MAMADWARF   45,725
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MAMADWARF's Recent Blog Entries

it feels so good

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Its great to be home and eating good food and exercising and it even felt good to weigh myself and face the music and the last few weeks. I am very determined and highly motivated to continue this journey and lose the weight I set out to lose. In march, it will be 2 years since I joined spark. I have been very faithful. I have changed my life and my attitude about food and health. I will stick it out.

Today my oldest daughter told me her best friends mom had a stroke. I saw her in October at her daughters wedding. She is about my age, maybe a few years younger. She is extremely overweight and quite short. I remember at the wedding unkindly thinking that being heavy is no excuse to dress poorly. I remember thinking my kids would kill me if I showed up in the outfit she wore. It was a typical fat girl uniform. You know the one. You make it because nothing else fits you and in your eyes, it looks great. Because we all lie to ourselves. It was petty of me to have those thoughts. But today my thoughts are for her health, recovery and for her daughters who are so scared and upset at the thought of losing their mom.

My daughter Kelly told me how happy she is that I have chosen to get healthy. There ya go folks. One of my main reasons to do what I have set out to do. My mom had her first heart attack when she was 54. I was so lucky to have her for 15 more years but I still lost her way too soon. If I can help it, I am going to be around a long time. Long enough to be really annoying to my kids.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OJIBWEEQUAY 1/5/2012 8:55PM

    Yes! I agree!!!!!!!! Annoy well into your 90's for cryin out loud! emoticon

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KKINNEA 1/5/2012 2:14PM

    Nice, I'm rooting for you to be around to annoy your kids for as long as possible!

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    I'm so happy you've chosen to be healthy too. xoxo

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/5/2012 11:49AM

    This is exactly why I am doing this too. I do not want a heart attack, ever, I don't want to have a stroke. I am proud of you Jan. You are truly amazing and I am so happy to hear your girls are giving you such positive feedback and support. Love you

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ERINBEAR1876 1/5/2012 10:12AM

    Wow, what a lightbulb moment! I am happy you are being healthy too. I have had these fears, that the way I was would lead me to an early grave, and that is one of my many motivations to be healthy.

And I wanna be an annoying mommy old in age, spoiling my grandchildren, and God willing, my great-grandchildren.

Love this blog!

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    Oh make me smile...and that last line totally made me giggle.

I'll be praying for the recovery of your DD's friend's mom.

Keep on keeping on...and I'll do the same...and we WILL reach our goals!


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1CRAZYDOG 1/5/2012 8:50AM

    Here's prayers for a good outcome for your DD's friend's Mom. How awful! You are a good exxample of what to do to take care of yourself, and clearly your DD appreciates that. KUDOS!

You are an inspiration!!!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/5/2012 7:41AM

    No better reason to do this then to be around for our kids!

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PJH2028 1/5/2012 6:32AM

    Of course you end such a moving blog with that last line! LOVE YOU, JAN.
Let's annoy our next generation for as long as we can!!!! xxxxxxxxx

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DAISY443 1/5/2012 3:32AM

    We are on this journey together and we will stay healthy and fit! Looking forward to another year together, Jan!

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CELLISTA1 1/5/2012 12:11AM

    Being there for our daughters is the best, most profound motivation there is. And hopefully someday you will have grand-daughters who need you and love you too.

You know one thing I totally love about you, Jan? You are the madcap, fun-loving woman but you are also very, very deep.

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CANNIE50 1/4/2012 11:26PM

    We don't need to look far for compelling reasons to stay on this journey, do we? My heart goes out to that woman, and her children. Being fat is like borrowing money from a loan shark - when the bill comes due, it is painful as emoticon. I simply cannot find a doubt that you will continue to be successful. There is an upside to losing more slowly - I think maintenance is less daunting (or perhaps this is a freaking fabulous lie I am telling myself?) Yes, I know about the lies we tell ourselves. You know what? If the best friend's mama recovers from this stroke, and gets another chance, I hope and pray that no one ever lies to her again, or allows her to lie to herself. I really hope you get a chance to lay some Jan-wisdom on her. I know, people think it is not their place to say anything, that it won't do any good to say anything unless the person has expressed desire for help, etc etc. But, I am kind of a pushy broad and sometimes I just blurt out something if I think I have a prayer of saying something useful. Of course, I run the risk of being intrusive and annoying but sometimes I am willing to take that risk. Okay, I didn't mean to go on a rant, but this blog really struck a nerve (in a good way). Sparkle on, Mama, sparkle on.

