Thursday, May 05, 2011
I have fallen down the last couple of days and my face is flat on the floor. I can't seem to get back up and I feel like You ever feel like that? I mean I was so on track. I had a loss, my mojo was back and I was moving along wonderfully. Then it happened, company, wedding finishes, stress, boredom ( how I could be bored with so much going on I know), the foods in the house that normally aren't there. I have eaten my way to miserable status. I went to bed last night feeling horrible, woke up feeling worse. Not so much yucky as worse about my failure to put me first. I have seemed to be grabbing anything to fill the moment. No planning, no thought, and no effort. If it is there i'm eating it. My arch enemy chips are back in the house. My sister, bless her, felt the need to bring three bags in. Oh the doritos, the cheese puffs, the plain chips. I've had them all. I had a cookies, pizza, hamburgers, chicken patties on buns, french fries, and Like the person that orders the big mac meal and the diet coke i've had a salad to even it all out. I mean like that is going to help here. Nope the damage is done.
I have two days before weigh in. can I do it? Oh I don't see how. But I can work on me again. I can put me first. I can make better choices. I must for my sanity. The guilt is more than I can stand. It leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. why is it we can lose ourselves in a moment and all the hard work we have done just washes away like nothing? I have put all my priorities to the back burner. I mean ENOUGH, I can't go on like this. I need control, order, I need veggies, water, healthy choices. It is up to me to make those choices. So this is my day to be strong for me. I want to go to bed tonight with a feeling of control over my day and my choices. NO is such a easy word and I need to use it. I have choices and I need to voice them. the old Michelle is here and letting others make her decisions and taking the easy way out. Not today.
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
As many may know my daughter is getting married this saturday. I have family here now and more coming tomorrow and the next day. Oh the struggle to stay on track when the eating is tossed out the window. I"m getting most of my exercise, I say most because it is hard to work out when what I really want is to visit with my sister whom I don't see but every few years or more, but somehow I've been doing about 30 minutes daily. Eating is something else. There is chips in the house, for me that is a no-no because I do love to eat them. But I got some for me and so far i'm holding my own. My weight will probably not see much change this week but i'm ok with that. My main goal is to hold my own and then next week I will be back at it. Once all this worry is over with I just hope to relax and let my journey take it's course.
It is funny how easy it is to live on plan while following daily routines, but let company come, or go off the beaten path and we are thrown for a loop. Here I thought I had this under control. For the most part I do. I make good choices from the ones i'm given and so far my WW pointPlus haven't suffered too much. Thank goodness for the free points each week. Water is essential for me and i'm getting that. I just need to plan more and visit more eat less. Yeah ok, we all know visiting and eating go hand in hand. But i'm not upset with myself. Quite the contrary i'm proud of the choices i'm making. I could of thrown up my hands and said "i'll get back to this next week", but I didn't. I have my journal, bootcamp, and home gym. I have all the tools, now I just need to keep using them.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I normally walk during part of my lunch hour. Most sit and chat, I sit and eat and then get up with my water bottle and hit the road. Litterally. I walk for as long as I can. Sometimes it is 30 minutes and I have had quick walk of less then 20 minutes but I do this daily. It is both good for me and very relaxing. I always get stopped either on my way out or in from work and questions begin.....how far do you walk? do you do this everyday? I see you walking out there and man I really need to start.....how much weight have you lost? are you almost done? I patiently answer each question but my answers are always the same and most of the time they just say things like "Im not dertermind like you", " i don't like to walk alone", "I need someone to push me", and my favorite " what do you mean your not done? Your so skinny you don't need to exercise".
Ok, first off people you have to exercise and eat right to get it off but you have to also exercise and eat right to keep it off. Yup i'm skinny because i keep doing what i'm doing. There again, i've said this a million times, is no "magic pill", sorry it doesn't exist. what you see now took two years in the works. This was no overnight success story and still isn't. I have struggles, I don't always like to walk alone either, I don't always want to count each calorie or point as i'm used to that enters my mouth but I have and I do. I have one person telling me because of this plateau i'm on to just quit until after my daughters wedding and then worry about "dieting" again. I mean what is that about. You can't just quit a healthy lifestyle. Why can't anyone who is not on the journey not understand this isn't about dieting, it is about living. i want to live everyday not just one day.
So I continue on this journey alone except when I come to spark, Here I have friends that understand, people who know where i'm coming from, and people who push me to keep going not tell me to stop. I have never heard anyone here say " oh just quit for a while and come back when the stress is over". Really and when would be a good time to come back? When i'm back where I began, or better yet...over where I started. sounds kinda funny when you put it like that now doesn't it people? Nope I just continue on this journey the way i'm going. Living my life like i'm already there.
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