MALEXANDER4   162,704
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MALEXANDER4's Recent Blog Entries

Moving on through the stress

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

When this year started I was so full of excitement for the year to begin. 2010 just had a great ring to it, but as this year has progressed and not too far into I may add, I have met many hurdles i've had to overcome. THe first was my son and his addiction which has been going on for some time. We went through the cleaning up process many months, about two years, ago, and wham I was hit with this again. He is working this out now, and even has a job. ONe hurdle over.

I get test results from a normal yearly pap smear that don't come out quite right. I go back for more, again not good, and then I do a biopsy, Not good at all. Results came in yesterday. I have cancer of the cervix. Fixable yes, but daunting just the same. I"m now going for a in hospital surgery, i'm having part of my cervix removed. Not all yet, but my doctor tells me that is to probably come. Insurance says I have to do this first. Welcome to my world. Hurdle number two.

SO far the only good thing so far this year is my daughter bought her first house. Or I should say is in the process. She is just waiting on the closing apr. 23. It needs some work and i'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty and my mind on something else for awhile. But I only hope my surgery isn't about the same time. That would be another wrench in my year.

My weight loss is going fine I suppose. i"M up, i'm down, i'm inbetween. I"m getting a bit overwhelmed with that. I must confess last night I snacked till I couldn't see straight. Binged is what I should call it. NOthing to bad, but enough to make me even more upset. I never thought of myself as an emotional eater but maybe I am. I kept thinking what difference does this make in the scheme of things?

Well i'm awake now, and I can see the difference. I have to take care of me during this time. And bingeing isn't doing that. So i'm up, i'm ready to move on and i'm going to do just that. I'm not going to lie, my mind isn't where it needs to be right now, but i'm going ot be fine. It is the road I have to follow right now that makes me a bit nervous.

I"m going to get there from here. It is going to take me one step at a time but I will get there.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WITHSPIRIT 3/31/2010 8:13PM

    Oh, I will be praying for your good health!!!

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IUHRYTR 3/31/2010 2:07PM

    Hang tough one positive day at a time. Prayers sent your way for a quick recovery. -- Lou

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COUNTRYBUMKIN65 3/31/2010 1:59PM

    Be Strong and Know There Are Lots of Prayers Being Sent Your Way... Biggest And Warmest of HUGS!!!!!

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THE_JULES1 3/31/2010 12:07PM

    emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 3/31/2010 9:12AM

    Oh my sweet friend. emoticon emoticon You are in my prayers ... and will continue to be. I'm always here for you.

2010 is only one quarter over. Think of the time left for the most remarkable things left in this year for you! YOU soooooo deserve them!

Love and prayers,
emoticon

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WALKNLOVE 3/31/2010 8:12AM

    May God grant you the strength you need to fly over these hurdles in the race we call life! May you run & not grow weary, may you walk and not faint. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength! And you will not only come out victorious...YOU WILL WIN! emoticon

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My star moment

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I sit down to check my email and maybe spark for a bit before bed and to my surprise I have been awarded the Alabama team member of the week. What an honor. I gushed like a school girl and the goodies, and notes on my spark page where awesome to say the least. I got the award for doing what spark teaches us to do best....welcome new members, encourage, lend a helping hand, huddle, and just be there for our team and ourselves. Thank you isn't enough but it is all I have to give at this time. This has just made my night, new day, and the rest of my week. I also want to say with this comes a new found energy for this week and it's weigh in.

I'm going to make me proud this day and everyday. I"m going to get there from here one step, day and week at a time. emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 3/30/2010 9:31PM

    emoticon on a emoticon honor well deserved. -- Lou

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JUNEBUG1944 3/30/2010 2:27PM

    Woohoo! It is an honor...especially since you are the FIRST Star of the week! You deserve it! Enjoy!

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BRONXBABE 3/30/2010 9:21AM

    emoticon emoticon
Couldn't have happened to a nicer gal!

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UNSTOPPABLE_ 3/30/2010 9:08AM

    emoticonYou deserve it!

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LOSINGJESS 3/30/2010 8:59AM

    grats emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 3/30/2010 8:29AM

    emoticon That's just wonderful! I'm so happy for you!!!

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SPYKEY_RYE 3/30/2010 7:38AM

    Wow, what an accomplishment! Well done that's amazing!

Totally well deserved as well - you have picked me up and kept me on track more than once! Well done hun! x

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KKKAREN 3/30/2010 7:24AM

    Congratulations!

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Great Day

Monday, March 29, 2010

Yesterday was an awesome day. I got up and went out for a good walk. The weather was so great here in Alabama that you just wanted to enjoy it. I also washed both our vehicles (they needed it after a very long winter).

I went to the store yesterday and the girl that waits on us most of the time actually asked me if I was losing weight....Now that was awesome it itself. When someone notices it just makes you smile and I know my face lit up. All this hard work is paying off. And don't get me wrong, this is hard work. But I have bad moments, food mistakes, snacks that aren't counted. We all do, but I also have good meals, many fruits and veggies, exercises on most days, and a gazillion cups on water. So the hardwork overrules the bad moments.

I'm going to get there from here, one step, day, and week at a time. Have an awesome day all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNEBUG1944 3/29/2010 11:21PM

    It sure is great when someone notices! You're doing great, keep it up! Congratulations, again, on being the Alabama Star of the Week!