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PCASEY7 1/4/2012 10:57PM

    You're doing fabulous - almost 2 years and lots to show for all your efforts!

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CHELEMIA 1/4/2012 10:53PM

    Time isn't the issue. You are changing and you ARE healthier and lighter now than 2 years ago. Remember each mistake is a learning tool. A very smart Lady told me that!! The more mistakes, the better the lesson learned!!

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i'm not doing it

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Happy new year my friends. I have been in the sand dunes near Mexico/Arizona for a week. We left on the 27th, right after christmas. It was a crazy month and i have to say I am glad it's over.
I am not going to talk about what I did wrong or how much weight I regained.
I am not going to talk about my new years plan.
I am not going to start over or change my goals or change my ticker except to put today's current weight on it.

I am just going to do what I set out to do 22 months ago. Lose 111 pounds by eating well, exercising and tracking. By staying on the path I set for myself, I will get there.
By staying involved here on SP, I will get there.

Because it is a new year, I feel a fresh breeze of energy but nothing has changed really. It is just a continuation of what I started out to do. And I WILL do it. Every day, I will work towards it and I will get there. Progress, not perfection has been my motto since the beginning. Now, I need a little more progress and a little less slack. I know one thing for sure, my old life of eating what I please whenever I please, does not work for me anymore. Even if I wanted to go back, I can't. It makes me feel horrible. Eating well and moving makes me feel great. Its actually very simple and i am not going to complicate it. I'm just going to do it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAICHIDANCER 1/6/2012 9:41AM

    Go for it!

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KRISKECK 1/6/2012 9:31AM

    Wow, what a refreshing are really keeping it simple, and I love it!

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MICKEYMAX 1/4/2012 8:56AM

    Awesomely said!

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CHELEMIA 1/3/2012 8:15PM

    You can doit!!!

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SWAYDE 1/3/2012 6:53PM

    Well said! You can do it!

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BIGMAMAT 1/3/2012 6:00PM

    You can do it! emoticon go mama, go mama GO! emoticon

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    Now that is the right attitude!! I know you can do it!

Hey, you must have passed right by the county I live in traveling to the dunes!

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PJH2028 1/3/2012 3:40PM

    Eating well and moving. Keeping it simple. Loving your self. Every day. No matter what.

ME TOO, my friend.
I'm looking forward to another year of sparktastic connection.


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DEE0973 1/3/2012 3:39PM

    Great attitude, love your honesty. It is a journey and you will get there

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CANNIE50 1/3/2012 3:31PM

    Amen. PS I have missed you.

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STLSUE01 1/3/2012 3:06PM

    I like your attitude!

I have to echo everyone else -- i slacked for a while and didn't like how I felt: Lesson learned (I hope, I hope, I hope!).

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BADASSBLONDIE 1/3/2012 12:44PM

    You go girl. :D You've got this.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/3/2012 12:33PM

    Yup! That's all you can do is move forward. I can't eat like that either. I did over New Year's and felt really bad for almost 2 days.

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BAYBELIEVER 1/3/2012 12:15PM

    That's right! Just keep moving forward. Progress. Progress. Progress. Here's to a great month!

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ENDUROVET 1/3/2012 12:05PM

    Yep - I know what you mean! Last month I changed my tracker to reflect fitness minutes vs weight & whaddaya know, I finally bumped down ever-so-slightly from the high plateau I've been on!

It was just too discouraging to see those same numbers on the scale week after week after week...

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/3/2012 11:35AM

    It doesn't work for me either. I feel like crap all the time and it's an unpleasant experience
Back to doing what we know we need to do!

