MAMADWARF   45,178
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IM never giving up. Here's why....

Monday, July 16, 2012

When my dad moved in 2005 from our family home, to my town into an assisted living place, he left behind all his roses. He loved these roses, took care of them, cut them and brought them to ladies at the bank or the local burger joint.

We sold the house and I always regretted not taking at least one of them with us. A year later, my dad died. Then I really regretted it.

I have lamented that for years. Anyway, the house sold to a family who then lost it to forclosure. I went and looked at it and it made me so sad to see the roses not doing well.

On christmas last year, my nephew showed up with 3 of my dad's roses! He went and dug them up and brought one to me and each of my sisters. It meant sooooo much to me and was the best present I think I ever got. The boys planted it for me right that minute.

The rose has never bloomed, never even looked alive. I fed it, watered it, worried about it, got advice about it. Both of my sisters roses bloomed. I was so mad that mine didnt survive. I have been planning on digging it up, moving it somewhere else but you know me, busy, busy, busy so I have just left it alone.

It gets some water once in a while from the sprinkler but I pretty much wrote it off.

One day, hubby and I were getting in the car and he said, "Look at the rose!" And I ran over and saw a beautiful rose! I was so happy! Then I realized it didnt look right and Frank was looking at me funny and I realized it wasnt real. He had put a rose on the bush thinking it would make me happy but I was so upset, I started to cry. He felt horrible! But I was so sad becuase I thought it was a miracle from my dad!

Tonight, Frank walks in and said " Did you see your rose bush?" I was like, oh hell, no, Mr. do not even start with me!
He told me he was dead serious and come look....

So I go outside and sure enough, right from the middle of the dead looking stump, there is long, green, healthy new stalk with a smaller one right below it.

I could not believe it! I was outside with the stupid garage sale all weekend and I didnt even look at it!

Then I got a check in the mail, (just in the nick of time!)

And even though this is stupid, I had a nacho cheese machine that we have had for 20 years, like a professional grade one. It was lost or loaned out almost 2 years ago and we wrote it off. I have been sad about it becuase it was this great peice that was the center of our parties and my kids always loved it.

Anyway, one of my kids friends came today to pick something up from the garage sale and walked in with it, apologizing cause she just found it!!!

Again, I was so happy! Kady and I were joking about it and I said omg, this has been the best day! Im so scared something horrible is going to happen, like IM gonna have a massive heart attack. She goes, "Mom, you had salad for dinner. God isnt going to kill you today and have your last meal be salad. Now, maybe if you had made cookies or brownies, then you would of been a goner for sure, but salad? No. You will be fine." LOL, I love that kid.

Anyway, I am taking the rose as a sign from my dad to never give up, never stop hoping, never quit.

I am taking the check as payment for good services and hard work that we deserve and I will appreciate the timing.

I am taking the Nacho cheese machine as a sign that all good things will come back around (and that I do not need to eat nacho's to celebrate it!).

Today, I ate well and I walked. Today, I did my job. Today, I am hopeful. Today, I appreciate that my dad found a way to tell me he is with me still ( he always said he would try really hard to do that) and Today, I am grateful that God knows what I need, when I need it and even in the small things, he cares.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEISENUF 7/18/2012 11:11PM

    Love your spirit Jan and LOVE this blog, thanks!

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SNOOPY-ACE 7/18/2012 8:48AM

    Thank you, for such a great story.

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PHLESIAZHOPE 7/18/2012 8:48AM

    Thanks for sharing !

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/18/2012 8:02AM

    Geez. I wasn't ready for the rose story. I am crying like a baby....

Gosh. This is such a sweet blog.

Sending you big hugs, gorgeous.


I remember when you wrote about the roses the first time...Thank you for including me on your precious journey.

Comment edited on: 7/18/2012 8:03:35 AM

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HGSGUY 7/17/2012 10:20PM

    It never hurts to talk to the rose bush! Great blog, and I agree, never give up, on anything, or anybody!

