Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
When this quote showed up in my email this morning I knew it was meant for me. Someone upstairs new I needed this quote to give me a push. You see i've been searching for the mojo I have seemed to lost somewhere along the way. You know the one where your so motivated, you have so much energy, each day is like a new you coming out. Well I seemed to have lost that. I have been at a plateau for about three months now. I have 5 little pounds to lose and I just can't seem to get past this point. Am I at my goal weight now you may wonder...nope. Talked to my doc and I could go so much further than I have choosen but I wanted a nice round number that I could hold myself to. If I go lower wonderful but for now I want to just hit this first mark. It seems i'm sabotaging my efforts. I lose I gain. It is a cycle i've been on now for some time and it is getting old. When I have a loss I can't even be happy for me because I've seen that number before. It is like i'm stuck on a merry go round and I can';t seem to get off.
I can't say if it is fear or reaching the goal, fear of reaching the goal and then gaining again, fear of so many things. I tell myself and spark I want to do this to the end. But I seem to be holding a part of myself back. I have lost the want and it just makes me so upset with myself. I told myself I would go back to basics,...water, fruits and veggies, exercise. Oh i'm doing it but barely. This isn't where I want to be. I want to be a success at this. So I keep plugging along and I know that that means I really do want this. I could of quit this so long ago like I've seen so many come and go on this site. But I haven't. I want the change I just have to be willing to make the change.
So today I vow that I will keep plugging away at the me I want to be. I can see her and she is beautiful, strong, and very much in control of herself and her foods. today I push the me I am to become that me.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I have written out my plan to reach my goal weight. I have played around with this for a while now and it is time to get serious. I have kept the weight off that I lost for a while now but it is time to reach the goal weight I set with spark and my doctor almost three years ago. I was veering off path and my mind just wasn't in the game. I had my daughters wedding, stress from finances, my son's troubles, and I let all this get in my way. But I can see that now is my time. I'm worth the extra effort it is going to take to reach my goals. I have set the plan, written it out, put it in my journal where I will see it at least four times daily. I'm strong, I have proven to myself that I can do this and now is the time to finish this and move forward. The rest will take care of itself and I have to just deep breath to get through some of it.
I have taken means to fix the others, my daughters wedding was a success, my finances now can get back to normal, and my son is happy, working, and clean. I know that all of this can change in a heartbeat....not the wedding part but the others and I just have to roll with the punching. I have control over some of it but not all. I can only do what I can do. Right now that is working on taking care of me. I have decided i'm worth the work and i'm worth the effort so today begins my journey.
I have begun this journey so many times before, lost, gained, restarted and restarted....but you know what? I've never given up on ME. I knew I could do it, I kept at it and i'm a lot stronger today than I was when I began this journey. I don't just mean physically either. Mentally I'm a much better person. I know what I want in life and i'm finding ways to succeed at that so why not success on the scales. I can have anything I want and I will have this. It may not be tomorrow or next week but I will have it all one day. I have the skills, now I need to apply them and quit being lazy. Because really that is what it comes down to. Me not taking the time that is needed to reach my goals. So today I take the time to work on me. I'm worth it.
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