Tuesday, December 28, 2010
One thing I learned this week: Sugar, fat and snacking are no longer my comfort zone. They make me feel horrible.
My new comfort zone (and yes, this was shocking) is walking, eating healthy meals, not eating just to eat but because I am hungry,and tracking my food so I know where I am at.
I cant just eat randomly anymore. I cant tell you how many times I said to myself this week "I cant beleive I always used to eat like that!"
I think I learned a valuable lesson and my scale backed it up. Its cool. I am on vacation and consider it a detox. I will be down when I get home. Absolutely. And back on track.
Then I will feel comfortable again. So today, I hit the dunes in Glamis (arizona, california border near Yuma) and will be gone till New Years day. Gonna get some sparking in but not much.
Take care and be good. 2011 is coming and it is gonna be our year! WOot!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
When I started here at spark, a visualization popped into my head. I consider it a gift. When I am discouraged or when I try to go to sleep, I see this in my head. It is a desert highway. There is a mountain behind me and that is where I started. In my head, it looks like this:
Then I see myself walking down the road. The mile markers are 5 pound increments. I am heading down this road and where I started is behind me. I can turn around and look at how far I have come. I can head down the road and see where I am going and how far I still have to go. This is where I am heading:
As you can see, I still have a ways to go. But I am on the road and I am moving and I am going to get there. I am gonna keep going.
I have no idea why it is a desert highway or the significance of that but it doesn't really matter. This is my path, my journey and I am gonna keep knocking out those 5 mile markers till I get to where I am going. It is nice looking back and seeing how far I have already come. I am over halfway now. Sometimes, I start back at the beginning and walk back over the miles I have already come to remind myself. I have come a long way, every step, every marker, every pound is getting me closer to where I am supposed to be.
Thanks for coming with me and No, thank you. I dont need a ride. I will walk.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Well I PLANNED to be at my 60 pound loss by Christmas. Not gonna happen.How do you feel about that, Jan?
Well, I feel a bit dissapointed but it really doesnt matter in the big scheme of my life. I will get there (and beyond) and it doesn't matter if it is this week or next week so I am done stressing over it.
I weighed in today and added 2 pounds to my tracker. I am nothing if not honest.
I have a few more days of christmas celebrations (through sunday) then am going to Glamis Dunes through New years. I wont really be on spark during vacation although I will be tracking through my cell phone.
I am going to do my best and I am PLANNING on being down for my next weigh in, which will be January 3rd after all the vacationing etc. That is also the day Kady has her UCSF specialist appt so I am anxious for that but putting it in the back burner of my mind for now.
I want to say how grateful I am for all of you, how grateful I am for my husband, my girls, my family, for having work, for having enough.
This has been a life changing year and I cannot wait to see what 2011 has in store for me. Whatever it is, I will make the best of it, I will rise to meet the challenges, I will succeed, I will fail, I will stumble, I will soar but through it all, I will be grateful for the days that I have, good or bad.
Thanks for coming with me.
What are your plans?
Monday, December 20, 2010
Ok guys, I am struggling today. Big time. The cookies wont shut up! The toffee wont stop calling my name! The cake balls... well they just snicker and whisper so I have to get closer to hear what they are saying. They are the sneakiest of all!
I am struggling today with the "I-dont-care's". I just want to eat it all. I started off strong but then delivered the baskets so we were alone in the car together. Bad move. So I stopped for a somewhat healthy lunch and came home.They were all waiting for me. They ganged up on me. I am just too weak today to fight. I dont even feel like it either.
You know the difference between mouth hunger and stomach hunger, right? How the mouth craves stuff but the stomach hunger is worse cause that means you are really hungry? The mouth hunger is winning and talking the stomach into joining forces.
I have drank the water, chewed the gum, went for the walk... all the stuff I would advise anyone else. Not working.
It is taking all I have not to just go get a dinner plate and load it up with everything in there even tho I have already had a couple of sugar cookies, a cake ball, a peice of toffee. I have had enough, more than enough and I still want it. I want more. I want it all. I want to eat myself into a sugar stupor.
Then tomorrow I will cry when I get on the scale and feel crappy about being so weak. If I stop right now, right this minute, I can probably save this day. How come I am thinking about shoving my face with all that stuff even though I know, I know, I know that its the worse choice I can make for myself?
I really should not have taken the challenge of the baking. I got too cocky. I wasnt ready. Its wearing me down. Sigh. Someone get the silver bullet would ya? (and put some chocolate on it?)
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