Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I just finished reading my blog from Sunday and i'm sorry to say I lied not only to you all but to myself. I said this was a new week and I was going to do better....well so far I've had one good day, sunday, now it is wednesday and i'm wondering if today is the day I turn myself around. I strayed from my plan, not enough to hurt, just enough to make my question why i'm even bothering with all this.
Has anyone ever just wanted to eat what they want without the guilt that goes along with it. I mean darn if i eat chocolate i'm calculating the points (ww) factor into it, if i don't have a veggie with a meal i'm feeling like i'm forgetting something. water? that is something else all together, i count each drink. Sometimes don't you just want to have that drink because your thirsty not because you have to get in eight or ten glasses?
you see this week is not good for me on many levels, first and foremost pms, and with the the feelings, then there is the weight challenge on one of my teams, i worry each week if i'm still in it to win it or am i down to the next level of still losing. such pressure sometimes. yes, i'm still in it to win it, but i need to win this for me, not a spark goodie. but the satifaction i get from know i did all that i could do to help me.
the weather here is cold, and i don't do cold. that is bringing on the winter blues. i watched the biggest loser (my favorite show) and i cried. my husband says i won't be allowed to watch if that is how it makes me feel. it wasn't the show, it was watching them do what needed to be done and losing. losing the barriers that put them there, losing the weight, the stigma. It all works together.
we always have good blogs, blogs of wonder, blogs of humor, blogs of triumphs, well today is my blog of pity. i don't want your pity, i just want to know i'm not alone in this. i know we all are here for the same things, but are we all feeling these feelings at different points? are we all having weeks, not days, weeks, when we want to just say the heck with this? if you say no, you may be lying to yourself. lets' face it sports fans, each day is a struggle of some kind. i just want to know that this struggle is going to make me the person i so want to become.
It seems i get this far, no wait, i've never been this close before, and i want to quit. what is that all about? the hard part is over, now it is the sliding into home part i want. I want the glory, i want the moment of fame.
I won't quit this battle. If i end up in the "i'm still in it" part of my challenge so what. there are a lot of us there, if i end up in the " still in it to win it" woohoo. I can't let this define me. I can't let the scales rule me (yeah right that one is tough). i have to be in this for me and me alone. i have the tools to make it or break it and at this point not making it would make me feel worse then the im trying stage.
so when you read this blog, know that i'm still trying. i'm struggling daily with issues we all face, but i would like to know i'm not alone. i know this is a meal at a time, day at a time, journey. but sometimes guys the road is long and very curved up ahead.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Well another week has come and gone. Today is my new week, my weigh in was the same. no loss, no gain. In many ways that is awesome and in some ways that is sad. I'm so close to goal that I know at this point it is going to go slowwwwly. But on the other hand I had a bit to do with this weeks progress. This is the time of the month for me and sorry to the guys but for us women you all know what that means. fluid, munchies, and more fluid and more munchies. I munched my weigh (pun intended) to a non movement on the scales. To be honest i thought i would of gained, so at this point i'm glad for the non movement.
I didn't get my exercise calories burnt this week that i normally do. I was just plain lazy. I can't give an excuse for it. This is a new week and i will try harder.
I spent the day with my husband today. We don't get to do that a lot and neither of us is dead so I think we did ok. We went flea marketing. Didn't get anything but had a nice walk just the same and I brought my lunch and snacks, water, and drinks. Pretty good of me huh? I told ya this was a new week. I have goals and I'm not going to get there sitting and doing nothing. That goes for my diet also. Anyhow, back to my day. I have to thank my friend lou and one of his blogs about not giving in to temptaion and much water. Lou thank you...when i got the moment this evening i headed for a bath, had some flavored water, more water. and guess what? no snack.
so to me I say, new week, new ideas, new plans. To my spark friends i say, we are going to live this healthy lifestyle and make each moment count. good luck to all. If you all stand behind me, i'll be there for you. have a blessed day.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Hello, it has been a bit since i blogged. Sorry i seem to have fallen asleep at the wheel. I read most of my friends blogs daily, so i'm here, I just run out of time for my own. Isn't that the way of life. We do for so many others and forget about us. Funny i was having this discussion with my daughter on the phone just last night. For so many years it was my children i went without for. Now here i sit with just me and my hubby for the first time in years, well all our married years as my children and i came as a package deal, and i 'm still not doing for me.
Yeah i eat right now and i exercise, but i have to tell ya, my clothes look like crap. when i head to church i look like i stepped out of the rag bag. I know i'm not being judged but i'm judging me. I know i need to get some new clothes that fit. But i'm so close to my goal and i want to wait. I do head to the goodwill on occasion but even that occasion hasn';t been in a bit. I'm working so hard on getting my husband and i out of this debt mess and back on some kinda track that clothes seem like a not needed neccessity at this time. Now mind you i'm not looking horrible, just feeling like that.
If you have ever been in a financial bind, like life, you know that somethings have to wait, for me new items right now have to wait. We are finally on a path of hope and i don't want to rock the boat so to speak. we work hard for what we have and lately that isn't much. my electric bill in these parts we have a coop, if any of you have that you know what i'm talking about. my light bill this month is 490.00. that is more important to me then say a new pair of jeans.
I do want all the know that life if just that, life. whether we work hard, slack, or motivate each other and ourselves somethings just happen. we have to move forward and not let little things get in our way. so today i'm moving forward. I'm going to be happy with myself, and the changes i have made in me. I'm going to exercise, eat right, and one of these wonder days i'm going to get a new outfit just for me. and when that day comes i'm going to smile and be thankful that i waited and didn't rush out and get just anything. afterall that is what spark is all about, being patient. good luck to all this new day. michelle.
Friday, January 29, 2010
"Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -Dr. Samuel Johnson
I received this quote this morning and it spoke to me out loud. I had the moment yesterday, you know the one.....your going along normal, you've exercised, packed lunch, and a great snack and then it hits.....you want something. That something for me was chocolate. Now i don't usually do chocolate or sweets, not that i don't like them i would just rather have a cookie, cake, or pie kinda thing. anyhow, at work we all buy a bag of dove chocolates to share. I'm thinking i can have two and be done. well six or so later i'm hating myself. Ok hate is a strong word, i'm upset that i didn't stop at two. But i've been down this road before.
I go home, have my measured dinner and my popcorn snack. Guess what i'm back on track. I didn't let that moment get me. I had the dove chocolate (which i have to admitt was awesome), and i moved on. I have set a goal for myself this week of a half pound loss. I find if i set a goal and then try to reach it i do much better. I don't diet, i just live. Yes i measure, i count, and i write everything down, but i'm learning. And most of the time i master.
So the moment is passed, i'm back to sparking full time. and i'm happy with me. And the chocolate monster is gone. Sometimes it pays to give in to the cravings and just let it be. you can pick up where you left off and start again. Nothing in anyof this says to not enjoy food. It just says to do so with a bit of control.
Ok guys, lets give it heck today and everyday. after all we are in this for the long haul, not a moment, a meal or a day. we are here for our lives and this is a lifetime effort. we have to pledge to get healthy for us. Now i'm off to get a bit more sparking in before bootcamp and 30 minutes of cardio.
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