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ERINBEAR1876 1/3/2012 11:28AM

    That's right. Do what you gotta do and keep on keepin on! I love it :o}

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HGSGUY 1/3/2012 11:27AM

    Absolutely! You'll get there!

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COOPAH 1/3/2012 10:58AM

    You tell em mama!!!...I'm not gonna do it either...I got your back.

emoticon ROAR!!!

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DAISY443 1/3/2012 10:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VAMANOS 1/3/2012 10:54AM

    My sentiments exactly. emoticon

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OMG, you guys!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Do you remember a while back when I wrote about my dads house being forclosed? I went by to see it and I was so sad becuase his beloved roses were unattended and unloved. I talked about going and taking them. You ALL told me to do it. I never did.I have talked about it. I have thought about it. I never have actually done it.

Today my nephew came over for Christmas. In his truck he had 4 rose bushes. From my dad's house! For me and my sisters and one for him for his trouble.

I cried. It was the best present ever. I felt like I have a peice of my dad again. Hubby already planted it. I cant wait for it to bloom so I can see which color I got!

I am so happy right now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKEYMAX 1/4/2012 8:57AM


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TREASURINGLIFE 1/3/2012 9:27AM!!!!!!!!!!! :)

- Michelle

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KIMMYCRIS 1/2/2012 11:52AM

    I can so relate to this! Happy, happy for you!

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TERRYT55 1/1/2012 5:40PM

    Oh, Jan.......this is the coolest blog ever! I dug up a rose bush from the first house hubby & I ever owned and it blooms happily outside the living room window of our current home. My mom gave it to my as a gift over 30 years ago and I still think of her when see the lovely red flowers. Thanks for sparking fond memories!

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LINDAJ0621 12/30/2011 10:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon That was so incredibly sweet of him!!!

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NEENSTER1 12/30/2011 9:56AM

    What a blessing. That was really thoughtful of your nephew. emoticon

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BIGMAMAT 12/30/2011 9:47AM

    Amazing! The best gift ever. emoticon emoticon

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CULAINA 12/27/2011 9:10PM

    Some things are just meant to be...

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MRSSCHENCK 12/27/2011 4:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 12/27/2011 1:32PM

    TOTALLY awesome!

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GODDESSELLIE07 12/27/2011 12:59PM

    that is so sweet!

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MELLYBEANS0919 12/27/2011 12:40PM

    How sweet!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 12/27/2011 12:39PM


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HEALTHYASHLEY 12/27/2011 12:06PM

    That was such a thoughtful gift! So happy for you. Hugs.

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BAYBELIEVER 12/27/2011 11:12AM

    Oh, that would have reduced me to tears for days! How awesome! What an incredible nephee you must have!

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IGSBETH 12/27/2011 9:37AM


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CAROLYNINJOY1 12/27/2011 8:18AM


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DAISY443 12/27/2011 5:18AM

    Your nephew is truly playing Santa Claus with a wonderful gift in the true spirit of Christmas! Can't wait to see pics of that Christmas rose!

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ALOFA0509 12/27/2011 3:15AM

OMG that is soo frickin awsum!!!!!!!

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EUPHRATES 12/26/2011 10:57PM

    Oh how awesome!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 12/26/2011 9:46PM

    So wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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KKINNEA 12/26/2011 9:20PM


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GRACEISENUF 12/26/2011 9:18PM

    So happy for you...that is emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/26/2011 9:18PM

    Oh, wow! I would have cried for days... That is such an amazing gift.



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HDHAWK 12/26/2011 9:11PM

    What a wonderful gift and what a sweet nephew you have!

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DEE0973 12/26/2011 8:57PM

    Awesome Christmas gift of memories in honor of your dad

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 12/26/2011 8:47PM

    That's great Jan!

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CANNIE50 12/26/2011 8:15PM

    Wow - what a wonderful gift. emoticon

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 12/26/2011 7:53PM

    How wonderful! I'm so glad he did that!

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JOURNEY2DESTINY 12/26/2011 7:51PM

    Now you got me! I watched a wealth of Lifetime movies and didnt cry, but dog gone it, Girl, you got me to shed some tears. Way to go nephew. God Bless you.

