Tuesday, July 26, 2011
When I was 291 (or 304 depending on which scale was used), I always said I was happy with myself. I Lied. I was simply in denial. Proof of that is the devastation I would feel when I saw a picture of myself. The mirror was no help because I only saw what I wanted to see. Or I saw how my clothes hid my body not how I actually looked.
I didn't hide in shame or anything because I always felt good about myself (I have a healthy ego) but I just didn't really "see" myself for what I actually looked like. When something happened to throw my obesity in my face, it always shocked me. Like at my dr. appts or being kicked off a roller coaster in front of thousands of people because the ride bar wouldn't close or being told I was fat by a kid (that happened after I had LOST 50 pounds!!!)
When I said I was the "healthiest fat person I know", I Lied. I wasn't healthy. My cholesterol was heading skyward along with my triglicerides and my blood sugar. I could barely walk, took handfuls of prescription meds just to get through the day. Now, most of my medications is vitamins and suppliments. While I still have pain and do take pain medication, I have been tapering down my meds left and right and am taking the minimum to get by, not taking them just so I could function. When I broke into a sweat walking to the car or couldn't get a breath after the smallest amount of walking, I Lied and told myself it was hot or that everybody was like that.
I am no longer diabetic. So when I told people, including other health care providers, that I was "pre-diabetic", I Lied. I was diabetic. Period.
When I said to myself that I couldn't walk, couldn't excercise, couldn't do anything about my body, I Lied. To myself and to everyone else. Because when I tried, when I decided, I found out I really could do it. And I have.
When I tell people I am so much happier now, I feel fantastic, I am still going to lose 40 (or more) pounds, that you don't have to suffer to lose weight, I have never been more true.
The truth really will set you free. Free to live your best life, be the best you, find out things about yourself you never knew or would have imagined. There is so much freedom now.
The Lies held me back and kept me fat. That is over now and the truth is I have never been happier. Or healthier.What is your truth? What did you lie about?