Sunday, August 03, 2008
I have been absent for some time now and feeling closer to being ready to come back. Its not quite there yet, but I'm getting closer.
Most of my friends on SP know that my Daddy was very ill with cancer and that I was spending as much time with him as I could. GOD allowed me to spend some very special time with him before he took him home. My Dad's battle with cancer ended almost one week after my son turned 1. He had acquired another terrible infection and doctors ignored our concerns with symptoms we verbalized. The infection was so bad, doctors gave him 2 months and it wasn't 3 days. The infection took his life, and not the cancer that had been in his lungs, liver, bronchial, and brain. He beat the cancer!!!He fought a long, hard battle!! He will forever be my inspiration and HERO. He went to be with GOD exactly the way he wanted. He was home, family around, BBQing going on and the laughter of all our children. Just before he left to be with GOD, he puckered up his lips for a final kiss with my mom. He took two breaths and was gone. I wasn't able to be there for his final breath. I was only 10 blocks away and driving like a maniac. I had been fighting with DH the night before. I will not go into detail. I will tell you this: if you are fighting with a loved one who has an addiction--- the addiction usually wins.
A day after my Dad passed, my niece went spastic---biting, kicking, throwing metal horseshoes, rocks and a 25lb wooden lawn chair. I was bit over 7 times and it resulted in her being placed into another foster home and then another and another until she was just placed into yet another treatment facility for her emotional and physical disturbances. Talk about STRESSED OUT!!!! Then I turned around and got a Urinary Tract Infection that spread to my kidneys. OUCH!!!
Today 8/3/08 I am at my moms house, separated from my DH and helping nurse my mom back to health after having a kidney stone removed the size of a golf ball....It just keeps getting better these days. LOL
I firmly believe that the separation with DH is going to result in Dissolution of Marriage. My Dad told me, before he passed, that "You cant fight a bottle". He had a lot of love for DH and DH continued on this path of destruction. I WILL NOT!!! I am stronger and I will overcome this lifestyle that has consumed me into depression.
I miss my Dad, and I will never forget him. I love him with all of my heart and will miss him and mourn him forever. The time I had with him was not enough, but will be cherished for the remainder of my life.
Rest peacefully Daddy 02/05/55-6/23/08
I LOVE YOU!!!
For all of my SP friends: I miss you and love you! I will be back, I promise. DONT GIVE UP ON ME!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Everything has been chaotic the past few weeks. I have not stuck to any meal plans nor have I made healthy decisions either. I have not given up, im am merely on hold. I have my dad who is ill and my kiddo who needs me too! I had to place her into an inpatient treatment facility because of unsafe behavior. She was there 10 days and is home now, and I have been at my parents keeping an eye on my dad while trying to work out some marriage issues! I have not forgotten my SP friends, I will be back soon...promise!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Well, Savannah's dad was served with papers on monday. They are having a difficult time locating her mother to serve her, but they will find her.
Child protection certifiers came to our house yesterday to go through our house and make sure we have a safe environment for her, and to help us get ready to become her foster parents. I am so excited that this is all happening because It will finally bring some closure to some things and help us help her get what she needs...emotionally, educationally, mentally, and physically. This will surely open a bunch of doors that have been slammed on my face for the past few years. I expected that our first court appearance wouldnt be untill late next week, but NO... it will be tomorrow. We have the prelims where DHS will step in and ask the Judge for temporary custody of Savannah and ask that she stay in our home as her foster parents. I have been so busy this week with psych appointments, counseling, doctors and DHS meetings, that I have not really had time to log food. I have been doing well. I didnt get to go to water aerobics tonight for the first time in over a month because Hayden was too fussy and DH is working.....BUMMER!
I just wanted to keep you all updated!!! Thanks for your support and prayers.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Just wanted to tell y'all that I have officially lost 15 pounds!!!!!
I weighed myself a bit early, and I will weigh myself on monday like usual, but I woke up feeling a bit lighter....LOL
I am so excited!!! I know that tummy problem had to of helped, but man... I am so happy!!!!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
While my life still spins out of control, my eating has stayed consistent and so has my activity. Except for today. Things just have finally caught up to me and I am sick!!! I was up for most of the night visiting the restroom and staying in there for long periods of time...i will spare the details.
My stomach is on fire and I can not keep anything in (not just down).
My nerves are shot...kapoot...need rewiring. Today was another lovely day of "as savannah turns" and I had to get her into a leg lock and hold her their so that she wouldnt keep attaching me or injure herself. She scared my son so bad that he wouldnt stop shaking for over 30 minutes even when he was removed from the room where she was 'raging'.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I still, in all my glory, turned to SP when all I wanted was a nice stiff drink (and I dont drink)!
Except for the fact that my stomach is not even handling water real well at the moment. Im so sick...and tired....in the literal sence.
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