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I'm still here struggling the old struggles

Saturday, October 09, 2010

emoticonIm still here. Still pluggling along. I have had a very busy work week and that has kept me from blogging like I should. I had my weigh in this morning. i"m emoticon0.2. A blip on the screen but a loss just the same. So I will take it with a smile and move on to next weeks.

I'm struggling some days, and gliding through others. I guess this is all a part of the journey but I can honestly say at this point in the game I thought I would of had it beat. Wrong!!! I'm still learning about this lifestyle as I go. I'm still learning about me and what I need and don't need as the case may be. Oh I want to reach for the quick, the easy, the goohey, the sweet, the salty, and on some occasions I do. Oh the guilt follows me on those moments. I think others before me have done this why can't I? meaning they have lost the weight with such ease and i'm struggling daily. I"m not hungry when I grab for the junk, i'm really not sure at the moment what I am. I ;ve tried to study it all out, but sometimes as the stuff is going in it is hard to decide which it is, the taste, the texture, or am I really just tired or thirsty? I'm not going to pretend each day isn't a struggle with some kind of outside interferance. I mean I work where most all but one other are eating to eat, we talk about food all day long. New recipies and such. My husband isn't following any kind of rules with his "new lifestyle" as he likes to call it as he is having that bowl of icecream each night, I have it in my mind that I need to have the munching food at all times. meaning it must be in the cupboard just in case.

I work on myself daily. I haven't given up on me. I'm close to reaching my goal but have I learned anything yet? i'm still learning each day, I'm trying new foods, new recipes, new exercise. I'm telling myself i'm doing what has to be done, I look darn good in my size six jeans, if I say so myself. But who am I kidding? MYSELF that is who. I haven't won this battle. I'm holding off the other side but they are closing in on me. I want to reach goal yeah, but I want to stay there when I get there. I don't want to just taste the freedom, I want to live it.

We are all here struggling with the same things. It is nice to know that i'm not alone. I read all that I can get my hands on about change, ideas, and such. I read blogs from others with the same struggles. I know we can do this together. I thank you all for your support and my dear friend who hears this way more then anybody should. She listens and then gives me advice and a kick when I need it....thank you kristi. You have become a big part of my picture. We are standing in the mirror and we see the beauty that we are.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSAWRAP_DIMI 10/11/2010 8:45PM

    Thanks so much for sharing... I cant wait till I get back to the size 6. I hope this time I will appreciate it more and appreciate the victory!

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JUNEBUG1944 10/10/2010 6:02PM

    Hey Michelle...Size 6? That is utterly fantastic! I don't know if we ever "learn." It is an ongoing process. We try and try, and, hopefully, someday, we will be doing exactly what we are supposed to without trying!

We aren't perfect and will have good days and bad...hopefully, the goods outnumber the bads!

Keep at it, girl! You're going in the right direction! .2 gone is so much better than .2 here!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/9/2010 8:07PM

    Michelle, we will do this together and you won't give up on you and neither will I. Take a good long look at that woman in the size six jeans and now tell her how absolutely beautiful and amazing she is. I know that I am proud to call her my friend.
We are going to do this..heck we ARE doing this!! Yes, we will continue to learn about this way of life, but think of where we started!! Look at how far you've aren't only learning you are ALREADY living it!!
Hang in there. You are going to taste the freedom and you are going to live it, my friend.

Comment edited on: 10/9/2010 8:15:08 PM

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RACEMOM576900 10/9/2010 7:55PM

    Struggling with weight or self image is a daily event for most people in society these days. Society has drilled it into us that we must be skinny to be happy, but I beg to differ! You have to be healthy to be happy- not skin and bones. Keep working on those little goals and the weight will take care of itself. You are not a number-you are a human being with needs, wants and desires. I believe that everyone wants and deserves to be healthy and happy. Most have just lost thier way on how to make it happen. SP brought me back to see the light and I am sure you are doing a wonderful job!

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KNITTABLES 10/9/2010 3:57PM

    One day at a time, good luck.

