MAMADWARF   44,699
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MAMADWARF's Recent Blog Entries

Sunday Check in #15

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend.. I spent mine tearing out carpet and cleaning and doing a lot of hard physical work. Then I ate at a BUFFET last night. I didnt go too far but I definatly could have done better. oh well. Thats life. Buffets happen. I am not going to cry over it just had a better day today.
We also saw Taken 2 at the movies, it was pretty good.

Busy week ahead but I will handle what ever comes my way. Kady and I are grocery shopping together Monday so we can plan meals and eat well. ALways nice when she is on board too. She has good ideas for meals when I get in a rut. And she will cook too! so I LOVE that...

Tell me something you are working on....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISHKALA 10/25/2012 10:19AM

    I'm changing my lifestyle - been going to the gym every day, and now it's weird when I don't go. But I'm feeling better, my energy level is high, and my stress level is lower! emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 10/24/2012 12:37AM

    Buffets do me in EVERY time...I try to avoid them now.

I am working on getting walking in almost every day as I was pretty lax during the heat we had.

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CANNIE50 10/23/2012 4:41PM

    I am spending more time on SP this week, tracking and checking in with Sparkly friends like y.o.u. I hiked this morning (haven't been exercising as much as usual, though) and I am getting stuff done. The more I get done, the less I overeat. Take care, Mama, and I am so glad your girl is on-board!

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DAISY443 10/22/2012 3:05PM

    Mowed the leaves in the yard (twice), cut off all the hostas (there are a lot) and shoveled compost into my garden. Good thing I did all that, 'cause my son and dil took me to a pizza buffet and, boy, was I hungry. So, now to get back on track with ya!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/22/2012 8:53AM

    It's always great when you have a buddy to do this with! I need to work on my consistency. I know that's the ONLY thing that works for me. I have to be consistent!

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-POOKIE- 10/22/2012 2:58AM

    I do love buffet O_O

Me? I'm working on feeling better, getting my emotions calm and well... lots of concentration on not picking the super itchy glue on my face until I'm allowed to get it off tomorrow.

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CELLISTA1 10/22/2012 1:27AM

    Well, I went from nearly giving up to getting right back in the groove. Belly danced yesterday, walked with the doggie today. Ate well both days. This week I plan to cook all my meals and not go out to eat except to a dinner party at a friend's. I plan to exercise in some form every day. I wish you and all the Sunday check-in crowd a wonderful week!

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MAMADWARF 10/21/2012 11:37PM

    California???? really? What part?


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BAYBELIEVER 10/21/2012 11:25PM

    Well, this may not have been what you meant, but I tore out my raised beds this weekend and am working on grading the dirt left so that the lawn will be somewhat flat. I am working on cleaning and getting things in order in case my job offers come through this week and I have to consider a move across country to California!

Yikes!!

Eating well too and got my 3 days of exercise in last week. Yippeeeeeeee!

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I know too much

Saturday, October 20, 2012

I was thinking the other day (always scary, I know!) about my life now compared to 2.5 years ago.

How I felt then (horrible, in pain, fat, depressed, withdrawn, angry) is nowhere I ever want to be again. I question myself about why I let myself go down that road. I was so unhappy! I just lived in a bubble of pain and meds and drifted through each day. I did not really live. I wasted a lot of time. Food was my friend and the only one I wanted close.

There was a little spark inside that started quietly whispering about losing weight (again). I googled weight watchers but I didnt want to go to the meetings and plus, it cost a lot of money. I then found Sparkpeople and began my weight loss journey, which as many of you know, becomes so much more than that.

I very quickly saw success and I loved the format of this place. I met some people, I began to blog, I reached out and someone was always there. I have always loved to write so this gave me a safe place to start working out some stuff. Stuff I didnt even realize was going on.

As I came out of my haze, my funk, my self imposed punishment for no reason at all, I started to open up again. I have always been a very optimistic person, love to laugh, love to be around people and they love to be around me. Who I was for that period of time, before SP, was a stranger to my friends and family. My daughters and nieces actually did an intervention about my behavior, that I was not "me" and how sad that made them.

There are times that I think about food in unhealthy ways, when I dont want to go for a walk or do anything but veg out in front of tv, when I want to snack, snack, snack and can't get full. But those are blips, not the steady hum of my new healthier lifestyle.

Is it always a challenge? truthfully, yes, probably. But I am so much better equipped to deal with what comes up now. I can handle it. Yes, I may over eat or say screw it and eat a batch of cookies (mmm, cookies!) but that is ONE DAY, not my entire life!