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BIGMAMAT 7/17/2012 7:28PM

    Thanks for sharing this Jan! emoticon

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PJH2028 7/17/2012 4:52PM

    Love to you!

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TEXWIFE 7/17/2012 3:38PM

    well Jan again your talented writing and expressions of joy and all emotions blessed me. You can take the simplest thing and make it fun and exciting. I am glad about your rose bush it made me sad as well to think you would not be getting what you wanted from Dad. Congrats on the life lessons and keep writing! Love you sis emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/17/2012 10:47AM

    *HUGS* There's no way you can give up now! First, it's not in you, second, your dad is telling NOT to! Great blog!

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SLFRISBEY 7/17/2012 8:55AM

    Love this! I love that your Dad's roses are going to be as beautiful as you remember them. It is going to take them some time and they may need to fight but they are just like you. Strong willed and stubborn! Both very good qualities might I add!

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ZOEANAEL 7/17/2012 8:37AM

    Wow! What a beautiful story and teaching! I cliked «Like this blog» right away! I want everybody on SP to read this and keep hope.

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CALLIKIA 7/17/2012 8:26AM

    Beautiful. Just beautiful.

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CLHENDY1 7/17/2012 7:37AM

    Such a nice story. Thanks for sharing!

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    That is absolutely awesome!! :)

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DAISY443 7/17/2012 6:41AM

    Happy tears for you and your dad!

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CELLISTA1 7/17/2012 3:37AM

    Sometimes you just need a tangible sign that you are in the right place in the universe. I'm very happy that you received it today.

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STEPH-KNEE 7/17/2012 2:03AM

    That is such a beautiful story! I know your dad is so proud of you and I am proud of you too! :D

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THREEE 7/17/2012 12:53AM

    as if you ever questioned God's timing...

and i ALSO believe our 'procrastination' can sometimes be a very good thing...look what you would have missed if you had gotten around to 'digging up that DEAD bush' least that's my excuse ...

glad your day was so wonderful and you passed it know GOOD is contagious!!!

karen3 emoticon

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CANNIE50 7/17/2012 12:14AM

    Kady's comments are SO funny - that is one witty girl.....

What you said your dad told you, that he would try really hard to let you know he was still around for you, really touched my heart.

I am so glad good things are raining down upon you - you certainly deserve them. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/17/2012 12:14:48 AM

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RUNNER12COM 7/16/2012 11:57PM

    The universe is talking to you and saying very good things, indeed!

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TERRYT55 7/16/2012 11:55PM

    Great and happy blog........I laughed out loud about Kady's comment that you weren't going to die if salad was your last meal!

So happy your rose bloomed.......I have rose bushes from both my mom and my mother-in-law. I cherish them both.

Happy it was a great day!

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SARAWALKS 7/16/2012 11:41PM


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MELLYBEANS0919 7/16/2012 11:29PM

    emoticon How wonderful.

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sunday check in #2

Sunday, July 15, 2012

I wana know...what went right last week, what went wrong, how are you going to keep your streak alive, how are you going to do better, how can we help each other, what have you learned?

I was away in extreme conditions last week and did OK eating, drank too much, got in a little exercise each day, it could have done a LOT better. Yesterday was a complete mess. i said I was going to weigh today but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I will skip it for today and maybe just do my regular weigh in on Thursday. I also normally weigh when I get home but I just feel like this would be a bad idea. And what the heck, you know I make my own rules anyway! I just usually don't break my weird little rules once I do make them but today, I just can't face it.

Things I am doing to move ahead are meal plan, grocery shopping, good meals until i leave next Thursday, exercise and just today, I decided to push myself. I don't usually do that but I am going to do that with exercise this week. It felt good to hit the gym a few days ago and I need to get back to strength training. I like how I felt the next day, a little sore, a little more accomplished. So those are my things.....

