Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Im ready to get this journey moving down the road. I've been taking a moment and letting the days slip by me. Now it is almost the end of the year and my second goal for the year was to meet my goal. I'm going to come up short yet again. Oh I know i've reached so many goals this year, i've suceeded in all that counts, but I really wanted to reach my goal weigh. I wanted to finally settle down and get this part done. well that isn't going to happen this month. Oh I could do the "colon cleanse" and get it done like in a day. Of course tomorrow it would be right back to normal. Wow the things some will do to shed a few pounds.
Today is a new day for me. I've had an epiphany on the treadmill, yup walking does that to me, I saw me as I am and I saw me as I want to be. At goal. Now mind you i'm not going to be much smaller, i'm about there, it isn't about the size it is about the part of actually finishing something. I watched the biggest loser last night and Elizabeth had the same idea. She just wanted to finish something she began. Oh i've started a lot of things. But i've finished a couple and I can proudly say i'm still doing it. LIke smoking. I quit that some 10 years ago. I can't say i'm disappointed in that decision. Yuk. I stood up for my daughter and her choices and I still have held by that all these 8 years later. I'm strong when it counts. I"ve taken care of my son and let him go. That was a hard one for me. We don't see eye to eye right now because I guess i'm the reason for all his troubles. this is not true, but when your an addict someone is always to blame but you. I'm living with this and i'm handling it, day by day. So why is it that dieting, weight loss, is so darn hard. What is it about the control food has over us that we can't seem to beat? Im trying to change my thinking on this and maybe just maybe I will win this coming year. Oh I know I can.
I'm ready? Yup, I'm more than ready.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
I'm so busy right now. We have been short handed at work this week and when I get home I just want to crash. I eat my dinner and then head to bed. tonight is my biggest loser and im up watching it. I'm so tired but I want to see this one to the end. This week i'm pretty much holding my own. I 've had a few good days and I still have a few good days left before my weekly weigh in. I'm no so confident about a loss but really i'm just happy to be taking better care of me right now. It will all fall into place i'm sure. Well that is my hope.
the weather has been so cold here that my evening walk with my buddies was cut out. they went, I wussed out. Sorry guys I hate the cold. I will try to do better this coming week but i'm not so sure I'm up for this. they laugh at me because when it was the heat of the summer I walked when it was 100* and now I won't walk in the cold. sorry I hate the cold, I figure I didn't go far enough south.
Ok, I'm planning my days, acting on them. I even had a christmas party the other night and handled it with ease. I had no dessert, drank water with my meal, and just made good choices. today I had a moment with the vending machine and I won. I thought I wanted some necot cookies during my lunch. I had a heart to heart with myself and I decided that after I ate my lunch if I still wanted them cookies I would have them. I ate my lunch, got up and headed out for a stroll. I never looked back. If I had given in I would of hurt myself and my pride. I waited the craving out. I won that small battle. For me who usually gives in that was an awesome victory. It proved to me I could do it. I will try that again.
So i'm off to finish my biggest loser, have a water, and just relax. We can do this. We can do anything we set our minds to. After all we are spark people we can do anything.
Friday, December 03, 2010
If I don't start using these tools as they were intended i'm going to really hate myself in the morning. I'm strong, i'm here, i'm living the life. I talk the talk now it is time to walk the walk. My weigh in this morning was so darn but why is that? I didn't follow the plan or use the tools like they were intended. Oh I said I was, I wrote it all down, I logged it all in the trackers, I exercised, I tracked it. But I was just going through the motions. I measured maybe once, used my food scales I don't even think that much, I choose to eat choices that were not the best, I choose to eat too much of most everything. See it all comes back to choices. I have come to the conclusion though that with this lesson i've learned one big thing: I control what goes into my mouth, it doesn't control me. That said I must say that I had a very signifigant gain: 1.2 pounds this week. Now yes, that is thanksgiving, moments, new ww plan that i'm haveing a bit of trouble controling, and just being lazy. Yup lazy. Not lazy in the physical sense, no i've got the exercise thing down, it is the complacent way i'm eating. I'm eating to eat. Im not hungry, i'm not really even bored. I'm just eating to say i've eaten.
I'm sorry I let me down. But from here on this moment, i've printed out the power foods list, i've got my notebook, i've got my scales, my measuring cups, i've got my sanity and i've got my spark friends and most of all i've got my best bud right by my side. Kristi we are going to do this. One day at a time. I can't go back, but I sure as heck can move forward and I intend to do just that.
So the next time you see me I hope I can report my successes for a change.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
I seem to have this inner turmoil going on with myself. I had a "moment" last night. Not just any moment, I mean the moment from hell. I not only went to bed, then I got up out of bed three times. Not once, twice, but three dang times. I wrote it all down. Oh it didn't look too bad on paper or in the tracker, but inside myself it felt like crap.
I had the talk with myself this morning as I was trudging along on the treadmill. Why? Why is the question I asked me. I know I want to reach goal, I say I want to reach goal, but seems each time I get within a few pounds of the final number I gain a pound. I haven't weighed yet this week and I may not have done any damage at all. That is neither here nor there. The point is I did something i've been working on not doing for a long time. I had it down. I was going to bed with water and that was it. But nope, last night I allowed my mind to rule my body. I wasn't hungry, I was probably tired. I mean I was in bed reading. I should of turned out the light and let that me it.
I'm not beating myself up over this. dont think that. I"m not looking for a pat on the back, a "it is going to be ok", no I';m not needing any of that. This is strickly for me to look back on and see that I have come so far. I can't let one "moment" rule my life. I can have moments and still survive. I can have my cake on occasion and eat it too. Last night I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't that is the problem. So today I move on. I have had the talk, i'm back on track. I know what I want and I won't let my little setbacks get in my way. this is life. My life, I intend to make it a good life for me. One that I can be proud of. You know what? I already am. I"m down 21 pounds. I've never done this. I've never given all I could for me. So i'm a winner even with the snack.
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