Saturday, April 23, 2011
For the last few days, my old habits are starting to sneak back into my life. Craving sweets, especially after eating a meal, deep down hunger even after eating a reasonable amount, being tired, not feeling like walking.
I think it started whenI had to bake cookies for my hubbys grandma and of course, had to taste a few. Then I have eaten a few each day for the past few days. Finally, they are gone. But I have had options and I have chosen to eat badly instead.
I have fruit salad which I LOVE, sugar free puddings (love), Fiber Plus bars (love). But chose cookies.>
Today I made a sandwhich for lunch. I had reduced calorie wheat (love) but still ate the Potato bread (double calories) anyway. I could have walked to the store but I drove. If Frank hadn't made the dog make me feel bad yesterday, I wouldn't have gone walking either but he made Stitch get all excited and looked at me sad so I went.
I have lost no weight since March. Well, I have lost a few pounds but gained it back. I am not where I want to be. Not by a long shot.
I think my rebelliousness is in full effect.
I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT AND YOU CANT TELL ME NO!
What a brat!
I am only half way to my goal. I still want it. So what the heck is my problem? I told myself the other day I would not eat any added sugar and I went ahead and ate cookies and jelly belly's. I tracked them, too. I am not lying to myself or my tracker. I am not feeling overcome and cant control myself. I just want what I want. Period.
I still drink all my water. I still track my food and my excercise. I still have my next mini goal in mind. I still am on spark several times a day. What the heck am I doing? And why?
I guess that is my job to figure it out, huh? Brats dont like having to think that hard! (stomps foot!) and adding (pouty face!)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This is a link to my friend's page. Please go read this blog and make comments, suggestions, encouragement or butt kicking (that was my preferred method of drive by cheerleading today). This girl is incredible and doesn't know it. Come on, sparkers. It's your turn to ramp up the juice, the insight, the advice and the love. Thank you.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I was driving to do some errands today and I noticed a gal running along the street. I have seen her a few times. Anyway, I was thinking, "I should roll down my window and yell at her and tell her good job!" and then I thought, "She will think you are crazy. You dont know her. She probably wouldnt even be able to hear you with her headphones on...." Anyway, I didnt do it.
So I went and got my hair cut, went to the bank and went to the grocery store and I decided to make spagetti and turkey meatballs for dinner (I know, I said Pasta wasnt worth the calories, blah, blah but I really want it so bleehhhhhh!), so I go in the pasta aisle and there she is. She is standing right in front of the pasta and I am like, "are you kidding me??? Now you HAVE to talk to her! I mean, what are the odds???" So I approached her and told her I saw her running today and I wanted to tell her good job.
She got a huge grin on her face and thanked me and told me she runs 6 miles a day, that she used to weigh 300 pounds (she is probably 170 now, im guessing)! So I tell, her me too! That I started walking a year ago and while I do not see running in my future, I get why she does and that I was proud of her cause I know what it takes to have that level of commitment. She told me she used to think that but when she started, she ran 2 stop lights at a time, then two more etc. etc.
Anyway, we had a nice little chat and I told her when she sees a hand waving from a big red truck around town, that will be me, cheering her on!
I, of course, (cause this is what I do now!) started thinking about how on SPARK, we do "drive by cheerleading" all the time and dont think a thing about stopping by someones page and telling them good job or offering our advice, wisdom, prayers, recipes,comfort or butt kicking. We may have not ever even heard of this person before or maybe it is a friend of a friend but we all do it all the time. I mean, that is how I met ALL of you!
But in the "real" world, it is harder to offer that support. It is awkward sometimes but let me tell you, I was MEANT to talk to her today for some reason and I am glad I did not let the opportunity pass me by.
How much would it make your day if a stranger had the nerve to notice and tell you how great you are looking or that they notice how dedicated you are at the gym, etc? Exactly. Spread the spark, people. Spread the spark.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Today I was doing my hair after my shower and I saw my arms in the mirror. I saw my saggy under arm skin. I thought, "Awww, man, I hate that flappy skin! It looks horrible!"
But then the magic happened. I thought, "Yea but look how good your biceps look!"
That got me thinking....In my past, how many times have I done that but in the negative?
"You look cute in that" (Yea but my shirt is too tight and my belly is hanging over)
"You should go for a walk" (Yea but my knee/back hurts so I cant)
"You need to lose weight" (Yea but it is sooo hard or I have tried before and I cant and my lifestyle makes it too hard etc.)
"You need to get healthy' (Yea but my numbers are all good and I am only PRE-diabetic so I have time"
"Honey, maybe if you lost some a little weight you would feel better" (Yea but you love me anyway so why bother)
"You are losing weight soo slow!" (Yea but I am still losing!)
"It is gonna take FOREVER to get to your goal!" (Yea but I AM gonna get there)
"Your saggy baggy elephant skin belly is sooo gross!" (Yea but I look better than last year!)
"You still have over 50 pounds too lose!" (Yea but I have already lost 65!)
"All you do is walk for excercise" (Yea but I couldnt do that before and I go farther or faster all the time!)
"You can't eat a Bacon Cheeseburger and fries" (Yea but I can have a Hamburger with ketchup and veggies and a salad and steal a couple of fries from Franks plate)
"You can't do this. It is too hard, you always fail, you have too much to lose. 111 pounds? Wayy too big of a goal!" (Yea but I am doing it so STFU!)
So between NOW and THEN, I will take NOW! And whatever your "Yea, but...." is that is keeping you down, tell it to stuff it and TURN IT AROUND. It is all in how you look at it.
Eventually the" Yea, buts" will be "YEAH BUTT's!"
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I wanted to add a few things to my last blog about the TV thing today. As I was watching the whole thing on DVR, I realized something: There was nothing I was embarrased about. My house looked good, my daughters are pretty with good sense of humor, my pets were fun, I was a good sport. I mean, alot of things happened that did not make that short clip including the interviewer totally calling me out and making me wrestle with her to try to make the bird scream! I did it.
Sing live on TV? sure why not!
Go on TV without a shower and last nights bed head? OF course!
I wasnt nervous, I just had fun. It actually takes a lot to embarrass me.
I also realized that 65 pounds ago I would NEVER have allowed myself to be video'ed or put on tv. I never allowed pictures of any kind, at least not often. I have always been confidant in front of crowds (Yes, I am a ham) but I would have been very embarrased by my weight. I would have watched that tape back today and been so embarrased by my lumps and rolls and fat and all the things I would have noticed.
Instead, I was not horrified and there is a hell of a lot of satisfaction in that. I think I looked pretty good actually and that makes me really happy. Im glad I made the change. I really am.
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