Sunday, November 14, 2010
I have had three consecutive good days in a row. count them three. I"m so happy with myself. I got up this morning and started to make my coffee and stopped and just looked at my husband and said "three count them three good days, no cheating, no mindless munching, three" Of course he thinks i've lost my mind. Really though we talked yesterday about all this. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. For me I've found not having the weaknesses in the house, planning my day out before hand, and sometimes just stopping and listening to the little voice in my head has worked. Now my goal would be to make a week, then two. Because for me one day is good, two in a row is great, but three is awesome. I have never had three and never a good week that went into two. I seem to do good, slack, slack, good, you get the picture. But I can't do that any longer. I need to find the happy place for myself.
I have set up a calender, Thank you Kristi for the idea, and I have given me stars on my good days, Now I can look at a glance and see where i've come and where I need to go. I haven't come up with a reward for this yet, I"m leaning towards a ring I saw, Cathy thank you, and I think it is an awesome idea, then I can look down and see my success, and my hard work at a glance and decide then and there not to go back. I'm close to goal you see and I really need to see this part of my journey over. I have been allowing myself to fail. I think the word is self-sabatage. I don't know if it is the fear of being at goal, the wonder i'm not ready for, or old feelings coming into play. Because i guess I expected different things when I hit goal. I mean yes my body is smaller, but my mind still is bigger. If that makes sense. I'm seeing the results in the mirror but my mind is having trouble seeing that that is me. So I have a few issues i'm still working on.
Now today is my hardest day of the week. I have a plan though, and I hope I can succeed. I have faith I will, but a small part of me still worries. I want that fourth star on my calender. I feel like a kid getting a treat and it feels wonderful.
Friday, November 12, 2010
I finally had a good day. A wonderful team leader gave me the basics list...it was so easy. when I say the basic list I mean that I do ww...she gave it to me short and sweet.....water, exercise, points (my own), and most important write it down. So off I go with my little list. I checked off as I completed a task....water yup 9, exercise yup 30 min. elliptical and a walk with my lunch, points, yup went to bed with one left over, write it down,
It seemed so easy to just focus on the basics and not worry about the other stuff. Now I know some of you are thinking "she knew that" yup I did, but did I follow it? nope. I was trying to do so much at one time I was letting my emotions take over. I was beating myself up and then was so exausted that I wasn't seeing the big picture. I was so worried about the number on the scale that I wasn't seeing me where i'm at today.
I had my weekly weigh in this morning and you guessed it i'm up. 0.2 to be exact. Yup not a lot to some, but to me a big gain. Why you may ask? Well with the other two from the two weeks before it puts me up to a pound total. That is a lot in my book, Way too much for comfort. Because if it was that easy for me to slip and gain for three weeks in a row look how easy it will be for me to keep going and reach my old weight. This is why i'm so thankful to my friend for stepping in and giving me the talking to. My buddy and new best friend did that also. So with the two of them i'm ready to face another day.
Now I will not tell ya i've got it, because really I don't. I just go through the days, try to come up with new ideas for which i'm blank at this moment, and I just take this day by day. that is all I can give you and me right now, a day to day play.
So i'm off to begin my new fresh start to a new fresh week.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The clock is ticking, i'm still on the old time or something. I can't seem to get my mind to follow my body these last couple of days. Thank goodness each day is a fresh start, and I have no problem with do overs. I have been doing do overs for about two years now, sometimes I wonder how I got to where i'm at on my journey with all the do overs I've had. These last couple of days have been eating frenzies. why? could be the weather, could be the time change, could be the time of year, could be pms, I could give so many excuses why i'm doing it but what good would that do. I'm still doing it. I haven't come up with a plan to fix it, I havn't sat down and given it much thought, in fact as i'm heading to the pantry the only thought I have is what is next.....meaning what can i have now? A crying shame to say the least. I really didn't want to post another gain for this week. That would be three in a row. Is that reason to give up, throw in the towel, hang my head? It could be if I wasn't me. I want to see this through. I want to know what is wrong. I think my body wants to be warm for winter, but my mind says no you can't, I have these two playing tug of war and the body is winning. Or is it it the mind? I'm so confused right now I really don't know which is which.
