Sunday, April 25, 2010
I'm down 1.2 pounds. Finally movement in the right direction. I owe it all to ME. I worked on binge eating this week. I also worked on NOT eating after dinner. These are two of my worst areas. I was just letting them go on, thinking it wasn't really that bad. I could still lose and eat as I wanted. This was so not true.
I was getting to a point of self loathing. You know the feeling, Why did I do that? your so weak. you can't even go one day without eating like a pig. OH yeah, I said these things to me all the time. But this week I decided enough was enough. I was going to get back to where I began.
Now don't get me wrong. I wasn't perfect. But then none of us are. I slipped up a couple of times but the difference this time was It wasn't bad at all. A bite of chips, not the whole bag. A couple of crackers, not the boxfull. A few almonds, not the can. I stopped myself, and moved on. Guess what? I survived, I feel stronger, and I know It can be done.
So i'm off to begin my next week. I have so much excitement for the new week. I have planned a few meals and gotten my list ready. No chips, no candy, no cookies. I know that if I have them in the house they will get eaten. I"m going to do this one step, day, and week at a time.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ok, i'm finally maybe sorta getting this habit thing. Ok, after work i'm picking up a few things and as I head for the icecream I shake my head, I don't want that in the house. And really none appealed at the time and I have this motto, "if I don't know what I want, I don't want anything". So I leave that isle with nothing. same goes for a couple of other items.
My point is i'm learning. Day by day and meal by meal. I know me, If it is in the house i'm going to eat it till it is gone. Take some sunchips I had to have. Oh I had them alright, all of them. So my new plan is a small bag if I feel the need. Then I can binge for that one moment. One here is the key word. Not going back and forth till they are gone is a no no.
My after dinner bingeing is going great. None so far in the last four nights. That is awesome for me. I have added this to my "other goals" on spark and check it off each night that I succeed. Hey for me this is a goal. Boredom bingeing is my downfall. I do great with meals and such it is the snacking I have a bit of trouble with. Ok maybe a lot of trouble. They say it takes 21 days to build a habit. I'm giving this theory heck.
I"m going to reach my goals. I will not be stopped. One meal, step, and day at a time is what it is going to take and i'm going to do it.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I am making this promise to you Michelle, you will reach your goal weight, you will see the changes that this will bring. Your already seeing them, you just aren't looking in the right places. You have much more energy then before, Your in a size 6 for goodness sakes, that in and of itself says you have lost inches somewhere. Your down a total of 11 pounds. Now mind you this is in total, you have lost and gained many more than that, but for the sake of now and to the end you have lost 11 pounds total. That in and of itself is nothing to shake a stick at. That is that bag of potatoes that you can't lift with one hand, that is the weight of your puppy.
I need to put things in prospective for myself. I"m starting to fail myself. I say i'm going to do better, but alas I'm just saying that to myself, and then wham, i'm doing the old habits yet again. I haven't posted a blog in a day or two because I really had nothing to say to me. I'm upset with myself and the total lack of self control in the evenings, I do fine all day long, I eat a great dinner, then as soon as i'm up from the table i'm heading to the pantry. It is like i'm needing something but what i'm not sure. So like a person crazed I hit the chips, nope not it, the almonds, nope that wasn't it, the cookies, nope. Then I sit back and I feel sick at my stomach. Sick from the snacking but mostly sick at myself. Then I have to ask me the why questions, you know the ones why did you eat that? I wasn't hungry, heck I just ate my dinner. I wasn't craving or was I?
I don't know the whys or where fors but as of this minute I do know that i'm done. Done with the self hate, done with the bingeing, done with the seeing the cup as half empty instead of half full. This is my life i'm playing with. I have the tools I just need the will power and with my spark friends, my spark buddy and myself I have to admitt I have the willpower to succeed.
I'm getting sugar free hard candy today and try that after my meal. That will hopefully signify that i'm done. OH well I can give it a try, who knows it is so simple it just might work.
So hopefully MIchelle, the next time you blog it will be to say how wonderful you are doing, feeling and behaving.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby
This was in my daily inspiration today. It is funny because yesterday as I was having my weekly heart to heart with myself I was saying how I should just laugh and move on. lfe is what we make of it. If you are serious all the time then you may never enjoy that moment of release, the moment when a good laugh is way better then a good cry.
Saturday I spent the day with my daughter and grandson who is two and ahalf. Now mind you my grandson is smart, talks like a grown up. As we are in the goodwill he spots a pink, barbie lawnmower. Now lawn mowers for some strange reason hold a special fasination for him. He had to have this one. He pushed it all over the store, proud as all get out. Didn't bother him one bit that it was a barbie mower. My husband puts a boa wrap around him, and a pink hat on his head, he comes running to me all dressed up with this mower and his "outfit" on and is so proud. I laughed so hard I thought I would wet myself. I wasn't laughing at him, I was laughing with him. He was so happy.....then we go to dairy queen because he insists on icecream. As he is eating his icecream he informs me about his dog petey and how he eats cat poop, I again laughed so hard. Children are brutally honest.
Now I know my daughter could of crawled under the bench then and there. But I just "really" and he turned back to his icecream. Of course as he turned around I laughed into my hand till tears came down my face.
My point to all this is that I felt the best I have felt in a long time. I really didn't want to go. but once I was out it was awesome. We had a blast, I laughed till I cried and life was good again.
We have to laugh on this journey, if we don't we may cry. This is no easy task, it isn't overnight, and no pill is going to make this work. It will come from us, inside, sometimes very deep inside. I for one intend to meet this challenge head on. One step, day, and week at a time.
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