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Starting to work through some things

Sunday, May 22, 2011

emoticonWhat I ate that? But i'm not suppose to. It isn't allowed. Right? Wrong. Everything is allowed. I can have anything I want within reason. I may go over my program daily points (ww) but i'm allowed "free points" each week to eat what I want. I normally try hard not to use them and when I do my mind in a constant tizzy. Why did I eat that? What was I thinking? I'm never going to reach my goal doing this bad stuff. WRONG!!!!! Michelle those points are there for you to use. Not all at once, which I didnt, but as I did a bit here today. I bargained with me and decided I wanted baked tostidos with spinach dip...Oh they were delicious I had some and then I wrote it down and it hit me. "I ate what I shouldn't of, I should of just not bought them". Again wrong. I ate what I was allowed, I weighed, measured....I was ok. I had not used any free points so it should of been ok. But no my mind is in a turmoil. I"m still on track. I"m still doing all i'm suppose to. I have gotten in between 12-13 cups of water now for the whole weekend, I have gotten in much more exercise than I planned and ran for a bit yesterday, I also have gotten seven fruits and veggies, so why let me beat myself up over the darn chips? Because I have slipped and fell so many times before. That I think I now may be on a food fettish kinda thing and it scares me. I don't want to be afraid of food, I don't want to not eat anything because I shouldn't. I want to enjoy everything within reason.

So here is what i'm having to work through. The why. I will keep working on the problems this brings me and work my way through the guilt. We should never feel guilt on a journey or a lifetime. There is going to be restaurants, parties, birthday cake, a cookie now and again. It is how I or we handle this that makes the difference. I'm learning self control and when I don't oh my tummy is just sick. Then comes a lesson learned. I usually don't make the same mistake twice, ok may twice, but I sure learn the hard way.

I will count this as day 5 on track. I was on track, I didn't derail, I planned and I did. Nothing wrong with that.

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 5/23/2011 10:48PM

    Try your best everyday. If you do slip up, as we all will from time to time, start anew from where you are that day. Screw up lunch? Then start fresh after that. Mess up on dinner? A new positive streak begins afterward. You can do this. -- Lou

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/23/2011 8:00PM

    Michelle, you are doing great! There is NOTHING WRONG..I repeat NOTHING WRONG with planning for snacks and then enjoying them. The points are available so that you can enjoy food without feeling deprived or guilty. You are doing great my friend..just keep at it!!

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SLIMPAM23 5/23/2011 2:06PM

    I think you are doing great my friend. And knowing that you are in an imperfect world is a good lesson to learn. Baked Tostitos and spinach dip is not the worst you could have eaten even if you didn't have the extra points....although you did and I'm glad. When you are fighting the guilt monster next time...remind yourself what snack you would have eaten if you WEREN'T on this journey now!! In the big picture you have actually made a pretty good choice!! Keep moving forward!!

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CAKAROO 5/23/2011 7:59AM

    Don't get discouraged - you are doing great

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 5/23/2011 5:00AM

    Michelle, you are finally coming around to the thinking, ''this is not a diet, but a lifestyle change." It took me forever to get to that point as well due to like you I was always, ''dieting." Diets don't work, lifestyle change does.

You counted, you measured, you enjoyed=Lifestyle change.

I am so proud of you.


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KENDRACARROLL 5/22/2011 10:58PM

    You know, I did WW when I started this journey oh so long ago. I remember eating a lot of 'junk', but still lost consistantly when I stayed within my points. Granted that staying within my points while eating "the wrong kinds of foods" made me go to bed hungry a lot... :( I still lost.
Yes, it's all in your head my friend.
Sadly the more I learned about good nutrition, the crazier my head got and the harder it has become to win at this game. I do believe, sometimes ignorance is bliss for sure.
In the long run, of course, all that new 'healthy' knowlege will be of benefit, but somehow somebody forgot to tell my brain about this...
I know exactly where you're coming from.
It is an 'on plan' day, chips or no chips, as long as your points are where you need them.

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I think my mojo may be found

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. Itís a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Once you make a decision,
the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

I was struggleing for so long and hateing myself for the choices I was making. i mean really I was the one making the choices and I was the one following through with the wrong I could of stopped it at anytime right? I don't think it works like that through. Your mind has to be in the right place and mine wasn't.

I had my weigh in this morning and surprise i'm up again. Am I upset? Nope. I had began anew three days ago. Three days does not a loss make. You have to be consistant for each day and not only on the days you choose. So I have taken this weigh in with a grain of salt...i'm restarting my trackers to reflect this new me, new beginning. So I won't look back....a great friend of mine did this and it is working for her......I can only go forward. so today I begin day four of following my plan to reach my goals. I can and I will do this.

Hard work? Oh yeah but so worth each bead of sweat and each small bite.

Good luck to all on this journey, for it is a journey with one foot in front of the other.
Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/21/2011 9:47PM

    Keep it up! You are doing GREAT!!!!!

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CAKAROO 5/21/2011 12:31PM

    Good luck to you too!

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IUHRYTR 5/21/2011 12:27PM

    It would be unrealistic for any of us to believe our weight loss will be in constant downward motion, like expecting a baseball team to go undefeated for 182 games. But the slow, steady progress, even with a backward step here and there, is the reward we seek. (Curious: what is an OP day?). Keep up the effort and soon you will rejoice over reaching your goal. -- Lou

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KENDRACARROLL 5/21/2011 11:53AM

    Have a wonderful OP day today.

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 5/21/2011 8:28AM

    Michelle, I am so proud of you, and I do hear the MOJO in your blog. Keep up the great work Sweetie.