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PJH2028 12/26/2011 7:43PM

    How splendid wonderful fulfilling!

"May the circle be unbroken, by and by...."
And so it is!

happy boxing day!

Hey.. I've been doing so much research and thinking this week. I'd love to ask you some questions, chat this week -- if you have the time/space. (No problem if you don't)


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HGSGUY 12/26/2011 7:32PM

    That is an Christmas present! Your nephew did a great thing! Hope you Christmas was Merry, sounds like it was!

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Before it gets too crazy

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I want to wish you all a merry Christmas and happy holiday. No matter what your plans are, I wish you joy and laughter in the remaining days of this year and am looking forward to 2012 with you by my side as we strive for greater health and happiness. You have made my journey more fun and given me more encouragement and love than I ever thought possible.

WE are going to do great things next year. Oh yes, we certainly are!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAMAPERRY 12/27/2011 1:31PM

    Hope you had a wonderful one!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 12/27/2011 12:07PM

    I got freaking unsubscribed again. Damn, I missed so many blogs. That is so annoying. Merry Christmas Jan!

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TURTLERASKIN 12/24/2011 3:10PM

    Right back at you! Have a great holiday season!

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OJIBWEEQUAY 12/24/2011 2:12PM


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 12/24/2011 8:20AM

    You said it! 2012 is going to be amazing! Merry Christmas!

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PJH2028 12/24/2011 8:14AM

    With you by my side I know that WE will move mountains! And HAVE FUN IN THE PROCESS!!

Dancing all the way, my friend.
Love Light Laughter Family Friends


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SAHARASUE 12/24/2011 7:27AM

    Merry Christmas to you! 2012 is going to be a great year. Wishing you much joy and success!

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DAISY443 12/24/2011 4:40AM

    Yes, we are! Thanks for being my friend! Happy holidays!

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HGSGUY 12/24/2011 1:11AM

    Merry Christmas to you too and Happy Sparkin' New Year!

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What's new with Jan, you ask?? (this is long)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Hello my friends! It seems like December is keeping us to a minimum doesn't it? I hate that.

I have been swamped with your basic holiday activities, company, family events, baking (oh god, the baking). And speaking of baking, are you guys following NOTABOUTTHEFACE's blogs about the deliciousness she makes??? Truly an artist. I am not joking.

Saturday, we went to my hubbys family for "christmas". They live in the foothills. We had it in the garage. Outside. In the cold. With one heater. Damn good thing I got a blanket in our "present game" because it sure came in handy! Where is a hot flash when you need one???? Anyway, did great that day, walked the dog, had lots of calories left for dinner. What was for dinner you ask? Pizza. Mm-hmmm. Great effort, people!!!! Anyway, I ate too much and then had too much desert (which I brought, not baked. Apple pie, chocolate cake and pumpkin pie from costco. Damn, they do a good job!!)

As you may have heard, I have shingles and so was quite uncomfortable by the end of the day. Thank you guys for all the comments, advice, goodies and well wishes. I know I should rest but it just aint gonna happen. I tend to "power through" and I guess my dad's raising me with the "Mind over matter" mentality still resonanates. I tend to keep going until I can't. That's just me. (maybe if it was a different time, I would rest and really milk it...nah, Not my style).

Anyway, yesterday, we walked the dog(and when I say dog, I mean the BABY or STITCHY as she is more commonly known) and I helped Kady with some cake balls she was doing for a catering job. She made Kahlua and cream (I KNOW!!!!!!!) and snowballs with white cake and beautiful snowflakey looking crystals. The Kahlua was baked into the cake ball and she coated them with chocolate and a beautiful white drizzle. They looked like truffles. And I have to say, cake balls are a pain in the butt and cake pops are way easier cause you have the stick.

Then we drove an hour to my neice's open house. Her and her B/F just moved in together and we met his family, which is awesome. They are fun and like to go riding in the sand like us and I can see us all having a lot of fun together. My niece is 31 and kinda my "first kid". SHe made me want to be a mom. WE have always been close and to see her so happy with this wonderful man, just brings ME so much joy. (she was married to a cop, they were together 10 years and one day he decided he didnt want to be married anymore. It broke her heart and almost broke her but she is made of tough stock and she got through it and is now happier than she EVER thought she could be! lesson learned people, again: sometimes the thing you think is the worst thing that could happen, is really a blessing).

