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The choices I make

Friday, August 27, 2010

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

We all make choices in our lives. We chose to eat it, we chose to exercise, we chose to get fit, we chose to make changes. It is how we follow through with those changes that make us who we are.

I will follow through on my changes. I have sat back and looked over my last week. The choices i've made, the options I could of chosen, the moments I missed. I sit here and wonder if I could of done more, less, a bit extra. Oh for sure. but I won't let those choices define me.

So today I chose to follow my plan, drink my water, get up and move, put that snack back in its bag, and I chose my life. I have set goals for myself, I have plans for my future and they don't include sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and that heart attack waiting to happen. Nope for me health is my choice.

It is funny I had a nickname growing up of "bones". My dad gave it to me and he called me that for the longest time. I saw my dad the other day (we don't see each other much because of issues) and he said your getting boney....Hey you've earned your nickname of bones back. That moment made me smile. I have wanted to reach this point for years. ever since my daughter was born some, omg 24 years ago. Well it happened. I finally made up my mind to succeed and I'm doing it. One day at atime, one step at a time, and one mouthful at a time.

Oh sure I could of reached my goal weight by now, but I took it slow. Well really it took me slow. I had stops, starts, restarts, and just plain moments of laziness. then one day it clicked. I found I enjoyed exercise, I liked the foods I was eating. Oh I still partake of the foods that cause me trouble, the ones that lead me astray. I keep telling myself I won't but then the munchy monster that lives in my mind comes calling. He tried to call last night but I kept putting him off. I would say just a minute, and that minute turned into all night. Now will I do that again today? I can't say for sure. I can only try each day to succeed.

I"m off now to begin the new me trend. I have plans for myself and they don't include gaining all the weight back that i've lost, they include exercise, good choises and let's be honest lots of hard work.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHINAGAL 8/27/2010 6:49PM

    Bones, I think that your "new me trend" is terrific!

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KNITTABLES 8/27/2010 12:17PM

    Well done and well said"Bones" emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 8/27/2010 10:47AM

    Ya, we're a work in progress for sure. It's the struggles that ultimately end in success that make it all worthwhile. Have a super Friday.

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4DOGNIGHT 8/27/2010 9:19AM

    emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/27/2010 7:57AM

    emoticon Bones!!!!
emoticon

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WEIGHTDIP 8/27/2010 7:54AM

    Congratulations, Bones. I love what you wrote.

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My week

Thursday, August 26, 2010

As I sit here writing this blog i'm wondering what exactly i've done with myself or my goals this week. I have to be honest, I worked out, but I should of done more, I ate well, and that means I ATE well everything within my grasp. I slept good, heck I was on vacation so i'm sleeping really good. I also think that has a lot to do with the eating frenzy i've been on. The vacation that is.

Oh it started off innocent enough....a snack here, a bite there. You know your on vacation and all of a sudden your starving. I mean really your not, you just think you are. I mean I did good the first two days. Morning and evening exercised, ate the right foods, made good choices.....then the rains came. I mean it rained all day and night while we were in florida. No beach for us. So there went the walks, I mean I shopped but really was that enough? I dare say not. Then the bordem hits....I eat. It is a vicious cycle for me.

Ok, so now that is off my chest. Did I get back on the wagon when I got home? you bet I did. I wrote it all down, I drank my waters, I got in my exercise. I sparked, a lot. So i'm back, somewhat. I can't undo what I did but heck it was a few days out of my life. I can very easily get those back. Or will I? I mean we say were going to get back to it, but then it is one more helping, one more snack, one less bit of exercise and before you know it your messed up for good.

Well that won't be me. IN fact the truth is I really hated myself. You know the self loathing you get when you don't do as your suppose to. When you know your not making wise choices but the voice in your head is telling you it is going to be ok, have that big cheesburger and those onion petals. They are a vegtable afterall. Lol. I'm ready for some change. I know this week it may be in the form of a gain. Kinda sucks for me because I had a good loss finally after three weeks of staying the same last week. But maybe this is what I needed to get myself back in form. I really want to see the movement head in the downward direction but I won't lie to myself.

I will step on those scales this week and just chock it up to experience and a good time had by all. I won't appoligize to anyone least of all myself for having a good time and enjoying a few treats I don't normally have. I won't knock myself down when I should be picking myself up. This is life. it will move on.

