MAMADWARF   45,576
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feeling vs. knowing

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Man, this has been a loooooong month! This has been the hardest 5 lbs I have had to lose so far! I am just 2 pounds away from hitting one of my mini goals of losing 40 lbs and I have struggled for every ounce. I am eating well, walking etc. but I began a new medication and it has stalled me. I know that things are starting to level out finally so that makes me happy to be making progress again. I will hit it next week before I leave on vacation on Weds. (Yes I am going again, this time to southern utah for a 4 day UTV ride in the mountains with hubby and friends).

I am going back and forth between feeling impatient to hit this goal and knowing that I will hit it eventually. Really, the knowing has to win over the feeling. The feelings have just gotten me in trouble over the years (I feel bored, I eat, I feel sad, I eat etc.) while the knowing has largely gone unnoticed ( I know there is 2500 calories in that one item and I know I dont need that much for the whole day!).

As I have been on this journey since March, the feeling and the knowing have become more friendly instead of constantly being at war. (ie: I need to walk even tho I don't feel like it but I will feel better if I do it). Feelings have become less dominant and I am leading by the knowing these days. Not that the feeling doesn't put up a great fight but knowing is well, smarter!

This blog took a different turn from what I started writing about but it is part of my journey (ie: therapy) to sort things out. How do you feel today? What do you know today?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLASSACT911 8/8/2010 2:04PM

    Plateau= 1 week in Maintenance. Eat a little more, exercise a little less, confuse your body. Then the next week go back at it. Your body hit a natural spot where it says I feel comfortable at this spot (you spent a lot of time at that weight at one point or another) You may remember it, but the body sure does remember it lol.

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CLEVAGAL 8/6/2010 7:07AM

    I FEEL scared and I KNOW it will be ok....email you soon

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NEDERLUNG 8/5/2010 10:27PM

    Change up your routine, you sound bored and maybe you need a break of sorts. The vacation might be just what you need to change your focus. Remember to plan for healthy foods and snacks and enjoy yourself.

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GRACEISENUF 8/5/2010 11:59AM

    I can relate to this blog. I know I need to get out and walk period and at times I let my "feelings" get in the way. I know for a fact I feel alot better when I do it....it's almost a "natural high" endorphines I presume.

Good for you getting another vacation, me too. I leave Monday for 5 nights at a lake about 4 hours from our house. It'll be some more Mom/daughter time before my DD leaves for college on September 1st.....YIPEEE! (for the vacation and a little for college, LOL!)

Hope you have a great vacation....WE CAN DO THIS! (one day at a time).

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CICI510 8/5/2010 11:56AM

    I am at a stand still in my weight loss so I completely understand where you are coming from. I love your mindset and knowing that you will make it to your goal. Congrats on the weight loss so far!!!!!

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spark page

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I uploaded a background of my grand-dog, Stitchy, as my background. I am crazy about her. Like, literally. My oldest daughter, Kelly, rescued her as a puppy and I fell instantly in love. She is my motivation for walking every day. So this is important information about me that you need to know! I know so many of you love your dogs too, so I know I'm in good company!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSAN5159 8/5/2010 8:23AM

    Your dog stitchy is adorable. We have two wonderful dogs also. They do motivate you to get out and walk. Cause if you don't walk them they pester you or they become very hyper until you take them out. I do love the pups. Grant and Jake. I will be walking them a lot more. They are my sons dogs. One son is on his way back to college, guess who's dog he is now? The other dog is my other sons who is going to college in the fall.
What did I do? really though I love them (the dogs) oh and my boys. :)
We have a golden retriever (grant) who is the daddy of our 8 month Golden Doodle Jake. You will have to visit my page in a few days and I will have pix of them. God
Bless emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 8/4/2010 9:32PM

    She's adorable!!

Thank you for your comment on my recent blog. I really appreciate it!

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CLEVAGAL 8/3/2010 11:49PM

    Jan, Ez and I are of course animal mad. If I had my way we would have a managerie on a large house block!!! Instead we have Grace, a Maremma X Retriever, Lucky, a maltese, shih tzu, wolfhound Dalmatian X (in other words we are not sure except for the maltese shih tzu part) and 2 champion cats. Baltharzar Leopold, a tabby seal point Birman and Georgio Jose Carlos, a blue Persian. They rule our lives and cannot get enough of them. Melbournes going okay ( i did a blog today) see you in the soup my darlin! Cleva xxx

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DEMAMA 8/3/2010 9:45AM

    Like you, I am a total dog lover. We've rescued 14 over the years, and currently have six! While I love them all (Dotty, Jack, Fred, Hunter, Tootie,and Willy), Tootie is my baby girl---all 60 pounds of her! Good luck to you and Stitchy!

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AMBERZADE 8/3/2010 12:46AM

    Stitchy is very cute.

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I realized something today....

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Today, I was leaving a comment for mezzoangel (if you dont read her blogs, you are missing out!) and as I was rambling, I mean writing, I realized something.

I am becoming a bit too comfortable. I have been on Spark since March, have lost about 35 pounds and I began walking a mile, 3-4 days a week (i have a knee replacement, 2 bulged discs and Im fat so I always told myself I couldnt possibly walk anywhere!).

Since I have been walking with my hubby and my dog, I barely limp anymore and I feel so much better but I am not really challenging myself anymore. I need to go farther or faster or both and I have been talking about yoga for awhile now but still havent tried it soooooooooo, I think it's time.