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KENDRACARROLL 10/9/2010 12:31PM

    Hey, I'll have my 2nd WW weigh-in tomorrow. That means I really have to be good today...

I'm really not sure that this battle will ever end. Looking back, I've learned a lot over the past few years about food, eating, exercising, being healthy, and the longer we are on this road the more we learn. But will there be a point where we have learned enough so we won't struggle with food/weight any more? It would be nice, but I don't know. I think this is probably a commitment that will need to be renewed daily - forever - ugh.

However, I also think that practice makes perfect, which means this should and does get easier as we go along.

On the subject of men in general and their support in this in particular - I'm not touching this... :) Happily single and planning to stay that way. (Now if I'd only get those kids up and out soon...) Hope this doesn't sound evil; just a bit fed up lately.

So, let's both hang in there. We can do this! We're almost there!
Have a wonderful Saturday.

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JHADZHIA 10/9/2010 9:59AM

    I feel I am fortunate to be single and can control my own destiny without interference. I see a common theme on here, women struggling to lose weight and be healthy while their significant others eat what ever junk they please. Complaints on having to make two meals, one for him, one for her. Society stresses woman have to be thin, perfect, while men are allowed to have their big beer bellies. I have seen lots of photos of thin women with tubby hubbys. This website is overwhelmingly female dominated. Wonder if this will ever change? Why can't men support their spouses in this change by getting on the bandwagon too?
Enjoy your weekend!

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APIRLRAIN888 10/9/2010 9:08AM

    pls chk out my blog 250 lb vs 120 lb woman, also posted in motivation msg board.

I found all kinds of motivation there.

I hope you do too!!!

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HUNIBUN06 10/9/2010 8:52AM

    Michelle, You can do this,just one day at a time.We all struggle with weight loss.I to struggle,I keep in mind I'm doing this to live a long and healthy life. I do slip from time to time and that's ok,we are human and it happens just pick ourselves back up and on our way agian.

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IILAAD65 10/9/2010 8:48AM

    I have decided it's never really easy. I will have to get up every day for the rest of my life and think... "What am I going to eat today"

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dinner with my daughter

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

My daughter and I had dinner and a walk on sunday. It was so nice. We chatted and planned her wedding, had a nice healthy meal, and got in 30 min. of walking. Since she is just starting out that was a great start. She has also been walking at lunch a couple of days and that made me smile. She knows that she has to lose this weight for her health. She has set a goal. A small one and says when she reaches that she will take it from there. That is smart. We sometimes jump so far ahead we miss a step or two. I'm learning from her as much as she is learning from me.

My weeks is off to a slow start. My exercise, though i'm doing it, is not up to my standards. I'm going to have to get this back on track. the weather is cooler now and maybe I need to take my mornings inside on the treadmill and walk on the weekends when the weather is a bit warmer in the afternoons. I walk during my lunch and it is nice but the mornings are so cool and i'm not much for cold.

I will take this one day at atime. I have slid myself this week but not enough to hurt me. jUst enough to frustrate me. I do that to myself a lot. So, i'm off to get in a good morning workout.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACEMOM576900 10/7/2010 11:31AM

    Wonderful that your daughter is inspired and starting small. That is the best way to begin to build strong habits. You are doing great. Any movement is better than none!

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/6/2010 5:43PM

    I'm glad your daughter is setting small attainable goals. That is smart. Too often in the past I overwhelmed myself with wanting to do it all at once. I'd give up before I even got started. Even if your exercise hasn't been your usual, you are MOVING at that is a good thing. Hang in there Michelle. You are doing so great and I know you are a great inspiration to your daughter. Keep up all the good work!! I believe in you!

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TRYINKEEPUP 10/6/2010 2:25PM

    I love it when my own journey encourages those around me to start their own. they're smart to take it slow. We all forget sometimes that this is a lifestyle, and not a race.

Rock on for making a plan to get back and stay on track. It sounds like you're enjoying the process - a giant plus!