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IUHRYTR 3/29/2010 11:01AM

    When someone notices we're losing weight, it really does brighten our day. -- Lou

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PATRISNA 3/29/2010 10:17AM

    I Hope you have a wonderful week! You are doing great!

emoticon emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 3/29/2010 8:15AM

    I love the "gazillion cups on water" ... just made me laugh this morning. It is a gazillion, isn't it!?

Have a glorious day, my sweet friend!
Hugs,
emoticon

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Weigh In

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life is a journey. It is not a race to test who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot. Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander - watching the view to left and right - above and below - as the days slowly move past in dress review.

Well it finally happened, I lost this week in a very good way for my recent weigh ins: down 0.6 this week. Almost a whole pound. that is awesome. My journey is moving along, finally. I want you to know that it meant counting, tracking, exercisesing, weighing food, measuring food. It didn't just happen. It was a little creativity and a lot of work.

I didn't try to race to the finish line. I took it slow, I ate when hungry, exercised daily (even if for 10 minutes a couple of days), but I wasn't in any hurry to finish. I want to enjoy the ride while i'm here. I"m seeing changes in myself daily, and I"m making new progress with myself. Life is good today, and with a lot of help from my leader it will be good tomorrow.

So guys, enjoy the journey, take it one step at a time and before you know it you will be at the finish line.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTERFLYEMERGE 3/28/2010 8:59AM

    I'm so very proud of you! You have the very best attitude and are working the program exactly right! Making lifetime changes in you. YOU are sooooo very worth the effort! Thanks so much for taking such good care of YOU!
emoticon emoticon
emoticon

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KATRET 3/28/2010 8:26AM

    Good thought to start the day - enjoy the journey!

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JABCLUB 3/28/2010 8:23AM

    emoticon emoticon Glad to see you're sticking with it and beginning to see progress! emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 3/28/2010 8:22AM

    Losing weight and becoming healthier is definitely not a sprint but a marathon. We are here for the long run so, yes, slow and steady wins the race. -- Lou

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My day to shine

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I'm hoping this is my day to shine. All is working out well with my daughter and her home. She just had to be patient. Pathways from fannie mae is awesome for first time homebuyers like her.

As for mom? i'm holding my own. My hubby and I hare having a few problems and I know deep in my heart it is my fault this is happening. Now don't get me wrong he is by no means perfect, I mean after all he is a male, lol.. He just don't understand my stress right now and really I just need to work on me. I'm in need of some me time. Last night I took it. Went for a drive, alone, went to a store and bought something for me. I got some new pjs finally, and I must admitt, they are a juniors 7/9 and they look darn good. I had to stop in the mirror this morning and just gaze at the wide wonder I had found. (borrowed that from a song). I should of done this a bit ago but maybe I wasn't ready. I had to grow, and learn. OH yes i'm learning about me all the time.

My children have always been my first and formost priority, then my hubby, the dogs, you get the picture, I fall to the very bottom. Soaking in a tub? you have to be crazy that entails me to undress, too much effort there. Do my nails? who has time to just sit still for any length of time, too much to do.

Now I must confess as my spark friends know, my children are grown, no longer at home. And I must confess I don't know how to take care of me. Even when I say I will, I don't. Where do you begin? How do you do it without the guilt of "I should be doing such and such"? This is where i'm at. I was so young when I had my kids I went from teenager to mom in zero point two seconds. I have been focused on family for so long when I do for me the guilt is aweful and heavy.

But alas this is my day to shine. The sun is out, I have new pj's, new panties, new socks, darn I"m a new person already. I have the warm weather, and a day to be me. My new life starts today. Move out of my way Michelle is coming through and nothing is going to stop her this time around. The guilt will still be there at times, like i'm letting someone down, but that is not for me, I"m not letting anyone down except me.

I didn't spend 20.00 yesterday and that 20.00 made me feel like a million buck this morning. I'm going to get there from here, one step, day, and week at a time. Not only am I going to reach my goal for the first time in my life, i'm going to take better care of me. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACH_BUMM 3/27/2010 5:49PM

    YEA!! emoticon

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BUTTERFLYEMERGE 3/27/2010 4:12PM

    I love seeing you taking charge of you, of our life and your journey. Such a positive change for you. emoticon
Cathy emoticon

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SLIMPAM23 3/27/2010 11:12AM

    Good for you Michelle. It's hard to go from taking care of everyone else to making yourself the priority. I am right there with you!! But you are doing a good job. Starting doing a little for yourself inch by inch and one pair of panties at a time if necessary!
Pam

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IUHRYTR 3/27/2010 10:25AM

    It may take some effort to do things for yourself and not worry about other things that need to be done but you'll get there. Just ask about the other things if it is an emergency that they get done NOW. If not, don't worry about it. Indulge and relax. We all need alone time. Take it. -- Lou

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JUNEBUG1944 3/27/2010 9:05AM

    Good Blog, Michelle! We have to learn how important WE are. We spend far too much time on unimportant things and ignore ourselves. I'm glad you're learning that Michelle is important and should be treated as such! Soak in the tub in a pile of bubbles and then give yourself a manicure...go whole hog! You can do it!

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 3/27/2010 9:02AM

    Michelle I am following your lead keep up the good work!!!

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FCASTELO 3/27/2010 8:33AM

    .

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