Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I had the oh my lord moment when I had my hand in a bag of chips that were new and I was going to "try" them. Yup you guessed it I can't try anything that has the word chip or cracker in it. I know this, I felt like I could handle the moment, I mean after all i'm succeeding on a day to day basis now, shoot I can handle anything that comes my way.........right? Wrong, I had the moment when my stomach just dropped and I started to cry....I had my hand in the bag and I realized what I was doing. I was going to eat my way through that bag and when it was gone I would hate myself. Clarity for the first time in a very long time. I removed my hand, closed that bag, and put it back in the cupboard. I know I should of thrown it out but I wasn't that good. My new reality is I watch all kinds of addiction shows, my son has his addictions and I have mine. Maybe ours aren't of the same realm but they have the same effects on our minds....that need for something we don't need. Or really like me want. I saw them in the store, I was hungry and I had to try them. I should of known then it was a cause to leave them there. That need.....But nope I thought I was strong. Thing is i'm not. I'm weak when i'm around crunchy, salty, crispy chips or crackers. All my goals and ideas go right out the window.
So my new reality is no chips in the house. Sorry can't have them, can't risk it, and won't do that to me. So I'm detoxing myself as of last night. I'm going to work on a new "favorite", carrots are crunchy....Hey I can add salt if I desire. lol. But really this is not a joke to me. It is a reality few understand but many here will. I want to reach goal, I've got to start focusing on that. I am learning on this journey like so many others and I finally had a breakthrough what A wonderful feeling.
Monday, March 21, 2011
OOps I forgot i'm suppose to be starting fresh and having an on point day, week, month. I have been slipping lately. So today A friend and I decided this was it. A new beginning and a new mindset. I"m so blessed to have a "buddy" on this journey. I so wish we lived closer to one another to really push each other but it helps to know I can talk to her about most anything and that she understands when I have a "off" day. which I may add has been a lot of the days lately. I just can't get my mind into this. I have set a time span of my daughters wedding which is May seventh to reach my goals. but I seem to have forgotten that part. This weekend I did so bad that I didn't sleep well last night. Not from guilt from overdoing it with junk. So today my friends is a new day. I have the tools at my finger tips, I must now use them. No more playing I need to see a change on the scales this week.
Yeah I know the scales don't determine my success but after seven weeks of no change..........well you can see where that would mean a bunch and maybe get me back in the game. I seem to have lost the drive to succeed. I guess when you have do many telling you that you don't need to lose anymore, your small enough, and the one I hate " how much more do you need to lose? ". You hear this enough and then you begin to think, maybe i'm ok, maybe i'm small enough. I don't want "enough" I want the prize at the end of the rainbow. So today my spark friends I vow to work this program, I won't just earn points I will do the work that is needed. Yup this isn't easy but hey I've made it this far and I know the challenges involved.
Accountability? Yup I've got that.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Don't Wait! Start on your dreams, your impulses,
your longings, your special occasions today.
Because this is your moment.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Make today matter.
Ok, so I had my moment on the scales. I have to say I wasn't surprised. I'd be lying if I said I was. What with company, eating out (a alot), and just not getting my exercise in like I normally do it wasn't a good week to say the least. So as I stepped on those darn scales for my weekly weigh in I really wasn't expecting much. And that is what I got, I'm back up to what I was the week before last. Which in english means i've stayed the same again. This is week seven and no change really to speak of. Which is ok, that means i'm doing something right to maintain. Though that isn't what I want right now. So i'm once again beginning a new week, full of hope, plans, and ideas. Now I would love to come back here next week and share my wonderful news of losing at least a pound but that is yet to be seen. I start off great and lose my momentum by the weeks end. My weekly goal is to weigh and measure this week. I'm still following my plan with the water, fruits and veggies, exercise, writing it down, and journaling. I think I need to watch my portions and i'm giving that a go this week. You know sometimes your eyes are bigger then our stomach.
So I begin this new week, spring is in the air, i'm feeling strong and i'm motivated to get this done. I have seven weeks to reach my goal and show it off at my daughters wedding. 129 here I come.
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