Not anymore. I KNOW too much to go back. Even if I decided to leave sparkpeople, go back to how I ate, never excercise again, what would be the benefit? I CANNOT ever go back there.

So even if I screw up, no matter how bad, how long or how much weight I regain, I KNOW I will never give up. I will move forward no matter how long it takes and hit my goals. I cannot FORGET what I have learned, who I have met, how much weight I have lost, how good it feels.

That door is slammed shut behind me and there is no going back. It is not so much that I dont want to, it is more that I am no longer that person. I want more. And I know too much to go back. I cannot un-remember all that I have gained. It is part of me, a wonderful part of me. It is who I am now. And who I am going to be.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ILIKETOZUMBA 10/26/2012 11:51AM

    This was awesome to read!! Congrats to you! And you perfectly summed up how I feel about the changes I've made too, though I never found quite the right words to describe it like you did. "I know too much." That's EXACTLY it. I know I can never go back to how I was before because I can never unlearn what I have learned about exercise, food, motivation, everything. Thank you so much for articulating this so well!

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SHERLYN-WILL 10/25/2012 10:12AM

    WOW.. I could have written this just recently (except for the meds part.. I have never needed those for any pain.. etc)

I recently just went through what you described... and I could have written your beginning description of what it was like for you.

I didn't want anyone around me.. not family.. not friends.. NO ONE... I was existing.. I was not living...

I wish I could blog like you and just get it out there... without worrying about it being so detailed or 'perfect'.... I know that it would help me.. and honestly it might help others.. I know your blogs do help me! TY SO MUCH HUGS!!!!!!

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MISHKALA 10/25/2012 9:40AM

    What an amazing, inspriational blog. Every word is so true, and felt by so many of us. It's a life style change, not a diet. And who needs habits that keep us down, anyways? Well said!! emoticon emoticon



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DOODIE59 10/22/2012 8:32AM

    This is a fantastic blog. It speaks to all of us on this weight loss struggle that we can never give up. There is too much at stake, and health is only part of it. Our real selves are buried beneath.

Thank you
Deirdre

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CELLISTA1 10/22/2012 1:23AM

    Hmm, taking stock. Did my "onion" blog get to you? Seriously, we have made so many changes that it would be stupid and totally self-destructive to go back. We don't like it back there. I can't even imagine you as a withdrawn, angry person. How lucky we are to have found our Spark! And our Spark friends.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/21/2012 11:27AM

    I clould have written this blog myself. I know that I will NEVER be "that girl" again. I didn't realize HOW unhappy I was until I found myself again on this journey. I'm so glad to be on it with you. *HUGS*

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IMIN2GENES 10/20/2012 9:31PM

    Great blog! A big woo hoo to you!

I'm with you all the way... NEVER give up!
Chris
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REMEMBER2BME 10/20/2012 7:14PM

    Killer blog. I think I still have quite a bit of learning to do but actually, maybe you are right. I do know better. Thank you for making me think.

Hugs to you!

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-POOKIE- 10/20/2012 5:35PM

    A good blog and something I'm asking if I may "copy" in a blog of my own similar thought processes?

It really is something we should be grateful to look back on.

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DAISY443 10/20/2012 3:59PM

    Well said! Yay, you!

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CANNIE50 10/20/2012 2:21PM

    Beautifully stated, Miss Jan. emoticon

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BAYBELIEVER 10/20/2012 2:19PM

    I want more. Says it all. Congrats!

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GRACEISENUF 10/20/2012 1:35PM

    Forgetting the former things...yes, good advice. Reminds me of Isaiah 43. God wants to do a "new work" in all our lives.

I am with ya...NEVER GIVING UP!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Love you Jan!
J

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JACKIE542 10/20/2012 12:52PM

    I love this blog, very well said! Here is to great new habits and moving forward! emoticon

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reach

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Hi sparkies!

I wanted to tell you, I am here.

I have rarely missed a day since march 2010. Sparkpeople has changed my life in many ways, not the least of which is the friends I have made. Not just other members, but friends. The ones I think about daily, worry about, laugh with, get inspired by.

So many wonderful and awesome people in one place is like a smorgasbord of treats one can choose from.

Need some tough love? We got that. Need a warm hug? Not a problem! Need some health or fitness advice? Psshhhh, that's easy.

There is literally nothing I go through that I do not have someone to ask and support me.

