Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A new month for me means new goals to set, new plans, new energy. This is no different. I'm ready today to take on the next steps in my journey. I have been playing around with the last five pounds forever it seems and I do believe it is time to get this party started. No matter what anyone says i'm not at goal yet. I can't let the ones telling me I don't need to lose anymore deter me. I have heard it all, I almost think I may be believing it. I have to STOP, I need to go with my gut, with my doctor, and with my own peace of mind. I have a friend that we started this journey with some almost three years ago. She quit, came back, and quit again. She is not on spark right now but trying to do right. She told me yesterday for the first time how much she hated the way she looked and felt. That was the first time she has ever said that to me. I always just thought she was ok with herself and who am I to judge, push, or prod anyone. I have my own struggles i'm working to overcome, mindless eating is a big one, and feelings. So I guess when we see things from the outside looking in we don't always see the same things as they see looking out.
I have reset my own goals for the month of June. I know now i'm not alone outside of spark. We are all going through things. Life isn't easy for any of us right now. I need to work on my feelings of never measureing up. People don't understand this but for me no matter how hard I work I never seem to come out on top. Others do and I have to watch from the sidelines. I will think today i'm on top of the world and WHAM I get knocked back and made to take another look at myself. I think I know the lord does this so I don't get on my high horse and I know that envy is a bad green monster.....i'm working on being happy with me but it is tough. I have always been the black sheep in my family. I never seemed to do what others felt I should and for that I will always be on the sidelines. Is this a abad place to be? Depends I guess. Sometimes I see that i'm not like the rest and that is a good way to be, but other times it does get lonely. Always looking in and never feeling a part of anything. So these feelings i'm working on each day. I am strong, I am set in my ways yes, but not in such a way that I can't bend. But sometimes I don't want to be the only one that bends.
So new month, new goals, and new stratagies. I will do this. I will continue to work on making me the best I can be. Not what others think I should be. After all I have to be happy with me at night when I lay down my head to sleep.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Well it finally happened. The scales moved in the right direction. Almost a pound. My goal was one pound but I will count this as a success. 0.6 is close. Now to move forward to the next level. I'm taking this one pound at a time and this loss will push me forward this week. I actually got on twice. Not to be greedy but with gains the last few weeks and no movement for some time before that I just had to check. lol.
So onwards and downwards!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
What I ate that? But i'm not suppose to. It isn't allowed. Right? Wrong. Everything is allowed. I can have anything I want within reason. I may go over my program daily points (ww) but i'm allowed "free points" each week to eat what I want. I normally try hard not to use them and when I do my mind in a constant tizzy. Why did I eat that? What was I thinking? I'm never going to reach my goal doing this bad stuff. WRONG!!!!! Michelle those points are there for you to use. Not all at once, which I didnt, but as I did a bit here today. I bargained with me and decided I wanted baked tostidos with spinach dip...Oh they were delicious I had some and then I wrote it down and it hit me. "I ate what I shouldn't of, I should of just not bought them". Again wrong. I ate what I was allowed, I weighed, measured....I was ok. I had not used any free points so it should of been ok. But no my mind is in a turmoil. I"m still on track. I"m still doing all i'm suppose to. I have gotten in between 12-13 cups of water now for the whole weekend, I have gotten in much more exercise than I planned and ran for a bit yesterday, I also have gotten seven fruits and veggies, so why let me beat myself up over the darn chips? Because I have slipped and fell so many times before. That I think I now may be on a food fettish kinda thing and it scares me. I don't want to be afraid of food, I don't want to not eat anything because I shouldn't. I want to enjoy everything within reason.
So here is what i'm having to work through. The why. I will keep working on the problems this brings me and work my way through the guilt. We should never feel guilt on a journey or a lifetime. There is going to be restaurants, parties, birthday cake, a cookie now and again. It is how I or we handle this that makes the difference. I'm learning self control and when I don't oh my tummy is just sick. Then comes a lesson learned. I usually don't make the same mistake twice, ok may twice, but I sure learn the hard way.
I will count this as day 5 on track. I was on track, I didn't derail, I planned and I did. Nothing wrong with that.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. Itís a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Once you make a decision,
the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan
I was struggleing for so long and hateing myself for the choices I was making. i mean really I was the one making the choices and I was the one following through with the wrong choices.....so I could of stopped it at anytime right? I don't think it works like that through. Your mind has to be in the right place and mine wasn't.
I had my weigh in this morning and surprise i'm up again. Am I upset? Nope. I had began anew three days ago. Three days does not a loss make. You have to be consistant for each day and not only on the days you choose. So I have taken this weigh in with a grain of salt...i'm restarting my trackers to reflect this new me, new beginning. So I won't look back....a great friend of mine did this and it is working for her......I can only go forward. so today I begin day four of following my plan to reach my goals. I can and I will do this.
Hard work? Oh yeah but so worth each bead of sweat and each small bite.
Good luck to all on this journey, for it is a journey with one foot in front of the other.
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