Saturday, June 04, 2011
I have so many telling me I can do this. I have so many others giving me boosts of self esteem. so what gives? Yesterday I was feeling like my achievements didn't amount to much...comparing apples to oranges is a no no anyways....but as I got to work I was stopped by two ladies who gave me a thumbs up on my progress. One stopped me as I was heading to my walk at lunch to tell me how incredible I looked and to keep it up. I guess someone up above was listening to me on my walk yesterday.
I listed my achievements, then the things I still needed to work on, the things I liked about me and the things needing work. My list of good points was long, my list of bad was short. With a bit of tweeking my bad points could become good. Infact I found out with some soul searching that with a bit more work on the good...like exercise, water, eating right....I could fix a lot of the things I didn't like about me....muffin top, arms, mindless eating....it all came back to me taking better care of me. I had to smile when I was done....now anyone seeing me on my morning walk/jog would of thought I needed some strong drugs because i was just a talking away.....but I discovered a lot about me. I liked the new me i'm becoming. I like that I eat healthy for the most part and the part i didn't like was due to plain ole laziness.
So as I stepped on the scales this morning I didn't let that number define me or my week. I may have stayed the same this week but i have gained so much ground. I am starting to look inside myself. That is scarey for the most part for anyone. When you start to pick yourself apart and then try to put you back together in a better way, it can get really depressing. I'm working on me and that is an awesome place to be right now.
so I will step away from the scales...they really are starting to ge the best of me....and I will do what is needed for me. I know what I need to do now to just get out there and get it done.
Why oh why? Because I want to.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
“Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.” ~ Doug Firebaugh
This quote was gotten off of my WW team page. Notice it says "inch you closer". there is nothing that says we have to race to the finish line. We take it one step at a time and one pound at a time. Slow and steady they say wins the race. I guess I need to slow it down, do what i can, and let the rest be. I will strive for better each day than the day before because with each day i'm growing stronger. Just like with each exercise our muscles gain strength so is it true about our minds. Each thing we learn is making us stronger for our tomorrows.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I set my plan and then I begin. And begin, and begin again. You get the picture. I seem to always be beginning this journey. I guess you could say i'm a much better beginner than a finisher. I have told myself a million times this time is going to be the one to bring me to the finish line. The thing is the line keeps moving. I get close and then it is pulled back. Or I think it is anyways. I can see it through the mist but it just is always out of reach. My days begin in earnest and end up in dispair. I write, I blog, I journal, I count, I weigh, I set the plan. Yet at the end of the day i'm still a step away from reaching any of the goals I set for my day.
Tired? Hungry? Bored? Sad? These are all feelings i'm well aware of. I get home from work and without a plan I eat till bed. I'm tired and I eat instead of heading to bed. I'm bored on the weekends so I eat to fill it. Why not head out for a walk? I'm tired and that would take too much energy. Sad? Oh I have been battling depression for years now, I'm on meds which i've checked...don't harbor my weight. In fact I was doing great on them. So why now? Why the struggle to reach this end of the journey and move forward? Boredom with the plan? If so whos fault is that? What can I do to make this the best time of my life instead of seeming like so so much work?
These questions are all about my journey right now. I 'm the one with the answers, i'm the one that holds the key to my own success. I have to begin but I have to see it through till the end. This journey is full of stops and starts. It is when I decide to just stop the trouble will begin. For now it is a time of discovery. Some things I like about myself and others i'm not so sure of. On the outside looking in is where I feel like i'm at right now, but could I really be inside looking out and missing something else? Life is full of questions. I just have to keep searching for my answers...after all mine are not yours, my troubles aren't yours, and I need a hand to hold during this journey, not one to hold me up one to help pull myself up with. I can stand on my own two legs for this, every now and again I just need someone to walk along with me.
So, today I head out on my journey with many hands to hold. Spark has given me that. I have a great friend to walk this journey with and she is feeling just about like me right now and that means i'm not alone. Funny....how with spark we can never be alone. Makes the journey so much more worth while to have someone to share it with. People who understand and can lend support when needed, push you when they see your sliding, or give you a pat for a job well done. I'm so thankful that while I learn all about me I have somewhere to come and let it go and people will understand without wondering why I can't just be happy like I am.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A new month for me means new goals to set, new plans, new energy. This is no different. I'm ready today to take on the next steps in my journey. I have been playing around with the last five pounds forever it seems and I do believe it is time to get this party started. No matter what anyone says i'm not at goal yet. I can't let the ones telling me I don't need to lose anymore deter me. I have heard it all, I almost think I may be believing it. I have to STOP, I need to go with my gut, with my doctor, and with my own peace of mind. I have a friend that we started this journey with some almost three years ago. She quit, came back, and quit again. She is not on spark right now but trying to do right. She told me yesterday for the first time how much she hated the way she looked and felt. That was the first time she has ever said that to me. I always just thought she was ok with herself and who am I to judge, push, or prod anyone. I have my own struggles i'm working to overcome, mindless eating is a big one, and feelings. So I guess when we see things from the outside looking in we don't always see the same things as they see looking out.
I have reset my own goals for the month of June. I know now i'm not alone outside of spark. We are all going through things. Life isn't easy for any of us right now. I need to work on my feelings of never measureing up. People don't understand this but for me no matter how hard I work I never seem to come out on top. Others do and I have to watch from the sidelines. I will think today i'm on top of the world and WHAM I get knocked back and made to take another look at myself. I think I know the lord does this so I don't get on my high horse and I know that envy is a bad green monster.....i'm working on being happy with me but it is tough. I have always been the black sheep in my family. I never seemed to do what others felt I should and for that I will always be on the sidelines. Is this a abad place to be? Depends I guess. Sometimes I see that i'm not like the rest and that is a good way to be, but other times it does get lonely. Always looking in and never feeling a part of anything. So these feelings i'm working on each day. I am strong, I am set in my ways yes, but not in such a way that I can't bend. But sometimes I don't want to be the only one that bends.
So new month, new goals, and new stratagies. I will do this. I will continue to work on making me the best I can be. Not what others think I should be. After all I have to be happy with me at night when I lay down my head to sleep.
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