So again, had a great early start to my day and then got to Jamie's. I went into a party food frenzy with nacho's, meatballs, crackers and FUDGE that my sister made. She makes the best fudge. I believe last year I had a little incident with fudge and I said there was no room in my life for fudge. That still holds.
Again, in the evening, my shingles started really hurting but I drove home cause Frank was enjoying the Corona beer with the "guys" in the kitchen. I love that I can go anywhere with him and he gets along with people and can talk to anyone. Men, women, kids, dogs, he just is very charismatic and friendly. I love him. If I havent mentioned that.

This is going to be a crazy, busy week. I am down to shopping for the final 3 items but I know what I need and where I am going so that will go fast. I then have to shop for my baking supplies which I am starting tomorrow. Kady has her remicade on Weds. which means about 5 hours in the hospital and I have to meet a customer so I can get paid (Yea! MY favorite part!!) then Thursday I deliver my baking goodie baskets and Friday, Kady has an endoscopy so we can make sure the Crohn's is under control (that shoots the day on Friday) and leaves saturday for us to get ready to go to GLAMIS sand dunes (we leave Tuesday for a week to meet our Utah friends and take our new trailer...soo excited!!!). On Christmas, we will go see Franks grandma and spend the day with my girls and on the 26th, MY family comes and I am excited about that!!

SInce my mom died in 1994,we have a fun theme every year (so we are not as sad) and this year is "Under the sea". The menu, you ask?

Lobster (steamed with white wine, butter and garlic)
Roast beef
Fried Shrimp
Crab stuff shrimp
Baked Potatoes
Green salad
Clam chowder (earlier in the day)
Shrimp dim sum (egg rolls, pot stickers)
Mini crab cakes
Sourdough bread
Corn on the cob

(not to mention pumpkin bread, damn that fudge, and other assorted baked goods)

We are the people who give out the presents and actually sit and talk and watch each person open their gifts and then we talk about it and oooh and ahhhh over it... It takes hours and I like it. Frank hates it...rofl. His family gets a big pile in front of them, rip into and nobody knows what anyone got or if someone enjoyed what you gave them. It takes 5 minutes.

I think some sort of compromise is probably in order but in all the years together, we just go with each families tradition. (In protest, I always wait until I see everyone open the gifts I gave them and THEN open mine).

SO I have said all of that to say this:
I KNOW I should be resting but Im not going to.
I APPRECIATE all your love, support and friendship over this last almost 2 years.
I WILL do my best this week to eat well and keep walking and take care of myself
I WISH you all Health, Happiness, Good times and Laughter through the end of the year and beyond.
I WANT you to all make some memories during the remainder of this year. Odds are good that someone wont be here or something will change but it wont be exactly like this again. Ever. SO enjoy it.
I VOW that 2012 is going to be the year to make BIG DENT in the remainder of the weight I have to lose. I am not going to stay at 70 pounds down. I WILL HIT MY GOALS.

I will still be here through the end of the year but will not have a lot of time but please know how much you all mean to me and from the bottom of my heart, I wish every single one of you the best of everything and all the love your heart can possibly hold. Above all else, please know, someone values you, appreciate you and cares about you. ME.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MICKEYMAX 1/4/2012 9:00AM

    you are awesome!

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CULAINA 12/23/2011 9:56PM

    Merry Christmas jan, you are truly a wonderful person. Feel better soon x

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KKINNEA 12/21/2011 12:04PM

    Glad to hear the updates. Hopefully you can kick those shingles so you don't have trouble anymore. Have a great holiday!

