Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I have a friend whom I have known for 15 years. Her son began racing with us when he was only 19 and we rapidly became friends with him and his family. He is an adorable person who has gone on to reach very much success in other forms of racing and is very popular and famous in the Sprint car racing world.
He began with us, racing Dwarf cars and my husband was his mentor. He was a sponge, soaking up information, learning, racing hard and getting better every time. It was not a surprise to see him move on and step up in the ranks.
Anyway, his mom and dad have been great friends for all these years. We have all been through a lot together. They are the kind of people who always want to help and (I will call him D) D loves to be the rescuer, the helper, the savior and the big shot. With all friendships, you accept people the way they are.(I will call her L). L is a loving person but she can also be tough and has a negative word about everyone.
While it was always annoying with D becuase he would contradict Frank in terms of racing or his (leadership) position, we would always shrug it off with an "oh, thats just D". However, in the last few years, he began being toxic. Word was getting back to us how he was discrediting us and actually costing us business. I know the guy and I know he was just "talking" but it was becoming too much. Frank began distancing himself and I remained quiet with L. That just means I was not contacting her and she was not contacting me which was not unusual to go a few months without speaking. Most of our plans were made through the guys friendship and communication.
We have an annual race coming up next week. It is our 16th. For the last 13 years, they have been there. They help cook, sell tickets, T shirts, whatever needs to happen, they are there and I have often thought what I would do without them. It has always been strictly volunteer and friendship.
Last year, at the last minute, we had to move to another track. I was frantically organizing things etc. but we got it handled. Frank hadnt really talked to D for awhile and I had not spoken to L.
I did not invite them to attend and just figured if they showed up, great and if not, that was fine too. I felt I needed to respect my husband more than my friends. (Keep in mind I have never "invited" them, it was just a given).
I left their names at the Pitgate as I always did. They did not attend. The event went great, I had some other volunteers come and they were awesome! Anyway, time went by, it was christmas and I sent out cards as usual and of course, one to D and L. Also during this time, Kady was super sick and her ostomy surgery was scheduled for February. I was updating all of our friends via email about what was going on and they were included).
My sister asked me if I got a card from them and I said no. She was hesitant to tell me that she had received a card as well as a phone call. Ok so now I knew we had a real problem.
When Kady had her surgery (keeping in mind they have know her since she was a little girl), I updated them on the list with all my friends. No word. Then Kady received a get well card and I was encouraged.
In March, I sent D a birthday card. Nothing.
In May, I sent L a birthday card. Nothing.
We have mutual friends and I was telling S that I was sad about the whole thing. He hesitated and then related to me a story that happened last week.
To paraphrase, they were at the event Kady was working at (a race) and S hung out with Kady and her Artie, fed them breakfast and kept an eye on them the whole weekend. On the first day, D was there. S told D Kady and Artie were there and he should go say hi. He went off about what a loser Artie was (Um, no. This kid has stuck by my girl through thick and thin since they were 15!!).
D doesnt even know who Artie is or how sweet and wonderful he is and how we love him like our own son. D never went to see Kady.
So I know now and I am done. I have no more angst over them. It is over and I can move on with the people I know and love and who are loyal.
It is hard for me to write people off. I dont like things left hanging. I dont want to call.I dont want to fight. I dont want to apologize. I just dont....want to continue.
I beleive when someone means something to you and if they hurt you, you should be able to talk about it, work it out etc. I wish L had been able to talk to me about what was going on so we could have fixed it back then. Now, it just seems like too much water under the bridge and our friendship obviously wasnt worth it to her. That does make me sad.
On the other hand ( a Libra's favorite expression), is it good to keep a friendship just out of longevity or from a shared history? I like knowing what they really think of me and my family. It makes it easier to let it go.
So I am letting go. It is not always an instantaneous thing but I imagine a balloon that I am holding. In the balloon is the friendship, the sweetness, the bitterness, the snide remarks, the ability for them to be able to let us go so easily. It is all inside.
I am at the very, tiny, smallest scrap of string now and my fingers are relaxing. I am almost there. All I have to do is move a tiny fraction and it will be gone. Released. Over.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
I have been home a few days (from vacation) and have noticed many people posting stats and goals for various challenges. The 5% fall challenge, the PMP challenge, the BLC... and I am standing and applauding all of you.
I have done a few challenges since I have been here for the past year and half and they are super motivating and very helpful. I still go back to some of the excercies I did in the spring challenge.
I truly believe that joining a challenge is a great way to jump start or continue your progress. I think it motivates you because you are competing, if not with others then at least with yourself. Plus it is fun to see how your buddies are doing and to see the progress in your weight loss and in your body. It is fun to see how strong you are compared to even last week!
So, are you thinking or asking "Jan, if you think it is so great, what challenge are you doing? Let's hear about how you are amping up your weight loss and getting fitter!! Or, wait, are you STILL at 70 pounds down? What, has this been like 2 months since you have lost the same 5 pounds? hrmpppph, some motivator you are!!!!"
I am not doing a challenge. If I was, I would probably do the PMP challenge although the 5% challenge sounds good too. But I am not doing one and here is why. It is not an excuse or a cop out, it is just the reality.
