Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I'm sitting here this morning wondering what do I blog about. I mean yes i'm on this journey, yes I exercise, my family (though very disfunctional) is mine, I mean am I really happy with my journey? both in my weight loss and in my personal life. I mean each day is a journey into ourselves really. I went back to work yesterday after a much needed break. It was wonderful. I wasn't stressed even before I got there and I took each happening in stride and the day just flew by and I wasn't stressed from it. Why can't each day be that easy? My weight loss journey for the moment in on track. I'm planning and doing what is needed, i'm relaxed, i'm secure in knowing i'm doing what i need to do to reach the finish line of this part of the race. Why isn't each week this secure?
We all have our own demons we fight each day, weather they be financial, personal, family, diet, weight, we all have stresses in our life. I guess the key is how we handle that stress. Now i'm not going to tell you my secret because really I don't even know what that would be. I stress daily, I worry over bills, My family as i've said is disfunctional to say the least, and my journey is always up or down depending on the day. I have no answer to the million dollar question called: what is life?
I have no answers, but I know one thing......i'm learning i'm strong, I can win this small battle, I can see past the past and move forward. If I don't I will surely drive myself insane. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make all the troubles in my life disapear. Not going to be. I wish I could win the lottery and poff all my financial woes are gone. nope, that isnt going to happen either. I wish I could take that magical pill that makes me thin in one week....yeah right, not going to ever happen people. I just have to take each day, step, and moment and make it mine. I have to own my troubles, find the cure or what works for me and smile. Most of all smile through it all.
this is thanksgiving week, I've been thinking over what i'm thankful for. Oh there is lots....my daughter, my son, my husband, my grandson. It is funny my home, my job, and such come in at the bottom. Family is the key to happiness. Now mine is a mess, my son is an addict, my daughter is working fulltime and going to school fulltime and with the help of her( dare I say this) black husband to be, they are raising a beautiful child, My hubby bless his heart is so unhealthy right now, hight cholesterol, thyroid, trying to quit smoking, (we are working on all this), then there is me.............Oh really I'm just trying to hold it all together. I handle the day to day, the planning, the finanes. When they fall into trouble I blame myself because hey I should of planned better. Then I try to work on me.
Well guys, i'm working on me. I'm doing it. One day at a time. Oh I messup, fall down on my face alot. I mean it has taken me two years almost to lose 25 pounds. Yeah they say slow and steady wins the race, but come on now. So in the midst of all that is worrisome in our lives. we have much to be thankful for. I'm very thankful for spark, and for being able to type this mess out and clear my mind for another day.
Monday, November 22, 2010
If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?
I borrowed this from my WW team. It speaks so true for a lot of us. We start out on this journey with so many ideas, plans, goals. Then as the time goes by we sort of just do. We stop planning, the ideas seem few and far between, and goals? What were those? But i'm here for the long haul. Oh i've had stops, restarts, moments, and moments. So today i've decided I want it all. I want the gold stars, I want the health, I want to be fit. I want to be in a healthy BMI range. I'm almost there, for me to quit now would be crazy. But alas many do. Many quit before they see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not I!!!!!!!!!!!
So today my goal is to focus yet again. I need to figure out what it is I want from this, from me, from the world at large. I can do this, I will do this. I won't take no I can't for an answer. So today decide what it is you want and go for it. No excuses why you can't, just do it. After all that is what this journey is all about.....just doing it.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
- Oprah Winfrey
My husband was looking over my shoulder last night (he will do that from time to time), he gives me ideas, none I would use, and he noticed my pic. I thought he had seen it....he said that didnt' even look like me. He said the camera must of added pounds because I don't look that big in person. I told him that was the nicest thing he could of said to me. I thought my pic was wonderful. Now I see i'm actually smaller than that. Wow, I have come a long way.
Sometimes I focus so much on what i'm doing wrong on this journey I forget what i'm doing right. My friend suggested a motivation board to work on this weekend. You know I felt that was a wonderful Idea. I have yet to do my collage for spark and myself. It seems like it is time to sit down and do that. I went through some pics. OMG is what comes to mind. They are sad. sad for me that is. In a couple you would never recognize me when my kids where small. I was near 200 and rather large. I looked and it made me so sad for her. that lonely woman in those pics. Yup I was lonely. My ex wasn't there in the physical sense and when he was he sure wasn't there for me mentally. I was very lonely and I guess food and sleep where my best friends. Oh we were close, I slept all day long and when it neared time for him to come home I would do the dishes, start supper, throw in a load of laundry....you get the picture. It was a messy divorce and many years later I learned I was depressed. I just thought I was a miserable person. That dark place is somewhere I don't ever want to be again.
I thank my friend for leading me to spark. I also thank my husband for the many times he has listened to me, given me advice, told me he never saw me as big, all these things have made me strong. I also want to thank my Team alabama team mates for the humor, the exericses, the challenges, I want to thank my WW team for the same. You guys have made me sit down and focus on me, you have given me the motivation I sometimes needed to finally get to this pount.
I know I sound like i'm receiving my award, and really I did yesterday, 50000 spark points. that is a lot of reading, exercise, and just plain sparking. But really this journey would of been very lonely without you all. Thank you for giving my Focus on me for the first time in a very long time.
Friday, November 19, 2010
You've got to be kidding me. But I worked so hard. Oh well the results are in, im only down a little .2. I mean what is that? Yup I know I should take it and be proud for the loss. Yup, I know I should look at other ways I may have lost, my pants are loose (I'm almost to goal, all my pants are loose), I might have built muscle (in what my big toe), I earned my "stars", I worked out a lot, I didn't sit around and eat. Yet those darn, dreaded, hated, scales let me down. I mean I was hoping for say half pound, maybe a full pound if I was really lucky. Nope, not in the cards this week. I pretty much stayed the same, because I had gained that the week before.
I'm so close to goal, 5 lbs, so I know this part could be the toughest, oh I know all the whys, whatfors, and all that good stuff. But come on body cut me some slack. I give you what you need, want, and a bit inbetween, I exercise faithfully (I really like exercise), I drink water that I would rather be anything else, I sleep, I relax. What more do you want from me. I make mistakes, yes, i'm human. But the scales, oh the scales made me so mad today.
So I titled this blog "is all this really worth it?" because sometimes it can get so darn frustrating. Your body is suppose to be your best friend, but it isn't, it fights you every step of the way, you give it what it needs, it wants more, yOu exercise, it gives you sore muscles for days, You drink the water it requires, you can't stay out of the bathroom no matter that you just went. It fights you every darn step of the way.
Well not this time. I'm fighting it. I'm not quiting, though right now I want to, i'm not giving up on myself. I've done that a thousand times before. Nope today I do what I always do, I have my coffee, exercise for about an hour, eat a good breakfast, and begin anew. I'm strong, i'm determined, i'm in control (right now), and i'm going to see a loss of some caliber next week. day by day I will get to my goal.
So again I ask me is all this really worth it? Oh you betcha it is.
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