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BIGMAMAT 12/21/2011 9:16AM

    1. I'm proud of you for maintaining 70 ! That's good. You will continue on in 2012 my friend!
2. I'm flying out for the "under the sea" OMG. sounds yummmy! emoticon

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OJIBWEEQUAY 12/20/2011 10:14AM

    What a great Holiday plan! Sorry about the shingles! I hear they hurt bad! HUGS MAMA! Again you leave me wishing I lived down the street! That menu sounds devine!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 12/20/2011 9:15AM

    emoticon I'd say slow down and rest a little; but it would only be falling on deaf ears! LOL!! AND it would just be a case of the pot calling the kettle black... my schedule is nearly just as packed! Take care of yourself my friend. I hope your shingles clear up soon. That's no fun esepcially since you're so busy. Hope you have an awesome, joy filled holiday! Looking forward to kicking some more booty with you in 2012!

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DAISY443 12/19/2011 3:35PM

    I love what you said about it never being the same again. I think back about the Spark friends who (whom? I never get that right) we no longer hear from and miss so much!
Hugs to you, my friend!

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CELLISTA1 12/19/2011 2:01PM

    OK, forget I said SLOW DOWN, 'cause you will never SLOW DOWN! You are a force of nature! Your biggest contribution to us all here on Spark: showing people how to embrace every moment. Sending you lots of love and good wishes.

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    Your life sounds so exciting, Jan! I think I want to come do Christmas with your family. And I do agree with you - I prefer the opening gifts slowly and oohing and ahhing. My family does the "tear everything to shreds and be done in five minutes." The kids can barely decide what to play with first because they get so much junk.

I really like your "enjoy life" viewpoint. A lot of people get so obsessive with losing weight to the point that they can't enjoy eating good food on special occasions. I'm going to try to enjoy every morsel but not go overboard.

Merry Christmas!

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CANNIE50 12/19/2011 1:13PM

    Well, the upside of not resting is not dwelling, right? I actually do worse with almost any condition I have ever struggled through, or am struggling with, if I allow myself too much rest. As always, I so enjoyed reading your blog and these sentences, filled with great wisdom, jumped out at me and is something I needed to be reminded of: " It broke her heart and almost broke her but she is made of tough stock and she got through it and is now happier than she EVER thought she could be! lesson learned people, again: sometimes the thing you think is the worst thing that could happen, is really a blessing". I will be tucking this lesson into my mind, and my heart, and carrying it with me, especially through yet another Christmas estranged from my oldest son. This leads me to the next portion that resonated with me, the part where you mention that someone will be gone, or things won't go the way we had planned, but there are no do-overs so appreciate who is here, and what is what, and don't let it get suffocated by stressing and regretting. You are a gem, a sparkly gem. Shingles had no idea who it was messing with when it picked you to pick on. Miss Kady (and your other lovely daughter and neice) have quite the role model in you. I hope her appointments go as smoothly as possible - I am sorry she has to deal with all this but am so glad she has so many in her corner.


Comment edited on: 12/19/2011 1:18:05 PM

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FANGFACEKITTY 12/19/2011 1:10PM

    emoticon Have a wonderful holiday and do try to try to take some time for yourself to rest.

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BADASSBLONDIE 12/19/2011 12:20PM

    Sorry to hear about Kady's appointments. *hugs* Is this a normal checkup, or is she in pain?

*hugshard* Hope you're feeling better soon and I'm glad you're surrounded by so many people who love you. Happy Holidays!

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TREASURINGLIFE 12/19/2011 12:09PM


Have a WONDERFUL holiday, Jan. It's crazy-busy for us all, that is for sure. Try to rest a little, just so you can feel good enough to enjoy all your festivities. And have fun and take lots of pictures on your trip!


- Michelle

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GRACEISENUF 12/19/2011 11:57AM

    I LOVE your blogs Jan. I haven't a doubt if we lived closer we would have so much fun hanging out. It's funny but through reading your blogs I feel like I know you.

Your neice is way better off without the cop (been there done that for a number of years, insert puke sound). So glad I have had my sweet hubby now for 22 years!!!!!!!!!!

Your Christmas celebrations sound wonderful. We too take the time to open stuff and oooh and ahhhh. Too funny how Franks family does it, ha ha.

Okay I want to come to that Christmas dinner....SOUNDS AMAZING.

I wish you and Frank and the girls an awesome Christmas Jan!


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