MALEXANDER4   173,843
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My life preserver

Sunday, March 27, 2011

emoticonI met a great lady on one of my teams and she has generously offered to take this journey with me. Now that is awesome. Wow, I have so many friends on spark and one special friend that I share a lot about my life, this journey and such. Now I have two. Two special people from different ends of the globe coming to help me. I'm nobody really, they have never met me in person, but does that matter? Nope. They are holding out a hand to me and like a drowning person i'm grabbing it.

This journey seems so easy for some and I read blogs where others are struggling also and then I don't feel like i'm just not getting it. I tell myself I want to work the program but really I just go through the motions most of the time. A lot of it is pure habit. My motivation has waned so that I often have thought of just calling it quits and keeping my weight what it is. I mean come on now I haven't lost in eight weeks. I've gained the same two pounds since Jan. I feel like maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Then this morning a " friend" threw out that darn life preserver and I grabbed on.

I want to succeed at this. For my mental state I must. I have quit so much in my life or really not quit but never really made my mark so to speak. I have with my weight loss. Many will not see this as significant and many will see this as their bright spot in the world. I mean I really like health. I love exercise, I eat right because I like the foods, I try new things because i'm always looking for a new "favorite". So why am I not at goal. I mean i've read all there is to read more than once where spark is concerned, I check out fitness mags often for new ideas. I change up my routine in the gym regurally because they say I should. I get my fruits and veggies in, I don't do caffeine but for my coffee in the morning. (sorry can't quit it all together), I mean shouldn't I be at goal by now. Enjoying myself in maintenance land? No, do you know why? Because I do all this with no motivation on most days, I have "munchy moments", I sabotage myself because I sometimes don't think I'm worthy of reaching this goal.

I have thought about this alot, I journal a lot, and this seems to be coming up more and more. The self sabotage. So today I took the hand of a wonderful woman walking the same walk as me (WW), She knows what i'm going through, she is leading and I will follow because at this point in the game all I have to lose is pounds. I have to shed some of this feeling like i'm not worthy, or not good enough to reach goal. That is for those who are not real losers.....I"m a real LOSER. I have lost 20 lbs and i'm on my way to 25. So watch out spark i'm back and i'm ready to play.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/27/2011 10:07PM

    I'll say again how proud I am of you, Michelle. You can do this. You ARE doing this on a daily basis. You've come a long way and you will get there. You are most definitely a bright spot in my day...a friend as well as a reminder that I can do this. You will see this through to the end and you will forgive yourself for those times in the past where you feel you left things unfinished. It's time to move on. It's time to enjoy the rest of your life without living with any of the guilt. You are worthy, you are amazing and you DESERVE to be fit, healthy and happy. Hang in there!!!

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    emoticon Michelle!!

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TEXASGIDGET 3/27/2011 5:41PM

    You will succeed and you will not just be going through the motions! I know what you are feeling and am experiencing a similar self sabotage myself. I'm fighting that battle, but the thing is that I know we both can win it. Those inner demons have nothing once they are out in the open and acknowledged. Fear can't hold us unless we allow it to. Right here with you! Together we can make this happen!

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IUHRYTR 3/27/2011 5:01PM

    As many people, my weight loss has stalled but one thing that has helped is to keep this in mind -- How would you be feeling and thinking now if you had been told in the beginning that you will lose "X"pounds in such a period of time then you will stall and maintain to give your body time to adjust before it begins losing again? That perspective helps me see the big picture. That and constantly reminding myself how far I've come as you have. This is not a defeat but a lull before the next big push. Stay positive and keep the faith that you can and will do this, maybe this month, maybe next, but you will succeed. emoticon -- Lou

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Weigh in day

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Well I had my step up on the scales. Here I'm thinking " ok must be some movement", I mean I had three whole days of good eating. Seven great days of exercise, and water? Shoot that is nothing for me. So I step up and what do my eyes see???? A slight gain. I mean what is that? Ok, so I did kick them, I did have a moment of "you've got to be kidding", but nope, the second time I stepped on was the same. So after my coffee, and after a couple of Advil, no the headache wasn't caused from the sight of a gain, I just bucked up, wrote it down, put it out there on spark, and i'm moving ahead. I had three great days but I had four not so great days. No they weren't too bad but I went over my calories for the day, didn't get all my fruits and veggies in one day, maybe I did workout each day but how hard was I working? All this adds up to disappointment on the scales. Who is to blame for this? Me. No one did this to me but me.

