Thursday, December 13, 2012
I have been baking like crazy. Every year, I give food baskets to some suppliers and business people. This year, I have 7 that I am doing. I always make pumpkin bread (family recipe), cookies, cake balls, candy... you know, all the STUFF I SHOULD BE STAYING AWAY FROM!
I am really feeling under the gun. All my energies have poured toward last saturdays party and now I feel like I am not ready for christmas or baking or winter or... anything. I am starting to stress out which is interrupting my sleep, I have a kink in my neck and Im starting to get crabby. SO I thought I would get a jump on the baking. I already decided to let Safeway do my cookie baking since that comes home with Kady from work and it will be good enough.
I got all the stuff and after dinner, even though I was tired, I made a double batch of pumpkin bread. When I put it in the pans, I thought it looked funny but went ahead and baked it.
As I mixed another double batch (pat on back, Jan! You are NAILING THIS PUMPKIN BREAD), I realized..... I had not put the oil into the first batch. Oh well, I would just see how it turned out. When I got it out and sliced it up, it looked a little fluffy but tasted good so I figured GREAT! I will label this LOW FAT pumpkin bread and give it away!
Next batch goes in, it, too, looks funny. When I took IT out, it was a massive failure. Really dense, didnt rise but again, tasted pretty good. Then I realized, no baking soda or baking powder! DOH!
That was not going to be ok to give away. I started thinking about what I could do with all this defective bread and wasted ingredients and more importantly, wasted time! I was NOT throwing it away. So I turned to the best Baker I know...
She brilliantly came up with about 4 things I could do...bread pudding, bread crumbs in meatloaf, and a couple of others.
So today, I had a few hours and I made the pumpkin bread again. Slowly, carefully, thoughtfully. It is baking now.
But as I cleaned up, and looked at those mistakes, I realized something.
This is just like life. I made a mistake. I hurried. I didnt plan properly. I rushed through without care. And now, Im making myself crazy trying to fix it.
You know what? I dont want to. I dont want to fix it. I don't want to try to make it better for me or for anyone else. I just....dont. I just threw it all in the trash.
IT WAS LIBERATING!
IT is OK that I messed up.
IT is OK that I can start over.
IT is OK that I had options but I still chose what worked best for me.
IT is OK that next year, I am NOT DOING IT! I am not baking for everyone and adding this to my already bursting at the seams schedule.
I am letting it go, one slice at a time.