Wednesday, October 16, 2013
This morning I was thinking about a blog to write. I mean it has mostly all been covered here. But alas I came upon a quote:
Success depends more on how much you eat than what you eat. Moderation is the key to success.
There it was my blog/confession so to speak. I have been on vacation this week. Not a away vacation but a staycation. Oh I've gotten much done so far in two days, the house is spic and span, I've purged areas that needed it, I washed my car, mowed the yard. But in between all of that I found time to binge. I say binge because really there was no rhyme or reason for any of it. I mean if it was there I ate some of it. Oh nope it wasn't really what I wanted so I ate more and more. I have gone to bed sick at my stomach and heart two nights now. Why? At what point does getting myself back on track in my mind make my body want and crave crap? That is what it is....an addiction to crap. Yes i'm an addict. I can tell ya I know just how an addict feels when the drug is what the body craves and a little is too much and a whole lot is never enough. It seems like my mind is always thinking of the next bit of junk I can eat. What can I have now?
Let me be honest I went to the store and I bought healthy foods. So what i'm eating isn't all that bad but the fact is i'm eating it till i'm sick. I'm searching for something and I can honestly say i'm not finding it. Now as I sit here this morning over my coffee i'm ready to begin again. I mean I've got some spark in my system, I've read a blog or two, I've read a couple of articles, I've spun the wheel, i'm ready to try again today. But.....and there is always a but.....can I be stronger than the addiction?
I so want to overcome this one little obstacle. Little who am I kidding this thing is huge. I've never thought of myself as having a food addiction, I was a thin teen, and didn't get big till my pregnancy for my daughter some 27 years ago. Since then I've kept the weight, lost the weight, put the weight back on. I've thought about food, eaten food, cooked, fixed, thrown out, and eaten more food. It is time to take this one step at a time. Time to get my mind back to health. Oh i'm aware the detox is not going to be pretty. I may not go through the shakes, and such as an addict....or I might. Who knows. But I can tell ya this..... One day at a time.
Today I take on my fears. I mean I must be afraid of something to keep heading for the stuff that could take me down in the end right?