Saturday, December 25, 2010
I will post a few pics hopefully this weekend. My daughter borrowed my camera as hers won't work. So I don't have it to download what we took. My grandson was awesome this year. we do it where he gets a gift, then it is someoneelses turn for a gift and so on. He waited his turn, and as he gets wayyyy more then us we give him a second in a row, he stopped us and told us it was his mommas turn for a present. I was so proud of him. He is so grown up sometimes. we told him he couldn't do gifts untill we all finished with dinner, when we where done he came to each of us in turn to ask if we were finished. It is amazing how grown up a three year old can be. I'm truly blessed this holiday.
I also will have a pic of my "Christmas tree of decorations". I look at it and can't believe all the good days I had. they were not all in a row but I got a lot of "stars" for my tree. I have a new calender for the new year and smiley faces this time. I'm going to succeed one moment at a time. I think this is a lot about us as we grow and about the losses. sometimes I forget that and having a visual helps me to see that really i'm doing great. I have bad days, but in the end i'm holding my own. I"m not losing like I would hope, but i;'m losing, i'm staying in the same weight range when i don't. I need to start seeing the glass as half full instead of always half empty.
So as the new year approaches i'm hoping for a sence of renewal. Rebirth so to speak. A fresh year, with fresh starts, fresh ideas and outlooks. What more do we need? nothing.
I want to wish all a very Merry christmas this holiday season. Be blessed in all that you do.
Friday, December 24, 2010
I refuse to go quietly into that good night. I"m down 0.2 this week. I worked hard for that. I was expecting a bit more. But i"m not giving up or in, i'm not going quietly and i'm not ready to quit. My weight doesn't have me yet. I'm actually down 2 inches total in the last month. took those measurements today also. So even though my weight is plugging along my body is taking on shape, definition and soon the weight will come with it. So today Christmas eve begins my new week. Week three on the new weight watchers program. I"m not seeing a huge change in my weight from it but i'm still working out the kinks. At least that is what I like to tell myself. I'm going to win this battle of the bulge if it takes me another year to do it. I wanted to be at goal by years end, that isn't going to happen, but in a glass half full kinda way i'm down another 5 pounds this year. I know that sounds really lame, but when your close to goal, stop and start as many times as I do, stress, holidays now, well it all works to hold us back. And if I'm truthful with you all and myself it is probably because i'm getting settled at this weight. I like the size i'm at, I like the way I look. I know it isn't in the healthy BMI range yet, and it isn't goal, but I'm ok here for the time being. Is this the weight I want to be? Nope. I'm still holding out for that magic number, so if it takes me another year, Oh well at least it will stay off that way.
So I give it my all not to get too upset over these things. Not that I don't, I feel like I give it my all and then to step on the scales and loose a tiny amount is really disheartening. but again i'm doing my best to see that i'm making headway. Rome wasn't built in a night and I guess this weight is going to come off easy. Some good things are worth fighting for. So I will sit down once again, plan my week stratagey, change up a few things, and then give it heck. There is still next week.
Happy holidays to you all and be blessed.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller
Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller
I recieved a call from my son whom lives in vermont yesterday. As some of you may know we haven't been on the best of terms. He is a troubled young man and sometimes being mom and being the one that he lashes out at, well we haven't been on the best of terms. Anyhow I recieved an email which turned into a phone call. My son lost his job about two months ago and even though he said it wasn't his fault.....well I didn't believe him. As an addict can do he lies a bit more than usual. So you really have to take what he says with a grain of salt and move forward. I know that sounds a bit harsh from a parent but once burned twice shy....anyhow he had been fighting for it back. Went to all the available chanels and he won. He had witnesses and managers in his corner. He won that battle. He is at a different location but he is back to work. As a parent i'm so proud he took it upon himself to say "hey wait a minute I was wronged", he actually stood up for himself and he won. I will be proud for him and hope he is growing up a bit. we talked, he listened, I listened. Who knows maybe this is a step for both of us in the healing prosess. Oh it may take a lot more truths to be revealed on my part, but i'm going to be alright and I pray each day for him. Like I tell him, it is one day, one step at a time.