I do not have time to commit to one right now. For the last month and through the end of this month, I simply cannot do it. I do not half A$$ things so I am not going to sign up, try to fit it in, feel bad, not have time to participate and otherwise set myself up for failure. I am not doing it.
I would like to do a challenge in October just to keep my focus through the holidays (GAH... The HOLIDAYS??????? WTF???) and I am thinking I am going to reach out to some of my closest sparkies and see if we can do a mini challenge. Just a small thing every week to keep us on track and motivated to keep losing. It is not going to be a big deal but it will be enough. I just cannot do a big deal right now.
I still have a wedding for a nephew this week (a weekend away with a huge bunch of foodies and me making 100 cake pops), then my 50th birthday on the 28th and then we go to a racetrack for 4 days where I cook outside for 300 people for 3 days, dont get enough rest, drink too much and generally have a blast. Then I come home. And things will slow down and I will be happy for fall to come and ease me into the next season.
So that is why I am not doing a challenge and why I think you should. Cause Mama says so.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
HI Guys!! I missed ya and hope you are all well.
WE had an amazing, hilarious, ridiculously fun time. I have over 200 pictures and I am not sure which ones I can even post..lol.
The first day on the boat, well, let's just say we partied and hit it hard and the next day we went to Catalina and walked around and looked at stuff.
Then we went out that night to one of the dance bars and it went like this:
Wednesday was our day in Mexico. It began with Mimosa's on the boat and it went on from there....
We made new friends. This is Amanda. She is the A$$ shaking champion of the world! and we danced. On the pole.
and then it was time to get back to the boat.
But we didn't stop partying. Oh no, we kept going.
The next day was a day at sea. SO relaxing and recovering.
Then, what is this? Fruity rum drinks in a blow fish? Yes, Please!
and hanging in the hot tub. Here are my girls with their boys
And then the next day it was time to come home. It went sooo fast!
I danced many, many, many hours.
I laughed so hard my abs ache.
I ate really randomly and didnt keep track of one thing.
I drank more than I have in probably 30 years.
What did that get me? 9 extra pounds, fantastic memories (and even better pix that I couldnt even post here), a wayyyy smaller bank account balance and I wouldn't have done one thing differently.
I came home to my house cleaned, my animals happy and a weekend of recovery. Thanks to my sister Becky for taking care of everything.
My plan for the week is water, water, water. Eating light and right and then Friday I have a weekend away for a nephews wedding (they just now asked me to make 100 cake pops so I will be baking this week, too) and I still have my birthday on the 28th and then the 4 day race event that I host coming up.
Even amongst all the madness, through the haze of hilarity and alcohol, I still made pretty good choices for the most part. I know this has been ingrained in me and even if I dont have the tools that I love and use, I can still do this. SO! Did I miss anything???
Sunday, September 11, 2011
SO tomorrow morning (early-cause vacations always start early dont they). we will leave for Los Angeles to board the cruise ship. My daughters and their boys, my neice and her boyfried, our friend and his daughter and 7 of Kady's friend and her family.
I am packed with cute outfits for the evening, a bathing suit and some casual shorts and stuff. Without revealing how clever I am and how MUCH I really want to share with you how smart I think I am, we are working around the NO ALCOHOL bringing on board rule. The kids are on a tight budget and having their own at least during the day will save a LOT of money so we will see how this goes.
I have a plan about eating, a plan about excercise but the most important thing is going to be having a fun, relaxing time and making some memories.
I will take a lot of pictures so you can see when we get back how much fun we had and how fantastic I looked...lol.
I will miss logging in and spinning the wheel etc but my cell wont work on the ship. I am going to use their internet mid week so I may pop in to say hi. I will miss all your blogs, updates and encouragement so if anything happens, please post it on my page so I can keep up with you.
I will be back on Friday evening so will check in then.
When I am dancing, I will think of you and wish you were with me having this much fun.
When I am at the buffet, I will think of you and that will help me be strong. When I am excercising I will think of you and be proud of myself, knowing you would be proud of me too.
When I am enjoying my family and laughing and being crazy, I will think of you and know you would think we were funny too.
You are my friends and I do not say that lightly. Thank you for the support. Be safe, stay true to yourself, work hard and when I get back, let's challenge each other!!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Yep, you guys grounded me back so thank you! I am being such a strong little sparky these last few days! I have moved, eaten really well and rested, stayed hydrated, sparked and been sparked. Back on solid ground!
I am ready for the weekend and starting Monday, 5 days of fun!
I have lots of tools I will utilize to enjoy my cruise, I have a SIL (someday, I hope, I hope, I hope) who is a gym rat so I told him I would go with him each day, gonna eat lots of fruits and veggies BEFORE main meals, drink water in between alcohol, eat lots of protein, dance-dance-dance, hubby and I vowed to walk every night just like at home (how sad without my Stitchy!!)
Yeah, she is already sad about it....
I will remember that this is just part of my life and my new lifestyle so I will do good.
The most important thing I will do is to take tons of pictures.
Stuff like this:
We took this on Kady's 21st birthday a few weeks ago. I know I am always talking about them, but geez, how did I get such gorgeous kids??
Weigh in tomorrow so I am excited! Dinner of salsa chicken was fabulous last night and tonight is Pasta with veggies. I may even take a picture for some food porn tomorrow... Love you guys, have a great day!
Get An Email Alert Each Time MAMADWARF Posts