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Focus: that is my goal for today

Saturday, November 20, 2010

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
- Oprah Winfrey

My husband was looking over my shoulder last night (he will do that from time to time), he gives me ideas, none I would use, and he noticed my pic. I thought he had seen it....he said that didnt' even look like me. He said the camera must of added pounds because I don't look that big in person. I told him that was the nicest thing he could of said to me. I thought my pic was wonderful. Now I see i'm actually smaller than that. Wow, I have come a long way.

Sometimes I focus so much on what i'm doing wrong on this journey I forget what i'm doing right. My friend suggested a motivation board to work on this weekend. You know I felt that was a wonderful Idea. I have yet to do my collage for spark and myself. It seems like it is time to sit down and do that. I went through some pics. OMG is what comes to mind. They are sad. sad for me that is. In a couple you would never recognize me when my kids where small. I was near 200 and rather large. I looked and it made me so sad for her. that lonely woman in those pics. Yup I was lonely. My ex wasn't there in the physical sense and when he was he sure wasn't there for me mentally. I was very lonely and I guess food and sleep where my best friends. Oh we were close, I slept all day long and when it neared time for him to come home I would do the dishes, start supper, throw in a load of get the picture. It was a messy divorce and many years later I learned I was depressed. I just thought I was a miserable person. That dark place is somewhere I don't ever want to be again.

I thank my friend for leading me to spark. I also thank my husband for the many times he has listened to me, given me advice, told me he never saw me as big, all these things have made me strong. I also want to thank my Team alabama team mates for the humor, the exericses, the challenges, I want to thank my WW team for the same. You guys have made me sit down and focus on me, you have given me the motivation I sometimes needed to finally get to this pount.

I know I sound like i'm receiving my award, and really I did yesterday, 50000 spark points. that is a lot of reading, exercise, and just plain sparking. But really this journey would of been very lonely without you all. Thank you for giving my Focus on me for the first time in a very long time.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 11/23/2010 9:43PM

    You've made such progress, and I am so glad you are starting to see that! You aren't alone and you will never have to go back to that place. Embrace the new you and be proud of yourself!!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 11/21/2010 8:50AM

    I am so happy for you and your progress!!! I am glad that your friend lead you to sparkpeople.

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IUHRYTR 11/20/2010 7:37PM

    Isn't seeing progress a nice feeling, validating all of our hard work and discipline? Stay the course and keep believing in yourself. -- Lou

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KNITTABLES 11/20/2010 6:55PM

    Your very welcome and you have worked so hard to get where you are and you look great. Keep up the great work and I am so thankful that I have you as a spark friend. emoticon

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JUNEBUG1944 11/20/2010 5:32PM

    You're've been there for us, also. That's what a team is all about...helping each other. We can't do this alone...I know I've tried it alone many times before! You've come a long way and overcome adversity. You look great...but more important, you feel great, both mentally and physically! You go, girl!
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Is all this really worth it?

Friday, November 19, 2010

emoticonYou've got to be kidding me. emoticonBut I worked so hard. Oh well the results are in, im only down a little .2. I mean what is that? Yup I know I should take it and be proud for the loss. Yup, I know I should look at other ways I may have lost, my pants are loose (I'm almost to goal, all my pants are loose), I might have built muscle (in what my big toe), I earned my "stars", I worked out a lot, I didn't sit around and eat. emoticon Yet those darn, dreaded, hated, scales let me down. I mean I was hoping for say half pound, maybe a full pound if I was really lucky. Nope, not in the cards this week. I pretty much stayed the same, because I had gained that the week before.

I'm so close to goal, 5 lbs, so I know this part could be the toughest, oh I know all the whys, whatfors, and all that good stuff. But come on body cut me some slack. I give you what you need, want, and a bit inbetween, I exercise faithfully (I really like exercise), I drink water that I would rather be anything else, I sleep, I relax. What more do you want from me. I make mistakes, yes, i'm human. But the scales, oh the scales made me so mad today.

So I titled this blog "is all this really worth it?" because sometimes it can get so darn frustrating. Your body is suppose to be your best friend, but it isn't, it fights you every step of the way, you give it what it needs, it wants more, yOu exercise, it gives you sore muscles for days, You drink the water it requires, you can't stay out of the bathroom no matter that you just went. It fights you every darn step of the way.

Well not this time. I'm fighting it. I'm not quiting, though right now I want to, i'm not giving up on myself. I've done that a thousand times before. Nope today I do what I always do, I have my coffee, exercise for about an hour, eat a good breakfast, and begin anew. I'm strong, i'm determined, i'm in control (right now), and i'm going to see a loss of some caliber next week. day by day I will get to my goal.

