Sunday, August 08, 2010
Yeah I thought you could hear me. I was having a conversation with _______ in my truck today. I began to tell about the new team I am on and how they are all dog lovers when _____ says:"Wow, the price of diesel fuel has really gone up". I stopped in the middle of what I was saying and considered A. Just shutting up and B. Saying "I dont know if you realize but I was just telling you something and you frequently cut me off and start talking about something else".
I chose B and got an "I apologize" in return which is all well and good, however, I realize ____was not interested in what I had to say since _____didn't say anything at all like
" Please, go on with your story" or anything of that nature.
..................... So apparantly, now I am doing choice A.
Thanks for listening.... (crickets chirping in the silence). I will be here all week, dont forget to tip your waitresses. BOMB!
Friday, August 06, 2010
I was thinking today as I was getting ready for my day: Just think, I was actually considering weight loss surgery! And all I had to do was this? I am so happy I found Sparkpeople. I mean, I cant imagine living my life afraid to eat, not being able to go to dinner out, measuring tablespoons of food or spending my time puking becuase the food gets stuck in my tiny little hole. By the way, these are all experiences that a family member has after having lapband. He is thinnner, yes, but is he enjoying his life? NO!
But I am! I eat, I walk, I play, I enjoy food, I shop, I go out, I spend time with my family and my friend, The Captain (Morgan but just not as much).
I am LIVING my life and I am loving it. I am not suffering. In fact I feel better every single day. I feel powerful not weak. I feel satisfied, not suffering. I am losing weight because I am doing something about it and that transfers into every single thing I do.
Every day is a new opportunity to care for me, to choose wisely. Everything is not about food anymore. I can eat it, love it, enjoy it but it does not control me. I didn't need surgery. I just needed Spark! Oh yea, and I needed one more thing: All of you! This is why it works.. because of you and me, together!
Friday, August 06, 2010
I hit my 40 LB. weight loss!!!! I am so excited to be at this mark and am going to enjoy this today. I am always on my road, looking for the next mile marker but just for today, I am going to sit and enjoy it and look back at how far I have come so far. Thank you for all of those who are helping me get to where I need to be.Your support has made all the difference...
When I started this, the thought of losing 111 pounds seemed insurmountable. Now I see people every day who do it and I know I will be part of that group. Yep, today is a good day! Jan
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Here is a picture of a fruit salad I made today: watermelon, strawberries, cantaloupe and fresh pineapple. As I was cutting it all (and eating it!) I realized, I never eat while I cook anymore! I hadn't even realized I had stopped doing that (except fruit of course because, well, it's fruit!). Bad habit broken and I didnt even miss it!!
What I am going to miss is all the fresh fruit and veggies from summer. I make a fruit salad probably every 3 or 4 days, not to mention peaches, artichokes, corn, broccoli etc... oh well. I will enjoy it while I can!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Man, this has been a loooooong month! This has been the hardest 5 lbs I have had to lose so far! I am just 2 pounds away from hitting one of my mini goals of losing 40 lbs and I have struggled for every ounce. I am eating well, walking etc. but I began a new medication and it has stalled me. I know that things are starting to level out finally so that makes me happy to be making progress again. I will hit it next week before I leave on vacation on Weds. (Yes I am going again, this time to southern utah for a 4 day UTV ride in the mountains with hubby and friends).
I am going back and forth between feeling impatient to hit this goal and knowing that I will hit it eventually. Really, the knowing has to win over the feeling. The feelings have just gotten me in trouble over the years (I feel bored, I eat, I feel sad, I eat etc.) while the knowing has largely gone unnoticed ( I know there is 2500 calories in that one item and I know I dont need that much for the whole day!).
As I have been on this journey since March, the feeling and the knowing have become more friendly instead of constantly being at war. (ie: I need to walk even tho I don't feel like it but I will feel better if I do it). Feelings have become less dominant and I am leading by the knowing these days. Not that the feeling doesn't put up a great fight but knowing is well, smarter!
This blog took a different turn from what I started writing about but it is part of my journey (ie: therapy) to sort things out. How do you feel today? What do you know today?
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