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Why's of staying on track

Monday, August 30, 2010

emoticon everyone see's the changes, you don't. everyone pats you on the back and tells you how great you look, you still don't see what all the hype is about. The scales show you near your goal, you still can't see past the old body standing on them.

Why? Why do we think that we are the same, Why do we jump the tracks when we should be on the straight and narrow by now, why do we struggle with the same old troubles when we are so close to goal that we must of done something right to get this far?

Why? These questions I beat myself up with daily. I know i've come so far but then I slip, I trip, I fall on my face and then I feel like I haven't learned a thing. I step back and I see the changes of water instead of cola all day long, I see that I exercise daily and walk at lunch, I see that I eat more veggies and even fruits then ever before. I see all these changes, it is my body that i'm having trouble seeing.

We put on clothes and suddenly they are too large. Did we not dry them in the dryer because this can't be anything we did. I mean i'm still snacking on the weekends like nobodys business. I haven't taught myself anything along those lines. How to work past it. How to walk away and tell myself I don't need or want those snacks. I don't need the chips, I don't want that candy, I can live without that snack cake. And not one or two but sometimes a binge fest like I can't get enough. Why? I have no answer to these questions. I say i'm going to work on it but really I don't. I say i'm going to come up with a new plan, but I don't. Or rather I do I just don't follow it.

I want to stay on track, I want to see losses each week, I want to see the same person everyone else sees when they look at me. I want to see how good i've done. I want to inspire just one other person to take better care of themselves. but how can you do that when you don't inspire yourself to change the one habit that is holding you back? I'm not sure, i'm still working on this. this is the one habit that is going to keep me on this roller coaster for a long time. Oh i'm going through the motions. I'm doing what i'm suppose to, to an extent, but then I get bored and allow that to determine my day. I allow the junk to get in my way. I have to say enough. I have to want it bad enough to see the problem and work it out. I look over my foods for yesterday and all I see is junk. Oh I counted it all. All 32 points worth. that is 12 over my daily allowance. twelve points of nonesense. Twelve points of just plain laziness.

I have to move on from here. I have to work through this. I have to give myself the credit I deserve for the changes i've made, but i also at the same time have to work past this need to munch.

I'm sorry this blog just kept going. I set my timer and turned it off because this was going to take longer then I thought. I now am off to get my morning workout in. I love how exercise makes me feel. I love how I feel when i'm eating right and losing. So maybe I have to give these feelings a chance and let the self pity, the self loathing, the self punishment stop. So what i'm taking forever to lose 30 pounds. So what i'm not perfect. Who is? I mean really. I need to stop trying to be and just go forward with my goals.

I''m going to close with a few words from a mily cyrus song called the climb....it's always going to be an uphill battle, theres always going to be things you have to move, it isn't about how long it takes to get there it's about the climb. Don't worry about what's on the other side.

I love that song, and if you get the chance listen. It is us on this journey.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 8/31/2010 12:13AM

    Michelle, you are a beautiful lady through and through and I know that one day you can let go of the self loathing, self sabotage and all the rest and see YOU. We don't need to be perfect, we just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Your blog rings so true for me...I say I want this...I think I want this..but I keep standing in my way? Why? I can't figure it out for the life of me. I say I'm worth it..do I not believe it?? Well, we WILL figure this out and we will beat this and we WILL see progress and we WILL pat ourselves on the back for all the positive changes we are making! One day at a time..one small step at a time...hang in there you can do it!!
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KNITTABLES 8/30/2010 9:06PM

    Keep at it, you are doing a great job.

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KRICKET4 8/30/2010 5:45PM

    Hey, I wanted to look at your 32 points of junk food but your tracker is not public :-)

I find myself constantly fine-tuning and adjusting and rearranging. Currently on a monthly basis.

I usually start out pretty strong and as time goes on - bloop, here goes the plan.

Make a plan, spell it out - in detail.
Implement it. You'll see what works, you'll see what doesn't.
Throw out the stuff that doesn't, adjust your plan. Repeat.

I understand your frustration completely. I've been losing (or actually not losing) those last 10 lbs for 3-1/2 years now...

Here's the thing - I want to, but since I'm physically fit, not overweight and really have no other incentive than me wanting to, I'm not putting in sufficient effort to accomplish my goal.

So, I've been largely toning and maintaining.
Considering that many people who lose weight and even reach their goal weight end up gaining everything back, that's still considerable success.

Let's make a pact to stick with it through September.
No more late night snacking, no more weekend binges. Just for one month! (Hey, that's only 4 weekends.)

We can so do this!
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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 8/30/2010 4:43PM

    progress instead of perfection. Her song is soooo true!!! Keep up the good work

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/30/2010 9:06AM

    emoticonOne day at a time!

