Saturday, April 07, 2012
I have had a super stressful week. I am not normally a complainer so I won't go into detail but there is work stuff, just life stuff, grown adult kids stuff and pet stuff.
I have tried to keep it together and not let the stress get to me but by late afternoon, I want to explode. Talking about upsetting things does not make me feel better. It actually fuels the anxiety and anger. I dont know when this happened because I used to want to talk about everything and now I don't want to talk about ANYTHING! I think it was when my mom died in 1994 and I shut down. I don't think I have truly opened back up since then.
Guess it is my natural denial tendencies. How is that working for me? Eh, not that well. I am taking it out on the jelly beans which have been in my house for cake balls/Easter stuff we have been selling. The girls are making them to go their boyfriends family on Sunday. I am not doing any Easter things this year. No church, no family events, no Easter baskets, no candy. I just don't want to. I just don't.
The jelly beans are gone now but the belly over my jeans is not. I have gained 3 pounds, again, putting me in the 230 range I can't seem to bust out of. I just read a message board post about self sabatage. I guess that is what is happening but why? I need to figure that out. I say I want to lose the weight. I track, I mix up my exercise, I drink the water, I say tuned in to spark. Then what, I eat a bunch of candy? That is so crazy!
The things that are bothering me are coming to a head. Nothing that is going to kill me but things that will definatly make me sad so I gotta get grounded and I need to be able to cope in a more productive manner.
I asked myself as I was eating candy last night, "why are you punishing yourself with this?" I had no answer but I need to figure it out.
On a bright note, cause I always gotta end on one dont I? I am gonna be ready to go meet cannie and jitzueroe and I can't wait! So looking forward to it!
Thursday, April 05, 2012
I have had a lot of questions and I value the opinions you offer and your support and encouragement literally keep me going. I am a little frustrated in my journey lately and it helps to have this safe, loving place to try to work things out.
I am excited that I get to go meet Cannie and jitzuro ont Saturday and am sooo looking forward to it! Yes, I will take pictures!
Then Wednesday I am going to a race for 5 days near Las vegas where I will see some of my friends and I am looking forward to it. We are taking our trailer to camp out at the track so I will have a frig, my tablet and more control of everything I eat etc.and I will walk a lot there.
Anyway, I will give a spark meeting report after Saturday. Thanks again, you all mean so much! Jan
Thursday, April 05, 2012
I just looked up the ingredients for the pure protein bar I eat for breakfast probably 5 times a week at least. I am kinda grossed out now because I don't know what some of this crap is...what do you think? Should I drop it and go back to eggbeaters or toast and peanut butter which is what I used to eat...like back when I was losing weight?
Maybe it is just too much like having candy for breakfast and then I am chasing cravings all day.
Protein Blend (Whey Protein Hydrolysate, Whey Protein Isolate), Coating (Maltitol, Fractioned Palm Kernel Oil, Whey Protein Concentrate, Cocoa Powder (processed with alkali), Calcium Carbonate, Soy Lecithin, Natural Flavors, Sucralose) Hydrolyzed Collagen, Glycerin, Cocoa Powder, Water, Milk Protein Isolate, Milk Chocolate Drops (Sugar, Whole Milk Powder, Chocolate Liquor, Cocoa Butter, Milk Fat, Soy Lecithin, Natural Vanilla Flavor), Maltitol Syrup, Peanut Flour, Calcium Carbonate, Natural Flavor, Vitamin and Mineral Blend (Ascorbic Acid, d-Alpha Tocopheral Acetate, Niacinamide, Tricalcium Phosphate, Zinc Oxide, Copper Gluconate, d-Calcium Pantothenate, Vitamin A Palmitate, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Biotin, Potassium Iodide, Cyanocobalamin), Sucralose, Almond Butter, Wheat Germ, Soy Lecithin.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Spark has been advertising one of those body tracker thingies that show how many calories you burn etc. I am thinking about getting one because something is not working for me. I have burned double the calories I normally do and adjusted my calories accordingly although I am still staying mostly in the 1500 calories range like I was before. Anyway, my question is....is there one that is better than the other. Do you think they are worth it. I just feel like I need to fine tune this now and I don't know that I believe what the tracker says I am burning with exercise and bmr compared to calorie intake...it also tracks your sleep.
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