Sunday, May 22, 2011
What I ate that? But i'm not suppose to. It isn't allowed. Right? Wrong. Everything is allowed. I can have anything I want within reason. I may go over my program daily points (ww) but i'm allowed "free points" each week to eat what I want. I normally try hard not to use them and when I do my mind in a constant tizzy. Why did I eat that? What was I thinking? I'm never going to reach my goal doing this bad stuff. WRONG!!!!! Michelle those points are there for you to use. Not all at once, which I didnt, but as I did a bit here today. I bargained with me and decided I wanted baked tostidos with spinach dip...Oh they were delicious I had some and then I wrote it down and it hit me. "I ate what I shouldn't of, I should of just not bought them". Again wrong. I ate what I was allowed, I weighed, measured....I was ok. I had not used any free points so it should of been ok. But no my mind is in a turmoil. I"m still on track. I"m still doing all i'm suppose to. I have gotten in between 12-13 cups of water now for the whole weekend, I have gotten in much more exercise than I planned and ran for a bit yesterday, I also have gotten seven fruits and veggies, so why let me beat myself up over the darn chips? Because I have slipped and fell so many times before. That I think I now may be on a food fettish kinda thing and it scares me. I don't want to be afraid of food, I don't want to not eat anything because I shouldn't. I want to enjoy everything within reason.
So here is what i'm having to work through. The why. I will keep working on the problems this brings me and work my way through the guilt. We should never feel guilt on a journey or a lifetime. There is going to be restaurants, parties, birthday cake, a cookie now and again. It is how I or we handle this that makes the difference. I'm learning self control and when I don't oh my tummy is just sick. Then comes a lesson learned. I usually don't make the same mistake twice, ok may twice, but I sure learn the hard way.
I will count this as day 5 on track. I was on track, I didn't derail, I planned and I did. Nothing wrong with that.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. Itís a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Once you make a decision,
the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan
I was struggleing for so long and hateing myself for the choices I was making. i mean really I was the one making the choices and I was the one following through with the wrong choices.....so I could of stopped it at anytime right? I don't think it works like that through. Your mind has to be in the right place and mine wasn't.
I had my weigh in this morning and surprise i'm up again. Am I upset? Nope. I had began anew three days ago. Three days does not a loss make. You have to be consistant for each day and not only on the days you choose. So I have taken this weigh in with a grain of salt...i'm restarting my trackers to reflect this new me, new beginning. So I won't look back....a great friend of mine did this and it is working for her......I can only go forward. so today I begin day four of following my plan to reach my goals. I can and I will do this.
Hard work? Oh yeah but so worth each bead of sweat and each small bite.
Good luck to all on this journey, for it is a journey with one foot in front of the other.
Friday, May 20, 2011
With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.
- Lance Armstrong (bicycle racer)
Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill
These quotes today so reflect me. I have not given in to the feeling like a failure. I just picked myself up, dusted off my back side and began again. nothing wrong with starting over. Sometimes we need fresh beginnings to remotivate us. So far i've had two great days under my belt. I know two seems like such a small number for each journey begins with but one step.
So heres to another wonderful day filled with healthy choices. It really isn't so hard once you set yourself down and decide what it is you really want.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
You know I have been feeling sorry for myself, the plateau i've been on for some three months, and just my program in general. Yesterday I decided to just stick to my guns, think about what I wanted and if what I choose to eat was going to help me get there. I also decided one pound at a time is how i'm going to get there. so as I did all this I set myself back on the tracks and this train is coming in. I had an awesome day, stuck to my planned meals and snacks, got my water, and extra exercise. What has changed from yesterday to today? My mindset. I had a talk with "Michelle" and let her know she was worth all this, she was beautiful and she could do this. So no more beating me up over what I can't undo. A friend of mind reset her goals and such to reflect the her now. She wasn't looking back. I was spending so much energy seeing my mistakes I wasn't looking at the great choices I make every day.
I do have to tell ya though If I hear one more person tell me how i'm going to become anorexic I'm going to scream. I am doing this with my doctor's ok, I'm doing WW and believe me no anorexic I know eats this much food. So people back off. Of course I have to understand the ones saying this are the ones NOT following any kind of diet and are over weight. so to them I probable seem like i'm not eating. BUt oh I do. I just eat better choices: people potato chips alone does not a lunch make. chocolate is not a food group. when your doctor tells ya your cholesterol is big time high and offers you meds......take them. When you say I''ll do this with diet....come on now....again chips and candy isn't what he had in mind. So to all who question my journey I have to wonder is it because your a wee bit jealous? I do think so and yet I was letting their comments get in my head and making me second guess myself.
Today is all about ME!!!!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
When this quote showed up in my email this morning I knew it was meant for me. Someone upstairs new I needed this quote to give me a push. You see i've been searching for the mojo I have seemed to lost somewhere along the way. You know the one where your so motivated, you have so much energy, each day is like a new you coming out. Well I seemed to have lost that. I have been at a plateau for about three months now. I have 5 little pounds to lose and I just can't seem to get past this point. Am I at my goal weight now you may wonder...nope. Talked to my doc and I could go so much further than I have choosen but I wanted a nice round number that I could hold myself to. If I go lower wonderful but for now I want to just hit this first mark. It seems i'm sabotaging my efforts. I lose I gain. It is a cycle i've been on now for some time and it is getting old. When I have a loss I can't even be happy for me because I've seen that number before. It is like i'm stuck on a merry go round and I can';t seem to get off.
I can't say if it is fear or reaching the goal, fear of reaching the goal and then gaining again, fear of so many things. I tell myself and spark I want to do this to the end. But I seem to be holding a part of myself back. I have lost the want and it just makes me so upset with myself. I told myself I would go back to basics,...water, fruits and veggies, exercise. Oh i'm doing it but barely. This isn't where I want to be. I want to be a success at this. So I keep plugging along and I know that that means I really do want this. I could of quit this so long ago like I've seen so many come and go on this site. But I haven't. I want the change I just have to be willing to make the change.
So today I vow that I will keep plugging away at the me I want to be. I can see her and she is beautiful, strong, and very much in control of herself and her foods. today I push the me I am to become that me.
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