So did I have a great time in clearwater? Oh yeah, so much so. And really isn't that all that counts? For me it is. So till next time. Good night my spark friends. Don't think less of me when I weigh in this week. I'm still here, i'm still strong, and i'm still headed for my goal and the magic number.

MIchelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/27/2010 4:56AM

    I'm soooooo glad you had such a grand time, Michelle! That IS what you were looking for and you received!

Now, here's how I look at every day ... vacations too, and I've had 2 since I've been on WW's. I want to get to goal, so I work those days into my plan, I don't take a vacation from my plan. For me, it's how I mentally see the days. I know, this is hindsight for your vacation, so NO condemnation intended, just thoughts for you to ponder for the next vacation. For me, vacation is NOT about the food. It's about the people, the places and the experiences. For me, food has a new place in my life. It's to nourish my body. That's it.

Have a grand week back home, my friend.
Hugs,
Cathy emoticon

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KNITTABLES 8/27/2010 12:48AM

    I am so glad you had a great time, don't stress about the eating on Vacation thing we have all been there. Glad your back on track.

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KENDRACARROLL 8/26/2010 10:52PM

    You go, girl! Onward.

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IUHRYTR 8/26/2010 10:16PM

    New beginnings are encouraged. Here's to your new start emoticon. -- Lou

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Setting myself up for failure

Thursday, August 19, 2010

You know it is funny that we blame others for our state. If we eat extra it is because for some reason or another someone felt we needed it, we had a bad day, were tired, yadayada....well I can say without a doubt that I think it is myself that is the root of my troubles. Whether it is a feeling I have or it could be that snack cake sitting in my gut, or was it the granola bar, or the popcorn....this is all things I ate while in the bed. Mind you I got up to get them, brought them back and just inhaled....Problem.....oh yeah....want to know why? I do this to me all the time.

I could of, should of, need to plan for the nights when i'm going to binge. The nights I work late, the nights i'm not tired (or think i'm not), do I you ask? Never, Oh I say i'm going to, I head to the store with good intentions and then comes the mid week, weekend, boredom blues and i'm heading for anything that is edible. I've tried gum, hot chocolate, going to bed to sleep, hard candy, dessert after my meal...Nothing seems to stop me. I have a good day and then the next is downhill from there.

Am I setting myself up for failure? you betcha...it has taken me over a year and a half to lose about 20 pounds. I see folks on here doing that in months. It has taken me a lot of miles to get the shape I have but is it the final magic moment? nope. this is a milestone for sure, but it isn't where I really want to be. So knowing this, paying for ww online, buying all the neat tools, toys, foods, and such why am I still at the place that put me here in the first place? That is the magic question.

I tell myself I want to succeed, I tell you all I want to succeed, I go out and walk, run, elliptical, treadmill, bike, weights myself to a sweating mass, I buy all the great foods, I eat breakfast, go to bed at the right time, get my water in. I even use my lunch break at work and get in about 20-25 more minutes of light walking daily. So i'm doing all that I can, or think I should be to reach my goals and hold them there.....then I go and mess it up.

Guys i'm telling you somedays the calore content in one evening is more then I eat during a good meal...what is up with this? Before you say journal, I do. I still couldn't tell ya what is up. I don't eat because i'm upset. I thought it was boredom but i'm beginning to think that isn't it either. So i'm going to have to have a heart to heart with Michelle and see what it is she wants and needs. We have to do this from time to time. Keeps her in the now and she does tend to relax a bit too much sometimes.

I'm going to begin today anew, I know that the scales may show the quilty pleasures i've had this week, I've stayed the same for three weeks running and i'm prepared for this weigh in. I'm not quitting. I've just got to grab myself and stop this madness. My goal this week is to work on no eating after eight. If I can do that then I will work on the others. One baby step at a time. Of course no snacking after dinnner is going to be a part of this week also since by the time I get home from work and eat dinner it is after seven thirty anyhow.

So wish me luck and any suggestions that have worked for you would be greatly welcomed.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSAWRAP_DIMI 8/20/2010 7:56AM

    Kricket4 speaks the truth. That happend for me as well. I had to cut out all the low fat fat free sugar free free free crap that I was eating. I am not loosing fast but I am happy and I dont graze but on rare occasion. I am like you I dont have to have a reason happy sad elated ....whatever. My podcast are helping too! You CAN DO THIS!!!!! It is a process and you have to learn to self correct when you have a moment. emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 8/19/2010 11:00PM

    I used to do WW. Counted my points religiously and had great success - initially. Then I started binge eating. (I'm not saying it's WW's fault, but there is a connection - somewhere.) I've never been able to figure it out all the way. All I know that while I was carrying too much weight before WW (my first conscious attempt at losing weight ever), I never binged. It has to do with low cal eating, feeling deprived and a little sorry for ourselves (and yes, that's all in our heads...).

