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jelly beans and belly jeans

Saturday, April 07, 2012

I have had a super stressful week. I am not normally a complainer so I won't go into detail but there is work stuff, just life stuff, grown adult kids stuff and pet stuff.

I have tried to keep it together and not let the stress get to me but by late afternoon, I want to explode. Talking about upsetting things does not make me feel better. It actually fuels the anxiety and anger. I dont know when this happened because I used to want to talk about everything and now I don't want to talk about ANYTHING! I think it was when my mom died in 1994 and I shut down. I don't think I have truly opened back up since then.

Guess it is my natural denial tendencies. How is that working for me? Eh, not that well. I am taking it out on the jelly beans which have been in my house for cake balls/Easter stuff we have been selling. The girls are making them to go their boyfriends family on Sunday. I am not doing any Easter things this year. No church, no family events, no Easter baskets, no candy. I just don't want to. I just don't.

The jelly beans are gone now but the belly over my jeans is not. I have gained 3 pounds, again, putting me in the 230 range I can't seem to bust out of. I just read a message board post about self sabatage. I guess that is what is happening but why? I need to figure that out. I say I want to lose the weight. I track, I mix up my exercise, I drink the water, I say tuned in to spark. Then what, I eat a bunch of candy? That is so crazy!

The things that are bothering me are coming to a head. Nothing that is going to kill me but things that will definatly make me sad so I gotta get grounded and I need to be able to cope in a more productive manner.

I asked myself as I was eating candy last night, "why are you punishing yourself with this?" I had no answer but I need to figure it out.

On a bright note, cause I always gotta end on one dont I? I am gonna be ready to go meet cannie and jitzueroe and I can't wait! So looking forward to it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 4/14/2012 11:24PM

    It makes so much sense to me that profound grief changed something so basic about you. I can relate to that. It seems like it rearranges our heart, or something. I am catching up on blogs, so clearly my comment is late but I am hoping that some of the stuff that was weighing on you, has lightened up a bit, or been resolved. I am even more grateful for you going out of your way to come visit, and to be so generous with Easter treats for Payton and I. You are such a sweetie pie.

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DIFROMWYOMING 4/8/2012 12:44PM


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BAYBELIEVER 4/8/2012 12:18PM

    Jan-Hate to say it, but I know exactly how you feel. I am home from my business trip and hoped it would help me have the time I wanted to be a hermit. But it didn't and I still feel that way today. Here's hoping both of us can have a better week this week! I mean, after all, Easter is all about rebirth right?!?
Hugs and

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CELLISTA1 4/8/2012 2:16AM

    Strangely, I also put some stuff in my mouth that I shouldn't have... in a situation that on the surface seemed all good, but obviously underneath there was a kind of free-floating anxiety that disconnected the circuit that goes to the wise woman who understands all and keeps things in perspective and makes good food choices. It's so unfair!

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    Sorry you're having a statue's hoping you'll go from being the statue to the bird very soon! Hang in there nugget!

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DAISY443 4/7/2012 2:22PM


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COLUMBINE2 4/7/2012 1:23PM

    I'm sorry that your world is ganging up on you all at once.

Could you prioritize the Most Important Things & eliminate (or at least demote) the less important things so as to relieve some stress? Or identify the items over which you actually have control & concentrate on those? Medical resources say that stress causes our bodies to produce certain hormones which prevent weight loss. But more importantly, stress makes us ill. Definitely not an asset! Your body's warning light may be blinking.

Maybe a friend or a even a couple of hours w/ a professional could help you sort through & identify priorities and make a plan. As you say, "talking about it" without making forward progress to fix it just makes a person angry and worsens the problem.

You are a strong, capable person & there's no doubt you'll figure it out...NO Doubt!!! Hang in there!! We're right here ...knowing you'll successful jump this hurdle!

emoticon emoticon

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JITZUROE 4/7/2012 1:04PM

    The things that are bothering me are coming to a head-
Perhaps this should be re-worded to read that the things that are bothering me (and I am speaking of myself personally), are coming FROM my head. How I have been choosing to deal with my pain (emotional and physical), is by eating junk. Too much junk. But I didn't want to really talk bout it. I was so tired of all the chaos that is me. Ugh!
I think, I hope hope hope that this season has passed for us, since I am ready to get on to much better and more positive things!
Let's do this!

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/7/2012 1:00PM

    emoticon Sorry you are dealing with some crummy circumstances at the moment. I too can easily eat my emotions. Nothing wrong with not doing the Easter thing. I don't know who those 2 people are, but you sound excited, so enjoy meeting em!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/7/2012 12:51PM

    I take it out on candy and baked goods too. I feel your pain. We aren't doing anything for Easter either for the same reason. I really just don't want to so only my brother is coming over for a normal dinner tonight. He didn't want to do Easter either. I don't know why we just have no interest. Holidays seem so unimportant with all the BS we have going on lately. Hugs, I get it.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/7/2012 12:10PM

    I'm sorry you've got all this swimming around you. I'm sending big hugs and lots of love from the east coast. Hang in there Jan *HUGS*

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GAELENEC 4/7/2012 11:58AM

    Oh hon.... been there, and now I sell the tshirts.

hang in there, wish I had words of wisdom, but all I can offer you is caring and an ear for you!