If you need something, reach out. Dont wait for a spark friend to ask you. We all have busy lives. I for one, am never to busy for you. Let me know you need me, and baby, I am here.

Sometimes, I miss a blog or don't have much time to spend on spark so I may miss something, so if you need some mama time, PLEASE let me know. And I know you will do that for me when I need you, too.

Its a beautiful thing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESLIES537 10/19/2012 4:52PM

    You're the emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 10/19/2012 9:22AM

    I always feel so happy when I pop by your page. Maybe it has something to do with that fabulous picture of your dogs. Our dogs don't care how much we weigh, in their eyes we're perfect. I love this blog. Life holds so many wonderful things, we just have to remember to reach for them.
emoticon emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 10/18/2012 11:38PM

    Friendship is a beautiful thing and I am thankful for yours that is for sure.

Hey Momma...I just got back from seeing my DD in Pismo Beach. DH and I stayed 4 nights and baby girl got to come and stay one...wish she could have stayed the whole time. It was about 90 degrees...I have never seen it so clear and so toasty...it was sweet! It felt like we were on a tropical island or something...sure didn't feel like overcast Pismo, LOL!

LOVE YOU!

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CANNIE50 10/18/2012 10:59PM

    That's my mama-girl! I always enjoy your blogs and I particularly liked this one. I love the reminder to not sit around and wait for support but to ask for it, directly. You are one of the many reasons to love SP because you are SO lovable and loving!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 10/18/2012 4:54PM

    emoticon There's a warm hug!!!!!!!!!!!

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/18/2012 2:55PM

    I need a neck rub. I have a stress induced stiff neck that is hurting. LOL Well, you said, "anything"!

Have a great day!

emoticon

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CELLISTA1 10/18/2012 11:58AM

    Strange... just yesterday I was thinking about quitting Spark. I know myself well, and I have made many small and significant changes, but I don't see too much change in my future. What's the one thing that stopped me? Friends. The give and take between us. The connection with people far away. The fascination of following someone's journey. The support. You are right on -- as usual!

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DAISY443 10/18/2012 10:39AM

    Ain't it wonderful that we have such a wonderful extended family in SP! Big hugs, Mama!

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RANGERAMPS 10/18/2012 9:57AM

    Support is one of the biggest things that can help you. I'm glad that you and others are here to help those that need it. I want to be able to help people to if I can.

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BAYBELIEVER 10/18/2012 9:26AM

    You know the reverse is true too! Love reading your blogs and visiting your page and seeing your always wise comments on my stuff. We are doing this!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/18/2012 9:06AM

    emoticon emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 10/18/2012 8:41AM

    Right back atcha! I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it's hard to find balance and time; but I too will always find it for those who need it.

Thanks!
Chris

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LOSE4LIFE47 10/18/2012 8:39AM

    emoticon emoticon

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sunday (monday) check in #14

Monday, October 15, 2012

Hello everybody!

How was your weekend. Tell me something good!

I went to Monterey with friends and had a great time! We laughed danced, kayaked (which is the first time I went since my lost 50 pounds reward and it was great! Perfect day!

This week is eating well and moving ....what a concept!

What's going on with you?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 10/18/2012 10:51PM

    Yay for kayaking. I love kayaking! I am so happy you had such a wonderful time with your friends (and I had zero doubt that you would have a wonderful time with your friends). I am getting back in the swing of things after being gone for 4 days, and doing my half marathon. I went for a hike this morning, and I ate more like a normal person today, and less like a starving weasel (the past few days). I've missed you. Thanks for your sweet, sweet words on my half-marathon blog. Honestly, I am glad it is behind me. I don't regret one step of it, but I felt EVERY step of it. I feel pretty good now, though - I bounced back quickly which made me very happy.

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 10/16/2012 4:18PM

    So exciting! You're my hero. I'm too chicken to kayak, even when i did lose the weight. Ugh.

My sister and I are getting ready for our Christmas cookie decorating party. It's more work than party but we laugh and have fun so why not? (Yes, we freeze them. They are better that way!)

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JULIAMOONCHILD 10/16/2012 10:18AM

    What a lovely weekend you had! I am happy for you.

My own weekend was all about care-giving, with a bit of chores thrown in whenever I got a minute or two to address some. The "good" part ..... any chores that get done make me a bit less stressed. Yea!