After joining SP, I was able to shake the binge eating (but it took quite some time).

I can spout, "I'll have to live this new lifestyle, and I'll have to watch my calories for the rest of my life, and I have to keep working out every day until I die", but if I'm honest, somewhere deep inside (or maybe not even that deep inside), part of me still wishes that once that goal weight is reached, I could go back to "the way things were".

No, I know that that can't happen, if I want to keep my weight off.
You know, maybe that's why I've never reached my goal weight either...
Of course it has to be in my head!!!

Because - while I'm not at goal I can rationalize this "new lifestyle", because this is what I do to get to goal. But, oh my, what then??? Nothing will change, cause I still won't be able to eat without thinking, cause I'll still need to schedule my workouts, cause really nothing will change, except the number on the scale reads what I want it to read.

You know, thanks for posting this blog. You made me think. And when the day comes when I really understand (and that day will come, I'm sure), that's when I'll hit goal. In the meantime, I'll be hovering right above that mark :)

Hang in there, we'll get there!
(And thanks for reading my ramblings...)

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KNITTABLES 8/19/2010 1:03PM

    Talkding and taking a good look a things will help. Keep journaling about it. The answer will come. Have you thought about brushing your teeth at night. It helps me. I dislike eating after I brush my teeth. The taste is awful, doesn't mix well with food. Good luck to you and I know you can do this. See you on the lighter side. Hugs.

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/19/2010 9:09AM

    4DogNight makes a good point. I've read that we only continue to do what gives us pleasure in some form. I think you'll be well served to figure out why this is bringing you pleasure ... in some form.
Wishing you the best on figuring this out and doing what is best for you!!!
emoticon emoticon

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4DOGNIGHT 8/19/2010 8:48AM

    Well, Michelle, you said it all. YOU PLAN to BINGE! You are still giving yourself permission to binge. Binging is fun for you, a planned activity. Until you decide to give it up, you will continue to binge. Why are you in bed early and have to get up to walk to the kitchen to get food and bring it back to bed to eat? Is eating in bed fun for you? Maybe you should try and find out what it is about eating in bed that gives you so much pleasure?
I'm not picking on you, just trying to help you figure out why you are doing this and find a way to stop it. Talking and blogging about it is definitelyl a plus. Maybe you should take a picture of yourself eating in bed or a picture of the food you are eating on the bed. Make it really unattractive. Visualize yourself with the food in your mouth, chomping down on it.
Good luck and keep blogging about it. emoticon

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NEWLIFE801 8/19/2010 7:17AM

    emoticon

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TLINDAMT 8/19/2010 7:12AM

    emoticon YOU CAN!

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TLINDAMT 8/19/2010 7:12AM

    emoticon YOU CAN!

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TLINDAMT 8/19/2010 7:11AM

    emoticon YOU CAN!

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Setting myself up for failure

Thursday, August 19, 2010

You know it is funny that we blame others for our state. If we eat extra it is because for some reason or another someone felt we needed it, we had a bad day, were tired, yadayada....well I can say without a doubt that I think it is myself that is the root of my troubles. Whether it is a feeling I have or it could be that snack cake sitting in my gut, or was it the granola bar, or the popcorn....this is all things I ate while in the bed. Mind you I got up to get them, brought them back and just inhaled....Problem.....oh yeah....want to know why? I do this to me all the time.

I could of, should of, need to plan for the nights when i'm going to binge. The nights I work late, the nights i'm not tired (or think i'm not), do I you ask? Never, Oh I say i'm going to, I head to the store with good intentions and then comes the mid week, weekend, boredom blues and i'm heading for anything that is edible. I've tried gum, hot chocolate, going to bed to sleep, hard candy, dessert after my meal...Nothing seems to stop me. I have a good day and then the next is downhill from there.

Am I setting myself up for failure? you betcha...it has taken me over a year and a half to lose about 20 pounds. I see folks on here doing that in months. It has taken me a lot of miles to get the shape I have but is it the final magic moment? nope. this is a milestone for sure, but it isn't where I really want to be. So knowing this, paying for ww online, buying all the neat tools, toys, foods, and such why am I still at the place that put me here in the first place? That is the magic question.

