Thursday, June 04, 2009
well here i am at the last chance day once again. as i look back on this week i wonder why i seem to not be able to get it right. i've done fine all week till yesterday. i could of maybe worked off the ice cream attack if it was say on saturday, but no i have to have it on wednesday and now i know what is going to happen. when i say attack i mean attack. i had three, count them three ice cream bars. one just wasn't enough, it tasted like more. i don't get myself. i say i want to lose this weight, but then i have moments like these and i have to wonder do i really want to do better or is that just hype?
i have lost almost 14 pounds and yet i sabbatage myself weekly to get the remainder off. i have to wonder if i really want it bad enough to fight for it or am i just telling myself that. i say i want it, i get upset when i don't get it, but then i go and do what is needed to wreck a great week in progress. i had finally gotten in my exercise, i have been staying under points for days, i'm on weight watchers, then i go and do this. ok i've beat myself up about it. i've told the sp community all about it. and there is no where to go but up from here. shoot i'm already down. so i'm picking myself up, dusting off my a** and getting a move on. so what this week may be dud i have next week, the next, and many more after that to get this right.
i vow this week to use my food scales for something more than a dust collector, i vow to use my nordic trak and that great exercise room i have, and i vow to stick to plan. i can and will do this. one minute, day, and week at a time. enough is enough. i'm the only one standing in my way and i need to push past my weakness and get to my strengths. have a blessed day all.
Monday, June 01, 2009
well the weekend is over and i made it without much ado about nothing. i had to work this weekend so it helped me stay on plan and get my walks in at lunch. the weather is had been wonderful (compared to last weeks rain daily) and i have been able to walk during lunch and in the evenings with the dogs. they have gotten so used to it i'm not even in the house and they are at the door wagging tails and ready. they are my new motivation to exercise in the evenings and i have to tell you they are very good at their jobs.
my plan for today is to get through it without much trouble. i will get my walks in and i've already got my strength training out of the way for the day. i've got the next two days off and i will do my darndest to stick to plan those days. so till i blog again, i will take this journey one step at a time. no running for me.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
yesterday was my weigh in day. i'm a day late in blogging but i've been busy getting in my exercise for next week. i gained a pound this week, i'm not upset about this as it is my pms week and we all know what that means. heck really i'm used to gaining two pounds for i'll take this. i was a bit upset to begin with, not with me but the scales. i got so mad i kicked them. may i not suggest that method for all. after i yelled at myself for a couple of minutes i stopped and said to myself, self, this is the wrong week to be so upset. and you know what? it is. next week i will take it back.
exercise was a no show this past week also as it rained daily so i couldn't get my lunchtime walk, or evening walk with my pups in. so mostly it was a bust no matter how i look at it. but this is a new week, new ideas, and new goals. i have learned one thing, no matter how much i get upset, rant, rave, and carry on i end up heading for the same routine. you know what? this is now a lifestyle for me. i can't seem to do it any other way. so in truth this week wasn't such a bust. it taught me that i am going to get there from here and i will not give in or up. shoot so what it takes me the next year to lose the remainder of my weight. i look darn good at this point and i feel darn good. no conceit here. but guys we have to give ourselves a pat on the back for a job well done, because in the end we are all we have to count on. in the rough world we can't depend on others for our happiness.
that is my sermon for the day. so till next time. don't give up or in. and remember as i do, this is a journey best taken one minute, day, and week at a time.
Monday, May 25, 2009
i guess i really just need to vent and what better place for that then here. if it is read maybe i will get feedback. if it isn't at least i cleared the air around me.
where do i start....let's see my husband and i aren't really getting along lately. i don't know if it is me or him. we just both seem to be heading in different directions and very seldom meet in the middle. i get so frustrated sometimes when i try to talk to him and i get a lecture. yesterday i came home from church( he doesn't go, doesn't need it) and i tell him i've decided to get baptized. you see growing up my parents didn't push the church issue and we didn't either. then i got older and i started needing something more in my life. so to all you none believers out there, yes i found god. i feel better about me for it. i don't preach to others about going or not going, i don't push the issue. i feel we lead by example and i guess if i lead some will follow. anyhow, on to my issue....my husbands first remark isn't good for you, or i'm happy for you it is why? why, do you need to do this. and then the next words out of his mouth are don't start preaching to me, i'll go in my own time. now let me make myself clear here. i don't preach i haven't and i have never asked him to go. my daughter goes, her husband and son go. we enjoy it. i wish he would go just to see what it is all about. but i know todd and he isn't going to. it isn't cool so to speak. anyhow...this is just one issue.
we can't seem to speak to each other without yelling anymore. if i say something to him he thinks i'm being ugly, if he says something to me it seems he's yelling. i don't know. i feel sometimes he talks better to his friends than he does me. when i bring this up he says i'm full of it. we have been married for 14 years and this is the first year in all that time that we have gotten to this point. it makes me sad, but then in another way it should be strengthening us. we should be trying to get it together for both our sakes. when i tell him this he just shrugs and says there is nothing wrong. but there is, we don't talk much, we don't hold hands, kiss and so on. this is not normal. i see our friends relationships and i feel mine is empty. that is it exactly i feel empty.
during this weight loss journey he has been wonderful. he notices, and comments. we eat the same meals and i've noticed that he reads labels a lot more now than he did. so in the respect i'm happy. he doesn't track my every movement, and never seems to mind if i'm late getting home. he says he trusts me. i've never given him a reason not to. but ladies sometimes ii want him to wonder where i'm at, why i may be late. if for nothing else just so i know he cares.
i really don't know where i'm going with all this. i just needed to vent. i love my husband don't get me wrong. and maybe i want what i read about. but i'm not asking for the moon and stars i just want to feel a connection. when the girls at work get phone calls from spouses it is hi honey, and i love you. mine is what? and see ya. i want so much more. and sometimes i feel maybe i'm not going to get that here. but then again as with all journey's they begin with one step. i guess i need to take that step and leap of faith and reach out to him. if he turns away then i need to take the next step. if he takes my hand then we have somewhere to go from there. thank you for letting me vent. i needed to get this off my chest. i know i probably talked in circles but that is what journaling is all about.
so till next time....have a wonderful day and enjoy the longgggggg weekend for me.
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