Thursday, September 23, 2010
let it be friday. I'm so tired. The pharmacy is crazy, we have a girl out on vacation and i'm exausted and still have two days left. Sure keeps me from eating or doing anything when I get home though. I just want to go to bed.
I survived a whole day without overeating. Go figure. I'm trying to work through the whys of doing the damage in the first place. It is a slow process as I have a lot of excess baggage from my previous life. You know the one, the one where we grow up in an abusive household, marry the wrong guy all around, divorce and raise two children alone, then meet and marry a wonderful guy, but still hold all the turmoil inside and on the outside your just plain fat. That is all people see. They don't see the abuse, the inner conflict, the hard work your now doing, the struggles you have survived, the new you emerging. When people say don't judge anyone by the outside this is so true. We don't know what anyone else may be going through. So we just have to smile and wish them a blessed day and move on.
So i'm moving on. I'm smiling and letting myself know that i've concured a lot of those ole demons and maybe just maybe if I work extra hard I will see this to the end. Heck it has been two years and i'm still here. I haven't quit, I backslide on occasion but I never quit. And lord willing I will see this to the magic number on the scales. I will then proceed onto the next stage of maintenance and beyond. I don't yet know what the beyond is but when it gets here I'll know.
So if you may of been thinking of giving up, DON'T!!!! We all make mistakes, it is how we learn from them that really counts. Do you learn, refigure, move on? Sometimes what works for your friend may not work for you. YOu have to find your way. I am going to reach this small goal. Afterall this is just one step in the new me i'm digging out of the rubble of an old life. I have survived so much and i'm still here. I am strong even though I don't always think so. So dust off your shoes and lets get moving.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
OMG, monday was a day let me tell ya. Work was crazy, I couldn't sleep sunday night and that in turn made my morning something else. I went home from work and ate dinner and then ate and ate till about seven. I finally got up and gave my head a shake and cleaned the kitchen and headed to bed. Hence the reason this blog is coming at 3:30 tuesday morning. Again i'm wide awake. I really need to get this sleep thing down. Yes, my friends I have no tv, no cola, i've read before bed. I got up out of bed so as not to toss and turn. I will lie back down in a minute and try for a bit more before time to get up.
My food was out of control because I was tired. Instead of doing what i've been doing and eating on plan I ate to eat. Hubby had fixed dinner....mac and cheese (7pts), pigs in a blanket...rf cresent wrapped around a fatfree hotdog (3pts), I fixed some greengiant cauliflower in the single serve containers (0pts). do you see where i'm going my ww friends. Already bless he heart he has me eating a half days points in one meal. But god willing I ate it all. then some. Had desert, almonds, and a ww cookie...finally I got up and said what am I doing. I was eating my emotions. So back on the wagon today. Not that I didn't have the points but I really don't like to use them all up in one meal if I can help it. So today I have to plan and be good. No excuses. I've put this out there for you so I will hold me accountable to me.
I'm going to leave you now. I hope tuesday finds the day much better then monday. Man I had a headache and I was just plain exausted. I really don't want another day like that one.
So onwards and downwards as the case may be.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Ok, we all know that the day before a weigh is the most ackward of all. We question each moment, we worry uncontrolably, we panic, we get the what if's....this week is no different for me then any other. I stuck to plan, I exercised over and above some days and right on others. I ate what I was suppose to and even the occasional treat was within my limits. today is the day before a new week with ww and I still have 16 free points and all ap points. So i've done an awesome job. I also know that if I don't eat all my free points I don't tend to lose, and that has me a bit worried. It wasn't like I didn't try I just haven't been hungry like normal. which is kinda weird because this is my pms week and that also has me a bit worried. The water weight.
So i'm not going to judge my week by the scales. I wonder sometimes why I worry so much what others will think of my weigh ins to be honest if I didn't say anything about them who would know but me. It is the accountabiltiy that keeps me honest though. That is what we all need to make each day become a week and each week a month. If we didn't have to be accountable to anyone we could slip and slide all the time and who would be the wiser? We would that is who. We are here for us, for our own goals and happiness. OUr own reasons to want to lose and each of us has to be willing to take good with bad and so on.
So I say i'm not going to let the scales be the judge of my week but will I? My friends know they still will be. I'll still rant and rave at them, kick them, and then I'll buck up, regroup, and begin again. Afterall that is what this journey is all about, beginning again. It doesn't end with a week, month, or even a year, this is lifetime. So really we have all the time in the world to reach our goals, right? Wrong. If I thought like that I would still be at the beginning. We don't have time limits to lose but we should be wanting to move on from this stage one, the weight loss, into stage two, the maintenance. After all that is where the real work will begin.
So as I leave you i'm heading off to begin my day. That means at least 30-40 or more minutes of cardio first thing. I also do the exercise of the day for my Alabama team and this week is abs so i'm off for the last day of that this morning. Gotta have six pack abs you know. I may not always feel like exercising but if I tell myself 20 min. it usually leads to about 60 minutes or it has been know to be more. Once i'm moving I keep saying "you can do 10 more minutes". Give it a try.
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