Keep on rockin', sisterfriend!

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JESSIELOVE78 10/6/2010 11:43AM

    Great start for the day!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 10/6/2010 5:28AM

    Doing some exercise is betta than none! you will get there accentuate the positive!

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KNITTABLES 10/5/2010 11:36PM

    So happy for you that you daughter is getting healty and fit too! Always nice to have someone special to share your journeys together.

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SLIMPAM23 10/5/2010 1:45PM

    I think it's wonderful that you and your daughter can lose together. My baby girl is too far away to be able to work out with her. I would love that, so enjoy your situation extra for me!!! It was pretty brisk this morning when I ventured out at 6:00 - but I worked up a sweat and it felt good at the end!!
Your daughter is absolutely right to start small and build on that. Slow and steady wins this race!!
I hope you have a great week - and if you slid a little - just get back in your groove and you will be fine!!!

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    I am soooo delighted for your daughter! What a great start she's making!!!

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BILL60 10/5/2010 7:32AM

    Let's get a good program going. Get tough!!!

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My perfect ending to an awesome week

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Our lives are defined not by the challenges we encounter,
but by how we respond to those challenges.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

today was my weigh in.....drum roll please....lost 1.6 this week. Finally some movement on those darn scales. 20.2 pounds lost so far. the end of this chapter is drawing to a close, now on to the next.....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/3/2010 8:16PM

    So proud of you!!! That is wonderful!!! I know you were thrilled to see those numbers. You're doing great!

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RACEMOM576900 10/3/2010 10:37AM

    Great Job droping those pounds! Sorry you could not sleep last night. I know what that is like!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 10/3/2010 6:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 10/2/2010 11:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Yay for you. You're doing great!!! Keep up the good work.

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JUNEBUG1944 10/2/2010 11:03PM

    Congrats on the weight loss! You go, girl!

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KNITTABLES 10/2/2010 9:18PM

    Congrats on the weight loss. Can't wait to hear about the next chapter. Enjoy your weekend.

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    You're going to make it ... keep walking forward. I see you at the line, crossing over to Maintenance. emoticon

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Paying it forward

Friday, October 01, 2010

My daughter came to me in tears two days ago. She had a doctors appointment and he wouldn't give her birthcontrol because of her weight. My daughter is considered "morbid obese" by the stats. She said it is one thing to know you are fat but it is another to have it stamped on a chart. Now it is real. Now I love my daughter, so it is my turn to pay it forward. It ripped my heart out to have her crying and broken hearted, but it would hurt a hell of a lot more to have her dead young, from obesity. Now i'm a pharmacy tech certified, I see this daily, I see what damage it does. I take continuing education all the time on obesity, I have lost 20 pounds myself on spark and much before that. I know the damage, the mental anguish. we hide behind food. I see the stats, i see the results of overeating and just plain in some, sorry laziness, but I see the determination in others, I see the moment of glory for a lot here on spark and on ww. I know the feeling of joy at a pound lost, and the pound gained when you are so disapointed and the first thought on your mind is I failed.

So as a family and as a mom to a beautiful, overweight, daughter, i'm paying it forward. we are getting together for sunday dinners, working out, and just talking, I am her line between eating that twinkie and giving me a call instead. I"m her rock at the moment, but you know what? she is helping me. I told her now maybe she will help me reach my goals. because if she is willing to change her lifestyle, she didn't want the pills because she said to me it will come back and what have I learned. So i'm proud of her. She has a three year old beautiful son, she must do this for him if not for herself right now. So as a team we are doing this together. I'm encourageing her to join spark, and who knows maybe sunday I will get her started.

So my moral here is this: maybe just maybe we are here to learning something that one day may inturn help someone else. I know my moment is here. I have the info, stats, and now I have the determination to share this with one other, whom inturn may share with one other and so on. We cannot force anyone to be healthy, but when they come to us crying, broken hearted, and feeling hopeless, that is where we step up to bat and hit the one out of the park.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSAWRAP_DIMI 10/2/2010 1:22PM

This blog cuts me to the core as my 25 y/o is morbidly obese. She struggles with weight loss. She is a beautiful person and I like you want to see her live. Thanks for sharing.

