Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I want you all to know that this time of year has been so hard on my psyche. I'm struggling everyday, not with food, with my own depression. I hate the cold, so I stay indoors except to head to the car, or walking into the store where I work. I exercise indoors now, I just don't get enough sunlight. that doesnn't help. then there is the holiday in itself. I have struggles with money and this time of year just magnifies it for me. Always has, probable always will. I have my daughter here with me but my son is in vermont this year. We are not on the best of terms this year and that has me a bit on the down side. though I can't fix his problems, Not that I haven't tried, I just need to fix my own right now. I can't be thinking of others trouble when mine seem so huge today. do you understand what i'm saying with that? I need to get me to a good place and then maybe I can help someone else. I have decided not to send him a gift this year. Not that I don't want to, but why send a reward of sorts to someone who really just kicks you all the time. I need to quit buying his respect and just earn it. He is an adult and He needs to act as such.
My struggles with my weight is another issue this time of year. I had hoped to reach my goals this year. Well the year is about over and really I haven't reached them. I'm still struggleing the same old struggles. When will I finally just take control of me and get this over with? I'm still working on that. I say I want it but really I don't do much to get me there. I mean yeah I exercise, then I eat it all up. get my drift? You can't have it both ways. You either are working towards your goal or your not. I"m really not. Oh I say I am, I look like I am, but inside I feel like i'm just going through the motions. Again this is due to my depression I know. but I guess I figure if I had something to be happy about I might be. Well that isn't true. I have so many things to be happy about. Just right now i'm not in a good place.
I have the plan, I am working it daily, I have the mindset, i'm using it daily. I just need to relax and let what will be be. No since worrying over something that may or may not happen. That is my problem, I worry way too much. So I have decided that for today i'm going to accept myself for what I am. I am me. That is good enough for now. I make mistakes, i'm human, I will fix those mistakes. Noone but me can move forward from here. I will do my best to get outside at least 10 minutes daily. I need that. I will work on my finances one week at a time. I will succeed in my weight loss. I will work on that one pound at a time. each mini success is a mini success. Noone can take that from me but me.
Sorry for this depression blog. but sometimes I need to vent and this is the only place to come and let it out. I can later comeback and read it and say " that time wasn't as bad as I thought". Today is my day to succeed in all that I do. I may not be able to go back but I can go forward.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Today is your day to Spread Wing and Soar.
Fly Life on Free Wings, and Sing to its Glory.
Give thanks for today.
It's funny today is day three of this week and im still on track. Heck the weekend hasn't even got me yet. Usually by now i've eaten anything that isn't tied down. I don't know what it is about the word "Sunday" but it usually means lets eat in spanish. today though I"ve stayed on track. My foods are good, i'm wayyyyy under, got to actually eat something a bit later or not eating will cause as much trouble as eating does. The body plays tricks with the weight you want it to let go of.
My grandson spent last night with us. Wow what a trip that little boy it. He keeps us in stitches. I even know what i'm getting for christmas. My daughter could of died. I told her you never tell a three year old anything you don't want others to know. It was funny though. I had promised him a yogurt when we got home from the grocery store, I didn't really think he would eat it, but as soon as we got home he wanted what I got at the grocery store. I forgot what that was. He hunted in the freezers, in the cupboard, everywhere. I still couldn't think what he had gotten. I showed him everything I had got for him, Juice, nope, cheese shaped like mickey mouse, nope, cereal, nope....then he remembers...yogurt. I laughed at him. He knew what I had told him and he doesn't forget. So i sat him down with it and he ate it all. My daughter said today he would get some from the store when they went. Hey it's good for him and he thinks its a treat. Can't beat that. My daughter thinks I just feed him healthy stuff. I get him what he asks for and most of the time he loves my foods.
Ok, I"m off to finish some sparking, earn a few points. Maybe finish folding some darn laundry. yuck. BUt tomorrow is monday and I have to have something to wear. Have a wonderful day all.
Get An Email Alert Each Time MALEXANDER4 Posts