later I stayed out of the candy jar, except for yesterday. Here is why, I live in Arizona, it is hot and when you have supplies delivered in the summer, i.e. candy, in transit, it melts. So, someone in my office who approves the invoices for the said candy, made a comment about how it was melted. I said I was trying something new because the candy we usually order has several varieties that no one eats, so it goes to waste. Then I said, no one had complained about the melted candy, and there of course was dead silence, meaning she was complaining (it is amazing how people's worlds can get some small, especially when you aren't even purchasing the candy). Anyways, I ate one mini Butterfingers to see if her complaint was justified. It was fine. That was a little rant I needed to do, because when these kinds of things happen, they usually send me to the candy jar!!
Now, I accomplished this for a couple different reasons. First, I moved the candy jar (which is on my desk) out of my line of vision, out of sight out of mind can work sometimes. Second, I said I would stay out of the candy jar but I did not say I would never have a piece of candy again. I am realist, I have to learn to coexist with candy and I do like it which means I should be able to have a piece once in awhile. So, I told myself if you absolutely need a piece of candy, then have a piece of dark chocolate. Lastly, when I wanted to reach for that candy, I stopped and asked myself why I wanted it, was there something better I could have, or if I was frustrated I have a journal handy on my desk and I would write in that to work through my emotions.
I love candy and always will but when the candy or things like it keep you from being healthy, and keep you from moving forward with your journey then it is time tweak things just a bit! I am glad I did!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
I have battled with my weight from as early as I can remember and have had the same battle with the scale. I went years without weighing myself because I just couldn't face it. That has not changed even when I reached my goal back in 2010, as well as my many other attempts at weight loss prior to joining Spark. As soon as I lost the weight, I stopped stepping on the scale. I thought I could manage my weight without it, I have tried to tell my self many, many times, that the number does not matter, and there is a lot of truth to that. However, the number is important to accountability and the very fact that when you are taking care of yourself, you need to use the tools that assist you in doing so, the scale being one of them. Also, for me personally, given all the times I have lost and regained the weight, I need to the scale to keep me accountable.
So, are you shaking your head yes, or do you think I am still stuck in a line of thinking that a number can provide me with what I need in my life, which is self love. I am shaking my head yes to the latter, because I know I avoid the scale because I think the number means so much more then it should to me. That is why I decided to do the following:
Reset set my goals and fully commit to getting back to my goal weight and maintaining it once I am there.
Got back on the scale Monday morning even though I knew I was not going to like what I saw (I didn't) because a lot of times when I reset my goals I use a weight I think I am and then I am not being honest
Wrote my blog about digging deep and setting my intentions to fully commit
Used this idea that I read on a fellow Spark members blog, Lotusflower, to remind myself that the scale is not my enemy
Commit to getting on the scale once a week (in the past I only weighed myself once a month) because I want to win this battle, fully commit and be more honest with myself because I AM more then a number!
Monday, June 23, 2014
Last week I saw my therapist. It was a tough session but one I needed to have because we discussed some things that were hard for me to hear. One of the things was how she felt like I did not fully commit to the things I am working on. She used a great analogy of how I dip by foot in the water and then run away because it was too cold. I try, I just don't "fully commit".
No where else could this apply more then to my weight loss journey. I started here on Spark in March of 2009 but didn't really start using it unit January of 2010. In January of 2010, I set a goal to lose 38 pounds by November of 2010 and I did. But it kind of stopped there, just like it always does, because I did not fully commit. Since that time I have gained some of it back, lost it, then gained some of it back again, made excuses, because I am not fully committed. My biggest excuse is that I have not been able to let go of the emotional significance food plays in my life. I have made some progress but I have not fully committed.
Over the weekend I gave being fully committed a lot of thought and really thought about how being fully committed to living a more full and happy life without relying on food for emotional support goes hand in hand with losing the physical weight. I can't do one without the other. That is where "Dig Deep" comes in. I have been reading a book called "The Gifts of Imperfection" from Brene Brown and in it she talks about what "Dig Deep" means (these are my notes not direct quotes from the book):
D - Deliberate in my thoughts and behaviors through setting my intentions
I - Inspired to make new and different choices
G - Going to take action
It is time for me to fully commit to living a more healthy life, to commit to an end to emotional eating and to lose these last few points once and for all.
Today I updated my status indicating that I am ready to fully commit, so that is my intention for this week. To fully commit to dealing with my emotional need for food. This week I will be working on changing one behavior a day that leads me down the path of my emotional need for food.
I am ready!!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
I read an interview with Rosie O’Donnell several years ago where she said (and I am paraphrasing) “Of course I should eat the baby carrots, but I want the Oreos.” She went on to say something like, if it were that easy, then the obesity problem would be solved. I suspect it is not that easy for most of us. I mean I buy baby carrots all the time, but after about the first handful, I am sick of them, and the candy jar on my desk becomes the go to.
I read it hear all the time and I am totally guilty of it, where I say something like, I know I am an emotional eater, and I should eat the baby carrots when I am upset but then why did I go to McDonald’s over the weekend and still ask myself why I can’t zip up my pants. I know I am doing it but it is so hard to change. As I said in a recent blog, we do what we know, what is familiar and comfortable. But have you ever asked yourself, why do I need the baby carrots in the first place? Yeah, sure, eating the baby carrots instead of the Oreos when you have had a bad day, or fight with your husband would be better, but isn't the real issue the reaching for comfort from food? I think we all know that baby carrots just aren't going to give you the same satisfaction as the Oreos but wouldn't it be more satisfying not have to go to that place where we need either of them? I know it would be for me.
So it starts today. I challenge myself to first stop buying baby carrots, (I really don’t like them) and then for the rest of this month I am going to tackle one area where I think I need food but I know it really is something else, and it is my work environment. The candy jar as of today is off limits.
I will let you know how it turns out….
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