Sunday, June 03, 2012
As we slide into the world, maybe we fulfill the lifelong dream of our parents to have a family or at the very least to bring a smile to their face seeing the god given right of having children come to life.
As we sprout, our families recall the process of life as you progress in years. Seeing all the firsts that you accomplish bring a sense of novelty.
As my first sibling arrives, a sense of responsibility exists that I am a protector and role model. I get to see all the firsts of life as my sisters sprouts.
I come to know that I am made to be independent and I have a lot of expectation on me. I know that I have purpose because I have great responsibilities to the family.
Two more brothers come along and as the big sister, I had tremendous responsibility to help my mother. I was accountable for much more than myself at a very young age.
When I reached the age of 13, I was in a tragic boat accident, that claimed the life of my 4 year old brother off my lap. I almost drowned myself but I survived after my grandfather pulled me out of the water.
I felt like a failure from that day forward and I did not feel that I had fulfilled a responsibility of mine. My own family told me that I was the reason my brother was gone.
I contemplated why I was still roaming the face of the Earth and who I really was. The accident came at a time when I was defining myself, just going into the phase of adolescents. I pegged myself as someone with a life that was not worth living and just had to ask my family to know that life was not the same and I played a role in that outcome.
It took me many years of soul searching, counseling and life experience to realize that I still live and breath to fulfill a purpose. To be a role model, a survivor who can make a difference and I am here until the purpose is fulfilled.
The road to feeling worthy of having a wonderful life has been a long one for me. I feel like I have just broke the surface of starting a fulfilling life.
The experience that I embarked on to finally find myself occurred from 2005-2007. I have spent the majority of my life overweight and my family has helped me along with that by teaching me to eat as a coping method for emotional issues. I sought out help to acquire skills to cope with my issues from a Reiki Master and a Psychologist. In addition, I paid $1200 to a Weight Loss Center to finally learn how to eat properly.
In 2 years, I dropped 187 lbs and 75 inches and found the me I truly am. I unfortunately discovered I was also in shambles emotionally. I spent 2 months on maintenance in the best shape of my life. I worked out 8 hrs a week at the gym and ate properly.
All it took was one statement from my mother about trying new water activities, to take me back to the tragic accident. Along with the family's complete disapproval of my transformation, I put back on all but 35 lbs. Talk about ashamed, I was in the worst place emotionally.
Fast Forward 2 years, November 8, 2009, the best day of my entire life when I met my husband the 1st time.
Since meeting my husband, my life has completed changed and my dreams are unfolding before my eyes. I am trying to uncover the REAL me, the one who is a role model, a survivor, an intelligent woman.
We married 4 months after meeting and celebrated our 2 year anniversary 2 months ago!
My dream of owning a house came true almost one year ago in July!
My work now is losing the rest of the weight I have on to start a family. I am about 100 lbs down currently.
I have about 50 lbs to lose to complete the weight loss and it pains me to know that I am the one holding up the process. I have hit a plateau and been in it for about 3 months.
In the past 2 weeks, I have hit 2 more road blocks, I contracted a virus at School causing pain in my joints and I had a partial root canal making it hard to eat.
As I push forward to complete the last of the weight and overcome my current issues, PURPOSE is in the forefront of my thoughts. I dream of the day I have the great responsibility of another life that is depending on me for knowledge and a sense of security.
Do you know your purpose or are you still searching for that answer?
I assure you that you have a PURPOSE to fulfill, all the best in your journey!