What are your things?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLFRISBEY 7/16/2012 11:17AM

    Grocery shopping and meal planning are at the top of my things to do better list. I went out of town and when I came home it was just me all alone. Hubs and the dogs went to Ohio to help his mom move in with his sister after she fell and broke her arm so I made VERY poor choices. Not this week. Can't let it derail me, just go forward! Thanks for the check in! :)

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/15/2012 7:36PM

    I am having a hard time focusing on my eating when I have so much happening professionally. I need to establish balance now before it gets out of control. Plus I am feeling gross today so not a good combination all around.

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BIGMAMAT 7/15/2012 7:12PM

    What went right? Hum.... I feeling much better! I had a virus which turned into Bronchitis. I finally am not running a fever today! Yay.

What went wrong. I didn't track a thing. I bought all the comfort foods out there, pudding , chicken noodle soup, ice cream.....Turning that around today. I actually ate veggies today! emoticon

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TERRYT55 7/15/2012 4:32PM

    My week was just wrong.......little exercise, poor food choices, too many excuses. I found myself thinking I just don't want to fight anymore. it was easier to be fat and lazy BUT it really wasn't. Look at the trade offs....I never wanted to leave the house, I couldn't climb a flight of stairs without being winded, I love my grand-kids but couldn't play with them, I had to be careful what chairs I sat in, buying clothes was a depressing experience, etc. etc. I am trying so hard to talk myself into climbing back on the wagon.......thanks for providing this forum. I love being fit and healthy, I love playing with my grand-kids and I love buying clothing in any store I choose........It is worth the fight!

I'm going to join a gym this week so I can't use heat as an excuse! Thanks for the inspiration! Take care and join me in having a much better week!

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CELLISTA1 7/15/2012 1:47PM

    Went right: 95% great with food (choices & calories); 3 intense Pilates sessions made me feel strong and proud of what I could do. Took care of my bum knee with acupuncture, ice, and heat.

Went wrong: spent way too much time on the sofa; did something I haven't done for maybe a year: bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's and ate it (over 2 nights) out of the carton. I think it's just anxiety about my trip coming up in 2 weeks. WRONG: it was about not being happy with how I look in some new clothes I bought. Even in my anxiety I was conscious of what I was doing, though, and actually chose frozen yogurt because it has less calories than full on ice cream. Did not walk much because my knee has been iffy and I'm scared of making it worse before I go.

What I can do better: spend less time on the sofa! Do things that require moving! The sofa is great for reading, writing, thinking, watching movies or TV on my laptop, all of which I love and none of which burns any calories!

What have I learned: I apparently have to learn this over and over and over and over: that I feel good when I move, that strength work makes me feel strong, and that I am capable of much more than I think.

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MELLYBEANS0919 7/15/2012 12:48PM

    Big eczema breakout all over, not sure what the trigger(s) are, hoping to maybe find out tomorrow from my doctor if it is gluten. It's frustrating and just plain sucks to be so itchy and spotty.

Food wise: pretty good, doing better with listening to when I am full and portions. Still need to work on adding more protein, veg and fruits to meals.

Exercise: non-existent aside from walking. With it being so hot out I don't want to go outside and heat can cause me to break out too.

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CANNIE50 7/15/2012 11:45AM

    Welcome home! Actually, I made a lot of good choices this past week. Last Sunday I was in Portland, visiting my GORGEOUS g-babies and my lovely d.i.l. I stayed with my dear daughter Lexi. I ate in restaurants and while my choices were not great, I was mindful of portions. I started the week with a 4 mile run early Monday morning and drove home later that afternoon, after doing some shopping. By the time I got home I was very tired from the running, the shopping, the 5 hours of driving, and the heat. Tuesday and Wednesday I did not do much except rest and get caught up around the house. Thursday thru Sat, I did my regular routine of S.T., running, walking. I have tracked my food for a few days, focusing on getting in lots of protein which has made it easier for me to reinstitute my "no eating after dinner/before bed" rule (which was the main ingredient of my previous 30 lb weight loss). I feel on track, and I have lost several pounds, and it feels good. Success breeds success, right? I am focusing on the simple things that I know work for me: daily Sparktime including tracking, extra rest, lots of water, daily exercise, lots of protein, refraining from eating a couple hours before bedtime. I am so glad to hear you are getting back into S.T. - I totally agree with your description of how you feel afterward. And, just remember my dear, even the Energizer Bunny sleeps at some I hope your garage sale is a great success and you are rolling in dough (cashola, not cookie dough).