I tell myself I want to succeed, I tell you all I want to succeed, I go out and walk, run, elliptical, treadmill, bike, weights myself to a sweating mass, I buy all the great foods, I eat breakfast, go to bed at the right time, get my water in. I even use my lunch break at work and get in about 20-25 more minutes of light walking daily. So i'm doing all that I can, or think I should be to reach my goals and hold them there.....then I go and mess it up.

Guys i'm telling you somedays the calore content in one evening is more then I eat during a good meal...what is up with this? Before you say journal, I do. I still couldn't tell ya what is up. I don't eat because i'm upset. I thought it was boredom but i'm beginning to think that isn't it either. So i'm going to have to have a heart to heart with Michelle and see what it is she wants and needs. We have to do this from time to time. Keeps her in the now and she does tend to relax a bit too much sometimes.

I'm going to begin today anew, I know that the scales may show the quilty pleasures i've had this week, I've stayed the same for three weeks running and i'm prepared for this weigh in. I'm not quitting. I've just got to grab myself and stop this madness. My goal this week is to work on no eating after eight. If I can do that then I will work on the others. One baby step at a time. Of course no snacking after dinnner is going to be a part of this week also since by the time I get home from work and eat dinner it is after seven thirty anyhow.

So wish me luck and any suggestions that have worked for you would be greatly welcomed.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 8/19/2010 11:10PM

    I wish I had some wonderful bit of wisdom that would put an end to this madness, but if I did, well, I'd be 70 pounds lighter by now..so...all I can say is hang in there, keep trying and you can do it! I think working on only the goal of not eating after 8 is a good idea. You are already doing so many great things..so take some time and concentrate on just this one thing for a while. You know you're going to exercise..you know you're going to drink your water..so just focus on the nighttime dilemma.
You aren't alone...we're right here with you and will be right here with you when you do reach that magic number.
Kristi
emoticon

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AGUAWOMEN 8/19/2010 10:04AM

    I restarted today also. So here a few words, 20lbs over a year is more likely to stay off then come back on. Increase you calories in the morning, and do several snacks. Dinner at 730pm, Make it light, 300 calories or less with lots of protein and fiber. Even if its a smothie. My smoothie is usually blueberries, one scope of protein, two table spoon of ground flax seed, one cup of skim milk. high fiber, protein, source of dairy. At night wash your dishes by hand. time consuming and it keeps you away from food. Hope it help. Day one for me to.

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CHINAGAL 8/19/2010 8:10AM

    I feel you with this one, friend. Nighttime is my hardest time. I find myself in the kitchen in front of the fridge - I'm not hungry, I just want to eat. I prowl.

I've gotten better since I've been doing SP. I save some calories for late at night. I go ahead and plan a treat and post it in my record. But it is very hard.

One thing that helps me is to go ahead and brush my teeth and use mouthwash after my last planned food.

Keep working at it. I'm sure you will figure this out.

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BRONXBABE 8/19/2010 7:47AM

    Hey, I don't remember writing this! And how did it come up under Michelle's name? Hmmmm....these are the same things I'm doing. I've paid WW a fortune since 2003. But I keep on eating like the world is going to end tomorrow.

I wish I had some answers. Some tried and true solutions to OUR problem. Sorry, I don't. The only thing I can tell you is to just say "NO" when you find yourself going in the kitchen to get something else to put in your mouth. It's not always going to work. It probably won't work at all the first few times. But maybe it will slow you down just a bit, and make you think about what you're doing.

Just keep plugging away, my friend. I know we're going to have a breakthrough one of these days.
emoticon

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Why do people question our goals?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

emoticonI ran into my stepmother yesterday, she had to take a second look at me. She said "oh my god you have lost a lot of weight", we don't see each other much as you can tell. Anyhow I told her how much I had lost and I was so happy just to be saying how great I was doing, then I say "yeah i'm ten pounds from goal". then the look, the words, "you don't need to lose anymore weight". I hate hearing those words. I work with a lady that asked me the other day if I was going to keep going till I was invisable. What is up with people.

I'm with my doctor on this. He chose a weight, I chose one higher. I actually chose a weight I could maybe keep for the long haul. I'm not getting anorexic. My god I eat more then most, less then others. I just chose to eat better food. I exercise and I'm fit.

