Friday, May 15, 2009
WELL HERE I AM DOWN .8LBS. AM I UPSET? NO! EVEN THOUGH I'M STILL UP I'VE LOST WEIGHT THE LAST TWO WEEKS, FOR ME THAT IS POSITIVE. I'VE BEEN ON A PLATEAU NOW FOR FIVE WEEKS. ANY MOVEMENT DOWN AT THIS POINT IS GOOD MOVEMENT. I DECIDED YESTERDAY ON MY WALK THAT I WAS NOT GIVING UP. I WOULD CONTINUE ON THIS JOURNEY AND DO THE BEST I COULD AND THAT IS ALL I CAN ASK OF MYSELF. I'VE GRUMBLED, KICKED, YELLED, AND JUST PLAIN STARTED TO DISLIKE MYSELF OVER THIS. I REFUSE TO LET THIS GET ME DOWN. I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN....I'M DOWN 12.8 LBS, I'M THINNER THAN I'VE BEEN IN SOMETIME, AND I ACTUALLY EXERCISE NOW. I DO ALL THIS BECAUSE I NEED TO, THIS STARTED OUT A NEED BUT NOW IT IS A WANT. I WANT TO SEE THIS THROUGH. AND IF I HAVE TO KEEP ON THIS PLATEAU FOR MONTHS SO BE IT. I MAY CONTINUE TO KICK, SCREAM, AND CRY, BUT AT LEAST I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT, HEALTH, AND ISSUES BESIDES WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO CHANGE. I HAVE TO CHANGE ME, NOT WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO CHANGE ME. I'M ENJOYING THE NEW ME I HAVE WORKED FOR. I LIKE MY SIZE RIGHT NOW, SO IF I HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR A BIT AND ADJUST TO IT SO BE IT. THIS IS A JOURNEY, AND I WANT TO STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES ALONG THE WAY. I AM GOING TO GET THERE FROM HERE!!!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
well here i am, my last chance day. i guess this week is probably a bust. i know i should be upbeat but let's be honest here. i've been on vacation all week, at home, with food, that about answers it all. i wish i had the willpower, strength, mindset, whatever you want to call it to just say no. i have gotten in my exercise. let's face it i love that part, i drink my water, but it is the snacking out of pure boredom i'm having a lot of trouble with. i worked in the yard yesterday for about two and a half hours. today i can barely bend over without wanting to cry, yet i still did some strength training. but after i came in showered and had lunch, it all went to pot. i snack out of boredom. i have to come up with a plan for this or i will be here at this plateau forever. today i snuck in a weigh in to see how far i was off. i was at what i was the week before last...up .4. of course that is what i lost last week. i'm trying to be up beat about all this but to tell you the truth after after four months i'm losing steam. i have some great new habits, but it is the bad old habits that still have me in their grips. the first 10 lbs came of wonderful. the next is where i'm having problems. i don't want to hear i don't have that much to lose. you know what guys little or a lot we are all in the same mind set here. i don't care if you have to lose 10 or 100, the feelings are the same.
people who look at me and say man i wish i was as small as you don't live in my body or mind. i know how i feel, how my body feels, and i want to be a better person all around. that includes the inside and out. and no people i'm not healthy. i'm getting there don't get me wrong, my cholesterol is down 30 points, i'm down 12 lbs, and my sugar doesn't bottom out like it use to. so i'm getting there. i'm still depressed(on occasion), i'm still not happy in my own skin(though that is getting better), and i'm still not at my healthy bmi.
i'm sorry if i ranted but i felt like i needed to for my own sanity. i need to get back to basics and plan each day. sometimes that is hard, but i really have no choice if i want to reach all my goals. so till tomorrow when i weigh in and log that .4 up for real i'm going to hope that today, last chance day, really is going to make a difference in this week. because really each day is a new and wonderous quest for our true self isn't it?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
well i was all set with yesterday, i'm on vacation, my husband was off of work and we were going to see a movie. nothing playing worth seeing so we decide to go for a ride, we never seem to be off at the same time, we ride to another town and go shopping. of course that was fine, but now we are hungry....low and behold the golden arches start to call us. now i usually get the chicken nugget happy meal and a diet coke, but now i decide i want to splurge(mind you i haven't done that since starting this lifestyle change) and so i have the number 1. we all know what that is big mac, fries, and oh no i'm going all out, the vanilla milk shake. i thought i was going to bust. i'm feeling bad, and my husband god bless him says" just don't tell your spark buddies". now mind you he is right. i could just go on my merry way. really though who am i lying to you or me? mostly me. so i track the food. needless to say i didn't eat dinner, had 94% fat free popcorn instead. i still managed to go over my calories for the day. i mean heck that meal in itself is 1260 calories. whoed a thunk that? and you know what guys? it may have tasted good going down, but i tasted it all evening. just so not worth it. but had i not ate it i wouldn't of known that. i would of felt like i was missing something. now i know i'm not.
moral of this story. i'm going to get there from here and i enjoy the good food i eat on a daily basis. yes sometimes treating myself is wonderful. but it just isn't worth the pain in my gut that i get. so today is a new day and i'm going to get back on track and live my life the way i have been. healthy...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
i'm so proud of me...i made it through yesterday on plan and on track. i ate my food, logged and got in my exercise. this morning i'm off to a wonderful start with my workout already in. i know this doesn't seem like much but this week i'm on vacation from work. i'm at home, and boredom eating seems to be my fall guy. i planned my meals and snacks with times to eat. it worked. i stuck to it all day long. i will give today i try also. my hubby and i are going to a movie today and that is a new challenge for me. so we shall see how it goes. i'm strong, and i know i can handle what life throws at me. at least in my mind that is the case, we shall see if it is true. so till next time remember, we can get there from here.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
i just wanted to drop quick note and say i made yesterday with both exercise and diet. i will continue to do so with todays plan i hope. i can only hope as this is a one step at a time plan. so to all who have given encouragement and ideas thank you so much. may this be the day for change.
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