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DAISY443 7/15/2012 10:59AM

    The bursitis in my hip has flared up again. After spending the winter babying myself (at my doctor's and physical therapist's orders), I am going to try pushing through the pain and getting in at least 10 minutes of strength training and 30 minutes of cardio 5 times a week. Also, I need to limit myself to either 3 Hersheys dark chocolate kisses, 2 oatmeal cookies or 4 pieces of old fashioned horehound a day, NOT all of them! emoticon

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and im back again

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Hello everyone, I'm home! Got home at 9:00 to a house full of garage sale stuff. I thought we would be home Thursday and I would have a day in between to deal but I had to jump right in. Got up at 6, and hosted the sale till about 3.

I ate crap all day, doughtnuts, teriyaki bowl, pizza. Whatever was easy, it went in my mouth.

I feel so crappy. Hard to believe I used to eat like that all the time!!!!

Tonight, I made a grocery list and meal plan for the week at least until Thursday when we leave AGAIN to go to medford Oregon for a race.

My pants are tight ( think they have been talking to cellista's pants) and I'm so uncomfortable and I am so afraid to get on the scale tomorrow. But it is Sunday and I will face the damages. Rememeber we agreed to meet on Sundays?

So I will deal with it, and move on.

I will save my musings for tomorrows check in blog.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HGSGUY 7/15/2012 8:36PM

    Have fun in Oregon, but be careful, our weather causes clothing to shrink! We had been gone all weekend and made poor eating choices. We have done that from time to time on weekend outings, but as we get older we have found we needed fabulous deserts like Maalox! "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" has never been truer!

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MELLYBEANS0919 7/15/2012 12:49PM

    When you are tired it is very easy to grab whatever is around to eat. Don't beat yourself up.

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DAISY443 7/15/2012 9:15AM

    OK, you screwed up, you're a horrible person, you will break the scale when you step on it, Stitchy will ignore you, Frank will never visit your side of the bed again!

WRONG! You were tired, you ate a little too much! The world is still turning, your family still loves you, even your scale will forgive you! Now, forgive yourself! emoticon

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CANNIE50 7/14/2012 11:54PM

    Of all the things I want to do the day after I return home from a road trip, I can guarantee you that "have a garage sale all day" is NOT in the top 10. I am tired just thinking of it. It is no wonder you ate crapola all day - when I am tired, my cravings for junky food goes up, and my willingness to eat well goes way down. I think it is my body and brain protesting the lack of rest. I hope you have some rest time built in between now and your next trip. Do you have big plans for Sunday? Snuggling with Stitchy is on the agenda, I bet.

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LISALGB 7/14/2012 11:37PM

    It is so easy to just grab something when you are busy - and not to mention that you have just returned home and didn't have time to shop first.
Forgive yourself and move forward. I have faith in you!!

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GRACEISENUF 7/14/2012 11:25PM

    I gained some in Tahoe even though I did cook pretty healthy for myself. Tomorrow is a new day.

Glad you are home safe and hope you enjoy your upcoming trip to the race in Oregon.

We spent the day at the hospital...MIL fell and shattered her ankle. :(

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DIFROMWYOMING 7/14/2012 10:01PM

    I remember a saying to HALT-never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It makes us vulnerable. And I'm sure you were tired after getting home late and jumping into this first thing this morning. It's one day. It's over. I know you'll move on from here. emoticon

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turn the heat around.....