I also am a devoted nutrition tracker but for the last couple of weeks (lots of being away and a new hormonal medication) I have hit my calorie range but not always my other ranges like carbs, fat, and protein. Sometimes I am over, sometimes under but I used to make sure I fit those targets every day.

SO: I am going to start accuratly tracking again starting tomorrow which will include meal planning and adjusting by the end of the day so I get all my food in the appropriate amounts and am going to ramp up my excercise regime as well.

I do not want to get complacent. I have a long way to go and I am going to get there. I just need to use the tools that I have and that includes all of your support so thank you in advance.

You have all been so fantastic while cheering me on and I appreciate it more than I can say. Progress, not perfection! (just a little more progress, please!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEXWIFE 8/5/2010 6:44PM

    Are we sisters or what? I was thinking today, ya know I look ghood why should I continue on? No one really cares.Here I am at the last 10 pounds again. i am back to my old habits of eating too little and not enough good food. So thanks Jan for a reminder I must finish what I started. If I ahvent kept losing than I havent achieved my goal of discipline which is why I started this program. It has not yet become part of me so I can't quit. Press on!

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/29/2010 10:03PM

    Cool - I want to re-focus too. That is a great idea. Let's do this thing together.

Yes we can!!

emoticon

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NEDERLUNG 7/28/2010 10:07AM

    It's ok, you took a break, we all need them now and then. And medications can make you forgetful, just don't forget about us!

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CLEVAGAL 7/28/2010 4:19AM

    hormonal medications..........email me? Cleva xxx

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This little light of mine....

Sunday, July 25, 2010

So, I was camping with freinds and family this weekend. Something happened and I wanted to share it with you becuase it illustrates something about the changes in my life.

I had some small camping lights that operate on batteries. My girls (19 and 24) each had one. The green ones batteries were dead and I tried to unscrew it to add new batteries (yes, that is how organized I was, I had the right batteries!!). I handed it to my hubby and he could not twist the bottom cover off. He left it on the table to do other stuff. Later in the evening, the girls and I were sitting around and I started messing with the light. I tried really hard to twist it and the girls were laughing at me straining to open it. Kelly said, "Mom, you can't open it, just forget it. It was $2.00, who cares?". At that moment, I felt a feirce determination start in my gut and I told her, "Oh hell no, I am getting this open!!"

To their amusement, I twisted, banged, pried and tried and couldnt open it. I realized the batteries had corodded and so sealed the plastic. I poured some coke in it and kept trying. Nothing.

I was starting to get mad and was not gonna let this stupid light beat me! I tried again and again and then I felt it give. I was so excited!! I twisted it open and was dancing around the camp ground and the girls were laughing telling me how stubborn I was!

I put in new batteries, closed the lid, turned it on and ...................nothing. GAHHH! i was so mad! All of that to not even work? I opened it again, figuring I broke it when I was pounding on it, took out the batteries and saw there was some corrosion on the metal things so I poured some coke on it and cleaned it, put the batteries back in, screwed the lid on and turned it on.

It lit!! it worked!! I was so happy that I didn't let it beat me, that I didn't give up and it occured to me how much sparkpeople has to do with that. It is carrying over into all aspects of my life. This positive feeling, the girl who will not quit, the one who's light will shine, damn it!

I think it is a good analogy about not having that quit button anymore, that if I keep trying there is nothing I cant do and that includes getting a light working or getting 2 out of 3 tents back in the bags they came with including covers and poles. It includes eating healthy (without tracking all weekend). I swam, ate well, had fun, got compliments on my strength and will power, raced someone by jogging to a tree and back-that was hilarious!).

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! If I can, you can!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEDERLUNG 7/28/2010 10:03AM

    You just keep shining! This is such a cute story! Thank you for sharing your determination!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/25/2010 8:27PM

    Great blog! I feel that way as well. My whole life is changing with SP. Congrats on your victory. There are many more rewards to come.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 7/25/2010 8:14PM

    You have such a bright light IN YOUR SPIRIT!!!

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So I am off again....

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Yep, Im going out of town again. This time, camping, but I am in charge of the food situation this time.

97% fat free kosher hot dogs, bbq chicken, tri tip, turkey burgers and asada taco's. My sparky sister is bringing the sides and I am doing the main dishes so I know we will be eating well and staying on track. I sent my daughter to get the snacks they would like and I got some baked chips and salsa, and some fresh fruit. There is a killer vegetable stand on the way to the lake and I will stop and get fresh corn on the cob.

I will swim, walk my dog and enjoy the time with friends and family. Food will not be an excuse or my focus, it will be an enhancement to the good time I am planning on having. I am bringing my laptop and will log my food and excercise.

So have a great week and weekend and I will check in when I get back. LOVES!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLEVAGAL 7/24/2010 2:44AM

    Catch you on the flipside Jan xxxx

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HEALTHYASHLEY 7/23/2010 2:09PM

    Nice! Way to plan ahead. Have fun!

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MISHKALA 7/23/2010 2:04PM

    Have a wonderful trip and enjoy that quality time with the family.... Congrats on your planning! I definitely need to follow your lead! emoticon

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NEDERLUNG 7/22/2010 1:42AM

    You are so with it in the planning department and sis is on board too - you are a pair to recon with! Have fun and truly enjoy yourself! I know you will!

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HEALTHIERTINA 7/21/2010 7:01PM

  Have a wonderful time on your vacation. Sounds like you are all prepared. emoticon

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BIGMAMAT 7/20/2010 11:50PM

    have fun on your camping trip! our family is going camping this weekend too! I planned out the meals tonignt. lol. hope the weather is nice. emoticon

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