Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking.
- Robert H. Schuller
I know that this is true to me. I have felt like i've been sabataging myself all along the way. I snack when i'm not hungry, don't exercise when I should, and sometimes I just plain eat like a grown man. lol. why is it we do this to ourselves? we know what it is we want, we can see the prize, and yet we dare to not touch it.
I think I dare to not touch it because most of my life i've been told I couldn't. I couldn't do most of the things i got ideas about, and let;s face it i've started and stopped this journey so many times along the way. But I really in my head want this. I want to see it through. I stop, I start, I eat, I watch the next day. this is a rollercoaster ride i'm on.
I'm up, i'm down, I'm up again. But yesterday was a up day. In a good way. I ate what I should. Got in a walk, short though it was, and I got more water then I needed. I have to add that with being in bed most of the time the last couple days i'm getting my sleep. maybe too much.
today is another day. I'm vowing to myself that I did it yesterday being laid up and I can do this again today. today is my last day of "rest". I have to go back to work tomorrow and the docs say two days was all I needed in way of bed rest. I will take it easy again today, but as the days go by and I feel like standing for longer periods of time, I will succeed.
today is one more day towards my goal...one step, day, week, at a time i'm going to reach it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Hello spark friends. I'm so blessed this morning to be waking up and sparking. I'm sitting tall, Litterally, and I feel like a million bucks. I won't be doing much cardio at this moment but walking isn't out of the question.
My "abnormal cells" were only 3-4mm deep. So they got them without much fuss. They carterized the remaining cells just incase some should of gotten loose. But I think that was the worse part. Oh the burning. but this morning i'm sitting tall, feeling awesome, and ready to get back to it.
They said I will hear from those cell checks in about two weeks. So till then i'm going to get healthy and stay healthy. No more paps for 6 whole months, woohoo, and i"m ready to get back at this weight loss thing now.
I have to say that all this has made me aware of what is important in life. Maybe that is what god intended of me. Everything is a lesson and this is one I will pray is over with. But if it isn't I will continue to do what is needed to get back to normal day by day.
now I have to work on me. For some reason I can't seem to get myself past a certain point. I mean to say as I hit a lower weight, I gain back up going back to my old habits. why? I have asked myself this question this morning. I think fear of the unknown is to blame. But I tell myself I want to be healthy and thin, then as I near the end I head back up. I had a pep talk with me this morning. I"m going to figure this out. I'm only sabotaging myself.
So I end this blog with my usual saying.....i'm going to get there one step, day, and week at a time. Today i'm taking the steps I need to get through the day and make this the best week I possibly can.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Life change comes about in two complementary ways - the "aha" moment, which occurs in a flash of insight, and the conscious redesigning of our habitual behaviors, which is a lifelong project. Recognize that "suffering is optional," and learn daily habits that support living a joyful and productive life in my book
This was in my inspirations for the day. Is this not spark. Is this not our journey. We all started with the aha moment and then kept on with the new behaviors. Yes we have setbacks, steps forward, and sometimes we fall down directly on our face, but here we are still sparking every day. That says we are champions. I know I will be. I'm not giving in. I have bad weeks, months, and sometimes I want to quit, but I don't. One thing about me is i'm determined.
I want to thank all for the comments on my blogs as of late. You guys are awesome. And to be honest your what keeps me going on this journey. We may not be able to reach out and touch but you touch me daily with your blogs, notes, comments and ideas. Thank you all for that. THank you all for caring about my surgery and just for stopping by on occasion.
I have to tell ya that even though I don't see ya face to face I talk about each of you and the really close ones like , cathy, julie, junebug, cat, sandra, I tell my husband stories about you like I just saw you that morning. I know he probably doesn't care one way or the other but to me you are real. And lord willing someday you will be close enough to reach out and touch. Thank you all for being there. For sharing your moments, good, and bad. For helping me with new suggestions, hugs, and pats on the back. This journey is so much better for having met all of you sparkers.