Thursday, July 12, 2012

(Now you are going to hear the Gloria Estafan song all day!!!)

I get a few hours to myself today! Frank is going to check on our employees and be a boss for a few hours and I get to do what I want!

I can go gambling, lay around my room and play on my tablet, make some work calls,


I can go to grab something to eat, and check out the gym and the hot tub.

I think I will do that and he will meet me back here for lunch and a few hours by the pool.

(Then maybe find a slot machine who will be good to me!)

Have a good day, peeps!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER12COM 7/12/2012 3:18PM

    The gym and the hot tub? Suh-weet!

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TERRYT55 7/12/2012 3:18PM

    Hope you had a great time at the gym and that you found a slot machine that was good to you! You are one day closer to being home!

Have fun today

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MELLYBEANS0919 7/12/2012 2:47PM

    Have fun!

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AAAACK 7/12/2012 11:51AM

    *giggle* last time I was in Vegas in a hotel gym, some dude tried to pick me up. I'm not exactly pickup age, size, or marital status, so I was kinda weirded out. Then he wouldn't take no for an answer and security had to come escort him out - which was when I found out that the gym was wired with cameras and they'd been watching the whole thing. Then they stayed around to chat and informed me that nobody ever uses the hotel gym except an occasional businessman so they'd been watching my whole workout. O...K...So my Vegas hotel gym experience is forever embedded in my memory! I hope yours is simply fun, refreshing, and energizing.

Comment edited on: 7/12/2012 11:52:27 AM

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DAISY443 7/12/2012 10:50AM

    Enjoy, but HOT TUB?? Really?? lol

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/12/2012 10:43AM

    Enjoy your "you" time!!

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CALLIKIA 7/12/2012 10:43AM

    Have a good time!!

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TREASURINGLIFE 7/12/2012 10:36AM

    Enjoy the heck out of your "you" time!!! :)

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toooooo much

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Too much booze.
Too much heat.
Too much salty food.

I wanna go home! I'm sick of it here. I want to go home and cook my own food.and see my dog.

I am doing OK overall but doing the best I can in circumstances not in my control is wearing very thin!

We are gonna a be home Friday then I am leaving for a race in Medford, Oregon next Thursday. Gah!!!

Hanging in. Hope you are too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILLPARKINSON 7/13/2012 10:20PM

    Wow. You get around. Um...I'm sure that's not going to come out like I meant it. Welcome home. Don't let the moss grow under your feet. (And travel safely.)

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CANNIE50 7/12/2012 2:46PM

    Travel is very challenging - I love it but I find it harder and harder to recover my balance after each trip, even those lasting a few days - clearly I need a new strategy. I hope today is fun and restful and less salty and boozy! I was thinking about you and I thought "I bet she misses Stitchy like crazy, and vice versa" and then I read this blog. That will be a sweet reunion. emoticon

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CALLIKIA 7/12/2012 8:29AM

    It's SO hard for me when things seem out of my control. Hope you get back your control (and your sanity *lol*) VERY soon! ;)

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You'll be home soon. Hang in there, love.

- Michelle

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DAISY443 7/12/2012 8:13AM

    117 degrees can't help your mood much! Hang in there, sometimes it is a lot of work to have fun!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/12/2012 7:07AM

    emoticon It has to be hard with all of those things going on, but tryo to focus on the fun and not what you "shouldn't be doing." You'll be home with stichey soon!

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TERRYT55 7/12/2012 3:29AM

    Oh, Jan.....home is always the best place for me too. I wish I had a magic wand so I could wave you home. Do your best.......Friday is getting closer by the second emoticon

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AAAACK 7/12/2012 12:21AM gotta leave home to get it, gotta go home to get rid of it. Meantime whaddya do to survive? I hope you find something fun until Friday. Hang in there! emoticon

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