MALEXANDER4   174,060
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Ok, I ordered the Activity tracker from spark

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

SparkPeople's Coach Tanya says:
Balanced calories + Increased activity + Habits you can stick with = Healthy weight for life

Well I just ordered the emoticon so time to get a handle on me. I needed something more to energize me and this seemed like the thing to get. Yeah maybe 59.95 was a bit much to spend on a tracker but I've spent more on less. So when it arrives next Tuesday I will be on vacation. So not only will I have a new toy but days and days to play with it. lol. So here's to better health and reaching goals emoticon

So far I've tracked my meals for three days. The good the bad and the ugly. But you know what? It wasn't as ugly as I thought it would be. Nope I've been right on track. Balance is the key I guess. But still working on the kinks and the bad habits that got me to where i'm at on the scales. One day and one pound at a time.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 10/12/2013 7:29AM

    You will love your tracker. Congrats. I got mine last week and it is a constant reminder to keep moving. You go Girl. Have fun racking up those steps. ((Hugs))

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LEZASEDAI 10/9/2013 10:32PM

    Enjoy the new toy!! emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/9/2013 11:25AM

    If it helps you towards your's worth it emoticon

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BETHIEMAE75 10/9/2013 8:39AM


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Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Well for the most part my brain has been telling my body that it can't do a darn thing. But the truth is I had a "aha moment" if you will the other day. I was sick had to go to the doctors and get meds and a shot, of course first thing you do is step on the darn scales. Up wayyyyyyy up that number went. I swallowed, and just shook my head. I had allowed myself to reach a number higher than I had begun this journey some five years ago. Why? At what point did this become ok? You know what i'm talking about ok to eat and eat, ok to just kind of sail through the exercise with no destination, strength training is non existant and the good foods and water? Heck they don't even enter into it. But you keep lying to yourself and you think your just fine.

Well i'm here to tell you i'm not just fine. I'm at a point where I don't like me much, the lies I've told me over and over have come to light and the truth is I've been sitting this out for some time. So two days now, I know just the beginning, I've tracked and kept me in check. Why? Because I want health. I don't like the me I've allowed myself to become. I don't like the lazy, uncomfortable person I see each day in the mirror. So I've decided to take on myself. Because.....
I'm all I have to compete with.

So if you think eating private won't tell on you in public i'm here to tell you it will. And let me be the first to say it won't whisper dear it will scream it loud.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/10/2013 1:18PM

    You are determined and you are going to succeed! You can do this! Heck, we can both do this. I'm right there with you...the sailing through pretending everything is fine..well, if it is, then why have I gained back what I lost last year? I never made it close to goal, but once I actually got going, I did a u turn and back to old habits. WHY??? You want to know what? I'm not even going to concentrate on the "why" anymore, because it simply no longer interests me. I don't care why. I only care to move forward from here, do what I need to do and THEN the only thing that will matter is the DOING.

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NELLJONES 10/8/2013 8:43AM

    Others may not see you overeat, but they see the result. There is a moment of "giving yourself permission" to do what you think you don't want to do but evidently, you really do. It isn't a competition, even with yourself. It's just deciding what you really really want at that one moment when you make a decision. Those decisions are cumulative in both directions. In cartoons they show an angel and a devil on shoulders. In reality it's now or later. Only you can pick one.

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SHERYLDS 10/8/2013 7:32AM

    “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher

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OK It's time: 156.6

Sunday, October 06, 2013

At some point you realize that life is just that: life. Ups, downs, good, bad, it's all just life. It all balances out, and letting every little bump in the road sideline you is no way to live.

Oh I hit the wall, square on and with my face. I didn't just hit it I fell over it and never looked back.

I had forgotten how to do this. I was just pretending to myself and all of you. Oh I came here and I earned points, but for what really? They didn't mean anything. So I just gave up on myself. I didn't give up on you, I cheered each of you on, I gave up on me, never cheering my good but always seeing the bad.

Well no more. It is time to face my faults and fix my failures. How am I to do this you may wonder??? well one day at a time like spark says. I will aim for on pound at a time as that is achievable. No more crying in my Wheaties...I must face up to my failures. I will begin with a food journal, pen, and stickers. I will then report to spark. I will get my waters, exercise (which is the only thing I do get regular because I love it), but it will be in the planning and structure of my meals that I will be the most diligent. I seem to have veered off the path on that so far it may be tough to get back on but I can do this one step at a time.

There it is out there for you and for me. I weighed in this morning at 156.6. Not pretty and not laughable. That is my highest weight yet and at 5' 1" i'm now obese. Now there in is a word that will make you sit up and take notice if nothing else does. My number one goal is to see a healthy BMI. I'm not aiming for a certain pound at this point but to be normal would be awesome. I don't want to be "skinny" I want to be healthy. So today I begin. My conscience is clear, my mind is in the right place, and i'm ready to take on myself.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/7/2013 9:23AM

    Michelle, I love that you are feeling positive once again. You can do this! One day at a time!
I received some good advice this week, along with a little bit of a kick in the rear (in a good way) to get my priorities straight. The hardest thing for me is to realize that I have to make myself a priority. I'm too used to just floating along. I can't do that and change my health. Changing your health for the better takes being proactive and diligent. I have to do the work.
Not saying I'm not going to falter, because sure I will, but we can both start this week with a clean slate, the past gone and forgotten and only concentrate on what we can do right now to better our health.
I'm proud of you, Michelle. I know you can do this.