He is taking steps to help himself and i'm taking steps to help me. I'm getting healthier, heck I am healthier, i'm learning to relax, and i'm trying not to be the one to fix the worlds troubles. I did tell my son that I can't be held responsible for his choices. See that word comes into play alot, choices, anyhow, He made the choices with the friends he chose, I didn't. He had the same opportunities as his sister, he chose the path he is traveling. You can't go back but you can always move forward. I'm moving myself forward. each choice I make for me is a choice I make to further my life, my health, my happiness. It again boils down to our choices.
So yesterday that one phone call gave me a gift, a prayer answered. It can't be wrapped but it arrived in the same pretty packaging as all the rest......my beautiful baby boy is becoming a man.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Ok, my weigh in this morning brought with it a slight gain. I can't say why, but i'm sure stress, pms, and such played a small part in it. I've been on plan for a bit, following my list of goals, checking them off as I meet them. I have even begone a new daily goal of (thanks lou) of succeeding for four days a week. Maybe I can move that up to five and so on till i'm a success each day. Oh wait, we are successes each day we stay the course. If you don't use your goal trackers you really need to. they help me to see how i'm doing on a week to week basis. I track team goals, but also under your goals section you can track anything you want. for example I track: daily successes, sleep, activity points, no eating after dinner. The possiblilities are endless. I change them out monthy and sometimes weekly if the goal seemed like something I wanted to track but doesn't seem to make sense now. Lol. Helps sometimes to see what is what.
I weighed in at .4 gain. Not a signifigant amount in the scheme of things, but enough to make my angry with myself. I really was hoping for a loss this week. I know I had a good weigh in last week, but I thought I was finally getting this new Pointsplus from ww. Oh well I will not give up. they say to look over your trackers and see where you could of gone wrong. Well looking over my notebook I see I did fine. I followed the guidelines, ate my fruits and veggies. Stayed on points five out of seven days and used only a few free points all week. It could of been my exercise. I took a day off sunday, and i've been so rushed this week with my grandson's christmas program, work, and trying to keep my head in place, I guess that could of been a factor. Of course it was pms week and that could of been a two pound gain so i'll take the .4 and just move forwards.
Onwards and upwards in my motto for the week. worked last week and I kinda like it. Catchy.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I want you all to know that this time of year has been so hard on my psyche. I'm struggling everyday, not with food, with my own depression. I hate the cold, so I stay indoors except to head to the car, or walking into the store where I work. I exercise indoors now, I just don't get enough sunlight. that doesnn't help. then there is the holiday in itself. I have struggles with money and this time of year just magnifies it for me. Always has, probable always will. I have my daughter here with me but my son is in vermont this year. We are not on the best of terms this year and that has me a bit on the down side. though I can't fix his problems, Not that I haven't tried, I just need to fix my own right now. I can't be thinking of others trouble when mine seem so huge today. do you understand what i'm saying with that? I need to get me to a good place and then maybe I can help someone else. I have decided not to send him a gift this year. Not that I don't want to, but why send a reward of sorts to someone who really just kicks you all the time. I need to quit buying his respect and just earn it. He is an adult and He needs to act as such.
My struggles with my weight is another issue this time of year. I had hoped to reach my goals this year. Well the year is about over and really I haven't reached them. I'm still struggleing the same old struggles. When will I finally just take control of me and get this over with? I'm still working on that. I say I want it but really I don't do much to get me there. I mean yeah I exercise, then I eat it all up. get my drift? You can't have it both ways. You either are working towards your goal or your not. I"m really not. Oh I say I am, I look like I am, but inside I feel like i'm just going through the motions. Again this is due to my depression I know. but I guess I figure if I had something to be happy about I might be. Well that isn't true. I have so many things to be happy about. Just right now i'm not in a good place.
I have the plan, I am working it daily, I have the mindset, i'm using it daily. I just need to relax and let what will be be. No since worrying over something that may or may not happen. That is my problem, I worry way too much. So I have decided that for today i'm going to accept myself for what I am. I am me. That is good enough for now. I make mistakes, i'm human, I will fix those mistakes. Noone but me can move forward from here. I will do my best to get outside at least 10 minutes daily. I need that. I will work on my finances one week at a time. I will succeed in my weight loss. I will work on that one pound at a time. each mini success is a mini success. Noone can take that from me but me.
Sorry for this depression blog. but sometimes I need to vent and this is the only place to come and let it out. I can later comeback and read it and say " that time wasn't as bad as I thought". Today is my day to succeed in all that I do. I may not be able to go back but I can go forward.
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