MALEXANDER4   163,260
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another day.....

Sunday, October 11, 2009

emoticonwell i would love to say i survived two days in a row but i would just be lying to me and you. i did fine for a bit, then it happend.....the munchy elf in me came to play. oh we played alright.....chips, peanut butter bar, two cookies...you get the picture. the truth of the matter is i wasn't even hungry. after the moment or three passed, i lay there, because i couldn't move without wanting to throw up, and i hated myself. so i got up and went into the bathroom...no guys i didn't purge.....i looked in the mirror and had a heart to heart with myself. i hated the way i felt, i was upset, and i let me know i can't get there doing all this in one day. what i did was out of boredom. i worked all day with getting done much needed tasks i had put off. i was so proud of me. i ate a good breakfast so that wasn't the trouble, i had a decent lunch.....i just caved when it was time to sit down and relax.

i need to stop with this. it is becoming a habit again and i don't like it. i have beat myself up over this and i have decided to move on. what is done is done. i can't go back. i can only move ahead. what i want you all to know is that i 'm ok with this. i want to reach my goal. i have to reach it for me. i haven't ever finished with anything. i start all gung ho then i taper off. just as now. but i want my spark friends to know this is the first time in a long time that i have stuck with something.

i got my cetification in pharmacy teching, took a year but i did it, i got baptized, took a lifetime but i did it, i raised two wonderful children, for the early years alone, i survived with a great story to tell. i saw my son go from an addict to a great young man, i stood by his side, not always in body, but a heck of a lot in spirit. somethings have to be done alone.

so when i look back over my life at where i have come from and i see where i want to go, i know that i can overcome this setback. maybe not today and maybe it will take a bit longer than i had first thought. but i will succeed. i have triumphed over a lot in my 43 years of life and i won't let some silly bag of chips defeat me. they are gone (not litterally) but i mean from me. i will not purchase them anylonger as i see the damage they cause to my pyche. i f i so choose to have them it will be the tiny bags for .33 cents at walmart.

you know i said i bit back in this blog i never finished anything. after writing all this i have finished so much in my life. sometimes alone, sometimes with help of family and friends. so this challenge is nothing for me. that which doesn't kill us just makes us stronger. i'm still around and i know i'm much stronger than that young mother left to raise two young kids alone. god sent me my hubby, and he is my rock in times of trouble. so i will lean on him a bit longer for this. i have to thank todd for a lot, he eats turkey burgers and never complains, he let's me cook what i want and if i know he won't eat it he fends for himeself. so i'm greatly blessed.

ok my morning of rambling is over. i have to get ready for church. i want to wish all my spark friends old and new a blessed day. we are going to get there from here. we just have to have faith. i may not have a lot but faith i have. michelle. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 10/11/2009 6:39PM

    I love the resolve in your voice, ma'am. This week will be better! *hugggggggggs*

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weighin = another up week....literally

Friday, October 09, 2009

emoticonwell the votes are in......i'm up this week. not a lot but up just the same. but in a way it has given me the gumption i needed to get back to basics and get on track again. so i will give this next week heck. have a bless day. i'm off to spend the day with my daughter. michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 10/10/2009 12:12AM

    I'll join you in hitting it hard this next week. Put on our mean faces and GROWL at fat. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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PVILLELADY 10/9/2009 9:05AM

    Hey! No worries!! We all gain from time to time... Have you taken measurements? Bet you've lost SOMETHING somewhere!

Don't get discouraged by a number on the scale--keep up the TERRIFIC work and eventually you'll get that scale moving the right way!

emoticon
Diane

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reflections

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

as i sit here reflecting on how far i have come and yet how far i have to go, i know that with a bit of determination on my part i can beat this thing. this weight wasn't put on this body over night and believe me when i say it is not coming off over night. it has taken a lot of exercise, which includes much sweat, tears, cramps and many moments of triumph. the first time i made a half mile run i thought the gods were surely smiling down on me. as i was able to turn from a donut during a meeting or sweets i really didn't need. better yet today i stuck to my grocery plan and list. that is a first. yup i write the lists, nope i don't always follow them.

today is the first step in reflecting back and i need to do that much more than i do. sometimes i get down on myself and my losses or gains as the case may be. i have to remember that along the way i have had ups, downs, and sometimes standstills. but when i remember the feeling of losing two pounds one week, or fitting into a size 6 jeans, i know that i can do this to the finish. i just have to get back that feeling of triumph and determination that i once had not so long ago.

i often wonder if after so long on the new lifestyle we don't get bored. i'm not really, i guess i just wish i could down that bag of chips on a bad day and then move on to more good days. which if i stop to reflect on that also, i do. i don't eat bad all the time just on occasions. mostly out of boredom, while reading, and so on. what i need to to change a habit and place something different in my hands while i read. keep moving when i'm bored.

so i'm off now to get ready for bed. i have to get in my sleep before another day of work. and i really need to get myself on the right track. reflecting back has let me see that i have come so far and not all of this journey has been a struggle. the new pieces of me that i have come to accept are really awesome. and i will get there from here. with the help of my prayers and steady routine i feel i can overcome most all obsticles in my way. god bless my spark friends for without your encouragement and well wishes i don't think many of us would of come this far.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PVILLELADY 10/8/2009 4:36AM

    If it wasn't for you and my other good SP friends, I'd have quit MONTHS ago! I was never one to stick to a "diet" for very long because I would get bored, or I had no one to keep me accountable. This site is a God-send! The encouragement you give me helps push me everyday!

You've come a long way; you can look back on your progress with pride! As for the future, try not to look at "I have x-number more pounds to lose" but rather TODAY I will work on getting in my walk, etc. etc. Building on daily successes helps us reach our long-term goals!