Of course I"m very lucky in that my dear friend cat is right next to me daily. We work together and we have decided to walk together once a month as schedules allow. We have also gotten another friend in on our walks. We are changing the world one person at a time. That is what being a spark person is all about. Reaching out to others.
So as this new week begins for me, i"M excited, nervous, and ready. I lost a pound this week and that makes me want to strive for the next. Of couse with my surgery I may be down a couple of days, but when I get back up, watch out world, here I come. God bless you all.
I want to close with this quote from my spark friend cat " stop worring and start praying" We all need to take that one to heart on all days. If he leads us to it, he will lead us through it. And I know he doesn't give me more than I can handle. So i'm going to handle this little bump in my road with a lot of prayer, and a lot of energy. This is nothing, just a little cancer cell and it will be beat.
I will get there from here, one step, day, and week at a time.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
As some of you may know i'm getting ready for surgery on monday. I have a bit cf cervical cancer and it is going to be removed, or so we hope, anyhow that is not what I want to talk about.....anyways I have the best of both worlds in and out of spark, I have a spark buddy that I not only can chat with online but she works right beside me. We have been on this journey together now for over a year. She took a "rest" and I kept on trudging along. Though i'm not as far as I should be since winter. She rejoined me two weeks ago and I have to say life is full now.
Ok, now that you have that unneeded info my reason for this blog is this: she gave me the best gift yesterday before my leaving work. She had a "goodie bag" for me. It was awesome, in it was a new pedometer that i've been wanting but couldn't afford, a new mp3 player, and a bookmark, and gum, and our fav treats.....not only did I cry when receiving this, but when I got home and read the card and layed out my treats like a little kid at christmas I was awed that she knew me so well.......Cat if you read this I want to say thaink you once again. You got it so right. Of course I cryed again. How could I not.
So as I go off to the drs with my new bookmark in my book, and i'm chewing the gum to relax. I will be thinking of my spark buddy, and when i'm able and i'm off on my walks listening to my favorite music and checking my miles, i'll be thinking of my spark buddy.
Spark buddies and friends alike come to mean so much to us. They are there to see us through, laugh, cry, hug, and hope right along with us. I"m truly blessed in that my best friend is also my spark buddy. The lord placed her here for me and i'm so glad for that. I needed that hug yesterday and I truly loved the ilittle gifts that in my book were not so little. It was the bookmark that did it for me. I told my husband as I layed all the goodies out, "look she knows my so well", that is what made me cry the most. A small bookmark, she took the time to learn about me.
We all need a spark buddy and best friend. Mostly i'm a solitary person, but every once in a while I want and need that spark friend to see me through. I want to thank all my spark friends for the well wishes, and the prayers. My journey with this cancer is just beginning, but my journey with spark is never ending. God bless you all........
Friday, April 09, 2010
"The very nature of the world is constant change. You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it; then the assumptions on which you based your plan change - they always do. The challenge is to retain your goals while adapting your tactics. Relax and stay flexible in order to reach your goals and maintain your happiness."
This came to me today. Sitting in my email and it had me written all over it. Just yesterday I was talking about change, daily change, and Here is this message telling me to be flexible. That is what I like about spark, it is flexible. I can be me, I can slip up, get back at it, then reach milestones or slide back to home. But still spark is there. with open arms. friends to care, and share, and a place for me to cry, kick my feet, get angry, and just laugh.
I'm kicking my heels today, up that is. It is time to be flexible, it is time to fix what is wrong, come up with a new plan, be happy for how far I have come and know that around the next bend is goal. Not that goal is the end of the line, nope, more like the next step. After all what got you there is now what will keep you there. Work, tough, long, sweaty work is going to keep me there. No one ever said this was going to be easy. There is not magic pill, if only, and there is not magic word, wave of the hand, or stomping of the feet going to get me there.
So i'm biting the bullet. Putting on a happy face, and getting down and ready to fight. Ready to fight for me, to look in the mirror and see how far i've come. See me for whom I am. Not what I think I am. ME, just me. I"m going to get there from here. One step, day, and week at a time.
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