Friday, April 20, 2012
I know I haven't blogged much lately. I guess I feel like if I can't encourage anyone, i dont want to write. But summer is coming and I pulled the shorts out yesterday.
First let me say last summer I bought 2 pairs of shorts. Size 20 (from 26]. I wore them all summer. I refused to buy more because THIS summer I knew I was gonna be in 18 [ or smaller] and I didn't want to waste money. During the winter, I bought 2 pairs of size 18 jeans which was thrilling. I have worn them all winter.
Anyway, I put my shorts on yesterday expecting them to be wayyy big or perhaps even fall off! Um, no. They still fit. Meh. So I guess I will be happy that they aren't too tight because I am still bouncing between the same 10 pounds I have been in since July.
I am happy to report that I have lost my vacation weight so I am back to needing to get those same 10 pounds off and THEN get out of the dreaded 220 's once and for all.
Graceisenuf asked what everyone's "word" is. Mine is determined. I mean it.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
1. My parents told me…That the most important thing a father could do for his children was to love their mother. (Boy did he! And I married a guy who loves his kids mom, too!)
2. I wanted to grow up to be a....Puppeteer for Jim Henson's muppets. I was scared and never pursued it. It seemed like too big of a dream
3. I refused to eat…spinach. But I like now if it is something like sauce or dip or salad but not just creamed or by itself.
4. My favorite thing to do outside was…. Ride my horse. My sister and I had 4 friends and we all had horses. we were half a dozen of the biggest bundle of trouble and man, did he have fun!!!! (still best friends with one of the girls since were 9 years old!)
5. I broke my…ribs falling off my horse and broke my ankle riding another horse.
6. I liked to wear…ditto brand jeans (cause they made my butt look good), bikini tops underneath overalls and I liked to wear my hair feathered like Farrah Fawcett. (ok you guys, this was the 70's!)
7. My parents always…loved each other and were not afraid to show it. They took "naps" on saturdays and we understood that their relationship came first. I think that was really important. They also had friends over all the time, especially in the summer and I thought it was soo cool to have friends who would come spend the weekend with you even when you were grown up!
8. I thought that Santa was…real. I didnt believe for a long time but when I was 25, I met the real santa in a KMART. He looked right at me, smiled and said, "I remember you". I broke down crying because I knew he really did. I still tear up when I think about it!
9. My favorite cartoon was...Coyote and roadrunner. Man, that never got old and ACME? Come on, what a fantastic company!!
10. I was the…funny one. Also, I was the cute one. I was also the crazy one. hmmmmmmmm, somethings never change! HA!
11. I got in trouble when…I cut school which was ALL THE TIME!!!!!
12. My bedroom was…no big deal.
13. My favorite food was…anything my mom made but especially her tamale pie...OMG!
14. My parents always made me…cook and clean. My mom and dad both worked so by the time I was 12, my sister and I did all of it. I do not remember feeling resentful. It was just up to us to do our part. Plus we didnt want to wait to eat for an hour after my mom got home.
15. My first crush was… Clark Gable as Rhett Butler and Gordon MacCrae who was Curly from the Original OKLAHOMA movie...sigh....
16. My favorite toy was…my horse!
17. I thought school was…pure torture and since I knew everything already, why did I have to go?????
18. My biggest fear was…something happening to someone in my family. Well, that came true. And I survived.
19. My favorite story was…family stories of when so and so met or when my mom and aunt went out one night, or when my dad came back from the navy and stole my mom away from her fiance or the hometown they grew up (where I still go to visit).
20. My favorite memories…After I grew up, going back to my mom and dad's house for a BBQ or a party or christmas. Walking in the door and seeing my mom's smile or my dad's excitement over us being there. Eating a bunch of food and the crazy, loud noise and laughter. Having a pool party with friends, dogs and family. Christmas presents that went on for hours and of course, that "one last present" which was always outside like a bike or a drum set or something so fabulous for someone. It was the laughter, the tears, laughing at each other because we were crying over a card, teasing, bickering, the gossiping and sideways looks when someone brought a new girl into the family and we knew she wouldnt last, cooing over a new baby or a new puppy. God, just surrounded by warmth and love and family and complete acceptance. It made me who I am today and I try to recreate that all the time.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Yesterday was the day to meet incredible people. I met Cannie and Jitzuroe (see previous blog) which was awesome. Cannie is such a sweet, loving mom and has had her share of challenges.Bren struggles with a very painful physical ailment yet has a smile on her face and open ears to listen to an 8 year old extole the virtues of WWE wrestling. It was just so special to be in the same room together. Truly.