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GRACEISENUF 4/7/2012 11:39AM

    Sorry to hear you have had such a "sucky week". I hope today meeting up with spark friends is uplifting/encouraging and it helps to turn a bad week around.

Soak in the love Mama.

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you guys have really helped me lately.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

I have had a lot of questions and I value the opinions you offer and your support and encouragement literally keep me going. I am a little frustrated in my journey lately and it helps to have this safe, loving place to try to work things out.

I am excited that I get to go meet Cannie and jitzuro ont Saturday and am sooo looking forward to it! Yes, I will take pictures!

Then Wednesday I am going to a race for 5 days near Las vegas where I will see some of my friends and I am looking forward to it. We are taking our trailer to camp out at the track so I will have a frig, my tablet and more control of everything I eat etc.and I will walk a lot there.

Anyway, I will give a spark meeting report after Saturday. Thanks again, you all mean so much! Jan

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OJIBWEEQUAY 4/6/2012 3:24PM

    Take lots of pics! Have fun! xoxo

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    Sounds like a great time camping at the track is coming up- enjoy!! I would love to meet up with some of my Sparkie friends one day - have fun!

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    Have fun meeting your sparkfriends! Glad you are feeling a bit better.

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TEMPENATIVE 4/6/2012 1:13PM

    that sounds like a great trip you have planned. bet it will be fun and weather is perfect!

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DAISY443 4/6/2012 9:25AM

    Jan, this works both ways, you are so helpful to me and I hope I can return that in some small measure! Now, go have fun!

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GAELENEC 4/6/2012 6:29AM

    Hope you have a blast.....!

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GRACEISENUF 4/5/2012 11:55PM

    Enjoy meeting your sp friends and have a good time at the track and camping.

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ok here is another question for you....

Thursday, April 05, 2012

I just looked up the ingredients for the pure protein bar I eat for breakfast probably 5 times a week at least. I am kinda grossed out now because I don't know what some of this crap is...what do you think? Should I drop it and go back to eggbeaters or toast and peanut butter which is what I used to back when I was losing weight?

Maybe it is just too much like having candy for breakfast and then I am chasing cravings all day.

Protein Blend (Whey Protein Hydrolysate, Whey Protein Isolate), Coating (Maltitol, Fractioned Palm Kernel Oil, Whey Protein Concentrate, Cocoa Powder (processed with alkali), Calcium Carbonate, Soy Lecithin, Natural Flavors, Sucralose) Hydrolyzed Collagen, Glycerin, Cocoa Powder, Water, Milk Protein Isolate, Milk Chocolate Drops (Sugar, Whole Milk Powder, Chocolate Liquor, Cocoa Butter, Milk Fat, Soy Lecithin, Natural Vanilla Flavor), Maltitol Syrup, Peanut Flour, Calcium Carbonate, Natural Flavor, Vitamin and Mineral Blend (Ascorbic Acid, d-Alpha Tocopheral Acetate, Niacinamide, Tricalcium Phosphate, Zinc Oxide, Copper Gluconate, d-Calcium Pantothenate, Vitamin A Palmitate, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Biotin, Potassium Iodide, Cyanocobalamin), Sucralose, Almond Butter, Wheat Germ, Soy Lecithin.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEMPENATIVE 4/6/2012 1:12PM

    im not one to talk but yeah probably real food is better. but those pure protein commercials make it look like such a good idea-healthy looking family- yeah why not thats what healthy people do right? lol im such a sucker for advertising!

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HEYBUTT 4/6/2012 10:35AM

    My vote is "eat real", too.

I'm going to bet it's cheaper to eat real as well. And I don't know about you, but when I get to eat multiple items (eggbeater, toast with pb, fruit) I think I'm getting way more then if I only get one protein bar (even if the calories are the exact same).

And if you're craving a bit of chocolately sweetness, you can always add a tablespoon of chocolate powder to morning milk (I use nesquick which is pretty junky but I use half the recommended serving so it's not bad--I have nesquick milk a few times a week with breakfast or as a treat after exercising)

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DAISY443 4/6/2012 9:29AM

    What are the calories, fat, etc? Personally, I prefer things I make in my own kitchen from ingredients I recognize! emoticon emoticon

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KJDOESLIFE 4/6/2012 9:24AM

    Make your own protein bars! I made some last weekend and they were 1) tasty 2) lower in calories and 3) from my pantry. The only "weird" thing was the protein powder itself. The rest was some chocolate chips, oatmeal, almonds, honey, and brown sugar, I think. There are a lot of recipes for them online! They don't take long to make or bake, and it made more than enough for me for the week! And this is the first week in awhile I haven't had to fight to get enough protein every day. :) Good luck!

