Wednesday, March 31, 2010
When this year started I was so full of excitement for the year to begin. 2010 just had a great ring to it, but as this year has progressed and not too far into I may add, I have met many hurdles i've had to overcome. THe first was my son and his addiction which has been going on for some time. We went through the cleaning up process many months, about two years, ago, and wham I was hit with this again. He is working this out now, and even has a job. ONe hurdle over.
I get test results from a normal yearly pap smear that don't come out quite right. I go back for more, again not good, and then I do a biopsy, Not good at all. Results came in yesterday. I have cancer of the cervix. Fixable yes, but daunting just the same. I"m now going for a in hospital surgery, i'm having part of my cervix removed. Not all yet, but my doctor tells me that is to probably come. Insurance says I have to do this first. Welcome to my world. Hurdle number two.
SO far the only good thing so far this year is my daughter bought her first house. Or I should say is in the process. She is just waiting on the closing apr. 23. It needs some work and i'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty and my mind on something else for awhile. But I only hope my surgery isn't about the same time. That would be another wrench in my year.
My weight loss is going fine I suppose. i"M up, i'm down, i'm inbetween. I"m getting a bit overwhelmed with that. I must confess last night I snacked till I couldn't see straight. Binged is what I should call it. NOthing to bad, but enough to make me even more upset. I never thought of myself as an emotional eater but maybe I am. I kept thinking what difference does this make in the scheme of things?
Well i'm awake now, and I can see the difference. I have to take care of me during this time. And bingeing isn't doing that. So i'm up, i'm ready to move on and i'm going to do just that. I'm not going to lie, my mind isn't where it needs to be right now, but i'm going ot be fine. It is the road I have to follow right now that makes me a bit nervous.
I"m going to get there from here. It is going to take me one step at a time but I will get there.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I sit down to check my email and maybe spark for a bit before bed and to my surprise I have been awarded the Alabama team member of the week. What an honor. I gushed like a school girl and the goodies, and notes on my spark page where awesome to say the least. I got the award for doing what spark teaches us to do best....welcome new members, encourage, lend a helping hand, huddle, and just be there for our team and ourselves. Thank you isn't enough but it is all I have to give at this time. This has just made my night, new day, and the rest of my week. I also want to say with this comes a new found energy for this week and it's weigh in.
I'm going to make me proud this day and everyday. I"m going to get there from here one step, day and week at a time.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Yesterday was an awesome day. I got up and went out for a good walk. The weather was so great here in Alabama that you just wanted to enjoy it. I also washed both our vehicles (they needed it after a very long winter).
I went to the store yesterday and the girl that waits on us most of the time actually asked me if I was losing weight....Now that was awesome it itself. When someone notices it just makes you smile and I know my face lit up. All this hard work is paying off. And don't get me wrong, this is hard work. But I have bad moments, food mistakes, snacks that aren't counted. We all do, but I also have good meals, many fruits and veggies, exercises on most days, and a gazillion cups on water. So the hardwork overrules the bad moments.
I'm going to get there from here, one step, day, and week at a time. Have an awesome day all.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Life is a journey. It is not a race to test who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot. Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander - watching the view to left and right - above and below - as the days slowly move past in dress review.
Well it finally happened, I lost this week in a very good way for my recent weigh ins: down 0.6 this week. Almost a whole pound. that is awesome. My journey is moving along, finally. I want you to know that it meant counting, tracking, exercisesing, weighing food, measuring food. It didn't just happen. It was a little creativity and a lot of work.
I didn't try to race to the finish line. I took it slow, I ate when hungry, exercised daily (even if for 10 minutes a couple of days), but I wasn't in any hurry to finish. I want to enjoy the ride while i'm here. I"m seeing changes in myself daily, and I"m making new progress with myself. Life is good today, and with a lot of help from my leader it will be good tomorrow.
So guys, enjoy the journey, take it one step at a time and before you know it you will be at the finish line.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I'm hoping this is my day to shine. All is working out well with my daughter and her home. She just had to be patient. Pathways from fannie mae is awesome for first time homebuyers like her.
As for mom? i'm holding my own. My hubby and I hare having a few problems and I know deep in my heart it is my fault this is happening. Now don't get me wrong he is by no means perfect, I mean after all he is a male, lol.. He just don't understand my stress right now and really I just need to work on me. I'm in need of some me time. Last night I took it. Went for a drive, alone, went to a store and bought something for me. I got some new pjs finally, and I must admitt, they are a juniors 7/9 and they look darn good. I had to stop in the mirror this morning and just gaze at the wide wonder I had found. (borrowed that from a song). I should of done this a bit ago but maybe I wasn't ready. I had to grow, and learn. OH yes i'm learning about me all the time.
My children have always been my first and formost priority, then my hubby, the dogs, you get the picture, I fall to the very bottom. Soaking in a tub? you have to be crazy that entails me to undress, too much effort there. Do my nails? who has time to just sit still for any length of time, too much to do.
Now I must confess as my spark friends know, my children are grown, no longer at home. And I must confess I don't know how to take care of me. Even when I say I will, I don't. Where do you begin? How do you do it without the guilt of "I should be doing such and such"? This is where i'm at. I was so young when I had my kids I went from teenager to mom in zero point two seconds. I have been focused on family for so long when I do for me the guilt is aweful and heavy.
But alas this is my day to shine. The sun is out, I have new pj's, new panties, new socks, darn I"m a new person already. I have the warm weather, and a day to be me. My new life starts today. Move out of my way Michelle is coming through and nothing is going to stop her this time around. The guilt will still be there at times, like i'm letting someone down, but that is not for me, I"m not letting anyone down except me.
I didn't spend 20.00 yesterday and that 20.00 made me feel like a million buck this morning. I'm going to get there from here, one step, day, and week at a time. Not only am I going to reach my goal for the first time in my life, i'm going to take better care of me.
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