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RACEMOM576900 10/2/2010 12:57PM

    I understand how you felt when your daughter came to you. Just reading your blog brought tears to my eyes! It is a wonderful thing to have a support person in your life, but when it is your daughter/mother I believe it means so much more. The support you will build between each other and the strength it will bring to your relationship is unmeasureable! We will all be here to cheer you on, encourage you, and support you in any way possible! You both can do this hand in hand!

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KNITTABLES 10/1/2010 8:30PM

    Tell your daughter we are here for both of you and wish you well on your new healthy journey together. I am glad she went to her mom for help. What a great thing to do together. I hope she joins sparks.

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/1/2010 9:46AM

    You will continue to be a wonderful inspiration for your daughter, and together you will both reach your goals. You are so right..if we can take what we learn and help one other person, either someone we love or a complete stranger, then it makes this journey that much richer for having been able to share it with someone and know we helped them. Your daughter will succeed and soon she will feel beautiful on the inside and out...she has a great mom to show her the way!!!

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KENDRACARROLL 10/1/2010 9:17AM

    I'm glad your daughter asked for help. Change can only happen when we are ready and prepared to do what it takes. This is your new project, mom.

Tell your daughter, we're cheering for her.
Please keep us posted on her progress.
Go team!

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JUDYFRANCE 10/1/2010 9:06AM

    It's great that you are there for your daughter. It is sometimes a hard pill to swallow when we finally realise that we need to make a healthy change. I wish I could make my obese loved ones see that they need to change. But, it has to come from within. You're a wonderful example to your daughter.

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    emoticonWhat an inspiration you are to your daughter!

Let her know that we'd love for us to join us on this journey!! Weight Watchers is an awesome program if she wants to join us on that path. We can do it together!!

Thanks for being such a great Mom!!

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slow and steady

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

emoticonWell I had a great blog going and this darn computer froze up. So here goes the shortened version.....

I have decided to thanks to a dear ww team leader to re-evaluate my goal weight. I have dropped it four pounds, in the scheme of things this isn't a whole lot but in my world it will mean the difference of struggling on or reaching this goal and moving on to the next is I so choose. So it may not be this december as I wanted but i'm still here and i'm still going strong. Slow and steady does win races. I haven't gained back any that i've lost and that is a big plus. two years worth of pluses. So I will stand strong and finish this out.

I know where my trouble lies and the boredom snacking is my downfall on the weekends. This is where I have to work it out and if I don't then I will never reach goal. It isn't about struggling because my body doesn't want to give up the weight, it is about my and self sabatage. So my new best friend and I have decided that choices is the way to go. She emails me, kicks me when i'm in need, and is just plain there. For this I thank her. No matter how long this takes we are going to reach our goals my dear friend. Choices just remember that word.

I'm off now to begin this new challenge of reaching goals. remember slow and steady will get this done.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNITTABLES 9/29/2010 3:04AM

    You will do this and you can do this. do you have a hobby or something you can do. When I am bored and want to eat I knit or work on a puzzle. Something to keep my mine off the food. You are doing a great job.

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 9/28/2010 5:32PM

    You are going to do this!! I think it will do you good to set a new goal weight. When you reach that, you can maintain if you feel comfortable with it, or go for more if you think you need to. Maybe it will relieve some of the pressure you put on yourself. And YES think of what all you have done in two years!! Awesome!! Amazing!! Wonderful!!
We will get there and I am proud to call you my friend!!

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KENDRACARROLL 9/28/2010 10:07AM

    You know what you need to do - now go do it! :)
Boredom snacking is my downfall as well.

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    You are going to do this!!! You are going to reach that scale number and we're going to celebrate! YOU have what it takes!!! emoticon emoticon

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FERRETLOVER1 9/28/2010 7:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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