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KENDRACARROLL 10/6/2013 9:08PM

    Here is advise from a dear dear friend, who completely changed his lifestyle after having had a heart attack at age 51:
Week 1: change 2 or 3 breakfasts to eating good. Week 2: 3-4. Etc.
Get breakfast done and move to lunches and then dinner.
It took him about 3 months to make the switch and he's holding at 158 lbs at 6' tall.
You can do this, Michelle.

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CAKAROO 10/6/2013 8:52AM

    you CAN do it!!!

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Staying focused?

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

What does that mean exactly? I'm so confused and just seem to be making myself crazy. My mind is so full of what I should do, how to do it, what is going wrong, how much to each, what not to eat, what to write, when to write, how to count....STOP THE MADNESS is what I want to yell out to my mind. I'm so tired. Tired of standing still, tired of eating all the wrong things, tired of not liking the body I have been given and always wanting something better. I'm just tired of it all.

Each morning I awake and I think i'm ready to begin now. Today is the day. Well I start off great. I do what is needed, then I come home from work, tired, hungry, and well we all know those two words don't actually work together. So I eat and I eat. Then I go to bed with the sick full feeling and again the "loser" feeling and not in a good way. I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't just get one day in without messing it up? What is it going to take to get me to take care of myself once again? To want to take care of myself again is the better question to ask I guess. Because as the days, ;months, and years have gone on I've come to the conclusion that I just don't want this enough to make the changes. I mean if I truly did I would be able to right? Man I just want to wake up and like the me i'm right now. So what will I do to make this happen? Well there in lies the trouble.

So staying focused? I'm just not so sure right now if that is possible. I want to just give up....wait I have done that already. I mean heck it shows in my blogs, my weight, my diet, even my exercise which I love. I'm even tired of hearing how great all my friends are doing. Even my daughter is on the losing wagon....35 pounds down so far. but me???? staying right where I always was. Oh I lost for while even maintained for a bit, then gained and have held......My mind isn't in a good place right now. I just need to rest for a bit.

But rest will only mean giving up on me...right?

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KENDRACARROLL 10/2/2013 1:35PM

    It's not about the food, it never is.
Take a good look deep inside yourself.
What's eating you?
Where do you need to start in order to gain balance?

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/2/2013 9:39AM

    Michelle, I've asked myself many of those same questions over and over. I've never reached anywhere near my goal weight not even once. I tell myself I want this, but then if I did, well, I'd do it then, wouldn't I??
I know you have to be "ready" and I'm not sure there is a magical formula for that. I really don't know how to tell when that happens. I guess I'll just know it. So, I trudge along, make my promises, and TRY to keep them.
I know that until I accept who I am and where I am, then there is no hope for change. sounds funny, because you think change would come from NOT accepting who you are right now, but I don't believe that's true. I think when you accept yourself and love yourself, faults and all, weight and all...then I think you love yourself enough to change. At least that's what I believe to be true of myself, so right now, I'm really just working on loving and accepting myself just as I am, bulges and all, weight and all. I'm working on realizing that I am important, and that I am enough just the way I am. I don't have to hide behind my fat or wait until I'm smaller to be proud of myself and live my life. When I can do those things, then I will want what is best for me. I will want to be healthier for the sake of being the best I can be. It's a tough road for those of us who are used to being down on ourselves and not liking what we see, but I think we can do it.
You can do this Michelle. Maybe a "rest" is exactly what you need. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind and give up all your healthy habits, but maybe give yourself a "vacation" from the worry. Just relax and be for a while, say a month or two, where you don't allow yourself to stress about it all, and then maybe you can come back to it with a fresh mindset. I don't know...just a thought. You know what you need, so listen to your body and listen to yourself and give yourself what you need right now.
Remember I'm here for you!!

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 10/2/2013 9:16AM

    If you remember Michelle it has not been all that long ago that I wrote those same words, ''sick of hearing how great everyone else is doing." I don't have to tell you this, but I will anyway.....your in control of yourself, no one except you are standing in your way......I knew this about myself some weeks ago, but I still wanted to be mad at everyone else that was doing so great.
Maybe your over thinking this thing. I moaned and groaned until I was 50 pounds over my goal, yep, having to lose those 50 pounds again is a real slap in the face, but as you know, ''I did not wake up the next day 50 pounds lighter." Honey it takes time, and ever how long it takes depends when you get yourself out on this bad place your in. You know you have a lot of people pulling for you so now its time for you to push yourself.
Love ya,

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    Wow, I could have written your words last year, I really can relate.

I know it sounds crazy but I have to be ready, I don't even know what it means but I know that whatever triggers it, when I'm ready I can do anything.

Until I was ready, I kept trying, discouraging as it was, until that mystery moment when I just had a clear head and knew what I had to do and I could stick to it. I'm still sticking to it.

Trying is worth it because you just never know which will be that magic moment that sets you on the true path.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that your moment is near!

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October (wow)

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Wow October already. Man how time flies and i'm still sitting still. Well not literally but maybe figuratively and no pun was intended there. This is a new day, month, new goals. It is time to heal the past, forge ahead, and just be happy that i'm me and be happy the lord has given me another day to try and get this right.

My goals for this month are simple really...more water, more fruits and veggies. When I reach these goals I have a feeling the rest will fall into place. I may need to tweak a bit here and there but I can do this simple task this month.

Today i'm choosing me.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 10/1/2013 8:15AM

    I love your great attitude Michelle. The is emoticon for the month of October. Stay focused and take it One Day at a Time. emoticon emoticon

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