I know it is easy for someone who has succeeded to say how I need to do things, I know it is easy for a friend who is there to kick my butt, I know it would be really simple for me to pick up where I left off.....but I can't seem to. I say each morning how I want to, I look over my day the day before ( yes friends I bite I write) and I tell myself today is going to be different. It isn't.
So i'm not going to end this with today is a new day, which it is, i"m not going to tell you i'm going to give it my all, which I may, i'm not going to make promises I can't keep. I will tell you that this journey is not easy, this journey has many roadblocks and it is up to each of us to know them down one by one. this is my road block. It may take me some time to knock it down, go over, or even around it, but i'm going to succeed.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I began this "new" journey three days ago. I had two awesome days in a row none the less which for me is truly wonderful. Well day three brings with it new "moments" or rather the old that i'm still telling myself i'm working on but have yet to manage. Here I am watching my favorite show, The biggest loser, and I decide I want to have the snickers bar that my wonderful hubby thought he was doing me a wonderful thing by getting me. He had eaten the original one I had in the fridge and then goes and buys me a replacement. Now I could of said "oh no you eat that, I don't really need it" , but did I? nope...I ate it. The moral of this story is.....i'm still feeling like a failure in this. I know i'm not, I know I need think of the positives...I did get in my exercise, I did get my water (though I was two short from my daily goal), I did eat right the rest of the day. I know one "treat" won't ruin my whole week, but that doesn't stop my mind from telling me how I should of made better choices, how I berate myself all the time for the mistakes I make. I beat me up all the time. I look over my days and then I have to wonder how others are so strong and i'm so weak.....Well I need to work on this. I need to step away from myself for a minute and look at where i've been, where i'm at, and where I intend to go. I will have options most of my life. I will have choices. It is how I handle those choices that matters. So i'm off to begin day 4. I won't make promises I can't keep, I won't tell you I've learned a lesson here, or that it won't happen again. I would be lying to both of us. I will tell ya that since i've begun this journey i've learned many things about myself, my likes and dislikes, I've made wonderful new friends, lost a few, and gained the best one....she know who she is. So my journey will continue, because that is why i'm here, to see this through and beyond.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Day one I decided to turn this journey on. I had been getting sedentary in my ways, eating to eat, not enjoying what the world had to offer. I want to reach my goals but at the same time I was unwilling to do what I needed to get there. So I succeeded on day one and decided to begin fresh. Today i'm at day two. My lunch was packed last night, my day is planned out, my daily goal today is 8 glasses of pure water. that means the diet soda is not involved. I really only have one or two daily but it is enough to mess up my straight water. So that is my daily goal.
I've decided that as ive said before....If it is to be its up to me. I can't wait for the weight to come off, I have to do something about it. So i'm doing something about it. I'm learning to love myself and the new me i'm becoming. I have learned I love exercise. I've said it before and i;ll say it again, exercise is not my problem. Snacks are. but i'm learning if I can plan for them, sit down and enjoy them, then they can be even better. that is the plan anyhow. I need to remember that I have to eat to live not live to eat.
I made the choice to walk on monday evenings with friend from work. we've been doing this a while now, Now the two of us have become three...we added a new friend to the walk. She is actually the one that led me to spark and then she went her own way. She isn't back to spark at this time but baby steps. She is walking with us. we have decided that even with the time change we are going to do this. we just have to make a few adjustments....flashlights, stick......just in case, and gloves. we are ready and we walk about two and a half miles now.
So now i'm off to begin my day 2. Well really I already have made good choices this morning. I'm sparking and i'm just about to do my exercise of the day.
Keep on sparking. Michelle
Get An Email Alert Each Time MALEXANDER4 Posts