Saturday, September 25, 2010
Ok, well, this has been on my mind for a while now. Alot of people I read say that Positive blogs make them feel less able to relate to the writer. That they want to read what is REAL and the struggles people I have. I can understand that because things are not always sunshine, rainbows and unicorns. People want to know that when they are struggling, someone GETS that.
I tend to blog fairly positive things. That is just me. I have been trying to think of a struggle or something to write about but you know what? Right now, at this point of my life, I am feeling quite fantastic! I have physical energy, my crankiness is gone, I am doing well losing weight, I have embraced my new lifestyle, I like to motivate and inspire and uplift people so I love SparkPeople because I get to do that.
But I want you all to know: When you are struggling, sad, depressed, kicking your own ass, tired, petulant or hurt, I am here. I GET you. I do. I have been all of those things. Because I am not that TODAY does not mean I havent been where you are or that I wont be where you are again.
Here is my life in a quick, no- nonsense list of the struggles I have been through in my almost 49 years:
I met my current husband when I was 14. I lost him many times until we finally stuck.
I married my first husband when I was 18. By 19, I was widowed. He drowned in my parents pool, swimming by himself.
My brother in law passed away 5 years after my first husband. By drowning. Leaving my sister and 2 little girls alone.
I married an abuser as a rebound for the pain of my loss after being addicted to drugs and alcohol and ended up in jail for drunk driving.
I fled my 2nd husband with my 6 month daughter because I could not bear the thought of that kind of life for her. She saved me.
I married Frank, he adopted Kelly, and then we had Kady.
We have our own business(es) which is a challenge because we work together and in this economy, it has been a true struggle off and on over the years.
My oldest daughter battled depression a teenager.
My Mom passed away.
My Father passed away.
MY 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with Crohns disease when she was 15. She almost died and I have watched her battle this insidious disease with dignity, grace and strength. It is incurable but we have not given up the fight.
Many brother in laws have come and gone, my favorite neice has spent the last year going through an extremly painful divorce and yes, my favorite dog died.
All those things have changed me, shaped me, made me empathetic to people's pain and made me want to be able to tell those who suffer that they can overcome, there is light at the end of the tunnel, that life can be good if you choose to make it that way. That life is precious, short and worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every burst of laughter and every memory that we can make. So yea, I get you and Im here.
Friday, September 24, 2010
So I am at Target, getting some items. There is a guy behind me with his 5 year old daughter. She is buying Scooby snacks and asks daddy if it is there turn yet. He says, " as soon as the guy is done with this lady, it will be our turn". She turns at looks at me, looks at daddy and says in a LOUD WHISPER, that only children can do, " She's fat!".
Dad tells her, "Elizabeth, you dont say that, its not nice" . Lots of thing went through my mind but I turned to her with one of my most charming smiles and said,"You know what? I used to be fatter but I lost 50 pounds. That is more than you weigh. " Blank stare, daddy mutters something about it being awesome and I continued (with a smile) " and I am going to lose more and then I will be the one in line buying Scooby snacks".
Paid for my stuff, went to my truck and here they come, parked right in front of me. Dad gives me an embarrased smile and I smiled back and drove away.
So I feel alot of different ways about it but basically, this thought keeps running through my mind: "Well, ain't that a bitch!!"
Thursday, September 23, 2010
It occured to me today: I am really good at eating in the car. Not just eating in the car, but while driving. I have eaten the very challenging Wienerschintzel chili dogs while driving, not to mention taco bell tacos. I scoff at the ease of a burger and fries. Breakfast! Ha! I laugh at you! I barely had to be awake for that!
Today, I ate a teriyaki bowl. I mean, I have to beleive that this is a true talent! I have spent years perfecting it. Not a vacation takes place that doesnt begin at McDonalds.
While my choices have changed, the habit remains the same. Subway, ok, but I prefer Togo's or Safeway sandwiches. A chicken fajita pita or teriyaki bowl from Jack in the box (with fruit not the egg roll) instead of a Jumbo jack or fried chicken sandwich and fries, a egg mcmuffin with no cheese or meat instead of a sausage egg and cheese muffin.
You guys know what I do to french fries or hash browns so that isnt a problem. I call them French FLIES now as they sail out my window.
I have been in my office so much over the last year that I rarely am out and about at lunch time but this week, I have been in the car 3 out of 4 days. So I think I need to plan better although I have no doubt I could handle a PBJ with no problem or even a fruit salad or a cup-a-soup with ease. I mean, come on. I am a professional.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I had a conversation with my hubby last night that made me realize that he may be feeling a bit worried about the "new me" that is emerging. He is a confidant person (Leo), he is very supportive and excited about my weight loss and the things that we will be able do now, as well as the fact that I am getting healthy but I heard something last night that makes me think he has underlying concern. I dont want to give the wrong impression about him and I tried to put myself in his shoes and understand how he might be feeling since he is very male and they typically do not "share" their feelings easily, especially when it is complicated and he may not understand it himself.
I understood going into this that my weight has worked for me in life and relationships in the past.I mean if it didnt on some level, I wouldnt have stayed that way. I have looked at some things within myself on why I felt the need to cover and protect myself from certain elements such as attention from other men, as an example. My man has loved me thin(ner) and loved me fat. He loves ME which is such a blessing but he (and I ) were worried about my health which is why I started this journey.
I expected changes and upheavals. I did not expect the confidence ( I have always been very confidant), the possibilities, the dreams of future events, places and activities that suddenly become options. I am changing, in more ways than the physical. I think in very positive ways.
The main point of me getting healthy is so that I can spend a happy, active life with my husband well into our retirement years.
I am wondering: does he think I will get thin and leave him? That I will change who I am? That I have a secret internet life with sp? That I wont need him anymore? (All completely stupid but we all think stupid things sometimes and I am trying to pinpoint where he might be coming from).
So what I want to know, Men and Women, both:
Tell me your experience with your significant others regarding your weight loss.
The positives, the negatives, the trials and the triumphs. Lay it on me.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
So today, I got up, went on spark to see what was going on overnight, checked facebook and email, showered and went out to my office for a quick answering machine check then I had plans to go get some roofing samples and take them to a potential customer. I was thinking I would go to mcdonalds for breakfast and then said, NO! I figured I would grab a Luna Bar on the way out the door.
As I came in to leave, my cell rang and my niece was on the line so we started talking while I was gathering the stuff I needed for the day. Cell phone, purse, file, notes, grabbed a Vitamin water, still talking, now out the door. I talked to her for my whole 45 minute drive! I got the samples, kept thinking I was forgetting something, drove to my customers house and spent 2.5 hours with her. She is an artist and a lovely gal, had a nice chat.
Went next door to see hubby ( we are doing the neighbors job) but he had left to go to another town. I was sad. I was gonna make him take me to lunch!
So speaking of lunch, it was now 1:00 and I decided to go to Taco Bell (fresco menu rocks!!!) and I realized.... I FORGOT TO EAT BREAKFAST!!!
Who forgets to eat???? Not fat girls that is for sure. Some skinny, jogging, crazy coffee drinking person would forget to eat, right??? Um no. Contrary to my previous beliefs, apparantly, I did not think about food for approx. 4 hours or I would have realized I had not yet eaten any food!
I dont think it is a good thing to forget to eat but I do think its a good thing to not think about food every minute of every day!! I could never imagine being a person who would forget to eat! Either I am crazy or I am seriously changing this whole food thinking thing. I think its the latter.(although am not ruling out crazy!)
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