Now that kayaking had to have burned up some calories and built up some muscle besides, so I bet your next weigh-in is going to be a screaming good one - Right? Better be right ...........We're watching you. emoticon

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DAISY443 10/16/2012 8:19AM

    Wonderful weekend. 3 1/2" of rain and we needed it so badly that it all soaked in with no puddles! Now, I just need to teach Daisy dog to wipe her feet before she comes in! Doggy paw prints everywhere! Will get my cardio cleaning the hardwood floors! We slept in between thunder claps most of the day. Love the "snuggle on the couch" days with Daisy dog and Ittel cat.

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BAYBELIEVER 10/15/2012 10:13PM

    Way to go! Looks like a lot of fun! What a great bunch of people, especially Barbie there in the center!

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REMEMBER2BME 10/15/2012 1:42PM

    I love it. Great job!

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KAMAPERRY 10/15/2012 12:21PM

    emoticon

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CELLISTA1 10/15/2012 11:59AM

    Look at you, doing your "model" pose. Sounds like a fabulous fun weekend.

My week was filled mostly with delight! My littlest grand-daughter enchants me with the funny things she says - in 2 languages - and my bigger one fascinates me with the way she thinks. I really enjoyed walking her to school every day. I rarely am up that early and I actually liked it. Those two love me - what a concept! I gave my daughter the gift of some rest. She didn't go out of the house for five days, and I'm hoping she gets over the darn mono!

Coming home, my challenge is to get over a cold and start tracking again. I'm glad you did this check-in, because I can commit right here to track my food today and take a little walk.

Have a great week, beautiful Mamadwarf!

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OMG SUnday check in #13 (LATE!)

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I totally gapped on sunday check in! You guys are supposed to watch me!!

What should we focus on this week? How about remembering to do what we are committed to?

Like posting sunday check in's.
Like eating in our calorie ranges
Like getting a walk in or a workout
Like Blogging like we promised
Like sending a spark goodie to someone who needs a lift.
Like checking in with our teams
Like cleaning out that closet we said we would do for the last 2 months...

I dont know. Pick something and tell me about it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT-MOONCHASER 10/10/2012 11:30PM

    Get the air conditioner out of the window and put away...

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BIGMAMAT 10/10/2012 11:20PM

    emoticon Eating more veggies this week. emoticon emoticon
eating more protein. emoticon emoticon

That's my plan. emoticon


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CELLISTA1 10/10/2012 2:06PM

    This week is different for me. Away from home, away from work, helping out my daughter who is under the weather, helping take care of her two kids. So I made a decision to focus on that. Yes, I can be conscious of eating well and I know I'm getting exercise in, just walking to school and back each day, going up and down stairs, going to the park, etc. etc. - but I choose not to use the trackers or be obsessed or worried about numbers of calories or minutes.

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GRACEISENUF 10/10/2012 1:39PM

    I am committing myself to a daily walk...hubby has decided to join me. It was a beautiful one this morning.

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CANNIE50 10/10/2012 12:30PM

    I am focusing on getting ready to leave town for three days. Making arrangements for Payton is a complicated affair (my dh works the entire time I am gone). A few people have stepped up to help, though, after my babysitter bailed on me a few days ago emoticon I am going out of town with my best friend, for her birthday, and for our annual tradition of running a half-marathon. I am feeling like this will be the last race of any distance but my approach is to see it for the challenge it is, without putting extra pressure on myself. I haven't done any specific training (though I continue to run short distances a few times a week, along with some other exercising). I am disappointed that I am heavier, but rather than waste energy beating myself up, I am just facing facts. After the half-marathon, I need to re-focus in some simple ways. Shorter, frequent bouts of exercise, less food (esp excess cr@p food), and getting things done around my house and yard. I am feeling appreciative that my life, in general, is less stressful at this point - such a blessing. I am thinking of you, my dear friend. Thanks for your on-going support for us Sparklers. You are a gem.

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DAISY443 10/10/2012 11:22AM

    Mow the leaves!

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WILLPARKINSON 10/10/2012 3:44AM

    I vote for cleaning the closet. It's still messy and I really need room for clothes. Wait. You WERE talking about my closet, right?

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STRIVER57 10/10/2012 1:45AM

    sunday broke my check-in streak since i didn't take the computer to London and got back after midnight. but had a great day. i've blogged! the kitchen is being painted (repair from the upstairs neighbor's 2 year dishwasher leak) so i can't go out -- hopefully tomorrow i can run!

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BAYBELIEVER 10/10/2012 12:49AM

    Getting 3 walks or swims in this week!

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