Saturday, June 11, 2011
136.0 that was my weight this morning. I'm up again. i just don't get what it is i'm doing wrong but I have an idea it may well be salt. No excuse but I need to find something to lay the blame on. I have followed my plan to a key.....used very few " free points" given to me by weight watchers and yet i'm up again this week. I got out the scales...i've put them up till needed to keep me off of them.....stepped on and looked down. I was so sure of change this week. But that is not to be. I of course said "that can't be right" I got tears in my eyes and then I stepped off and asked the lord what it was I needed to do to get this right. I feel like i'm doing everything right but since last November i'm up and down like a merry=go=round and not really moving. Discouraging to say the least. Oh i've thought throwing in the towel so many times. I cry, I kick, I throw a tantrum but in the end the number stays the same. The true question for me is do I really want this or am I self sabataging myself.
That seems to be the question of the hour. I don't know the answer. I weigh, measure, count, eat more veggies than should be healthy, I hardly eat any meat. Bread? with the heat that is just not an option for me. So what gives? Has to be the sodium. I have given to eating those freezer pops at night (2 to be exact) and I have checked and the sodium isn't low on those. I didn't realize when I began and got hooked. I have taken to eating peanuts on a regular basis...for no other reason but to have something to munch. So how am I going to begin this new week? On a run.
I'm going to have change in my weigh ins. I'm going to have a good feeling inside of me again instead of this feeling of powerlessness. Today is a new week beginning for me. i can't go back and I can only look forward. I haven't given up yet and I don't intend to. My moment in the spot light is coming I just have to be patient and keep doing what i'm doing. working out regurally, getting my water, and following my plan.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
I have so many telling me I can do this. I have so many others giving me boosts of self esteem. so what gives? Yesterday I was feeling like my achievements didn't amount to much...comparing apples to oranges is a no no anyways....but as I got to work I was stopped by two ladies who gave me a thumbs up on my progress. One stopped me as I was heading to my walk at lunch to tell me how incredible I looked and to keep it up. I guess someone up above was listening to me on my walk yesterday.
I listed my achievements, then the things I still needed to work on, the things I liked about me and the things needing work. My list of good points was long, my list of bad was short. With a bit of tweeking my bad points could become good. Infact I found out with some soul searching that with a bit more work on the good...like exercise, water, eating right....I could fix a lot of the things I didn't like about me....muffin top, arms, mindless eating....it all came back to me taking better care of me. I had to smile when I was done....now anyone seeing me on my morning walk/jog would of thought I needed some strong drugs because i was just a talking away.....but I discovered a lot about me. I liked the new me i'm becoming. I like that I eat healthy for the most part and the part i didn't like was due to plain ole laziness.
So as I stepped on the scales this morning I didn't let that number define me or my week. I may have stayed the same this week but i have gained so much ground. I am starting to look inside myself. That is scarey for the most part for anyone. When you start to pick yourself apart and then try to put you back together in a better way, it can get really depressing. I'm working on me and that is an awesome place to be right now.
so I will step away from the scales...they really are starting to ge the best of me....and I will do what is needed for me. I know what I need to do now to just get out there and get it done.
Why oh why? Because I want to.
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