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SWEDE_SU 4/6/2012 4:06AM

    another vote for eating the real stuff:-)

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STRIVER57 4/6/2012 2:22AM

    i'm another real food person. no way i'd eat that stuff. as a science editor/translator, i can pronounce it all, but ... beurk (the French word for yuck).

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    I would go for real food. I read all labels and if I don't know what it is I won't eat it.

Comment edited on: 4/6/2012 12:52:46 AM

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COLUMBINE2 4/6/2012 12:51AM

    I've seen the suggestion that if you don't have the ingredients in your pantry, then don't eat them. (that's a bit extreme, but you get the idea). The regular breakfasts get you off to a great start (also suggest PB that contains only salt & peanuts like Trader Joe's). Real oatmeal (not instant!) can be jazzed up carefully w/ fruit, some "good" fat (smart balance light) and sticks to your ribs.

I've been told that protein & some good fat in your breakfast really help carry you through the mid-morning hungries.

Congrats on really looking at your choices & analyzing them ..that's the road to success! emoticon

P.S. I can't believe you typed that whole list of ingredients...I'd have blown my top typing that stuff!!

Comment edited on: 4/6/2012 12:54:23 AM

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/5/2012 11:51PM

    I'd stick with your regular breakfasts.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/5/2012 11:02PM

    My dear this is why I am a clean eater! There are some bars that aren't horrible and check out for some homemade luna bar recipes.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 4/5/2012 11:00PM

    I like "real" food. These are great in a pinch but your normal breakfasts are perfect!!! Egg beaters, toast and fruit salad is a perfect breaky!!! emoticon

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    Personally, I'd stick with stuff that you can pronounce or know all of the ingredients off the top of your head. I didn't know half of this stuff! :)

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what do you guys think

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Spark has been advertising one of those body tracker thingies that show how many calories you burn etc. I am thinking about getting one because something is not working for me. I have burned double the calories I normally do and adjusted my calories accordingly although I am still staying mostly in the 1500 calories range like I was before. Anyway, my question there one that is better than the other. Do you think they are worth it. I just feel like I need to fine tune this now and I don't know that I believe what the tracker says I am burning with exercise and bmr compared to calorie also tracks your sleep.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I have had my fitbit for about six weeks now and I really love it - keeps me on track and each day I try to beat the score from the previous day - counts steps, floors climbed, calories burned and effort during the day. No ongoing monthly fees etc.
Good luck making your choice. I ordered from Amazon and received it really quickly, while I hear that the actual fifbit site is very slow to send - just a hint if you decide to go that way!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CALIKIKI 4/5/2012 12:38AM

    I have used the body bugg, fit bit (which I do still wear daily to track my non fitness movement) and now I have a great heart rate monitor. I love it because i like knowing where my HR is and how many calories I am buring when I work out.

The body bugg was ok but I like the HRM and the fit bit better.

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HGSGUY 4/4/2012 11:18PM

    My wife and I wear Fibit which is a glorified and very accurate pedometer and more. It has really helped us and is nearly invisible. It has a free website that helps you not only see how many steps, but how active through the day, estimated calories burned and a whole lot of other data. I wish they would link with SP food tracker, that would be nice!

I was on the road and stopped at a burger joint for a quick lunch and there was a lady there wearing a Body Bug. I am not sure how it was working for her, but her tripple burger, large fry and chocolate shake sure looked good. i found it ironic, but the point is, just like my any of it, it is all in how you use it, and if you use it! My treadmill has become more effective now that I don't use it to hang cloths on, but my shirts are more wrinkled!!

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HDHAWK 4/4/2012 10:25PM

    I have a Go Wear Fit and I like it a lot!

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DAISY443 4/4/2012 12:55PM

    Anxious to hear from those who have/use one! Keep us updated, please, Jan!

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CELLISTA1 4/4/2012 12:26PM

    Are you in my brain???? I just ordered a MIO from Amazon and it arrived yesterday! Since I have no patience to set it up, I'm going to ask a guy at work to set it up. My mind set was pretty much the same as yours - - I'm not at all sure that my activities are being counted correctly -- otherwise I'd be losing pounds! And I thought this might help, so I'll start using it tomorrow and let you know how it goes.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/4/2012 12:13PM

    I thought about getting something, but I'm already super obsessed with things, I don't thin k I need one more thing to stress me out. I'm too cheap to pay for a monthly fee anyhow.