I want to know why do people question our goals? Do they not want to see us succeed, are they worried about us, are they just curious how we can keep doing this for the long haul? I was just wondering because i'm tired of hearing how thin I am, how i don't need to walk, how I don't need to diet. People come on...cut me some slack. I know my body, I know what I need. I eat, I sleep, I exercise...that is what healthy living is all about.

So people step aside....I have a goal to meet, a magic number to see on the scales one day, I have a future waiting for me and I'd like to resume where I left off.

Michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KENDRACARROLL 8/19/2010 1:58AM

    I wouldn't be so kind and say that people are worried about us. It's pure jealousy, girl.
(People are evil.... hehehe).
Having said that, ignore the nay-sayers and do what you set out to do.

What annoys me though is the fact that these nay-sayers make me feel very uncomfortable, almost guilty, even though I don't know why I would be. Strange.

Comment edited on: 8/19/2010 1:59:50 AM

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 8/18/2010 12:05AM

    You know what you need and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I don't know why people take it upon themselves to question our fitness goals..but so much of the time those comments come from "well meaning?" family members who ought to know better!! Just hang in there, don't let what anyone says get you down!! You are doing awesome!!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 8/17/2010 8:18PM

    I went through that when I lost 30 pounds 2 yrs ago and I thought I was fighting it but along with my other challenges I took it in subconsciously. Like the rapper Rocko says u do u imma do me.... watch me do me!!!!! THATS WHAT YOU SAY TO ALL OF THEM!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/17/2010 8:19:16 PM

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IUHRYTR 8/17/2010 4:35PM

    Other people do not want us to succeed. It is a way of them making themselves feel better. Hang in there and do this for you. -- Lou

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KNITTABLES 8/17/2010 1:10PM

    I here the same things too and it drives me nuts. You are doing this for you so keep up the great work.

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MILNE81 8/17/2010 10:38AM

    I'm glad you don't let the words of others stop you. It seems like it would be easy to stop and be content with where you are based on how other people think, but you are pressing on and making sure you are happy with your own results. In the end I think that's what people have to understand, you live in your skin so you need to be comfortable with it!I say keep on rockin on! You're doing a great job!

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VICB57 8/17/2010 9:17AM

    Know what your saying..been through the same thing with people as I reached my goal!! Keep up the good work!!! emoticon

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4DOGNIGHT 8/17/2010 9:12AM

    When my sister lost 60 pounds, I thought she was too thin. She maintained that loss for a couple of years but she could not eat much. Now she has gained 10 or so back but in my opinion, she looks better, not so wrinkled. When we get older, our faces sag and skin hangs, especially if we've been over weight so long. And also, others are jealous of our progress. My goal is modest. I could lose more but at my age, I don't want to look thin and drawn and wrinkled. I appreciate where you are coming from though. Just look at it as jealousy and keep on trucking. Your body will stop when it needs to stop.

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BEYOURBEST1 8/17/2010 8:31AM

    Great job on your weight loss!
Like you, I have found that people seem to feel qualified to tell us how much not to lose. What I do now is I stopped telling them how much I lost. When they ask, I tell them I lost "a good amount" and that's all I say. I do not tell them of my weight loss goals either since I do not need to engage in a dialog or discussion to convince anyone about why my goals are appropriate and healthy. Sometimes, keeping our privacy helps with nosy people. We are in this for our health, not for anyone else's opinions.
Keep up the great work and best of luck on your healthy journey.

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PUGGY7932 8/17/2010 8:05AM

  It happens to me to and I don't understand it. My husband was saying the wind was going to blow me away! I'm a healthy 132 Goal 115 and some days i feel bad for wanting my goal but then i tell myself its for me and all the haters can step off (in a good way he is my hubby.)

So now that's said i would guess its hard seeing us being able to change our self's. Change in any form is hard.

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 8/17/2010 7:54AM

    I think that we as a country no longer see an appropriate body size as appropriate, as average any longer. We see it as skinny, to thin, a goal not to be achieved. Why? Because we see obese people around us all the time. That has become the norm. I've avoided those comments by not telling people that I'm still losing. Why do they need to know? This is my journey and I like to walk it happy. So, I decide to leave their opinions out of it by not discussing my goals. It's a choice we get to make. I only discuss my goals with folks I know will support me.

Wishing you the best this week! May the scale be kind!!

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