Sunday, September 26, 2010
Will my dreams be realized? Will I see the magic number on the scales? Will I be happy with the choices I make throughout the day? These are all questions i'm asking of myself. Today my team leader of ww reached her goal. She is a success in my book before the "magic" number appeared but today was her special moment. Her moment in the spotlight. I cried for her and for myself. For her for the moment and I could feel her happiness. For me because i've been on this journey for almost two years. I had 30 pounds to go to reach my ultimate goal. Oh i've come down from a 60 pound gain over the years, but since joining spark and ww it is 30 pounds. Anyhow, my point is this: I really thought by now I would be at goal, I thought I would have made it. I would know the feeling of reaching my ultimate number and moving on to maintenance. But due to my issues, I have a few, that still i'm working on and due to me really not sticking like I should to plan, i'm still at the 10 pound mark.
10 pounds isn't really a whole lot left considering at 175 and 5'1" I looked like a pumpkin. My hubby didn't even know it was me in a pic with my mom and daughter. I was unreconizable. Here I sit, for the first time in a very long time, like 25 years, at a size 4-6, exercising daily, eating right for the most part, and i'm still not at goal. I could reach out and touch it and i'm still not there. Now this isn't a pitty party by any means. I've finally had a breakthrough and I owe it all to a wonderful lady whom reached her goals and has helped me to begin to reach mine.
I have a friend on this journey also. Really two, but one that I chat with regurally, that small thing has come to mean so much to me. we found we have a lot in common and someday the lord willing we will meet face to face so I can give her a big hug just for letting me be me. I vent, I woohoo, I push her and really she pushes me to succeed. My ww team leader also has come to mean very much to me. She has shown me through her struggles that each moment no matter how small, each success, each step we take is all leading us to our ultimate goal.
So again I ask myself the question: Will my dreams be realized? The answer: yes. It may not be in the next month, six months but each time I get out and exericse i'm taking the steps needed to get there, each time I pass up the chips i'm taking a step, each time I choose water instead of soda i've taken a step. Each of these steps that I take will lead me to the "magic" number on the scales that i'm so ready to see. I just have to keep taking one step at a time and one day at a time.
As my dear friend keeps saying it is about choices. I have choices and each time I choose the right ones i'm headed in the right direction.
is my new motto for myself. Because I can do it!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
let it be friday. I'm so tired. The pharmacy is crazy, we have a girl out on vacation and i'm exausted and still have two days left. Sure keeps me from eating or doing anything when I get home though. I just want to go to bed.
I survived a whole day without overeating. Go figure. I'm trying to work through the whys of doing the damage in the first place. It is a slow process as I have a lot of excess baggage from my previous life. You know the one, the one where we grow up in an abusive household, marry the wrong guy all around, divorce and raise two children alone, then meet and marry a wonderful guy, but still hold all the turmoil inside and on the outside your just plain fat. That is all people see. They don't see the abuse, the inner conflict, the hard work your now doing, the struggles you have survived, the new you emerging. When people say don't judge anyone by the outside this is so true. We don't know what anyone else may be going through. So we just have to smile and wish them a blessed day and move on.
So i'm moving on. I'm smiling and letting myself know that i've concured a lot of those ole demons and maybe just maybe if I work extra hard I will see this to the end. Heck it has been two years and i'm still here. I haven't quit, I backslide on occasion but I never quit. And lord willing I will see this to the magic number on the scales. I will then proceed onto the next stage of maintenance and beyond. I don't yet know what the beyond is but when it gets here I'll know.
So if you may of been thinking of giving up, DON'T!!!! We all make mistakes, it is how we learn from them that really counts. Do you learn, refigure, move on? Sometimes what works for your friend may not work for you. YOu have to find your way. I am going to reach this small goal. Afterall this is just one step in the new me i'm digging out of the rubble of an old life. I have survived so much and i'm still here. I am strong even though I don't always think so. So dust off your shoes and lets get moving.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
OMG, monday was a day let me tell ya. Work was crazy, I couldn't sleep sunday night and that in turn made my morning something else. I went home from work and ate dinner and then ate and ate till about seven. I finally got up and gave my head a shake and cleaned the kitchen and headed to bed. Hence the reason this blog is coming at 3:30 tuesday morning. Again i'm wide awake. I really need to get this sleep thing down. Yes, my friends I have no tv, no cola, i've read before bed. I got up out of bed so as not to toss and turn. I will lie back down in a minute and try for a bit more before time to get up.
My food was out of control because I was tired. Instead of doing what i've been doing and eating on plan I ate to eat. Hubby had fixed dinner....mac and cheese (7pts), pigs in a blanket...rf cresent wrapped around a fatfree hotdog (3pts), I fixed some greengiant cauliflower in the single serve containers (0pts). do you see where i'm going my ww friends. Already bless he heart he has me eating a half days points in one meal. But god willing I ate it all. then some. Had desert, almonds, and a ww cookie...finally I got up and said what am I doing. I was eating my emotions. So back on the wagon today. Not that I didn't have the points but I really don't like to use them all up in one meal if I can help it. So today I have to plan and be good. No excuses. I've put this out there for you so I will hold me accountable to me.
I'm going to leave you now. I hope tuesday finds the day much better then monday. Man I had a headache and I was just plain exausted. I really don't want another day like that one.
So onwards and downwards as the case may be.
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