MALEXANDER4   166,583
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OK It's time: 156.6

Sunday, October 06, 2013

At some point you realize that life is just that: life. Ups, downs, good, bad, it's all just life. It all balances out, and letting every little bump in the road sideline you is no way to live.

Oh I hit the wall, square on and with my face. I didn't just hit it I fell over it and never looked back.

I had forgotten how to do this. I was just pretending to myself and all of you. Oh I came here and I earned points, but for what really? They didn't mean anything. So I just gave up on myself. I didn't give up on you, I cheered each of you on, I gave up on me, never cheering my good but always seeing the bad.

Well no more. It is time to face my faults and fix my failures. How am I to do this you may wonder??? well one day at a time like spark says. I will aim for on pound at a time as that is achievable. No more crying in my Wheaties...I must face up to my failures. I will begin with a food journal, pen, and stickers. I will then report to spark. I will get my waters, exercise (which is the only thing I do get regular because I love it), but it will be in the planning and structure of my meals that I will be the most diligent. I seem to have veered off the path on that so far it may be tough to get back on but I can do this one step at a time.

There it is out there for you and for me. I weighed in this morning at 156.6. Not pretty and not laughable. That is my highest weight yet and at 5' 1" i'm now obese. Now there in is a word that will make you sit up and take notice if nothing else does. My number one goal is to see a healthy BMI. I'm not aiming for a certain pound at this point but to be normal would be awesome. I don't want to be "skinny" I want to be healthy. So today I begin. My conscience is clear, my mind is in the right place, and i'm ready to take on myself.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/7/2013 9:23AM

    Michelle, I love that you are feeling positive once again. You can do this! One day at a time!
I received some good advice this week, along with a little bit of a kick in the rear (in a good way) to get my priorities straight. The hardest thing for me is to realize that I have to make myself a priority. I'm too used to just floating along. I can't do that and change my health. Changing your health for the better takes being proactive and diligent. I have to do the work.
Not saying I'm not going to falter, because sure I will, but we can both start this week with a clean slate, the past gone and forgotten and only concentrate on what we can do right now to better our health.
I'm proud of you, Michelle. I know you can do this.

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KENDRACARROLL 10/6/2013 9:08PM

    Here is advise from a dear dear friend, who completely changed his lifestyle after having had a heart attack at age 51:
Week 1: change 2 or 3 breakfasts to eating good. Week 2: 3-4. Etc.
Get breakfast done and move to lunches and then dinner.
It took him about 3 months to make the switch and he's holding at 158 lbs at 6' tall.
You can do this, Michelle.

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CAKAROO 10/6/2013 8:52AM

    you CAN do it!!!

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Staying focused?

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

What does that mean exactly? I'm so confused and just seem to be making myself crazy. My mind is so full of what I should do, how to do it, what is going wrong, how much to each, what not to eat, what to write, when to write, how to count....STOP THE MADNESS is what I want to yell out to my mind. I'm so tired. Tired of standing still, tired of eating all the wrong things, tired of not liking the body I have been given and always wanting something better. I'm just tired of it all.

Each morning I awake and I think i'm ready to begin now. Today is the day. Well I start off great. I do what is needed, then I come home from work, tired, hungry, and well we all know those two words don't actually work together. So I eat and I eat. Then I go to bed with the sick full feeling and again the "loser" feeling and not in a good way. I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't just get one day in without messing it up? What is it going to take to get me to take care of myself once again? To want to take care of myself again is the better question to ask I guess. Because as the days, ;months, and years have gone on I've come to the conclusion that I just don't want this enough to make the changes. I mean if I truly did I would be able to right? Man I just want to wake up and like the me i'm right now. So what will I do to make this happen? Well there in lies the trouble.

So staying focused? I'm just not so sure right now if that is possible. I want to just give up....wait I have done that already. I mean heck it shows in my blogs, my weight, my diet, even my exercise which I love. I'm even tired of hearing how great all my friends are doing. Even my daughter is on the losing wagon....35 pounds down so far. but me???? staying right where I always was. Oh I lost for while even maintained for a bit, then gained and have held......My mind isn't in a good place right now. I just need to rest for a bit.

But rest will only mean giving up on me...right?

Michelle. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KENDRACARROLL 10/2/2013 1:35PM

    It's not about the food, it never is.
Take a good look deep inside yourself.
What's eating you?
Where do you need to start in order to gain balance?

