Monday, January 28, 2013
Levi has some nieces and nephews with whom I converse occasionally on Facebook, two nieces especially, in Pucallpa. It was harder to break up with Levi because I'd come to know and love so many family members, not the least these two. Well, yesterday i asked if they'd heard the news, and they hadn't. They were both saddened, and wondered why. I didn't go into detail. But I did tell them how much I loved them, and asked if I could still call them "sobrina" (niece) to which they each responded with a hearty yes, and affirmed that their families loved me, and I would always be welcome in Pucallpa. It was a comfort.
Leidi and me, 2011
Leidi is Levi's sister Marita's daughter, and Tutty is his brother Victor's. They both told me, "What happens with Levi has nothing to do with us - we still love you!"
Sunday, January 27, 2013
I am so glad that God is in control, and that He works all things together for my good - because I DO love Him, and I AM called according to His purpose.
He uses our errors and our weaknesses too.
I had a good time in Pucallpa last year, especially with Levi's father, refreshing my spirit and soul in the word with him.
But while I was willing to endure a lot with Levi, for all the things he began to go through and is still going through, after much prayer and (Daniel) fasting, and God's intervention through exhortations of some loving sisters in the Lord, I decided to break up with Levi.
It was not easy. I love him. But I love the Lord more, and this relationship was becoming a distraction from the ministry to which God had already called me. I was also misled in some things - not malisciously or with intent, I am sure.
I have not broken up with anyone since college, when I booted a guy out of his OWN DORM ROOM when we'd been passionately making out and I just suddenly needed to pray and realized I couldn't commit to a guy who didn't love the Lord as I did (he was an unbeliever.) It sucks. I love his family as well. I hope and pray we can still remain friends - after all, we ARE brethren in the Lord.
So, I will re-adjust to the idea of being single. And I will let Christ be the lover of my soul, and let my Maker be my Husband. And I will rejoice in this valley, knowing He is purifying my faith.
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young,only to be rejected,” says your God. (Isaiah 54:4-6)
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. (Prov. 3:5-7, NASB) www.youtube.com/watch?v=m17af0XmPFo
Life has some beautiful moments, and also some hard ones, with harsh realities, and we have to make some difficult decisions. What makes it difficult is our own limited view and understanding. Worldly wisdom would say one thing - it makes SENSE to do this, that, or the other. But sometimes we as Christians are called to do something that may not make sense to the world's paradigm. There's the natural response - and the SUPERnatural response. I'm in such a place right now, and I'm willing to do that which "makes sense" - and also that which does not. I am willing to take on pain and suffering or to break free from one set of trials - knowing that there will always be others. More than anything I want to be in God's will, whatever the cost in personal comfort. So...to those who pray...please pray He make His will known, as I wait on Him.
Friday, January 25, 2013
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.(Isaiah 40:31)
If you're living, you're going to be waiting.
I spent many hours waiting in doctor's offices, especially as my first husband's health declined.
I know I've picked the right line at the supermarket when the person ahead of me suddenly has a problem and a short order becomes a long delay.
I've waited for flights at airports.
In the summer of 2007, we called ourselves "Soldados de Espera", Soldiers of Waiting, because of the delays we faced left an right.
I've waited for traffic lights to change, for checks to clear, for rain to stop, for mail to come...
And I've waited for the Lord.
It's always with anticipation. Not just twiddling my thumbs. There's an expectancy. It's like when I'm sitting and eating a sandwich or something, and my daughter's boxer is trying not to be obvious that she's waiting for a crumb to drop to the floor, and her jowls are starting to drip with anticipatory saliva. Okay, so maybe I'm not DROOLING, but I know that when I'm waiting on God, it's always good. It's always rewarded. It's always worth it. And He's always on time.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I try to keep my sodium levels in check, and stay in my calorie range to get my weight down...I try to be a good steward of this temporal temple...
I know Levi that is going through some pretty hefty trials and am not able to lend any help except prayer support. But I am thankful that he sees the value of it...Anew semester starts Monday, and with it another assignment, and I've prayed the Lord would put me where HE wants me.
I want to lose weight and be fit and healthy, and to marry Levi and have him come up here (not necessarily in that order), and to do mission work with him. These are hopes, and nothing wrong with them. But more than anything, I want Jesus. More of Him. Less of me - less of this overweight body, less of this selfish, self-centered soul, and more of His life flowing through me.
Yeah. That'll do.
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