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Fresh start success day one

Sunday, August 29, 2010

emoticonOk, so it was only the first day, but I did it. I followed through, stuck to my plan and came out a winner. emoticonToday I woke ready to face day two of my new week and fresh start. I guess I figured if I could do day one day two should be a breeze. Yeah right...we all know about weekends.

My hubby and I found some great buys on vacation.....coffee and end tables for 30.00, new light for the dining room 10.00, great new rug for dining room 30.00...never give goodwill or salvation army a passing thought, they are worth checking out. Here is a pic of my finds...

The tables my hubby refinished in two days. He is awesome to have around.

I'm off now to get in my morning workout. have a great sunday all and lets make this new week an awesome one.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 8/31/2010 12:07AM

    The tables look great!! (hmmm sometimes I wish I had a handyman around the house! haha!)
Great way to get back on track you can do this!!!
Hugs!
Kristi

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KNITTABLES 8/29/2010 6:27PM

    Nice job and great finds. Love the tables. I love thrift shops and Salvation Army stores.
Yes, You can do this.

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HUMMINGBIRDFLY 8/29/2010 4:36PM

    Great finds! The tables look sooo good! Have a great week Michelle!!

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KRICKET4 8/29/2010 1:42PM

    Yes, let's make the new week an awesome one.
We can so do this!!!

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/29/2010 1:40PM

    How beautiful! And what great bargains!

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PETAL65 8/29/2010 9:10AM

    I love bargains!
The tables look ab fab!
Your hubby did a great job!

Hope the workout was a good one!
Best
Jenn

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Vacation = gain

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Ok, the results are in. I really didn't want to post but you know what? I did this to me and if it helps one other person or heck even myself I guess I should post. I had a bit of a gain. the scales said 2.6 but that is a lotttttttt of food in one week. though I know I didn't exercise like normal, and I sure didn't eat like normal, I hope I didn't consume that much food. Now mind you I could of but i would hope I would be awake to enjoy those treats and not sleep through that.

So what am I going to do about this:? Work really hard, get a fresh start, get my butt in gear. Enough playing at losing weight. It is time to get serious. I seem to do this to myself each time I try to reach goal. I get close and then the old habits come back. I'm not going to allow this to happen this time. I'm going to get back on this ole horse and ride like the wind.

So i'm off to begin my day. I have a great walk planned. I ran yesterday and I think my legs need a day of easy walking. But tomorrow, get ready legs we are going to move.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNITTABLES 8/28/2010 7:48PM

    You did great, I usally gain 8 pounds or more when I am away. Now that you are back on track the weight will come off. Glad you had a great time. Have a great weekend.

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4DOGNIGHT 8/28/2010 10:13AM

    I gain weight every time I go away. It's usually mostly water so if you go back to the basics, it will come off quickly! You had a great time! Good for you!

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JHADZHIA 8/28/2010 8:27AM

    Hey Michelle!!
I gained 9 lbs in 12 days of vacationing in Hawaii, so you didn't do too badly LOL. Where I was staying it was nothing but fast food joints. I must admit, except for the milkshakes, I don't miss that kind of food at all, I can easily leave it.
Here is to healthy eating and living! We can do it!!
Go for it!!
Have a great weekend!

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/28/2010 7:54AM

    Why that big number? Your body said, "How am I going to teach my Lady that I don't want that kind of food? How am I going to teach her I want the healthy stuff? That I want to exercise? WAIT! I KNOW! I'll show her a big number on the scale!!! That always gets her!"

Honestly, I know that our bodies plot and you can't convince me that yours didn't do that this week! So girl, it's back on the straight and narrow for you! emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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The choices I make

Friday, August 27, 2010

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

We all make choices in our lives. We chose to eat it, we chose to exercise, we chose to get fit, we chose to make changes. It is how we follow through with those changes that make us who we are.

I will follow through on my changes. I have sat back and looked over my last week. The choices i've made, the options I could of chosen, the moments I missed. I sit here and wonder if I could of done more, less, a bit extra. Oh for sure. but I won't let those choices define me.

So today I chose to follow my plan, drink my water, get up and move, put that snack back in its bag, and I chose my life. I have set goals for myself, I have plans for my future and they don't include sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and that heart attack waiting to happen. Nope for me health is my choice.

It is funny I had a nickname growing up of "bones". My dad gave it to me and he called me that for the longest time. I saw my dad the other day (we don't see each other much because of issues) and he said your getting boney....Hey you've earned your nickname of bones back. That moment made me smile. I have wanted to reach this point for years. ever since my daughter was born some, omg 24 years ago. Well it happened. I finally made up my mind to succeed and I'm doing it. One day at atime, one step at a time, and one mouthful at a time.