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MOUNTAINS2CLIMB 10/2/2013 9:39AM

    Michelle, I've asked myself many of those same questions over and over. I've never reached anywhere near my goal weight not even once. I tell myself I want this, but then if I did, well, I'd do it then, wouldn't I??
I know you have to be "ready" and I'm not sure there is a magical formula for that. I really don't know how to tell when that happens. I guess I'll just know it. So, I trudge along, make my promises, and TRY to keep them.
I know that until I accept who I am and where I am, then there is no hope for change. sounds funny, because you think change would come from NOT accepting who you are right now, but I don't believe that's true. I think when you accept yourself and love yourself, faults and all, weight and all...then I think you love yourself enough to change. At least that's what I believe to be true of myself, so right now, I'm really just working on loving and accepting myself just as I am, bulges and all, weight and all. I'm working on realizing that I am important, and that I am enough just the way I am. I don't have to hide behind my fat or wait until I'm smaller to be proud of myself and live my life. When I can do those things, then I will want what is best for me. I will want to be healthier for the sake of being the best I can be. It's a tough road for those of us who are used to being down on ourselves and not liking what we see, but I think we can do it.
You can do this Michelle. Maybe a "rest" is exactly what you need. I'm not saying throw caution to the wind and give up all your healthy habits, but maybe give yourself a "vacation" from the worry. Just relax and be for a while, say a month or two, where you don't allow yourself to stress about it all, and then maybe you can come back to it with a fresh mindset. I don't know...just a thought. You know what you need, so listen to your body and listen to yourself and give yourself what you need right now.
Remember I'm here for you!!

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 10/2/2013 9:16AM

    If you remember Michelle it has not been all that long ago that I wrote those same words, ''sick of hearing how great everyone else is doing." I don't have to tell you this, but I will anyway.....your in control of yourself, no one except you are standing in your way......I knew this about myself some weeks ago, but I still wanted to be mad at everyone else that was doing so great.
Maybe your over thinking this thing. I moaned and groaned until I was 50 pounds over my goal, yep, having to lose those 50 pounds again is a real slap in the face, but as you know, ''I did not wake up the next day 50 pounds lighter." Honey it takes time, and ever how long it takes depends when you get yourself out on this bad place your in. You know you have a lot of people pulling for you so now its time for you to push yourself.
Love ya,

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    Wow, I could have written your words last year, I really can relate.

I know it sounds crazy but I have to be ready, I don't even know what it means but I know that whatever triggers it, when I'm ready I can do anything.

Until I was ready, I kept trying, discouraging as it was, until that mystery moment when I just had a clear head and knew what I had to do and I could stick to it. I'm still sticking to it.

Trying is worth it because you just never know which will be that magic moment that sets you on the true path.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that your moment is near!

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October (wow)

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Wow October already. Man how time flies and i'm still sitting still. Well not literally but maybe figuratively and no pun was intended there. This is a new day, month, new goals. It is time to heal the past, forge ahead, and just be happy that i'm me and be happy the lord has given me another day to try and get this right.

My goals for this month are simple really...more water, more fruits and veggies. When I reach these goals I have a feeling the rest will fall into place. I may need to tweak a bit here and there but I can do this simple task this month.

Today i'm choosing me.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 10/1/2013 8:15AM

    I love your great attitude Michelle. The is emoticon for the month of October. Stay focused and take it One Day at a Time. emoticon emoticon

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My "Get out of Jail free" card was used

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Your great choices today are your rewards tomorrow. Plan ahead!


Yup this week began on a great note. I even managed to save a few days towards the end. I just knew this week could go either way on the scales. I mean I was hoping for a loss but you know that is what we do when we don't follow the plan entirely. Well I got a reprieve from the warden up above or on my shoulder because my weight stayed the same this week. I'll take it and work a bit harder on next weeks.

I want to be able to step on those scales with confidence, not trepidation. So today begins my new fresh week. I have a plan and I have a new journal to put it all down in. I'm ready to see this through.

Disappointed in me? Nope. I just know now that I have to do what is needed each and every day and not hope for loss but know that is what is happening.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 9/30/2013 12:11PM

    emoticon Your on your way to a new you. emoticon

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 9/29/2013 1:24PM

    emoticon Good luck on the new week. emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 9/29/2013 11:35AM

    And here is to a new and successful week.
Keep the spark going.

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NELLJONES 9/29/2013 8:56AM

    True. Do you want to learn from your past or drag it around like a ball and chain?

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CAKAROO 9/29/2013 8:24AM


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Just do it!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

Your best friend and worst enemy are both in this room right now.
It's not your neighbor right or left -
and it's not God or the devil -
it's you.
- Edwin Louis Cole

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Improve what you can
and accept all the rest of life
just as it comes.
Know that fear is your worst enemy -
perhaps your only enemy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 9/27/2013 10:41PM


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KENDRACARROLL 9/26/2013 2:28PM

    Thanks for sharing these. Always good to remind ourselves of these things.
Have a wonderful SparkDay.

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NELLJONES 9/26/2013 8:27AM

    Helen Keller is worth listening to. She lived her life dealing with far more than most of us.

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EVIE4NOW 9/26/2013 8:10AM

  Great quotes. Thank you.

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