Saturday, November 20, 2010
When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
- Oprah Winfrey
My husband was looking over my shoulder last night (he will do that from time to time), he gives me ideas, none I would use, and he noticed my pic. I thought he had seen it....he said that didnt' even look like me. He said the camera must of added pounds because I don't look that big in person. I told him that was the nicest thing he could of said to me. I thought my pic was wonderful. Now I see i'm actually smaller than that. Wow, I have come a long way.
Sometimes I focus so much on what i'm doing wrong on this journey I forget what i'm doing right. My friend suggested a motivation board to work on this weekend. You know I felt that was a wonderful Idea. I have yet to do my collage for spark and myself. It seems like it is time to sit down and do that. I went through some pics. OMG is what comes to mind. They are sad. sad for me that is. In a couple you would never recognize me when my kids where small. I was near 200 and rather large. I looked and it made me so sad for her. that lonely woman in those pics. Yup I was lonely. My ex wasn't there in the physical sense and when he was he sure wasn't there for me mentally. I was very lonely and I guess food and sleep where my best friends. Oh we were close, I slept all day long and when it neared time for him to come home I would do the dishes, start supper, throw in a load of laundry....you get the picture. It was a messy divorce and many years later I learned I was depressed. I just thought I was a miserable person. That dark place is somewhere I don't ever want to be again.
I thank my friend for leading me to spark. I also thank my husband for the many times he has listened to me, given me advice, told me he never saw me as big, all these things have made me strong. I also want to thank my Team alabama team mates for the humor, the exericses, the challenges, I want to thank my WW team for the same. You guys have made me sit down and focus on me, you have given me the motivation I sometimes needed to finally get to this pount.
I know I sound like i'm receiving my award, and really I did yesterday, 50000 spark points. that is a lot of reading, exercise, and just plain sparking. But really this journey would of been very lonely without you all. Thank you for giving my Focus on me for the first time in a very long time.
Friday, November 19, 2010
You've got to be kidding me. But I worked so hard. Oh well the results are in, im only down a little .2. I mean what is that? Yup I know I should take it and be proud for the loss. Yup, I know I should look at other ways I may have lost, my pants are loose (I'm almost to goal, all my pants are loose), I might have built muscle (in what my big toe), I earned my "stars", I worked out a lot, I didn't sit around and eat. Yet those darn, dreaded, hated, scales let me down. I mean I was hoping for say half pound, maybe a full pound if I was really lucky. Nope, not in the cards this week. I pretty much stayed the same, because I had gained that the week before.
I'm so close to goal, 5 lbs, so I know this part could be the toughest, oh I know all the whys, whatfors, and all that good stuff. But come on body cut me some slack. I give you what you need, want, and a bit inbetween, I exercise faithfully (I really like exercise), I drink water that I would rather be anything else, I sleep, I relax. What more do you want from me. I make mistakes, yes, i'm human. But the scales, oh the scales made me so mad today.
So I titled this blog "is all this really worth it?" because sometimes it can get so darn frustrating. Your body is suppose to be your best friend, but it isn't, it fights you every step of the way, you give it what it needs, it wants more, yOu exercise, it gives you sore muscles for days, You drink the water it requires, you can't stay out of the bathroom no matter that you just went. It fights you every darn step of the way.
Well not this time. I'm fighting it. I'm not quiting, though right now I want to, i'm not giving up on myself. I've done that a thousand times before. Nope today I do what I always do, I have my coffee, exercise for about an hour, eat a good breakfast, and begin anew. I'm strong, i'm determined, i'm in control (right now), and i'm going to see a loss of some caliber next week. day by day I will get to my goal.
So again I ask me is all this really worth it? Oh you betcha it is.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Standing in the inspiring vision of my future, I boldly take every step - large and small - with courage and intent.
I did it. I earned an ornament on my "tree". I planned, I followed, I stopped myself, I had a talk with myself, I saw it through. It was that darn ornament that I wanted for the tree on the fridge that got me motivated to see it through. Motivation comes in many forms. Mine is coming in the forms of on the calendar and ornaments on the "tree". I found a felt tree yesterday and my hubby bought me glue sticks incase the foam stickers I found didn't stick. He wanted to put an ornament on that tree to try it out but I wouldn't let him. I wanted to earn it myself. I did!!!!!!!! I was so proud when I put my ornament on that darn tree. Of course my sweet hubby says " I sure hope that isn't the only ornament you end up with" He says this with a smile, he knows my "moments" can happen for any reason. But I planned and I followed. Why oh why can't I do that all the time? I wouldn't be normal if I did.
I have weaknesses, you have weaknesses. This journey is all about finding out those weaknesses and then finding a cure for what ails us. For me it is snacking. Not out of hunger but out of appetite. they taste good, so I eat. So i'm not buying that any longer. I have that control, If it isn't in the house I can't have a moment. Well I can, but the triggers aren't here.
So i'm off to see today through. I'm going to show you a tree in the end filled with ornaments and a calender lined with stars...but most important of all is the star on the top of the tree that shows i've reached my goal.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Grrrr, when will the aha moment happen? You know the one where all this healthy lifestyle clicks in place and makes so much sence. I mean does it ever, will I ever get it? I just don't see how. I still struggle the old struggles. My main one is the mindless munching that occurs when I sit down in the evenings. The one that happens after dinner is done, the dishes are washed and the kitchen is suppose to be closed. I sit down to watch a bit of tv and wham, it hits, I"m up, i'm down, i'm up, i'm down. You get the picture. I"m an endless yoyo heading to the pantry. My husband says he is going to put a lock on the pantry door. Hey that may just work. lol
Really though all jokes aside this is the one part of my journey I have yet to overcome. It isn't that I don't have the points (calories) for such moments. I do. But I set a goal for myself and it gets me so frustrated that I have no willpower over the snacks. My days are wonderful, I get up and I exercise each morning without fail. Usually anywhere from 30-50 minutes depending on my morning rush. I get all my waters in, i've got my water bottles in the fridge refilled daily (one holds three the other two) five cups mandatory that I drink , then the other liquids and more water. I get them all. I eat my veggies/fruits religously, so much so that I just do it. I plan, I write it all down, I head to spark, I do the message boards, I journal daily, I blog, I do it all. I just can't get the grip on the mindless munching. I don't know what it is. I"ve listened, i've read, I know it is boredom pure and simple. No i'm not hungry, No i'm not sad, No I don't eat my emotions, i'm the one that gets sick at my stomach when i'm stressed. It is boredom, or habit most likely.
So I have my little stickers, my star, my new calender on the fridge, My hubby is doing my tree (couldn't find anything to use yesterday for that), I have these cool little ornament stickers to use on my tree, the stars for the calendar. I'm ready to begin my holiday transformation. But today it is bare. I want the star to be my goal weight....the biggest one yet.
For those of you wondering what i'm talking about, I give myself gold stars for days that I succeed, that means all parts of the journey not one or two, No success not star, I put those on a calendar so I can see the days of success add up, A team member came up with a tree for the holidays, a success story and decoration at the same time. A few of us on ww are doing this. I found the ornament stickers at the dollar store yesterday and that was an awesome way to show my success. Now to succeed. One of my team members wants a pic of my tree at the end. I hope I can make me proud with at least a few decorations, but really I want the big star at the top. My Goal.
So even though my aha moment may not have happened, i'm living the lifestyle that I choose. I have moments, I have highs, lows, and sometimes I fall down. But I always get back up and dust off my a$# and get back to basics.
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