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SMILINGTREE 4/4/2012 12:10PM

    I really thought about getting an HR monitor or something like a FitBit or BodyBugg for a while, then decided I was a little too obsessed with numbers. I want to eat well and make daily healthy choices...For me, everything I'm doing now needs to be something I can sustain for the rest of my life and I just don't want numbers to rule me forever. I also tend to get VERY frustrated if I'm looking at things from a calories in/calories out perspective - my body has never given the results I expect from that equation.

All that being said, my progress on this journey is very slow. At the rate I'm going it may take years to reach my ideal weight and shape...So, sometimes I still think about making an investment like this. Wishy-washy, aren't' I? LOL!

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BECOMING_HOLLY 4/4/2012 11:37AM

    I have heard nothing but awesome about the fitbit. So much less noticeable than the bodybugg.

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CREATEJOY74 4/4/2012 11:31AM

  Love my bodybugg... the initial price comes with a six month online membership so there is no monthly fee for the first six months. It has a calorie tracker app that I don't use.. spark is WAY better for that. I just use it to track my calorie expenditure. When you get started you enter your body parameters and weight, and update your weight and parameters regularly so that it keeps accurately assessing your calories. Pretty simple and seems to be fairly accurate.

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/4/2012 11:31AM

    I too have been curious about calories I am burning...if you get something please do a review!
I didn't realize you pay monthly & an original fee for some.

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GAELENEC 4/4/2012 11:26AM

    Is this, like, a body bug thing? I have heard that they work VERY well. Looked at one for a while, but it was more money than I could afford at the time.

Chalean Johnson, who does Turbofire and Chalean Extreme videos, swears by the body bug, and in her latest videos, she looks like she's at about 5% body fat.

Not sure whether that helps or not.....

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/4/2012 11:23AM

    I have heard good things about the bodybugg but I am also opposed to paying a monthly fee to use something that I already overpaid for originally. Have you tried caloric cycling? That helps me get through my plateaus. I also measure everything to make sure my portions haven't crept back up, which they usually have :(.

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HEYBUTT 4/4/2012 11:14AM

    I don't like items that charge me a monthly fee (on top of the purchase price) either.

I also don't care for things that have me tied too much to technology. I tend to be impatient with techy things, especially when the system goes down (or I can't figure it out). So something like a body bugg that links you to something online would probably drive me nuts (I don't even use the tracker here or any mobile apps for calorie stuff because they irk me).

If I was going to invest in something big, I'd be more apt to get one of those body composition tests (from a doctor) and/or invest in some trips to a nutritionist. They could explain the math as it pertains to ME so I wouldn't have to deal with generic formulas or gadgets that allow for too much user error.

But you could check those gadgets out on Amazon, there are probably reviews there (and I find amazon reviews are pretty rational).

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JITZUROE 4/4/2012 11:10AM

    Ooh I was wondering about those too! Let me know if you get one?

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    You mean like a FitBit or BodyBugg kind of thing?

Personally I'm opposed to paying for a product and then having to pay monthly fees to use it so I just stick with my heart rate monitor. I'm cheap that way! HA!

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recap to my recap....

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Just got back from dinner. Looks like mama will be getting a new pair of shoes, kids!

I did not eat any fried onions or fries, I stuck to my plan, I didn't eat any bites of desert and there was some sort of divine intervention because we could barely get any bread at our table so I had one small slice with no butter.

What have we learned today?
To succeed we must make a plan, post it so we are obligated and then, stick to the plan!

This was only one dinner, but then again, aren't they ALL just one dinner, one desert, one cookie, one missed exercise? Tonight, I have succeeded. Thank you for being here for me. Seriously. It made the difference.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOMAMA99 4/3/2012 2:17PM

    Congratulations-you did fantastic!!!

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    Great job!!!!!!! :)

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CALIKIKI 4/1/2012 9:59PM


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/1/2012 12:34PM

    WooHoo, I'm proud of you, I knew you could do it!

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CUPCAKE_PIRATE 4/1/2012 11:18AM

    Way to go!! One meal, one day, at a time :)

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HEALTHYASHLEY 4/1/2012 10:46AM

    Proud of you and the divine intervention!

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BIGMAMAT 4/1/2012 10:25AM

    YOU GO MAMA! Woohooo!!!

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BAYBELIEVER 4/1/2012 9:37AM

    Yep! You rock! Can't wait to see those new shoes! A friend of mine lost a lot of weight. And when I asked him how he did it, he said, "One meal at a time." That's the way to go!

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DAISY443 4/1/2012 8:23AM

    Awesome! These small wins add up!

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CELLISTA1 4/1/2012 2:16AM

    I'm glad it worked. There's something about making a public commitment that keeps us accountable. You did good!

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MELLYBEANS0919 4/1/2012 12:29AM

    Congrats!!! The last part about it all being just one dinner, missed exercise, etc spoke to me, so true.

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