What do I intend to do about this stagnant state of my weight loss? I intend to move forward with as much determination as I had last week. I finally was making better choices, I was putting me first in a lot of areas, does this mean that just because I saw no progress for week eight that I was a failure? Nope. I was a winner because I continued to better myself each day even when I really wanted to just quit. I mean lets be honest after so much time of no loss and the same ups and downs for weeks you really do get upset. But it isn't you. It is the way your doing what your doing. So again i've headed to the store, i've gotten a few different foods and i'm ready to take on my body. The time for change is now.

So move out of my way i'm coming through. I have determination to meet my goals this week and I intend to see them through. No more excuses and no more kicking those pesky scales. This is my week for change.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 3/26/2011 7:24PM

    Now to get those three good days up to five or six a week, every week. emoticon -- Lou

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CAKAROO 3/26/2011 9:28AM

    Don't get discouraged - hope you have a better week and will see the scale go down

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My addiction: a new reality

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

emoticonI had the oh my lord moment when I had my hand in a bag of chips that were new and I was going to "try" them. Yup you guessed it I can't try anything that has the word chip or cracker in it. I know this, I felt like I could handle the moment, I mean after all i'm succeeding on a day to day basis now, shoot I can handle anything that comes my way.........right? Wrong, I had the moment when my stomach just dropped and I started to cry....I had my hand in the bag and I realized what I was doing. I was going to eat my way through that bag and when it was gone I would hate myself. Clarity for the first time in a very long time. I removed my hand, closed that bag, and put it back in the cupboard. I know I should of thrown it out but I wasn't that good. My new reality is I watch all kinds of addiction shows, my son has his addictions and I have mine. Maybe ours aren't of the same realm but they have the same effects on our minds....that need for something we don't need. Or really like me want. I saw them in the store, I was hungry and I had to try them. I should of known then it was a cause to leave them there. That need.....But nope I thought I was strong. Thing is i'm not. I'm weak when i'm around crunchy, salty, crispy chips or crackers. All my goals and ideas go right out the window.

So my new reality is no chips in the house. Sorry can't have them, can't risk it, and won't do that to me. So I'm detoxing myself as of last night. I'm going to work on a new "favorite", carrots are crunchy....Hey I can add salt if I desire. lol. But really this is not a joke to me. It is a reality few understand but many here will. I want to reach goal, I've got to start focusing on that. I am learning on this journey like so many others and I finally had a breakthrough what A wonderful feeling.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNEBUG1944 4/2/2011 9:44PM

    Been there, done that! We know what we have to do, but it is so hard to do it. Good for you for knowing you cannot have chips in the house...I cannot have cookies!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/27/2011 9:59PM

    I'm a bit behind on my reading here...Just wanted to say I'm proud of you. Sometimes we have to take that step back at just that right moment and see what we are really doing. There are all kinds of addictions and I think we can all be addicted for different reasons. If you know you can't have them in the house, then good for you for getting them out of there. I need to do the same..get whatever is tempting me out of the house. It's time we both reached for what we want stop denying ourselves our goals!!

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WOODY1964 3/25/2011 10:38PM

    I have an addiction to soda drinks and chips. I feel like I need to attend AA meetings. At one time if I had a craving. I would get in the car an drive 10 miles to the store. You can't eat just one unless they really taste bad. I have found like you they can not be in the house or I will eat the whole bag. I need to find a healthy substitute. Thanks for writing this blog. I will try to be stronger.

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IUHRYTR 3/23/2011 4:46PM

    Nothing wrong with an occasional treat but the question we ask ourselves is, "Which do I want more, chips (or whatever) or to lose weight?" If we're not dedicated to our weight loss, we'll give in. If we are and allow ourselves a treat once in a while, we won't feel deprived. -- Lou

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MELISSA8376 3/23/2011 2:00PM

    I like the quaker rice chips, I think they're better than chips. But I'm not a big chip person. I'm a Peanut butter person. Peanut butter cookies, peanut butter candy, peanut butter on a spoon, peanut butter ice cream, and pancakes with peanut butter & syrup. I probably could live on peanut butter. So i have captain crunch peanut butter cereal and I try to satisfy my cravings with that. And I have No sugar added ice cream with peanut butter.
You will prevail, it may take some practicing but you will prevail!!
emoticon emoticon

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SLIMPAM23 3/23/2011 12:50PM

    I know how you feel Michelle....But I just have to know - since I have been trying new healthier chips....which ones did you buy this time? And you are right----NONE of them are good if you eat the whole bag. At least you are in good company on this one!!

