Friday, March 19, 2010
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
You don’t have the power to make life “fair,” but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When these showed up in my email today and as I read them I thought of myself and a few others who may on occasion said life wasn't fair. No it isn't, but it is right. Just because we are going through things today in our lives, and I know I am, doesn't mean the grass is greener on the other side. We are on the outside looking in, and what is inside isn't always what it seems. I hope that makes sense. I have learned in my life that just because things look good, there not. Some can cover a lot better then others.
As I go through my trials with my son, and myself I have recieved wonderful messages from people who have gone trough similar things in life. They seemed ok to me on this site, but alas they are just human like everyone else. We must never think that god has forsaken us. He is always one step ahead, planning for the next trial in our lives. easing our path so to speak. You know I love the saying" if he brings you to it, he will bring you through it". How true it is. And remember what we want isn't always what we need. The lord knows this and he will give us what is needed. l
I'm feeling much better in my own life right now. I have my family who during times of crisis is always with me, I have my daughter whom god blessed me with, and I have friends both near and far whom make me laugh, and let me cry when it is needed. Spark has been the greatest thing to happen to my life and I can never thank the lord enough for giving it to me when I needed it the most.
So as we undertake this great journey, remember the lord is leading us in the direction we need to head. We are like my pups on their leash, they want to go in one direction but I have control and I leas them in the right direction. The lord is my lead and I will follow where he takes me for I know that he has my best interest at heart and If I veer off the path I may get hurt. Trust in him and trust in yourself.
I'm going to get there from here, one step, day or week at a time.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I wanted to drop a quick line to let all know i'm doing great this week. My exercise is actually up from last week and i'm sticking to my diet, lifestyle, ww points, whatever we are calling it today. For me it is a journey. I'm learning balance in all things and especially where food is concerned. I have noticed I don't crave the chips like I once did and as for chocolate, well that wasn't my biggie in the first place and as long as I just stay away i'm fine. I actually have some chips (reduced fat) I bought to have with sandwiches. They are still in the cupboard and I have one one helping. Weighed on my scales non the less. Just no taste for them, give me baby carrots, those are my new best friend. My grandson is two and he comes to my house and asks for the carrots. Go figure. So we are teaching those around us as we go. Never think your children aren't watching and learning. That is why getting healthy and staying there is so important not just for you but for all who are around you.
I"m closing now and going to finish getting ready for work. Is it friday yet? I"m going to get there from here, one step, day, or week at a time.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want to thank all for their prayers and comments on my blog yesterday. My son arrived last night and is fine (so far). He is at the first leg of his new self, and with prayer and the help of all us he will be fine. I have great hope and much faith in god.
As for mom, im holding my own. As I received the phone call letting me know he had arrived safe, I let out a breath. Now I can get past the worry, for now, and work on mom. That is a tough on as I have always worried most about my children and Josh has gotten the most of that worry and I hope I have never short changed my daughter. But as the parent of any addict will tell ya one child or two will go to the wayside because we have to give so much of ourselves to the other or the one in trouble I should say. It is never easy to push any needy child aside. Though I must confess I wanted to many times.
Some gave suggestions of counseling for me, been there and I learned a lot about myself during that phase. I learned to let him fall down, even if that meant death, because I can't live his life. I can only be there to help when i'm needed. I may want to turn my back but as a mom I can't, because under that exterior is my baby boy whom I know is loving, kind, and sweet. The devil just took over and he needs to lend a hand to god and let him in. I have to say that he did wake up one morning not so long ago and ask god to help him. Now he is away getting that help. God does answer our prayers just in his own way and time.
As for my spark journey, I"m doing awesome. I have been back to running every morning for the last three days, today of course it is raining and I must use the inside equipment but that is ok also. so I haven't given up on me. Now that josh is taken care of mom can go full tilt ahead for her.
So till next time, I"m going to get there from here, I just have to take it one day, step, and week at atime.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
As I sit here getting ready for work and blogging with the last few minutes I have something I need to clear off my mind for the day to progress............. My son in an addict and as any parent of such our lives are turned upside down and every way but loose. Today he is on a plane headed for help. I hope he takes this gift and uses it to the best of his ability but a part of me is having trouble believing this is going to happen.
He doesn't know i've got this cancer thing going and I wanted it that way, I wanted him to go. If he knew there may be something here he wouldn't of got on that plane and as sad as this is to say, and I say this with tears down my face, I'm glad for the repreave myself. Life is tough when you are being pulled in so many directions. Sometimes I feel like maybe this is why i'm not at my goal yet, stress is a big deterant for weight loss. But I know that now is the time to take care of me.
I have his dog as I have blogged before. We go for daily runs, the dog doesn't walk believe me when I say this, I say my prayers during this time and each time I pray for my son most of all and the rest just fall to the wayside. I have asked god if maybe I wasted my prayers on my son and didn't leave any for myself? He hasn't answered but a friend did, NO, The lord never gives us more than we can handle and as my daughter told me last night, god wouldn't of given me Josh if he didn't think I could handle it. But oh lord it gets so tough, the tears, the trials, the courts, the jails. So much so that sometimes I have wondered if it is worth him being alive. I know that is horrible for a parent to think but when your child is a drug addict it could happen. And then I have to wonder does god feel he is strong enough to handle the addiction or is he being tested and failing. He will have to pay for this somehow.
I see him thin, teeth bad, dirty, and it tears me up. But I have long ago learned to control this around him and just pretend all is fine. when in the quiet I cry out to god to lead him down a much better road. I know god will take care in his time and not mine. If it was up to me he would be the college grad I know he could of been.
I'm sorry to make this blog so troublesome but you get to a point in life where you can't talk about this stuff with family, they have seen too much, and friends try to help but do they really understand. I"m not asking spark readers to understand because I don't, but if there are any other parents out there with the same issues you will understand the aloneness we feel sometimes.
I'm going to end this blog with a God bless, because there comes a time when we all need that. And today is my day. though I carry god with me daily, today I feel him stronger than ever. I am going to get there from here, one day, step, and moment at a time.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I'm down one pound and an inch and a half total for the week. Now i'm moving on to this new week. I handled yesterday and the weekend pretty good, had pizza saturday night but allowed for it and didn't go over my points. Even had free ones left for the week. WW has a points system and I use that, it is easier for me somehow.
Ok i'm off for my morning run, I have to get used to the dark in the mornings but i'm loving the weather. I have a new friend to take this morning and I have to allow time for the change. My new friend is my son's dog we are keeping for him while he is away getting himself together. So my babies are going to have to adapt to a new four legged friend and they aren't enjoying this so far. But to help my son get himself together I will do most anything to ease his way.
Today is my day to shine, i'm going to get there from here....
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