Then I came home and we went to a pizza fundraiser for an ex classmate of Frank's. He had throat cancer 2 years ago. He told me his story with a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face. It is the look of someone who has stared death in the eye and came out on top. It is the face of someone who appreciates his life, every day.
He had a friend there who walked in. He looked in really good shape but was walking funny and the guys all started teasing him about being sore. Apparantly he had run 50 miles that day!!! 50 MILES!!!!! So I asked him, why did you run 50 miles? He said this was an annual run and in fact was part of his training for his 100 mile run coming up in August through the mountains near us. What?? 100 miles???? I was completly blown away and I quizzed him for about 10 minutes. You know what? He likes to run and marathons bore him because he likes to run in the mountains and in nature so he used this 50 miler to test out his food and drink regime for the 100 miler. He is also going to run 24 hours straight as a fundraiser for the guy with cancer.
I was in the prescense of greatness and I kept thinking about our SANDIEGOJOHN and the running he does and his generous spirit.
Then we sat with a retired cop from our community. He was in his early 50's and just was a really nice guy and the guys all talked about way back when as a friend from 8th grade walked in. Frank was so stunned to see this guy and it was so cute seeing them catch up. The cop then showed me pictures of his 1972 dodge challenger (um hello.....my first car was a 1971 challenger and it is my dream car and I really want one, not to mention the brand new one they remade and did an excellent job on!!) so I was totally drooling over it.
It was such a good day. I started out surrounded by excellent women, ended surrounded by excellent men, I got to eat pizza and I came home to my dog and had a good night sleep. If I hadnt woke up today, I would have wanted everyone to know that I had a good day. And I am happy.
When I get low and stressed out and bitchy and sugar addicted and complainy and whiny, I am going to remember yesterday as a good day. Not the best day I ever had, but a truly good day. And I am going to be happy with that. Not every day will be fireworks and diamonds but sunshine and sandwiches are pretty good too.
The good days are the simple ones.
Today is a good day, too. Frank and I went for a walk, had homemade soup for lunch, washed our trailer, I cleaned up the cake pop mania mess, the kids are gone, he is asleep on the couch and I am quietly typing away. No tv.NO drama. No noise. No work. Just peace.
Didnt I just ask for some of that? I am thankful to get what I asked for. I really needed to regenerate and I am doing that. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend and got some of what you were needing too.
Saturday, April 07, 2012
I have had a super stressful week. I am not normally a complainer so I won't go into detail but there is work stuff, just life stuff, grown adult kids stuff and pet stuff.
I have tried to keep it together and not let the stress get to me but by late afternoon, I want to explode. Talking about upsetting things does not make me feel better. It actually fuels the anxiety and anger. I dont know when this happened because I used to want to talk about everything and now I don't want to talk about ANYTHING! I think it was when my mom died in 1994 and I shut down. I don't think I have truly opened back up since then.
Guess it is my natural denial tendencies. How is that working for me? Eh, not that well. I am taking it out on the jelly beans which have been in my house for cake balls/Easter stuff we have been selling. The girls are making them to go their boyfriends family on Sunday. I am not doing any Easter things this year. No church, no family events, no Easter baskets, no candy. I just don't want to. I just don't.
The jelly beans are gone now but the belly over my jeans is not. I have gained 3 pounds, again, putting me in the 230 range I can't seem to bust out of. I just read a message board post about self sabatage. I guess that is what is happening but why? I need to figure that out. I say I want to lose the weight. I track, I mix up my exercise, I drink the water, I say tuned in to spark. Then what, I eat a bunch of candy? That is so crazy!
The things that are bothering me are coming to a head. Nothing that is going to kill me but things that will definatly make me sad so I gotta get grounded and I need to be able to cope in a more productive manner.
I asked myself as I was eating candy last night, "why are you punishing yourself with this?" I had no answer but I need to figure it out.
On a bright note, cause I always gotta end on one dont I? I am gonna be ready to go meet cannie and jitzueroe and I can't wait! So looking forward to it!
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