So again I ask me is all this really worth it? Oh you betcha it is.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAKITTY10 11/20/2010 9:15AM

  They say the last 5 or 10 pounds are the hardest to lose. I wouldn't know about that because I've lost the first 10 pounds 20 times over. Your so close just dont give up. Keep a positive attitude. YOU CAN DO IT.

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JUNEBUG1944 11/19/2010 8:42PM

    You are soooooooooooo close! You will do it, girlfriend!

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GAMMAKISS 11/19/2010 5:37PM

    Oh yes it is worth it! I agree with everyone here! Keep it up, you have worked so hard. You know you are feeling better, your clothes are loose! Remember - You're strong, You're determined, You're in control. That's a great motto!
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RACEMOM576900 11/19/2010 5:26PM

    Great read. Thanks for sharing your inspiration. You can do this. I can't wait until I reach 5 lbs with in my goal. I am a long ways away and keep getting stuck already.

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BARRAY5 11/19/2010 10:00AM

    good blog! way to motivate me! I'm with you on not losing! I'll be stuck for every but I'm not giving up either! emoticon

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TAMMERIAN 11/19/2010 8:58AM

    Really, in the end, weight isn't really an issue. If you are down to the size you want to be then what is weight? Besides, muscle weighs more...IMO the end weight is just a guideline. It's all about size :)

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STEINERMOM 11/19/2010 7:21AM

  Maybe your body is just helping to practice patience, perserverance and loving the self.

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HEIDIB2935 11/19/2010 6:51AM

    Stay at it!! I'm getting down to the last few stubborn pounds too. We will win!!!

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IUHRYTR 11/19/2010 6:45AM

    Our bodies are like practical jokers. They often reward us when we slack off and punish us when we work diligently. But our bodies can be also be tricked. So, yeah, keep on keeping on and you may surprise yours soon. -- Lou

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NUTRON3 11/19/2010 6:39AM

    I love your blog!

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An ornament on my "tree"

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Standing in the inspiring vision of my future, I boldly take every step - large and small - with courage and intent.
- jlh

I did it. I earned an ornament on my "tree". I planned, I followed, I stopped myself, I had a talk with myself, I saw it through. It was that darn ornament that I wanted for the tree on the fridge that got me motivated to see it through. Motivation comes in many forms. Mine is coming in the forms of emoticon on the calendar and emoticonornaments on the "tree". I found a felt tree yesterday and my hubby bought me glue sticks incase the foam stickers I found didn't stick. He wanted to put an ornament on that tree to try it out but I wouldn't let him. I wanted to earn it myself. I did!!!!!!!! I was so proud when I put my ornament on that darn tree. Of course my sweet hubby says " I sure hope that isn't the only ornament you end up with" He says this with a smile, he knows my "moments" can happen for any reason. But I planned and I followed. Why oh why can't I do that all the time? I wouldn't be normal if I did.

I have weaknesses, you have weaknesses. This journey is all about finding out those weaknesses and then finding a cure for what ails us. For me it is snacking. Not out of hunger but out of appetite. they taste good, so I eat. So i'm not buying that any longer. I have that control, If it isn't in the house I can't have a moment. Well I can, but the triggers aren't here.

So i'm off to see today through. I'm going to show you a tree in the end filled with ornaments and a calender lined with stars...but most important of all is the star on the top of the tree that shows i've reached my goal.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAKITTY10 11/20/2010 9:21AM

  What a great idea for motivation. Thanks, I'm going to have to try that. Keep going and your tree will be filled with ornaments.

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CHINAGAL 11/18/2010 6:03PM


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SLIMPAM23 11/18/2010 3:37PM

    WooHoo Good Job!!! And a really cute idea as well!! emoticon

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JUNEBUG1944 11/18/2010 11:42AM

    Question...when you have a good day, you put on a star...when you have a bad day, do you take one off? Mine would be bare!!

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JUDYFRANCE 11/18/2010 11:30AM

    Your sunday school teacher must have taught you a good lesson about stars and ornaments when you were young. I think this is such a great idea. I LOL when you said you wouldn't let hubby try the stickies. So funny! I can hardly wait to see the pics later!

