Tuesday, April 05, 2011
It takes me every morning getting up and choosing a decent meal (unlike the 800 calorie buffet breakfast while I was away last weekend). Then a decent lunch. Then a decent, reasonable dinner.
It takes me going for a walk 5 days a week with my hubby and my dog.
It takes me making a fresh fruit salad every 3 or 4 days so I will eat fruit instead of cookies.
It takes the support of friends and family. By that I mean, people checking in on me with love and afffection, concern and caring and NOT judgement, doubt or sabotage.
It takes me wanting it. Every single day. Every minute, every meal, every snack, every night.
It has taken a year to get down 65 pounds. It will take another year (or 2) to lose the rest.
It takes knowing I will never be done and that this is my life now. I like it.
It takes acceptance that this is my life and that there is room for cake (and breakfast buffets!) sometimes but not all the time.
It takes a positive attitude and an open mind.
It takes understanding that this is FOR ME, not a punishment, not a sacrifice. It is the best thing I could ever do for myself and the people I love.
It takes alot but in return, I GET alot.
I get to live a longer and fuller life.
I get positive attention instead of stares becuase I am huge.
I get quality time with my hubby and dog that I never would have had before. I treasure that.
I get adventure.
I get delicious healthy food
I get happier alot more often
I get new friends. As many as I could possibly want or need.
I get an outlet for my feelings, emotions, tantrums and creativity.
I get a good night sleep because I am taking care of my body.
I get to really live instead of just exist.
I get a happy heart.
I get to help people, encourage people and spread the spark.
D. All of the above.
The answer is D. You win.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Last night I dreamed I was walking. I was all alone and walking down a windy, country road that went downhill. It was a nice sunny day and I felt good. I started to jog. Then I realized that it felt good and I wondered how long I could do it. I was aware that my body felt good, nothing hurt and it was easy for me to run. I went all the way down to the bottom of the hill and I was so excited about running!
Please keep in mind I have made many, many comments about not being interested in running. At all. Ever. Dont want to, is not a goal, have no desire, am happy with the walking I am doing.
But in the dream, I felt wonderful, and I totally get what you guys say when you are in the "zone" or when you run and you feel so great.
I dont think of this as a premonition but I do think a seed has been planted. We shall see where that takes me, I suppose. Please do not encourage me to run at this point. I have soooooo much work to do before I consider that, but it was a powerful feeling and right now, I just want to marinate on that.
The rest of the dream morphed into a violent relationship with Charlie Sheen including a shower scene where I was in the shower, vulnerable and he was kicking the door in. It went into a physical fight in the kitchen where we lived together and I realized he was truly crazy and I could not win, even though I got my hits in.
I wonder if that was leftover images from my last marriage? Was it important that the fight was in the kitchen? And the shower scene was important I think, because when are we more vulnerable than naked, wet and unarmed in the shower? It was very strange and left me feeling unsettled this morning.
Add to that, we found my daughter's cat, MOMO, dead yesterday on the side of the house. He didnt look attacked, poisoned or anything. He was just laying there.He was a silly, big, siamese cat and we will miss him. Kelly is inconsolable. Her cats are her babies and it was tragic seeing her cry like that. We all went together and buried him under a tree by a nearby river. It was very strange and sad.
Oh yea, add to that a 4 pound weight gain this week. WTF? I have never gained that much weight in one week in a year. I had a few bad food days but that is ridiculous. A pound or two, I would expect. But 4 pounds? I know it will suddenly fall off but still, that is just crummy.
Good news is Kady is doing great, really great!
That is what is going on with me, what is happening with you?
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