Saturday, April 02, 2011
Ok, today was day 7 of being OP, (on plan)seven days of doing everything i'm suppose to work the program. So I get up and get on the scales, i've kept them in the closet so I have no idea what they are going to say........ I look down and what do my eyes see?
Nope, not a loss but a gain. A gain. yet again. Not much mind you 0.2 but it is there. After all my hard work, all that exercise, all that hope, my dreams where dashed in a second. Now i'm not going to lie to you I took those and I threw them back in the closet. With tears in my eyes I finished getting ready for my workout. I mean what was I going to do but keep doing what i've been doing. So after a long and a short I decided that my only option was to continue.
Nope I will not give in. I will not let this moment define my days or my weeks. Now yes it could be that this is my time of the month. But come on now, I would of much rather stayed the same then to have that gain. But i'm over it. I've moved onwards and upwards....or downwards this next weigh in I hope. I have checked on the scales and they are doing fine. No worse for the wear. You know this week was all about choices. Mine. I was and am finally making good choices and then this. So I will keep going and no give up. I'm strong, determined and it saddens me that i've taken this long to lose my weight, but it was all for a reason. I needed to learn so much along the journey. I'm learning each day. I will not hang my head over this. I will move forward with pride that I had a great seven days and I will begin number eight with a smile.
I have options....but quitting isn't one of them.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
We must be the change we wish to see.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- Proverbs 23:7
I've finally seen success for two whole days. I even ended with points remaining for the day yesterday. Once I got my head in the game the rest was just kinks to be worked out. Not that i'm cured by any means but I have new motivation and that is an awesome feeling. So today i'm off to begin day three. My goal is four for the week.....I'm challenging me to more of course. I would love to see six.
So never give in or up for that is not what being healthy and happy is all about. It is about moving forward no matter what and changing the plan to meet your needs on occasion.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
I met a great lady on one of my teams and she has generously offered to take this journey with me. Now that is awesome. Wow, I have so many friends on spark and one special friend that I share a lot about my life, this journey and such. Now I have two. Two special people from different ends of the globe coming to help me. I'm nobody really, they have never met me in person, but does that matter? Nope. They are holding out a hand to me and like a drowning person i'm grabbing it.
This journey seems so easy for some and I read blogs where others are struggling also and then I don't feel like i'm just not getting it. I tell myself I want to work the program but really I just go through the motions most of the time. A lot of it is pure habit. My motivation has waned so that I often have thought of just calling it quits and keeping my weight what it is. I mean come on now I haven't lost in eight weeks. I've gained the same two pounds since Jan. I feel like maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Then this morning a " friend" threw out that darn life preserver and I grabbed on.
I want to succeed at this. For my mental state I must. I have quit so much in my life or really not quit but never really made my mark so to speak. I have with my weight loss. Many will not see this as significant and many will see this as their bright spot in the world. I mean I really like health. I love exercise, I eat right because I like the foods, I try new things because i'm always looking for a new "favorite". So why am I not at goal. I mean i've read all there is to read more than once where spark is concerned, I check out fitness mags often for new ideas. I change up my routine in the gym regurally because they say I should. I get my fruits and veggies in, I don't do caffeine but for my coffee in the morning. (sorry can't quit it all together), I mean shouldn't I be at goal by now. Enjoying myself in maintenance land? No, do you know why? Because I do all this with no motivation on most days, I have "munchy moments", I sabotage myself because I sometimes don't think I'm worthy of reaching this goal.
I have thought about this alot, I journal a lot, and this seems to be coming up more and more. The self sabotage. So today I took the hand of a wonderful woman walking the same walk as me (WW), She knows what i'm going through, she is leading and I will follow because at this point in the game all I have to lose is pounds. I have to shed some of this feeling like i'm not worthy, or not good enough to reach goal. That is for those who are not real losers.....I"m a real LOSER. I have lost 20 lbs and i'm on my way to 25. So watch out spark i'm back and i'm ready to play.
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