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JUNEBUG1944 11/18/2010 11:10AM

    emoticon Woohoo! Good for you! Remember your success is our success! We're in this together! You go, girl! You are motivating me!
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JHADZHIA 11/18/2010 9:52AM

    This is an awesome great visual motivation! Well done coming up with this idea, and of course, starting to get those ornaments on it!! You can do this!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 11/18/2010 9:34AM

    Great job Michelle!! Be proud of that ornament, and may looking at it make you long to fill that tree with more!! It will NOT be the only lonely one!!
You can do it!!

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IUHRYTR 11/18/2010 8:41AM

    Our grade school teachers were on to something. I remember how very much I wanted a gold star on homework. A silver one was good, too, but not as good as a gold one. Wishing you many more gold stars for your tree. Great job. -- Lou

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When does the "aha" moment happen?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

emoticonGrrrr, when will the aha moment happen? You know the one where all this healthy lifestyle clicks in place and makes so much sence. I mean does it ever, will I ever get it? I just don't see how. I still struggle the old struggles. My main one is the mindless munching that occurs when I sit down in the evenings. The one that happens after dinner is done, the dishes are washed and the kitchen is suppose to be closed. I sit down to watch a bit of tv and wham, it hits, I"m up, i'm down, i'm up, i'm down. You get the picture. I"m an endless yoyo heading to the pantry. My husband says he is going to put a lock on the pantry door. Hey that may just work. lol

Really though all jokes aside this is the one part of my journey I have yet to overcome. It isn't that I don't have the points (calories) for such moments. I do. But I set a goal for myself and it gets me so frustrated that I have no willpower over the snacks. My days are wonderful, I get up and I exercise each morning without fail. Usually anywhere from 30-50 minutes depending on my morning rush. I get all my waters in, i've got my water bottles in the fridge refilled daily (one holds three the other two) five cups mandatory that I drink , then the other liquids and more water. I get them all. I eat my veggies/fruits religously, so much so that I just do it. I plan, I write it all down, I head to spark, I do the message boards, I journal daily, I blog, I do it all. I just can't get the grip on the mindless munching. I don't know what it is. I"ve listened, i've read, I know it is boredom pure and simple. No i'm not hungry, No i'm not sad, No I don't eat my emotions, i'm the one that gets sick at my stomach when i'm stressed. It is boredom, or habit most likely.

So I have my little stickers, my star, my new calender on the fridge, My hubby is doing my tree (couldn't find anything to use yesterday for that), I have these cool little ornament stickers to use on my tree, the stars for the calendar. I'm ready to begin my holiday transformation. But today it is bare. I want the star to be my goal weight....the biggest one yet.

For those of you wondering what i'm talking about, I give myself gold stars for days that I succeed, that means all parts of the journey not one or two, No success not star, I put those on a calendar so I can see the days of success add up, A team member came up with a tree for the holidays, a success story and decoration at the same time. A few of us on ww are doing this. I found the ornament stickers at the dollar store yesterday and that was an awesome way to show my success. Now to succeed. One of my team members wants a pic of my tree at the end. I hope I can make me proud with at least a few decorations, but really I want the big star at the top. My Goal.

So even though my aha moment may not have happened, i'm living the lifestyle that I choose. I have moments, I have highs, lows, and sometimes I fall down. But I always get back up and dust off my a$# and get back to basics.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEINERMOM 11/19/2010 7:33AM

  You are doing so many wonderful things to care for yourself! I hope that you can celebrate that! You are already so far along the path. Good for you!

Regarding the snacking, clearly there is something that needs attention (other than food). I believe that our attempts to eat when we are not hungry are either habits that we have ingrained over time or some emotion that surfaces inside of us that we turn to food instead of dealing with the feeling. It is often in the moments of rest and quiet at the end of the day that these things surface.

Maybe planning the evening for your journalling? You could write about how you want snacks and what you are feeling. When I do this (you can see my Wanting to Eat blogs), unexpected things rise to the surface that I never would have thought of otherwise.

Sometimes evening eating (for me) is simply a sign that I am tired and trying to pick up my blood sugar level to give myself more energy.

I am sure that with patience and thoughtfulness you will be able to discover insights which will help with your situation!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 11/18/2010 9:32AM

    I think I'm still waiting on that AHA moment myself...sometimes I feel like I've got it in my grasp, then I feel it slipping away again and I start to struggle. So, we struggle..we fall down, but we do not fail. Nope, not us! We are here for the long haul and we'll get there. You will see that big gold star on that tree and when you do, I'll be hopping up and down in joy for you!! You can do it!!

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JUNEBUG1944 11/17/2010 8:51PM

    You have written about me...that crystal ball, again! LOL!