I'm here whenever you need me!!!

emoticon
Diane

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IUHRYTR 10/8/2009 2:44AM

    Such a good overcomer attitude. keep up the good effort and you WILL reach your goals. -- Lou

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good evening: or is it

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

emoticoni'm just home after a long 9 day stretch at work. i'm so tired. as i sit here finishing my salad for supper( light for late night) i'm wondering if this is going to make a bit of difference come weigh in day. no offence guys but so far i'm not doing the best i could. i try, but the devil is in the details and he is working overtime. im munching when i should be drinking water maybe, i'm overeating at meal times when really i'm not hungry much. i just don't know where to start or stop as the case may be. i say today i will do better, then the next day i'm repeating the monolog. i don't get it. i did wonderful up till this point. i'm still getting my exercise in so that isn't it. it is the daunting task of planning and thinking i believe. i don't plan and lately i'm not thinking when i put things in my mouth that should be left in the bag or on the stove. now that i have gotten some of this out of my mind and onto this computer now maybe i can move forward. any ideas would be greatly appreciated. craving stoppers, food tricks, anything will do.

thanks for taking the time to read and i hope i'm not alone out here with this. i don't think i am and i often wonder. is anyone else going through a rough patch? i just sometimes wonder if i will see my goal or if it is a pipe dream. i keep hoping im not dreaming and the reality of all this is i'm healthier, happier, and thinner than i was nine months ago. i'm just not where i would like to be. and i know the arguments about people getting there in their own time. but heck guys this time is ticking away and my pounds are going no where at this point.

thank you all for the support i have received in the past and will continue to receive in the future. bless you all my spark friends. michelle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 10/7/2009 5:29PM

    I could not function without writing down everything I eat. I know me well enough to know that I would be out of control within moments. It takes 21 days to form a habit. Try to commit to tracking everything you eat for three weeks, even when you make unwise choices. That will help establish that healthy habit into your daily routines. Never, ever, ever eat from a bag or box. READ THE LABEL! Dish out one serving and then put the container away, out of sight. Portion control and accountability are the two greatest tools I have and I thank God for them. I pray you will be able to submit your appetites to the Lord so that He can bless them and be Lord of them.

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DAWNWS1 10/7/2009 10:06AM

    I feel your pain! The scale hasn't budged in over 2 weeks and I'm doing everything "right" (for the most part!) But you are certainly more healthy than you were and you WILL reach your goals. You have to, otherwise how are we going to cheer for you when you do??? Have a good day.

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TAMI19631 10/7/2009 9:24AM

    Hi Malexander,
I read your blog and saw where you asked for some tricks/tips. I'll tell one that has seemed to help me. I know you've heard of eating off smaller plates?? Well, I went and got a set at a Walmart clearance. Just a set of cheap plastic plates. LOL They're not as small as a salad plate, but not near the size of a regular plate either. I've always been a 2nd helping kind of gal, but even if I do a 2nd helping, it's still a smaller portion. It doesn't take as much to fill a small plate up and so I eat smaller portions. Also, I am a nighttime muncher, so popcorn is my best friend. Hope this helps you some.
Tami

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PVILLELADY 10/7/2009 3:19AM

    Michelle,

We ALL go through times like this, so you are not alone! The secret: keep on keepin' on, just like the rest of us!! This is a lifetime journey so you have plenty of time... Of course, we all want the weight off NOW, but slow and steady is the real key to permanent loss!!

We're here for ya, girlfriend!

emoticon
Diane

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THINWITHIN18 10/6/2009 10:07PM

    Yes, it is the planning that leads to our successes.
No, it is not a pipe dream. We can do this.
Yes, we are all improving our health as we shed the pounds.
No, you will not fail if you stick with SparkPeople.
We're like girl scouts around a campfire, arms around each other's shoulders, singing and swaying. We stick together and we persevere and we reach our personal goals. I refuse to believe otherwise. emoticon

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quick post

Saturday, October 03, 2009

emoticonyup i'm still around. i haven't had much time lately and i have slacked on posting. my weighin this week was not the best but i'm down from 142.0 to 141.8. so a loss none the less

all is going according to plan. i have been running more and walking less. milestone for me. i'm doing about 10 miles a week as of now, and i want to increase that this coming week. mind you i don't run 10 miles weekly but the miles are the same none the less.

i will post later with more updates. wishing all a blessed day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 10/3/2009 8:08PM

    Good for you! I can't yet imagine running, but I'm loving water aerobics!! You have a BLESSED week!!

*hugs*

Missy

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TITUS2WMN 10/3/2009 4:59PM

    Hey, are you measuring your percentage of body fat each month?

My first month of Sparking was a complete frustration. I was tracking my calories and mostly hanging between 1200 and 1300 and working out vigorously. On weigh day, to my dismay, I discovered that I had only lost a couple of pounds. I was pretty discouraged until I had my percentage of body fat measured and found out that I had gained muscle and lost fat.

It sounds like you are really doing well with your exercise. You may be losing fat and not realizing it because you are gaining muscle.

How do your pants feel? Any looser?

You plugging along buddy,
:O) Christine
emoticon
We can do it!!!

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BELTONWALKER67 10/3/2009 10:22AM

    Good Job! Missed you and glad to see you back with us! emoticon

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IUHRYTR 10/3/2009 8:38AM

    Nice to hear from you again. Congratulations on your progress. -- Lou

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BOOMERGIRL5 10/3/2009 8:17AM

    Keep up the great work !!!!!! try other things like how your clothes are fitting

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PVILLELADY 10/3/2009 8:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

A loss is a loss is a LOSS!! WooHoo!!

You're making incredible progress on your running/walking; I have no doubt you'll be able to come up to Montgomery this spring and run a 5K with RAMONAFAY and me! How's that for a FUN goal?!

Keep smiling and working hard!

emoticon
Diane

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