Saturday, May 07, 2011
I don't have to tell ya how nice or what a warm feeling you get when you open your email, log in to spark, and find so many well wishers, so many pick me ups, so many hugs. Thank you spark for giving me a hug when I needed it. You see my daughter gets married TODAY. I have been off kilter all week with company, running so many last minute errands, and just not eating on plan. Today I opened my spark page to put in the much needed info and get caught up and there was so many hugs, notes, and pushes. How can we go wrong with a site like this.
I have come to realize I need a push every now and again. I can't do this alone. I have come to see so many areas I thought were in control aren't. so I will get through today and move forward. I can't only go ahead from here and work my plan, work on me, and get myself back on track. A friend told me to relax and worry about this all monday. She may be right. In the back of my mind right now i'm always thinking about my "diet". This was suppose to be a lifestyle change. Somewhere along the way I got that confused. I need to focus on me again, and fixing what is off kilter. a work in progress is what this is all about.
so today as my beautiful daughter walks into the arms of a wonderful man i will take a deep breath and let it be. Life is too short to live with any regrets. In the end all this worry and stress and gains and off kilter feelings were worth it for her day.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
I have fallen down the last couple of days and my face is flat on the floor. I can't seem to get back up and I feel like You ever feel like that? I mean I was so on track. I had a loss, my mojo was back and I was moving along wonderfully. Then it happened, company, wedding finishes, stress, boredom ( how I could be bored with so much going on I know), the foods in the house that normally aren't there. I have eaten my way to miserable status. I went to bed last night feeling horrible, woke up feeling worse. Not so much yucky as worse about my failure to put me first. I have seemed to be grabbing anything to fill the moment. No planning, no thought, and no effort. If it is there i'm eating it. My arch enemy chips are back in the house. My sister, bless her, felt the need to bring three bags in. Oh the doritos, the cheese puffs, the plain chips. I've had them all. I had a cookies, pizza, hamburgers, chicken patties on buns, french fries, and Like the person that orders the big mac meal and the diet coke i've had a salad to even it all out. I mean like that is going to help here. Nope the damage is done.
I have two days before weigh in. can I do it? Oh I don't see how. But I can work on me again. I can put me first. I can make better choices. I must for my sanity. The guilt is more than I can stand. It leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. why is it we can lose ourselves in a moment and all the hard work we have done just washes away like nothing? I have put all my priorities to the back burner. I mean ENOUGH, I can't go on like this. I need control, order, I need veggies, water, healthy choices. It is up to me to make those choices. So this is my day to be strong for me. I want to go to bed tonight with a feeling of control over my day and my choices. NO is such a easy word and I need to use it. I have choices and I need to voice them. the old Michelle is here and letting others make her decisions and taking the easy way out. Not today.
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