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    Great, positive blog! Thank you, Pat

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So far two days on track: yes

Friday, May 20, 2011

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.
- Lance Armstrong (bicycle racer)

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

These quotes today so reflect me. I have not given in to the feeling like a failure. I just picked myself up, dusted off my back side and began again. nothing wrong with starting over. Sometimes we need fresh beginnings to remotivate us. So far i've had two great days under my belt. I know two seems like such a small number for each journey begins with but one step.

So heres to another wonderful day filled with healthy choices. It really isn't so hard once you set yourself down and decide what it is you really want.

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/21/2011 12:22AM


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JUSTCHELLE75 5/20/2011 10:56AM

    Good job and I am really proud of you

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MONGO2TEN 5/20/2011 8:34AM

    Loved the quotes. You are so worth this and on the right track!


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IUHRYTR 5/20/2011 7:22AM

    Even one positive day is a streak in my book. Every one gets us closer to where we want to be. Slow and consistent loss is good. Stay the course, one pound at a time. emoticon -- Lou

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 5/20/2011 7:04AM

    Michele, I am so proud of you, and yes, everyone of those quotes fits you to a "T." I am so happy that you have finally seen what the rest of us have seen for sometime and that is, ''you are so worth the effort."


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I won't feel sorry for myself

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

You know I have been feeling sorry for myself, the plateau i've been on for some three months, and just my program in general. Yesterday I decided to just stick to my guns, think about what I wanted and if what I choose to eat was going to help me get there. I also decided one pound at a time is how i'm going to get there. so as I did all this I set myself back on the tracks and this train is coming in. I had an awesome day, stuck to my planned meals and snacks, got my water, and extra exercise. What has changed from yesterday to today? My mindset. I had a talk with "Michelle" and let her know she was worth all this, she was beautiful and she could do this. So no more beating me up over what I can't undo. A friend of mind reset her goals and such to reflect the her now. She wasn't looking back. I was spending so much energy seeing my mistakes I wasn't looking at the great choices I make every day.

I do have to tell ya though If I hear one more person tell me how i'm going to become anorexic I'm going to scream. I am doing this with my doctor's ok, I'm doing WW and believe me no anorexic I know eats this much food. So people back off. Of course I have to understand the ones saying this are the ones NOT following any kind of diet and are over weight. so to them I probable seem like i'm not eating. BUt oh I do. I just eat better choices: people potato chips alone does not a lunch make. chocolate is not a food group. when your doctor tells ya your cholesterol is big time high and offers you meds......take them. When you say I''ll do this with diet....come on now....again chips and candy isn't what he had in mind. So to all who question my journey I have to wonder is it because your a wee bit jealous? I do think so and yet I was letting their comments get in my head and making me second guess myself.

NO MORE!!!!!!!

Today is all about ME!!!!!

Michelle emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/19/2011 11:57PM

    WooHoo Michelle!!! I'm so proud of you! I think you finally have the right mindset and I think you can say goodbye to the days of self reproach and negativity and second guessing. You ARE worth this struggle and I think you're on to something about those who question you. They aren't taking control of their lives while you are..jealous?? maybe!
You made me smile today. Thank you.

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NEWNAC304 5/19/2011 5:14PM

    Good for you! You can do this and with that attitude you will! Keep it up!

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IUHRYTR 5/19/2011 4:41PM

    emoticon -- Lou

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JUSTCHELLE75 5/19/2011 9:01AM

    Congrats Michelle

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 5/19/2011 8:46AM

    I am so proud of you, I could burst, but that might make me have to have another surgery, so won't burst, but I am smiling from ear to ear, due to my dear Sweet Precious friend, had finally gotten it!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have finally come to realize that you are worth the effort, sometimes our so called friends can become stumbling blocks and yes, they can become quiet jealous of your success.

Michelle, you can do this, you can put yourself on top of the list, look at me I did. So my friend, please do ''stick to your guns" and if we have to lets shoot the tires off the Struggle Bus. emoticon


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Creating the me I want to be

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

When this quote showed up in my email this morning I knew it was meant for me. Someone upstairs new I needed this quote to give me a push. You see i've been searching for the mojo I have seemed to lost somewhere along the way. You know the one where your so motivated, you have so much energy, each day is like a new you coming out. Well I seemed to have lost that. I have been at a plateau for about three months now. I have 5 little pounds to lose and I just can't seem to get past this point. Am I at my goal weight now you may wonder...nope. Talked to my doc and I could go so much further than I have choosen but I wanted a nice round number that I could hold myself to. If I go lower wonderful but for now I want to just hit this first mark. It seems i'm sabotaging my efforts. I lose I gain. It is a cycle i've been on now for some time and it is getting old. When I have a loss I can't even be happy for me because I've seen that number before. It is like i'm stuck on a merry go round and I can';t seem to get off.

I can't say if it is fear or reaching the goal, fear of reaching the goal and then gaining again, fear of so many things. I tell myself and spark I want to do this to the end. But I seem to be holding a part of myself back. I have lost the want and it just makes me so upset with myself. I told myself I would go back to basics,...water, fruits and veggies, exercise. Oh i'm doing it but barely. This isn't where I want to be. I want to be a success at this. So I keep plugging along and I know that that means I really do want this. I could of quit this so long ago like I've seen so many come and go on this site. But I haven't. I want the change I just have to be willing to make the change.

So today I vow that I will keep plugging away at the me I want to be. I can see her and she is beautiful, strong, and very much in control of herself and her foods. today I push the me I am to become that me.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 5/19/2011 12:57AM

    You keep pushing my friend...but if you ask me you already ARE a success!!! You are doing this. Oh, I know all to well about the self sabotage. I picture the me I want to be in my head, but I seem to have no idea how to become her. BUT WE WILL. YOu've come so far and you can do anything you set your mind to. I'm right here beside ya and we will see this through!!

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