Oh sure I could of reached my goal weight by now, but I took it slow. Well really it took me slow. I had stops, starts, restarts, and just plain moments of laziness. then one day it clicked. I found I enjoyed exercise, I liked the foods I was eating. Oh I still partake of the foods that cause me trouble, the ones that lead me astray. I keep telling myself I won't but then the munchy monster that lives in my mind comes calling. He tried to call last night but I kept putting him off. I would say just a minute, and that minute turned into all night. Now will I do that again today? I can't say for sure. I can only try each day to succeed.

I"m off now to begin the new me trend. I have plans for myself and they don't include gaining all the weight back that i've lost, they include exercise, good choises and let's be honest lots of hard work.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHINAGAL 8/27/2010 6:49PM

    Bones, I think that your "new me trend" is terrific!

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KNITTABLES 8/27/2010 12:17PM

    Well done and well said"Bones" emoticon

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KRICKET4 8/27/2010 10:47AM

    Ya, we're a work in progress for sure. It's the struggles that ultimately end in success that make it all worthwhile. Have a super Friday.

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4DOGNIGHT 8/27/2010 9:19AM

    emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/27/2010 7:57AM

    emoticon Bones!!!!
emoticon

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WEIGHTDIP 8/27/2010 7:54AM

    Congratulations, Bones. I love what you wrote.

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My week

Thursday, August 26, 2010

As I sit here writing this blog i'm wondering what exactly i've done with myself or my goals this week. I have to be honest, I worked out, but I should of done more, I ate well, and that means I ATE well everything within my grasp. I slept good, heck I was on vacation so i'm sleeping really good. I also think that has a lot to do with the eating frenzy i've been on. The vacation that is.

Oh it started off innocent enough....a snack here, a bite there. You know your on vacation and all of a sudden your starving. I mean really your not, you just think you are. I mean I did good the first two days. Morning and evening exercised, ate the right foods, made good choices.....then the rains came. I mean it rained all day and night while we were in florida. No beach for us. So there went the walks, I mean I shopped but really was that enough? I dare say not. Then the bordem hits....I eat. It is a vicious cycle for me.

Ok, so now that is off my chest. Did I get back on the wagon when I got home? you bet I did. I wrote it all down, I drank my waters, I got in my exercise. I sparked, a lot. So i'm back, somewhat. I can't undo what I did but heck it was a few days out of my life. I can very easily get those back. Or will I? I mean we say were going to get back to it, but then it is one more helping, one more snack, one less bit of exercise and before you know it your messed up for good.

Well that won't be me. IN fact the truth is I really hated myself. You know the self loathing you get when you don't do as your suppose to. When you know your not making wise choices but the voice in your head is telling you it is going to be ok, have that big cheesburger and those onion petals. They are a vegtable afterall. Lol. I'm ready for some change. I know this week it may be in the form of a gain. Kinda sucks for me because I had a good loss finally after three weeks of staying the same last week. But maybe this is what I needed to get myself back in form. I really want to see the movement head in the downward direction but I won't lie to myself.

I will step on those scales this week and just chock it up to experience and a good time had by all. I won't appoligize to anyone least of all myself for having a good time and enjoying a few treats I don't normally have. I won't knock myself down when I should be picking myself up. This is life. it will move on.

So did I have a great time in clearwater? Oh yeah, so much so. And really isn't that all that counts? For me it is. So till next time. Good night my spark friends. Don't think less of me when I weigh in this week. I'm still here, i'm still strong, and i'm still headed for my goal and the magic number.

MIchelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/27/2010 4:56AM

    I'm soooooo glad you had such a grand time, Michelle! That IS what you were looking for and you received!

Now, here's how I look at every day ... vacations too, and I've had 2 since I've been on WW's. I want to get to goal, so I work those days into my plan, I don't take a vacation from my plan. For me, it's how I mentally see the days. I know, this is hindsight for your vacation, so NO condemnation intended, just thoughts for you to ponder for the next vacation. For me, vacation is NOT about the food. It's about the people, the places and the experiences. For me, food has a new place in my life. It's to nourish my body. That's it.

Have a grand week back home, my friend.
Hugs,
Cathy emoticon

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KNITTABLES 8/27/2010 12:48AM

    I am so glad you had a great time, don't stress about the eating on Vacation thing we have all been there. Glad your back on track.

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KRICKET4 8/26/2010 10:52PM

    You go, girl! Onward.

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IUHRYTR 8/26/2010 10:16PM

    New beginnings are encouraged. Here's to your new start emoticon. -- Lou

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