You know what? I HAD an AHA moment and I lost it...I think all my willpower was in my old knee that is gone!

Michelle, your tree will be FILLED with gold stars, I know it will. Just keep plugging can do this, my friend!
You are counting on you! (Yep, you read that right!)

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IUHRYTR 11/17/2010 5:01PM

    I've found that not keeping chips or cookies or other similar snacks in the house keeps me from wanting them every day. I haven't had chocolate, cookies, cake, pie, etc. in six weeks and now don't crave them. Once in a while I do have chips out for lunch, maybe every couple of weeks to make me feel as if I am indulging and that's it. Out of sight, out of reach. Takes willpower but after a while you don't miss them. Best of luck. -- Lou

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JUDYFRANCE 11/17/2010 11:28AM

    OMG!! You are doing SO well. You are motivated and you are doing the right things. It's important to take things one at a time, one step at a time. If you are ready to stopthe night snacking (even though you have the calories to snack), then devise a plan. You'll be able to focus on that, then.

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KENDRACARROLL 11/17/2010 10:56AM

    I have an idea. Make yourself do 10 jumping jacks or 10 lunges or 10 pushups every time you get up to go to the pantry. Just a little deterrent and maybe enough time to change your mind.

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TAMMERIAN 11/17/2010 9:55AM

    I love the idea of the tree and would like to hear more about it. Are you making something like an advent calendar with them? I'm so curious.

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JESSIELOVE78 11/17/2010 9:45AM

    great ideas. I love it. emoticon

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ZENNIE84 11/17/2010 9:07AM

    I deal with the same thing and the sad thing is that I have many "aha" moments, but i revert back to my old habits. Stay strong and continue on this life changing path. It will all be worth it in the end!

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Did I let me down?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

emoticonoops, It happened I had a "moment". Did I let me down? Nope. It is going to happen from time to time. I had the points or calories in english to have a "moment" and not hurt myself. Now I can't have one today and then tomorrow but really I don't think I want to. It left me feeling kinda emoticon Funny how eating junk that you don't normally eat will do that to ya. It isn't a feeling I want again anytime soon. I did write it down, I did account for it on ww, spark, and my journal. I know it came from boredom. I had dinner, I was sitting down to relax with a bit of tv before bed......then it hit. The munchy monster came out full force. So i'm sorry to tell ya that I only got to 4 emoticonthis time.

So today starts over again. Did i give myself that star on my calender? no way. That would be lying to myself. I won't do that. I will see the bump in the road and maybe just maybe I will learn from it. Nobody is perfect, and i'm certainly not. So today I pick up and move forward. Afterall that is what this journey is all about........moving forward.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEINERMOM 11/19/2010 7:34AM

  I really appreciate your honesty! Nice job with the self-forgiveness.

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 11/17/2010 2:25PM

    You ROCK!!!!! Really you do!!!

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KENDRACARROLL 11/16/2010 10:41AM

    But, nobody can take away those 4 very successful days.
Today starts over emoticon
Just keep trucking along like you have been.

I've noticed, that when I track, and at the end of the day I see that I have some leftover points, I feel the urge to use up those points and usually that leads to disaster. I think it would be much better to just carry them over, especially when I'm not hungry. But no, insanity sets in and that can ruin a otherwise great day. Got me!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 11/16/2010 9:16AM

    You can do it! Hey, you got to four this week, maybe next week will be five!! I don't sit down to watch much t.v., but when I do, I try to have something to keep my hands busy. Before my friend left for Saudi Arabia, she tried to give me a crash course in knitting. Her motto was that you couldn't eat while you were knitting. It works...I just wasn't that good of a knitting student! ha!
Keep're doing great.

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JUDYFRANCE 11/16/2010 7:26AM

    Every morning I wake up and see a clean calorie journal. It's like waking up a virgin every single morning!

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IUHRYTR 11/16/2010 7:08AM

    That's the attitude I wrote about yesterday -- every day we are given a clean slate to begin anew. Will we cover it with positive accomplishments? If we slip and don't, we get another clean slate tomorrow to try again. We need to never give up trying. Go for a good day today! -- Lou

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JAMBABY0 11/16/2010 6:53AM

    Watching t.v. at night is when that munch monster hits for a lot of us. I try to do another activity while I am watching t.v. so hands stay busy and then I don't think about food. Like crocheting or sewing. There's also things like needle point and cross stitch too. There are a lot of things that can be done while watching t.v. Good luck with doing better! Keep trying.

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