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DARLENEK04 3/23/2011 11:41AM


I am right there with you. I realized this morning I am as
addicted to food as some people are addicted to drugs and


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    I understand. I walk that same walk. I know what my triggers are and when I "forget" and bring them back, they quickly remind me. We're getting there ... one day at a time. (You know I never really forget, right?)

Hey, you know those little bitty pickling cucumbers? They have a nice crunch and you can salt those too! I'm loving those things!!! emoticon Bring on the power food substitutes!!!

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

- Unknown

I began my day yesterday with a clean slate. I had a wonderful day. Oh I had to plan and think about it all the way but in the end I had succeeded in all areas of the process. Why do I not do this daily? It would be work. I mean lets face it sometimes it easier to not do the work. I have to tell ya though this morning i'm feeling very incontrol for the first time in a very long time. As I set here and look at my calendar of "smiley faces" i'm not seeing progress i'm seeing laziness along the way. Out of 21 days so far i've had seven good days. that is the equivalent of one week. One good week out of three does not a good month make.

I"m ready to work this program and give it my all. I'm ready to exercise and do what I need to do not just to see progress on the scales but progress in myself. I have moments that I need to work on and come up with a plan. I have been saying I was going to do that all along but I haven't yet. so i'm doing that day by day.

I'm off now to begin day two and see how that goes. I have faith I can succeed, I just need to believe in myself. That can be the hardest part sometimes.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 3/22/2011 11:09PM

    Try for five good days a week and don't go hog wild with calories the other two and you will be proud to have a positive week. If you have six or seven good days with eating and doing some exercise, those are bonuses. And if you do have an off day or two, you still have been successful. Remember, we don't need every day to be perfect just as we didn't have to score 100% to get an A in school. emoticon -- Lou

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Monday, March 21, 2011

emoticonOOps I forgot i'm suppose to be starting fresh and having an on point day, week, month. I have been slipping lately. So today A friend and I decided this was it. A new beginning and a new mindset. I"m so blessed to have a "buddy" on this journey. I so wish we lived closer to one another to really push each other but it helps to know I can talk to her about most anything and that she understands when I have a "off" day. which I may add has been a lot of the days lately. I just can't get my mind into this. I have set a time span of my daughters wedding which is May seventh to reach my goals. but I seem to have forgotten that part. This weekend I did so bad that I didn't sleep well last night. Not from guilt from overdoing it with junk. So today my friends is a new day. I have the tools at my finger tips, I must now use them. No more playing I need to see a change on the scales this week.

Yeah I know the scales don't determine my success but after seven weeks of no change..........well you can see where that would mean a bunch and maybe get me back in the game. I seem to have lost the drive to succeed. I guess when you have do many telling you that you don't need to lose anymore, your small enough, and the one I hate " how much more do you need to lose? ". You hear this enough and then you begin to think, maybe i'm ok, maybe i'm small enough. I don't want "enough" I want the prize at the end of the rainbow. So today my spark friends I vow to work this program, I won't just earn points I will do the work that is needed. Yup this isn't easy but hey I've made it this far and I know the challenges involved.

Accountability? Yup I've got that.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 3/21/2011 9:38PM

    Don't listen to others tell you how you should be unless they are in perfect shape and health themselves and even then ignore them and aim for how YOU want you to look. -- Lou

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 3/21/2011 11:06AM

    You and only you know when you have arrived where you want to be. Erase all the comments from your mind, take them with a grain of salt, a shrug and a smile and keep moving.
We are in this together and we can do this. We are at different points, but definitely having similar struggles. Well I say NO MORE! No more guilt, no more worry, no more stressing about the program. We overthink we overanalyze and we get frustrated. Keep it simple, hold your head high and smile.

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